The Remedy for Regret
Page 23
Over the course of the next twelve months, Simon and I studied the Bible together; me using the one Corinthia had given me and he using one Pastor Jim had given him. We have begun attending a church Jim recommended, purposely not attending Jim’s church out of respect for Brian Guthrie, and we recently joined a home group that meets weekly. We still have a ways to go to understanding what it means to trust God, but I feel I have a handle on at least one thing. Back when I offered forgiveness to my Dad and he not only did not want it, but also was pretty sure he didn’t need it, I began to finally understand the mystery of the Cross. Began to. I don’t understand it all yet. But does anyone ever really understand all of it?
Blair and I talk more on the phone these days than we did in years past, as do Corinthia and I and Jewel. It seems finding Tim a second time has rekindled the fires of our friendships. Blair is dating a man she met at a struggling art gallery that she has chosen to lift out of near bankruptcy. The man’s name is Thomas and he is the owner. He seems like a very nice man, very gifted in the visual arts, which makes up for his utter lack of business sense. I met him a couple of months ago when Blair brought Thomas to Chicago for an art show. Thomas believes in giving every aspiring artist a place to showcase his or her work, turning over nearly every penny of profit back to the artists so they can support their families and their dreams. Thomas is like Blair in this way. The only difference is Blair gives from her abundance and Thomas gives of his insufficiency. I am especially comforted by knowing that Thomas attends a downtown St. Louis church that meets in an old warehouse, serves espresso before and after the service and where art tables are a regular part of the worship time. I haven’t actually been to this church; I have only heard Blair describe it to me. But from what I have gathered, Christ is preached, the Bible is honored and grace and truth are embraced. Corinthia must be praying.
My relationship with my Dad has improved somewhat, though he still has not spoken to me directly about our conversation in the airport a year and a half ago. Maybe he never will. But I have my peace about the past and the mistakes that were made. I even have peace about the people who made them. He will need to find his own peace when he finally decides he wants it.
As for me, I have turned in my canvas bag and now carry a purse of my own. I am almost thirty years old and my life is about to change in the most wonderful of ways. It was time to make that transition.
I also convinced Antonia to let me work part time last fall so I could go back to school to finish my business degree. It has changed nothing for me career-wise but getting my college diploma eleven years after graduating from high school was very satisfying. It felt good to finish something I had started such a long time ago. Antonia is afraid I will quit now and start my own business. The thought has crossed my mind. Sometimes I envision a store next to Linee Belle, paneled in oak and boasting maps and globes of every shape, age and size on its shelves. I don’t think I will ever make maps. But I could happily sell them. I would love to show people there is a way to get from one place to another. There is always a way.
The pain is intensifying now and I cannot simply think about things that have enriched my life these last eighteen months. I can feel my body changing, shifting gears. Something is about to happen.
There is a riot of activity around me. I call Simon’s name and he murmurs something to me. I can hear nothing but the sound of my own voice. The pain is white and hot. It is moving across my body. It is too much. I clench my teeth and wait for it to tear me in two.
But then there is a break in the pain. Something breaks free.
It feels like it is me.
“It’s a girl!” I hear someone say.
I can hear Simon’s voice. But it sounds far away. Then he is leaning down over me, kissing my damp forehead.
“A girl!” he whispers.
I hear the faint sounds of my infant daughter drawing in air and releasing it across her unused vocal cords. She offers a timid yell and the nurses in the room laugh.
“What is her name?” the doctor says, placing the tiny creature across my chest.
The infant child looks up at me, raises a tiny arm as if to salute me and then starts to howl.
Simon laughs. I start to laugh, too.
“Madeline,” I say, gazing in wonder at this child I have borne.
The sound of her name and the vigorous cries from her body fill the air around me, above me and within in me.
And the air is sweet.
A Note From the Author
Although this novel is a work of fiction, most of the places that appear within its pages are real and therefore subject to change.
Of particular note, Blytheville Air Force Base, mentioned in this book, was renamed Eaker Air Force Base in 1988. I do not allude to this in the story because it bears no weight on the story’s telling. Eaker Air Force Base closed in 1992.
RAF Upper Heyford, also mentioned in this book, was home to several squadrons of American aircraft until 1992, when the Tactical Fighter Wing and its aircraft were relocated to Shaw Air Force Base in South Carolina. The base itself was turned back over to Great Britain’s Ministry of Defense in 1994.
Lajes Field, located on the Azores islands and mentioned in the first chapter, is still home to American servicemen and women of the 65th Air Base Wing.
Discussion Questions
1. Tess and her father lived the “always-changing” lifestyle common to military families. How do you think this affected Tess growing up? How would it have affected you?
2. Why do you think Tess has had so many varied jobs and why has she changed her college major so many times?
3. Tess attaches heavy symbolic significance to a mother’s purse. Discuss reasons why she does that. What are some other things common to mothers that a child might attach extra meaning to?
4. When still mired in his own remorse, Simon accuses Tess of being “in love” with her pain? What does he mean by that? Is he right?
5. What do you think of Blair’s assumption that God is punishing her for keeping the locket and note? Why would she think this?
6. Tess lives with an inordinate sense of guilt regarding her mother’s death. How does she cope with it? How do men and women differ in the way they deal with guilt, real or imagined?
7. Of the three women—Tess, Blair or Jewel—whom do you identify with most? Who are you most like?
8. Corinthia Mayhew plays a significant role in Tess’s lifelong search to find a remedy for her regret. What do you like about Corinthia? Is there anything you don’t like about her?
9. Discuss Corinthia’s belief that people who live apart from God take on and master one of His characteristics as a way of filling the void that this “apartness” creates. Do you agree?
10. Did you clue in to the source of Tess’s misplaced guilt before she and Corinthia figured it out? What do you think of Tess’s reaction to the truth? How would you have reacted?
11. What is your opinion of Tess’s father, Mark? On a scale of 1 to 10, how much sympathy do you feel for him?
12. Discuss what might be the significance of Tess’s interest in maps. Where might this fascination stem from?
13. Though shocked, Tess’s Uncle Martin welcomes Tess into his house and heart. Was this the reaction you expected? How would the story have been different if he hadn’t been welcoming?
About the Author
Susan Meissner is the multi-published author of The Shape of Mercy, named one of the 100 Best Books in 2008 by Publishers Weekly and the ECPA’s Fiction Book of the Year. She is also a speaker and writing workshop leader with a background in community journalism, and is the leader/moderator of a local writer’s group, a pastor’s wife and the mother of four young adults.
When she’s not writing, Susan directs the Small Groups and Connection Ministries program at The Church at Rancho Bernardo in San Diego. She also enjoys teaching workshops on writing and dream-following, as well as spending time with her family, listening to or making music,
reading great books, and traveling.
Susan says, “I write fiction for the restless reader. I love the power of story to plumb the depths of who we are and Whose we are.”
Visit Susan’s webpage at: www.susanmeissner.com
Also by the Author
Blue Heart Blessed
In All Deep Places
A Seahorse in the Thames
The Shape of Mercy
Lady in Waiting
White Picket Fences
Copyright
The Remedy for Regret
Copyright, 2005, 2012 by Susan Meissner. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Greenbrier Book Company
P.O. Box 12721
New Bern, NC 28561
Visit our Web site at www.greenbrierbooks.com
First eBook Edition: February 2012
The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Kindle eBook eISBN: 978-1-937573-41-6
ePub eBook eISBN: 978-1-937573-42-3
Apple iBook eISBN: 978-1-937573-43-0
Cover design by Anton Khodakovsky
Cover photo by Maria Morri