Guarding Light

by Mckoy, Cate

  "Hey, you, bright-eyes, let's go and leave them to their drama." Mackenzie poked Jason, heading towards the door.

  Jason gave the couple a good-luck-look before following Mackenzie from the bedroom.

  Looking Jack in the eye Catlyn asked, "When? When did you know there were two of them?"

  Jack went to take her in his arms but Catlyn stepped away from him. "Please, just answer the question."

  "To be honest I had an epiphany your first night at the bar and grill. In your apartment, you had just told me that you believed I lied to protect J.T. and to harm you. I was hurt and confused. And, I thought you were being emotionally hysterical about it. But, then you said 'we both can't be right' and it was at that very second it hit me. What if we both were right? J.T. having dinner with me and Sara but at the same time raping you, what facts would have to be, for us both to be right?"

  Catlyn frowned. "And, that's it? That's all it took for you to realize there were two of them, me saying we both couldn't be right?"

  "Well, it wasn't quite that simple. There were incidents that happened when we were kids that made me think J.T. had split personality, like he was two different people. Besides, I knew I was telling the truth. And, I believed you believed you were telling the truth. I just added the fact, besides you being emotional and hysterical, why not also right?"

  Jack waited for Catlyn to say something. She didn't. She only turned away from him.

  Catlyn went to her duffle bag on Jack's bureau. She took out her toiletries, undergarments and a change of clothes. She then headed towards the bathroom.

  Jack followed. At the threshold, Catlyn turned. "Where do you think you're going?"

  Sheepishly Jack nodded towards the bathroom. "I thought we'd kiss and make up in the shower." He wagged his eyebrows suggestively. "I can massage some of your aches, make some new ones."

  Catlyn's unsmiling expression didn't change at Jack's teasing. She continued to stare at him as though he were a mystery and then spoke softly, "It doesn't work that way. You don't get to lie to me, give me the most wonderful sex in my life, scare the living daylights out of me, fucking fi ght me and insult me by throwing in my face how slutty I was in your bed." She threw up a silencing hand when she saw him about to say something. "And, you most certainly do not get to smile that sexy smile, flash those gorgeous green eyes and all is forgiven and we take a shower together."

  "Catlyn, come on, be fair." Jack gently grasped her arm to turn her back to face him when she made to go into the bathroom and close the door. "Do you have any idea how I felt, knowing the woman I just confessed to loving and consummating our relationship with, all night, no less, in the morning put me in league with a serial killer and rapist?" The muscle in Jack's jaw jumped.

  "And do you have any idea how I felt when the man I love, finally made me his, on Valentine's Day, no less, in the morning threw in my face our sex and demeaned me with the exact words of my rapist?" At Jack's horrified expression, Catlyn continued, "Yes, that's right 'fuck every orifice' is exactly what J.T. said before he did exactly that, he raped my ass, my pussy and my mouth. You fucked me last night in those very same 'orifices', so it's not too far fetch for me to put you guys in the same league. You both certainly hurt just as much. The only difference is the pain J.T. inflicted was physical."

  Again Jack gripped her arm when she turned to go into the bathroom. With pleading eyes he entreated, "Please, Kitten, don't do this to us. I admit I was a douche. I get that way when I am angry and hurt and I know that doesn't excuse my behavior, but, please don't do this to us. We were meant to be together. We are finally together. Don't let my one mistake ruin us, please let me fix this."

  Catlyn couldn't endure his hurt. Even now, his pain meant more to her than hers. Before she could give in to him she turned quickly and slammed the door between them. He had to know that he couldn't pick and choose what to be honest about. Their relationship won't last if he did.

  ****

  In Jack's kitchen Catlyn heard laughter as she once again neared the entrance. Freshly showered, hair flat ironed and dressed in a silk white blouse and red skirt, Catlyn felt a thousand percent better. From the doorway she unobtrusively observed the trio as they made breakfast.

  "So you were actually here in Newburgh too?" Mackenzie asked of Jason.

  Jason gave a deep sigh. "Yes. I grew up here part time too. It wasn't my idea to become just one J.T. it was Jon's. He said he wanted his own friends and own life. He was tired of sharing with me. I was more comfortable in London and he was more at home here in Newburgh. We decided London was mine and Newburgh was his. But, it didn't work out in London they found out we were twins fairly early. Jon warned me, although, my town got ruined for me, I had better not ruin his town for him. I had to keep pretending there was only one J.T. when in Newburgh together. I didn't want to cause a rift between me and my brother so I pretended. "

  Jason sat down after pouring four glasses of orange juice, continuing, "My parents had their own drama. My father and uncle are identical twins and my mother slept with both, cheating on her husband, my father," Jason shrugged. "Well, I choose to believe my father is the one married to my mother."

  "There is no way to test to determine which one is your father?" Mackenzie asked.

  "Identical twins have identical DNA." Catlyn answered Mackenzie's question from the doorway.

  All three in the room turned to her. Jack came over to her. Deeply searching her eyes, he leaned in to kiss her lips. At the very last second Catlyn slightly turned her head, having Jack's kiss land on her cheek. Jack gave her an imploring look before clearing his throat and turning back to the laden table. "I hope you're hungry." He too was freshly showered. He must have used one of the guest bathrooms. He wore a black dress t-shirt with black denim jeans and smelled wonderfully of his after shave.

  Catlyn looked at the hand Jack held out for her. Feeling his pain from her slight rejection of his kiss, Catlyn accepted his hand and allowed him to settle her at the table across from Mackenzie and next to him. Jason sat across from Jack.

  "Catlyn's right there is no way to tell." Jason continued as he piled an assortment of scrambled eggs, Canadian bacon, hash browns, seasoned green beans and toast on his plate. "So these adults who are my parents come up with this really crazy idea on sharing custody. My parents, the two who are actually married, decided to make their life in London, which is where my mother hails from. My uncle," Jason gave Jack and Catlyn a look, "the man you know as my father, likes to call her the British Bitch."

  "So the woman we knew as your mom is actually your aunt?" Jack asked as he made a small plate for Catlyn, knowing she rarely ate breakfast.

  "That's correct. My aunt through marriage, my uncle married her when Jon and I were two years old."

  "Man that has got to be weird." Jack sympathized.

  "Goes way beyond weird for me. But, when we were about 5 Jon started complaining about having to split his year between here and London. At first, we used to do 6 months here and 6 months there, then later it became only once a year, in the summer, unless there were extenuating circumstances. Jon said he couldn't make friends and really get used to anything." Jason took a mouthful of food before continuing.

  "Our family and friends couldn't tell us apart. So the British Bitch started to call us both J.T. 'It's not like you're a different person anyway' is what she said to us when I asked to be called Jason instead of J.T."

  "She said that?" Jack was surprised.

  "Yes, she did and to a 5 year old."

  Catlyn watched Mackenzie go still and put her fork down as though she lost her appetite. She wondered at the strange look that crossed her face. Catlyn made note to ask Mackenzie if she were alright later. For now Catlyn gave her full attention back to Jason.

  "I wasn't as rebellious or hostile as Jon about it, but, I too wanted a little individuality. In London everyone knew we were the Dark twins but no one could tell us apart. Not even our parents, both sets of them."

&nb
sp; Jack shook his head. "I never knew there were two of you Jason, but, I can honestly say with hindsight, the knowledge that we were dealing with twins, it is very clear to me when I was dealing with Jon and when I was dealing with you." Jack looked at Catlyn and then back at Jason. "Your eyes are not the only difference between you two. The differences are very glaring."

  Jason smirked. "I am not a lost little girl. You don't have to tell me pretty lies. I am a big boy. I can take the truth. I have a sociopathic double and no one can see a difference in me."

  "Bullshit. It was you who pulled me out of the lake when we were 9. It was you who came to my 10 birthday party. It was you who did that pick-up game at the park with me and Sam Dolson. It was you who helped me and my dad rebuild the garage after that storm destroyed it. It was you who did that play in the 9 grade." Jack paused before adding more quietly, "And, it was you who insisted on treating Sara and I to dinner to celebrate our getting together."

  Jason put his fork down. "It was one of those rare occasions when we both were in the States at the same time. We didn't go out as twins while here, only in England. I was going a bit stir crazy and it was my turn to go out and about. It had actually been a while since I had seen you." Jason shrugged. "I missed you. Jon had told me about an argument you guys had. But, I swear I had no idea what it was all about." He gave Jack an almost child-like grin. "I just wanted to get us back on buddy status. Plus I was really happy for you and Sara. You had been mooning over her for ages without approaching her." Jason shook his head in confusion. "I never understood what held you back."

  Jack slipped his hand in Catlyn's under the table. Back then, he hadn't know either what stopped him from making Sara his. But, again with hindsight he knew it had something to do with his emotions towards Catlyn.

  Jason gave Catlyn another of those intense looks Jack would take exception to with any other man. His voice was husky with emotions, "As, God is my witness, I had no idea Jon had gone out. It was always our deal that if one of us was out the other stayed in. When I returned from my dinner with Jack and Sara Jon was already home and about 20 minutes later we were headed to the airport for my return to England. I never even knew you had been hurt until Jack told me today."

  Catlyn nodded, remaining silent but the pressure on Jack's hand increased. Jack welcomed her touch. He had really messed things up with her.

  To take attention away from Catlyn, Jack continued with his belated observations. "It was you who took Tammy Salco's virginity."

  Gaping, Jason demanded, "How the hell do you know that?"

  Jack regarded Jason closely. "You guys did a switch after you took her virginity didn't you?"

  Jason nodded. "I didn't want to. I had asked Tammy out and wanted her to be my girlfriend. But, Jon called from London saying it was urgent that we switch right away in the middle of a school session. We had made a pact as brothers to always be there for one another and to help one another. Jon said it was really urgent and if I loved him I'd do the switch early." Jason's jaw clenched and his hand tightened into a fist. "I didn't know that Tammy would be so changed by the time I got back. I thought our getting together had meant something to her."

  Jack gave Jason a worried look but continued cautiously. "I know it was you who took Tammy's virginity because of a conversation I overheard that some girls were having in the lunch room one day. Tammy was defending you. She said that you were sweet, sexy and gentle and that the other girls didn't know what they were talking about but that they didn't need to worry about it because J.T. was now her boyfriend so he was off the market."

  "Well, she certainly didn't honor that. I also overheard a conversation, in the locker room. It was half the team talking about how good Tammy gave head."

  Jack was thinking of a delicate way to break the news to Jason when Mackenzie suddenly erupted. "Are you that fucking stupid? Come to Earth motherfucker! You put countless of lives in jeopardy playing your little switch-a roo game with a nut job. People who trusted and loved you suffered at the hands of a psychotic killer because you needed a little me time!"

  A shocked silenced followed Mackenzie's outburst. Before anyone could say anything Mackenzie shot out of her seat saying, "I have to get out of here. I am glad you're ok Cat. I will see you and the chief on the waterfront later."

  Catlyn stood. "Mackenzie, Mack!" Catlyn started after her friend when she saw tears in Mackenzie's eyes. Jack caught her arm holding her back.

  "Sweetheart, let her go. Give her some time."

  Jason, still shocked asked, "What is her deal?"

  Catlyn gave him a pitying look. "There is another difference between you and Jon, Jason."

  Jason swallowed nervously before asking, "Yeah, what's that?"

  "Jon isn't as stupid as you."

  "Come on, Catlyn, that's not fair." Jack said when he saw Jason's jaw clench tighter and he looked down in shame.

  Now it was time for Catlyn to lose it. "You want fair? How fair was it for him to take a girl's virginity and then leave her to the not so tender mercies of his twin?"

  "He couldn't have known Catlyn." Jack continued to defend Jason since it looked like Jason wouldn't say a word in his defense.

  "Let's say I agree with that statement for argument's sake." Catlyn turned her glare on Jason. "But, at the very, least he owed it to the girl he decided to make his girlfriend the full truth. He should have told Tammy that he was a twin."

  "I was going to tell her when I got back. Jon promised that he wouldn't touch her. We never went after a girl the other was interested in. I was going to tell Tammy everything, surprise her with my class ring and my lettered jacket. We had a date that night and I was going to laughingly explain why we hadn't had sex in months after me taking her virginity and why I had been treating her like a brother lately." Jason's eyes went cold. "But, then I heard the guys talking about how my girlfriend gave such wonderful head! The bitch couldn't even handle a few months of celibacy."

  This time Jack exploded. "The 'bitch' was forced to give head to the team by her boyfriend. That of course was after he fucked her doggy style in front of them."

  "W-w-hat?" Jason's head snapped up.

  Jack's words lost some of their anger. "I should have known something was off. But, I thought she loved you so much she was even willing to put up with your kink and all the other girls."

  Bewildered Jason whispered, "What other girls?"

  "Jason your brother got around. He slept with a lot of the sophomore and junior class. I guess the senior class was on to him."

  "Tell me about the order to give head to the team." Jason shook his head confused and obviously hurt.

  "We were at one of your rare parties at your place. Your parents were out of town. We were in the finished basement, hanging out, drinking, playing table hockey, shit like that. At first, I didn't notice Tammy was the only girl there then Daniel Mint says to me 'did you hear about the special?'"

  Jason shook his head in denial of what he knew was to come but asked anyway, "Special?"

  "Yeah, that's what I asked. Daniel tells me that J.T. was going to be putting on a show, him and Tammy 'doing it'. The show was for the guys winning the game."

  Jason looked at Jack, a sort of guy look. "You didn't stop it? You just went along?"

  Jack frowned. "Hey, don't take pot shots at me. J.T. said he was going to fuck Tammy like the dog she was and then she was going to thank the team with blow jobs. I stayed long enough to make sure Tammy was willing or at least it seemed as though she were willing. She just nodded when J.T. said 'ain't that right Tammy'. When he told Tammy to strip and get on all fours I left because it wasn't something I wanted to see. Most of us left. In fact, I think only three stayed."

  Jason's countenance seem as though it were chiseled from stone. He rose. "I, uh, I will catch you later Jack. I've got to go." Quickly before either Jack or Catlyn could speak Jason left, almost fleeing.

  Jack shouted out, "Don't forget the code!"

  A shattered looking Jason rea
ppeared in the kitchen doorway. "Today it is Blue Butcher's Block." When Jack nodded he swiftly turned and left.

  Feeling a little sorry for the man who had a monster for a twin, Catlyn asked. "Code?"

  Jack sadly nodded. "Earlier when we did indeed establish he was Jason Dark, we decided to come up with a code phrase that would let me know he is the real Jason. He has to say it after each separation and each time we meet. It is comprised of two parts. The first part is a color followed by anything, any object. The second part is the item must begin with the same letter as the color."

  Catlyn nodded. "It's smart. I'd like to be included in the code phrase of the day please."

  "Of course, sweetheart," Jack took her hand.

  Catlyn pulled her hand from his grasp, asking, "Would you like me to do the dishes? I can take care of that before I leave."

  Jack shook his head. "No I can take care of it later. But, why are you leaving? I thought we were going to spend the day together, practice dancing."