Avoiding Responsibility

by craziebabe45

  She sighed quietly and closed her eyes as her mind traveled to a year ago. She had told herself she would contact Ramsey when she could hold her head up high. So much had changed and evolved, not only with herself but between them, that it was harder now to resist him. He had always had a slight influence over her, drawing out emotions in her that she hadn't realized she could even feel. Even in the beginning, his all-encompassing personality made her rude and took her out of her element. Those emotions had only intensified with time.

  But she couldn't let another man have control over her decisions. She was not, under any circumstances, going to see her sorta-non-ex-boyfriend get married to anyone. It didn't matter that she also hated the bride or that the bride was Ramsey's sister. She couldn't do it and nothing he said was going to make a difference.

  "Ramsey, I can't," she mumbled. "You have to understand. I just can't."

  "Please think about it," he begged.

  "I have to go. I'll…I'll talk to you later," she said hanging up the phone without even giving him a chance to respond.

  She clicked off the line and hung her head miserably in front of the sink. How did these things keep happening to her? Here she was just attempting to enjoy herself and he managed to ruin everything. Now all she was thinking about was the wedding that she assumed was coming up pretty soon. She had so many questions milling around inside of her head that she wasn't even certain she wanted answers.

  She knew that she shouldn't attend. Everything was stacked against her in this scenario. Yet, Ramsey still wanted her to go with him. Even after what they had endured together this year, he still wanted her around. It made little sense to her. She was all about cutting the loose ends and moving on with her life, or she tried to keep telling herself that.

  Lexi knew all she needed was a fresh start. She thought she had been getting that with Ramsey, but with the way things had ended up, she knew that had been a mistake. Everything she had done was a mistake. Dating someone who was in close contact with your source of misconduct for the past six years really put a damper on a relationship. She had never been sure if she could trust him, and here she was contemplating the question all over again.

  Anyone related to that heinous bitch should be exterminated from the planet. The only thing they understand is money. Lexi should have seen it coming from the beginning, because there was no way things could have worked out between them.

  It didn't matter how he made her feel. She should have known better than to let her emotions get in the way of her judgment. She was never capable of making a logical judgment call when she allowed her feelings to get in the way. Now she just needed to get over it and let it go. She wasn't going to that wedding. There was nothing in this world that could compel her to be in attendance to witness that occasion. She had learned her lesson.

  Lexi grabbed a long-sleeve white button-up from a hanger on the back of the door and slung it over her head. The sleeves were far too long and she scrunched them up to her elbows and watched as they instantly fell back to her wrists. The material fell to the top of her thighs just covering her butt from view. After approving her appearance, Lexi trotted down the stairs and into the chic kitchen. She ran her fingertips across the black marbled countertop as she approached the stove. She circled around the island in the center of the room and moved to wrap her arms around the man in front of her.

  He jumped slightly, then bent down and kissed her on the forehead. "You surprised me."

  Lexi grabbed his left arm and pulled it around her body as he flipped a pancake over with the other hand. "That smells amazing," she murmured reaching up on her tiptoes and kissing his cheek.

  "Thank you. This is my mom's recipe. Have a seat." He gestured for her to sit on a low-backed bar stool tucked into the counter. When she did, he placed a pile of pancakes covered in strawberries and syrup with bacon and orange juice in front of her. He turned off the stove, filled his own plate and moved to eat beside her.

  "Oh my God," Lexi groaned. "This is incredible." She shoveled the pancakes into her mouth not even caring that she probably looked ridiculous.

  He chuckled softly to himself. "I like a woman with a healthy appetite."

  Lexi choked on the food she had just put in her mouth, chewed a few more times, then swallowed. "Well when you put it that way," she said putting her fork down and turning to face him. She had pulled one leg up to tuck underneath herself.

  "It was a compliment," he reassured her setting his own fork down to stare back at her. He reached up drawing her face towards him and kissing her lips affectionately.

  Lexi's mind was still on the conversation she had just had and knew that she wasn't putting as much emotion into the kiss as she had the previous night. He smiled at her when he pulled away and went back to his breakfast. She was grateful at least that if he had noticed, he didn't say anything on the subject. She dug back into her food hoping to clear any lingering tension from her body with the amazing meal he had prepared for them.

  "So, was your conversation important?" he asked off-hand just trying to make conversation.

  Lexi nearly dropped her fork onto the plate at the question. She shouldn't have been surprised that he would ask something about that since it had woken them both up much too early. However, she wasn't prepared with a response. How could you tell someone that a guy you dated wanted you to go a wedding with him for a guy that you had been sleeping with on and off for the past six years? Yeah, that wouldn't exactly go over well.

  "Uh, yeah, I suppose it was," she mumbled incoherently.

  "Ahhh," he said raising his eyebrows slightly, "you don't want to talk about it."

  "It's really not worth discussing," she told him taking a big swig of the orange juice in front of her.

  "Alright," he said doing the same. "What are your plans for the day?"

  A smile crept up onto Lexi's face at the question. He wanted to see her again. She should have guessed that from the extravagant breakfast, but it was always nice to hear. "I'm meeting Chyna to go shopping."

  "Maybe we can meet up when you're free," he suggested a confident air taking over his cool demeanor.

  "That sounds nice," she said following him upstairs to the bedroom. She stripped out of his shirt, pulled the tight black dress from the previous night back over her head, and slid into her heels. Snatching her purse up off the bed, Lexi kissed him one more time and then exited the apartment.

  Lexi ran her fingers through her tangled hair and twisted it up into a tight ponytail at the back of her head. The longest strands hit the top of her shoulder blades. She still wasn't used to the shorter look. A few loose locks fell out of the holder and swept down across her forehead. She swatted in vain at the bangs willing them to stay in place as she hailed a passing cab. The yellow car slowed to a stop and she fell into the backseat.

  As she was whisked across town, Lexi tried not to think about her conversation with Ramsey. She had an entire list of things she needed to accomplish most of which included relaxation, pampering, and more relaxation.

  She had sent out her resume to over a dozen law firms in the past two weeks, and was waiting patiently for offers pending passage of the Bar examination. She wasn't too worried about either scenario though. The bar had been grueling, time consuming, and painfully nerve-racking, but it was over. All in all, she figured she had passed and that was all that mattered. The job offers would present themselves in good time. She had been fortunate enough to have intern positions for the past two summers, and due to that good fortune, Lexi was even less concerned with finding a job.

  Thus, relaxation was in order. Now Ramsey was calling her trying to ruin her last few weeks bliss before finally entering the real world. She needed some serious downtime to forget about this miserable morning. Luckily, she was supposed to be going out with Chyna all day for just such treatment.

  "Mr. B," Lexi said nodding her head to Bernard, the doorman, as she stepped out of the taxi and approached the entrance to Chyna's Upper East Side apa
rtment.

  "Miss Lexi, it is always a pleasure," he said with a giant smile across his face. He pulled the door open wide for her.

  "Always a pleasure to see you as well," Lexi complimented him stepping up to the threshold. He tipped his hat in thanks letting her pass through the frame. The elevator stopped on the top floor where Chyna's penthouse was located and Lexi breezed down the hallway to her destination. Fishing through her tiny clutch, she realized with despair that she had left her keys behind somewhere. She cursed under her breath and stomped her foot wondering how she could be so stupid. She knew that she had a spare keychain made for these such circumstances, but it didn't make it any better knowing her keys were out there for someone to take.

  After another brief dig through her purse, though there wasn't much space to begin with in the tiny thing, she banged on Chyna's door hoping she was both alone and awake. She had forgotten, in her clouded thoughts, to ask Bernard if Chyna had arrived home alone last night. Just as Lexi was about to dial Chyna's number, she heard the sound of the bolt sliding out of place. The door creaked open about an inch and one of Chyna's emerald green eyes was visible.

  "Yes?" Chyna asked eyeing her up and down.

  Lexi smiled at her best friend. "Hey C. Let me in."

  Chyna slammed the door closed, fiddled with the lock, and then reopened the door. "Are you in walk of shame attire?" Chyna asked trying for condescending. She flipped her hair over to one shoulder and pulled the door all the way to the wall.

  "Good to see you too," Lexi mumbled sarcastically rolling her eyes dramatically. She stepped through the entranceway in her four inch, peep toe heels from the previous night and across the white marbled foyer.

  "Oh yes. It's always good to see you chica," Chyna said slamming the door behind them and following her through to the living room which was currently in shambles. Lexi scooted away from a disturbing looking plaster and over to the covered black leather sofas. She took a seat and sighed heavily resting her head back against the plastic covering.

  "Anyway, it's only a walk of shame the first go round."

  "So you think this will continue?" Chyna questioned lying back against a cream psychiatrist's chair that Lexi had never seen before.

  Lexi attempted to change the subject. This wasn't what she was here to talk about with Chyna, and she didn't particularly want to discuss her love life. "Has Frederick approved these changes?" Lexi asked glancing at the half-upturned carpet, strings of bamboo blinds, and other, more exaggerated, environmental pieces.

  Chyna upturned her nose at the comment swinging her legs back off the chair and onto the floor. "Frederick," she said as if the name alone caused her physical discomfort. "Frederick does not matter."

  Lexi laughed out loud at her best friend. She always did have a flare for the dramatic and a not so secret crush on her rather gay designer. "Frederick would murder you if he saw this room."

  "Precisely," Chyna said her eyes glimmering with thoughts of indiscretion. "But enough about me. Tell me about your walk of shame."

  "Chyna, I told you, it's not a walk of shame."

  "I know. I know," she said cutting Lexi off and stepping around her living room as deftly as possible to take a seat next to her friend. "So, is it serious?" she questioned arching an eyebrow.

  "We'll see," Lexi said shrugging her thin shoulders. "I think he wants it."

  Chyna puckered lips together and blew herself a kiss in the adjacent mirror resting against the wall waiting to be hung. When she glanced back at Lexi, she had a devious look in her eyes. "Of course he does darling."

  "And even if he doesn't, I don't care," Lexi told her pushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "It doesn't matter."

  "Because you spoke to Ramsey this morning?" Chyna asked batting her eyelashes and tearing her gaze from her reflection to flick a glance in Lexi's direction.

  "Wha…?" Lexi asked returning the gaze her mouth popping open in surprise. "How did you know that?"

  "You have that look on your face," she said as a matter of fact.

  "And what look is that?" Lexi asked mystified by her friend's observation skills.

  "Like this," Chyna said looking doe-eyed, her mouth turning up into a half-smile as if she were keeping a secret from the rest of the world, her head tilting slightly upwards, and a small sigh escaped her lips.

  "I do not look like that," Lexi cried pushing Chyna away.

  "You had that exact look when you walked through my door. I'd know it anywhere. You have looks when you're thinking about someone. I know you too well not to notice."

  "Oh yeah? Who else do I have one for then?"

  Chyna's eyes slanted seductively sideways, licked her pouted lips, let a smirk cross her face, and breathed out heavily a few times. Lexi stared at her in awe wondering what this was all about. After a second, Chyna returned to her typical look and said, "That was when you think about Jack."

  Lexi colored slightly at the reenactment. "Whatever," she said huskily wishing she could cover her embarrassment. They didn't typically talk about Jack, because it tended to bring up rather unpleasant memories…memories Lexi didn't like to dwell on.

  "Anyway," Chyna said clearing her throat, "what did Ramsey call to talk to you about?" Lexi sighed and pushed her fingers through her hair as she yanked the ponytail holder out of place. She stood up from the plastic covered furniture and made a slow circle around the part of the room that wasn't a disaster. "This can't be good," Chyna ventured.

  "No, it's fine. I'm just letting it get to me," Lexi told her vaguely.

  "Well don't, whatever it is, don't let it get to you. You know you need to work on not letting these boys control your emotions chica."

  "I know Chy. Don't remind me. That's all I've been thinking about since he called. I need to control myself. I need to control myself. But it's not that simple," she cried throwing her arms down and staring helplessly at her friend.

  "Girl I know better than anyone. I've been here through it all for you," she said reassuringly. Chyna stood and moved next to her. "So what's up with him? Something different?"

  "He…" Lexi sighed hating that she had to say this out loud, "he invited me to the wedding."

  "What?" Chyna asked taking a step back. "As in Jack's wedding?" Chyna's eyes had expanded to record proportions, eyebrows raised, and mouth a little o-shape in disbelief.

  "Yeah as in Jack's wedding," Lexi confirmed.

  "Is he out of his fucking mind?" Chyna cried.

  "I asked him if he was," Lexi said chuckling quietly.

  "You can't go!"

  "You think I don't know that?" Lexi asked pulling away from Chyna and looking out across the living room. "He just wanted to go with me. He wanted me to be there with him."

  "I know how hard it must be, but you can't let him do this to you," Chyna told her trying to be the voice of reason. "It doesn't change what happened. I know it doesn't make things better. But at least you know now."

  "I know," Lexi said nodding. "He's just, you know…Ramsey."

  "I know," Chyna agreed sympathetically, "but you can't go to that wedding. Did he tell you the date?"

  Pop music sounded in the living room causing both girls to jump. Lexi walked around the side of the couch and scooped up her purse. "No. Thank God," Lexi told Chyna reaching into her bag. "I almost had a heart attack right there when he tried to tell me the date."

  "I'm not surprised."

  "Hold on," Lexi said clicking the green button and answering the call. "Hello?"

  "Lexi," Ramsey's voice filled her ears.

  "Uh…" Lexi stammered glancing anxiously at Chyna and mouthing who the caller was. Chyna shook her head vehemently and held her hand out for the phone as if she were ready to dismiss the call at any moment. "Hey," Lexi said waving Chyna away.

  "Hey. I know I called earlier, but you said you would talk to me later and I thought now is…well…later. You know? I just really didn't get to talk to you this morning. And I need to talk you," he said babbling nervou
sly.

  This made Lexi smile despite herself. He was always so cute when he babbled on about things. Chyna glowered at Lexi's reaction and poked her in the side to remind her to stay on track. "Yeah, well this morning really wasn't a great time, but the answer is still no Ramsey." Lexi wandered down the hallway and into an empty guestroom to continue her conversation in peace.

  "I know. I mean, I knew all along you were going to say no," he said dejected.

  "Then why even bother to ask me?" she could help asking.

  "I was hoping you might change your mind," he said hopefully, "if you knew everything."

  "I'm pretty sure I know everything," she grumbled.

  "Parker is going to be there."

  Lexi cringed to keep from saying anything stupid. She really did not want to be having this conversation. When she had left things with Jack, she had promised that she would never again let anything like that happen…not even close. She needed control. She needed to be in control. Ramsey swayed her emotions in a completely different way than Jack, and she was alright with that. It was just when the lack of control started creeping in she couldn't handle it.

  The way Ramsey just brought Parker up like this hoping to influence her decision made things even worse. Her stomach had dropped when Ramsey had mentioned Parker and she couldn't explain why. She and Ramsey weren't together. It shouldn't matter to her whether Parker was going to be there or not.

  But it did.

  Of course it mattered to her which is exactly the reason he had brought it up. And it was exactly why she couldn't let it get to her or else he would have her hook, line, and sinker.

  "Great," Lexi stated as fake cheerful as she could get.

  "Look I want you to be there if Parker is going," he told her willing her to finally agree to come with him to this wedding.

  "You want me to be there because Parker is going to be there?" Lexi asked incredulously. "That doesn't make any sense."

  "I'd just feel more comfortable knowing you're around," he told her pleading with every word.