Shelter

by Ashley John

  “I thought you didn’t want me here?”

  “Technically, you’re not seeing Kobi. You’re seeing me and I really missed you.”

  Elias was glad to hear that because he had spent the last couple of hours watching some trash about a gang of fame hungry sisters who all had long black hair and large butts.

  Caden showed him through to the living room, not that Elias needed showing anywhere. It may have been redecorated many times since he lived there as a kid but it was still the same underneath. His mom had handed the house over to Ellie the second she found out she was pregnant and Elias was sure she was glad to be rid of the place. She spent their whole childhood avoiding it. Ellie said it was because it reminded her of their dad but he was sure it reminded her of her children. She was much more suited to the sterile, luxury apartment on the outskirts of town.

  “I tried writing,” Caden pushed his laptop off the sofa, making room for Elias, “but the words wouldn’t flow. I wonder if I’m cut out for it.”

  “Didn’t you write in New York? For newspapers?”

  “Kobi could have done that. They gave me the information, I just filled in the blanks with a couple adjectives and connectives. Writing fiction is a whole different ballgame.”

  Elias kicked off his shoes and crawled up on the couch next to Caden. He hesitated for a second before he nuzzled into Caden’s warm side. Instantly, he felt at home, despite being somewhere he would happily watch burn to the ground. Caden flicked on the TV and settled on an old black and white horror movie after a short search. It didn’t matter what they watched, he was just glad to be in his company.

  “How did your sister afford this place?” Caden wrapped his arm around Elias’ shoulder, pulling him in even tighter.

  “She didn’t. My mom owns it. She gave it to her.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Just like that.”

  It’s what she does. She gave Ellie her grand house in the suburbs; she gave Elias a shoebox in town and ignored their existence the rest of the time. It was all part of her control game, always letting them know that she was really in charge of them and the town, even if she had never been able to pin Elias down.

  “I didn’t tell you, but I spoke with your mom earlier this week. It was my dad’s birthday and I bumped into her in that new restaurant and she flipped out. I mentioned you and she flipped out even more. It was like seeing a whole different person to the woman everybody sees at public events.”

  “She actually let you see her without her mask on?” Elias seemed surprised, “Aren’t you lucky?”

  Elias wasn’t surprised that the mention of his name caused her to let her guard slip. Caden was lucky to get out of there without a gag order or a threat to sue. Not much could derail her record breaking tenure as mayor of Havenmoore but the revelation of a son who was a criminal and an addict might just make that train shake enough for somebody else to sneak into the lead to snatch her crown. He always wondered who Judy James would be if she wasn’t mayor.

  “I feel like if we just get you all together, in one room, we could really make progress.”

  Elias wriggled out of Caden’s grip to check if he was being serious. The middle of his brow was pinched in thought and that almost made Elias laugh.

  “There’s no progress to be made,” he made sure he sounded final, “there’s no relationship.”

  “Every wall can be rebuilt. You’re still family.”

  “A wall without foundations is just a pile of bricks,” Elias moved even further away, “you don’t have to keep being all support workery with me. I thought we were beyond that?”

  “I still want to help you. I still have a job to do.”

  Elias couldn’t tell if he was being serious. He stood up and walked a few steps into the center of the living room as the movie soundtrack suddenly picked up, ancient screeching violins rattling through the dulled down surround sound.

  “I don’t need that kind of help. I have what I need. The help has been done.”

  “There’s still more we can do,” he felt Caden stand, “Helping Hands Outreach has a great -,”

  “No!” Elias laughed, “Why are you slipping back into shrink mode? Jesus, Caden, this is why I didn’t like you at first. That shit doesn’t help me. It irritates me. It gets under my skin and it makes me doubt my sanity. This is the first time I’ve ever felt sane. The first time I’ve ever felt like maybe I could have some chance at getting out of this turd hole. I don’t need you to tick boxes with me. They’re all ticked. Job done. In a couple of weeks, we’ll be out of that situation and everybody will congratulate you on an amazing job keeping me clean and then by the time they find out we’re a couple, it’ll be too late for anything to be against any dumb rules.”

  Elias’ skin burned as his heart raced. His mind was so clear; it was processing so much at once. He had gotten so used to chemically slowed functions, he forgot what his mind could do.

  “I just want to help.”

  He felt a hand on his shoulder but he shrugged it away so he could turn around. A genuine look of hurt dragged down the corners of Caden’s eyebrows.

  “You are helping,” Elias looked up to the ceiling, “this is what I was trying to tell you when you quit. Just you being near me is all the help I need. You make me feel safe, you make me feel calm and you make me feel normal. It’s like you’re shelter from all of the things that turn me bad. When I’m with you, I’m not thinking about drugs or my past or any of that, I’m just thinking about you and me. Ever since that time I nearly kissed you in your bedroom, you’re all I’ve been able to think about. I stopped drinking because you told me to. I turned down free coke because I promised you I wouldn’t. I don’t understand it because I don’t think there’s an explanation. Fate is a bullshit thing that hippies believe in, but if I believed in it, this would be it. You didn’t even live in Havenmoore. You didn’t even work in this job. We should never have even met, but we did, and something happened and that’s all I need. I don’t need counseling or sessions or therapy, I just want to be normal. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  “I make you feel normal?” Caden’s cheeks burned bright, as though he felt stupid for even trying to suggest family therapy.

  “Like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve never had an anchor. You’re my anchor.”

  “You make me feel so un-normal,” he said, “but in the best way. My life in New York, with Finn, it wasn’t real. I convinced myself of all of these things until I thought they were true. I thought we were untouchable and in love and it wasn’t. With you, I don’t have to convince myself of anything. The only thing I had to convince myself of was to stop seeing you and I couldn’t even do that for long. I think I – I know I – I want to – I -,”

  Elias could feel what was coming next. He could feel the weight of the words about to leave Caden’s mouth. He wanted to hear them but he feared them too. He dove in, capturing Caden in a kiss so tight, they both fell back onto the sofa. The words were there, as their lips merged. Caden caught his tooth on Elias’ lip ring and they both laughed through the kiss, not stopping. That’s how he knew it was there. It was easy and effortless. It was the first relationship in his life that he hadn’t needed to try for. His sister, his mom, his dealer, his doctors, his counselors all wanted something and expected something and when Caden wasn’t trying to do his job, that’s when he truly felt like nothing was being drawn from him, other than the man he was inside. That was the man Elias didn’t know existed, but the man Caden had awakened.

  “We shouldn’t,” Caden moaned as his hand travelled down to Elias’ already hard shaft, “It’s not right.”

  “He won’t wake up.”

  Elias wasn’t sure of that but his authority, as an uncle, seemed to be the permission Caden needed. He rolled onto Elias, switching their places. His fingers fumbled with the belt on Elias’ jeans, freeing his cock in seconds. He stood up, yanking his own jeans and underwear down. He produced a condom and rolled it down Elias
with such speed that it was snapping around the base before he registered what was about to happen.

  Lying flat on the comfy couch, Elias’ breath trembled, the anticipation and hunger fresh in his mind. He knew what to expect this time and he was ready for it. They’d used all of the lube the other day so Caden spat into his hand and used that instead. Mounting Elias, he pressed his lips deep against his, their noses squashing together and their facial hair becoming one. He slowly slid down Elias’ shaft and the deeper he went, the harder their kisses became. This time, it was Caden who was in control. Elias laid back and let it happen how Caden wanted it to. His knees on either side of Elias’ chest, Caden slowly found his rhythm as his hips swayed and twisted back and forth.

  Not having control over the speed or pace was like torture for Elias. He wanted to take it to the place where Caden started to let out high pitched groans but this time, it was him doing the groaning.

  The kissing stopped but the riding sped up. Caden clenched Elias’ hair, gripping it in his fist. He stared down at him, his green eyes glittering around his burning skin. They were still fully clothed and only a minute ago they’d been on the brink of an argument, but as they stared deep into each other’s eyes in the middle of an act so intimate, Elias could feel the words that he had stopped Caden saying and this time, he wanted to hear them.

  Caden straightened his back and sped up, clutching onto the front of Elias’ clothes for support. They were both trying their best to stay quiet but the quicker they fucked, the harder it became to muffle the moans. The horror movie played on in the background but the sinister music didn’t take away from the whirlwind of lust and passion that had enveloped them.

  “I’m so close,” Elias gasped all of a sudden.

  He thought Caden was going to slow down, to torture him by taking away the climax, but he didn’t. He dove in, to join their faces again, his hips speeding up still. When he didn’t think they could go any faster, they did, forcing Caden’s grunts so close together. He shot back up and started massaging his own shaft. When he started that, he slowed down a little, but Elias was so close, he couldn’t hold back even if he wanted to. Gripping one of Caden’s shoulders, he started to fuck him, his buttocks bouncing off the scratchy material of the couch.

  A noise louder than either of them had been expecting left Elias’ mouth, making Caden use his free hand to clamp it over his lips. The orgasm didn’t end and the noise escaped through Caden’s fingers. The tingling eventually stopped, just in time for him to see Caden’s face tighten up. Despite his own orgasm ebbing away, he knew how in the zone Caden would be; how ready and willing he would be to do anything to reach that high. Resting his chin on his chest, Elias leaned in and took the shaft into his mouth, using his hand to work the exposed flesh. Within seconds, Caden was clenching his buttocks around Elias’ still solid cock to release his own load.

  “That was -,” Caden’s voice was cut off by the slamming of a door, “shit!”

  It was a quick scramble for belts and jeans as hurried heels marched across the hall. Elias knew the house well enough to know that they didn’t have long. He yanked off the condom, forced his wood into his underwear and yanked the jeans over the top. Wearing a floor length black gown, Ellie stormed into the living room to see her brother holding a condom and her babysitter buckling his belt, looking as surprised to see them as they were to see her.

  “What -,” she gaped.

  “I – I -,” Caden stuttered.

  “You’ve both got some explaining to do,” she pursed her lips so hard that the red lipstick almost vanished into nothing.

  ***

  “I thought I could trust you!” she screamed, less concerned about waking Kobi than they had been, “And here you are, fucking the one man I didn’t want in my house on my antique sofa. Will you stop carrying that thing around and toss it in the trash?”

  They followed her into the kitchen and Elias sprinted over to the cupboard under the sink where the trashcan was concealed. Caden was so embarrassed that he didn’t know if he should start apologizing or just leave. He kept looking to Elias but he looked far too shell shocked to respond. He was her brother so he could imagine it was even weirder for him. He once walked in on Bruce and Lucy having sex one Christmas when they visited him in New York, but hadn’t seen Bruce left holding the condom between his thumb and forefinger.

  “I can explain,” Caden offered, “we can explain. It’s not what it looks like.”

  “So you haven’t just fucked my brother on my antique sofa?” her voice was almost dolphin-register, “Or am I missing something?”

  “Technically, he wasn’t fucking your brother,” Elias mumbled.

  “Oh, forget it! I don’t want to know after all,” she slapped her hands over her ears, “I told you! I told you I didn’t want you near my son. And you come here and you do this! Did you have sex with him to see Kobi? Did you think it’d distract him? Is that what this was about?”

  She seemed hysterical but Caden couldn’t ignore the apparent lack of a husband and the mascara streaks that had been hastily wiped away from her cheeks.

  “Oh, Ellie, don’t be so dumb. It doesn’t suit you!”

  “He wasn’t here all night. I called him long after Kobi fell asleep. I didn’t invite him here for that. It just happened.”

  “You’re his support worker, aren’t you?” she shook her head and her pin straight black hair sprung out from behind her ears.

  “We’re kind of a thing,” Elias added, “it’s not what you think.”

  “So you’re gay?” it was like she didn’t know who to attack first.

  “I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t. Like you said, he’s my support worker.”

  “I’ve always known,” she shook her hands, “that’s not important. You think I didn’t know how to check an internet history? You were hardly discreet about it.”

  Caden could tell that Elias was the embarrassed one now. They stared at each other silently and they seemed to be communicating without using their voices.

  “So you thought you’d use my brother for a quick fumble?” she turned on Caden, advancing towards him with an outstretched finger, “he’s vulnerable and he’s an addict and -,”

  “- and he’s standing right behind you,” Elias cried, “damn, Ellie, it’s not what you think.”

  “What is it? Please. Somebody explain what is going on under my roof. I’m so sorry for asking so many damn questions! I just assumed the babysitter wasn’t going to turn my living room into a cruising hotspot. I bet you were on that Grinding thing, weren’t you? That gay app? Is that how you got him over here? Did you know he used to live here?”

  She was reflecting all of the concerns Caden had had about what he was doing with Elias. She made it sound so seedy and dirty. He felt wrong and ashamed, which is why he quit Elias in the first place. He was overwhelmed and Ellie wasn’t backing down. Her finger seemed to be growing with every second and he flinched, expecting it to spike through his eye without a moment’s notice.

  “No,” was all Caden could say.

  “Give him a break, Ellie,” Elias rolled his eyes, “this isn’t the first time we’ve done this.”

  “How long has this been going on?” she turned back to her brother, “Is this who you kissed when you came begging me for pills? I thought you said that could never work? I thought you said it was over?”

  “Look at me!” he laughed, “You said yourself how I was smiling. You said that today! Remember?”

  She backed down slightly, shrinking a little. Caden shook his head and took the opportunity to finish buckling up his belt.

  “My mom could lose everything over this,” Caden almost choked on the words, “if this gets out while he’s still under this court thing, everything will fall in.”

  The gravity of the situation suddenly fell on him. How could he do that to his mother?

  “You can’t tell anybody,” Elias said, “not yet.”

  “Don’t tell me what I can
and can’t do!” she cried, “In my house.”

  “This is no more your house than it is mine,” Elias laughed, “we’re twins and I was born two minutes and 30 seconds before you, so I’m the oldest. When that old witch dies, this won’t be yours. This is hers and it will become ours, unless she’s put it in her will.”

  The uncomfortable silence and small cough from Ellie spoke volumes. Elias looked like he was about to burst into a full blown attack but he just laughed silently, shaking his head as he stared at the floor.

  “I bet she’s left everything to you, hasn’t she?”

  “You can’t be trusted!”

  “Right,” he nodded, “you used to say that when we were kids. You were always the responsible one and I was always the leftover. The mistake.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “Don’t turn this on me! You’re the one who went against the one thing I asked. Don’t think I’m going to forget that so easily.”

  Caden couldn’t handle it. Their voices were rising with each word and any moment, Kobi would appear at the top of the stairs with sleep in his eyes and no idea what was going on.

  “Just stop it!” Caden cried, “You’re twins. Stop fighting over every tiny detail. Ellie, I’m sorry I invited him over. I just wanted to see him. I just wanted to spend time with him. The other stuff, it just happened. It wasn’t the reason, I swear. I would have asked him to go before you got home. I never wanted you to – I just – I love him.”

  “You what?”

  “You love me?”

  Caden swallowed and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he would be asleep in front of the horror movie with Elias asleep on his shoulder and it would have all been a bad dream. When he opened them, he had almost identical twins, both glaring at him with the same disbelief in their eyes.

  “I can’t help it. I know it’s fast. I can’t explain it. I’ve tried explaining it to myself but don’t they say you know when you know? I was with somebody for five years and I never felt like this. I never felt so – in love. It’s insane, I know but -,”