Shelter

by Ashley John

  “You promised me,” Elias looked to Caden, “is it that easy for you to break these promises?”

  “I’m trying to help. I still have a job to do. This was part of the timeframe. You have your first drug test in two weeks and I knew it had to be before then or I’d get in trouble with the center for not going through everything.”

  “Fake the paperwork! You didn’t actually have to organize something. I could have told you she wouldn’t show.”

  “She promised me this morning that she would be here. I actually believed her. Maybe she’s running late?”

  He saw her this morning? Elias almost laughed, feeling like a fool for not questioning where Caden was really going when he ran out, still licking bacon grease off his fingers.

  “You’ll get nowhere with that woman,” said Elias, “stop trying!”

  “I thought I could help you all get somewhere better. You can’t all keep going on like this.”

  “Why?” he cried, “Huh? This is my family, not yours. Just because you have the perfect family, it doesn’t mean we do. It’s broken.”

  Ellie started shaking her head, a dry and silent laugh moving her lips, “Have you ever wondered why? You’re impossible to trust. Are you surprised she wants to wash her hands of you? I’m not.”

  “This all started before that and you know it. Stop editing our childhood, Ellie. It wasn’t all sunshine and roses like you remember it was.”

  “C’mon, it wasn’t that bad!” she didn’t sound as convinced this time around, “I mean, she wasn’t around much but it was fine. Her husband died when she was pregnant. How was she supposed to cope? You wouldn’t listen to anybody. You always thought you knew best. You were wild and nobody knew what to do with you.”

  “I was a kid! What was I supposed to do?”

  “I didn’t go off the rails.”

  “That’s because your wheels were firmly glued to the rails. You were the straight A student. You had it all. See what happens when we try to talk about this stuff? We always end up in the same place. Elias is always wrong and everybody else is just putting up with him.”

  “That’s not true,” Ellie sighed, “I wanted you to get clean. It wasn’t easy for any of us. The first time you came out of rehab, I thought it was the fix. I thought I’d get you back but it didn’t last long. I even had hope the second time. The fourth time, I just wanted to drop you off in that apartment and never see you again. I couldn’t deal with you anymore, Elias. I don’t think you realize how difficult it was to live with a brother who you couldn’t talk to. You’ve been clean for weeks now but I’m so terrified that you’ll fall off the wagon any moment. It’s happened before and – it’s so hard. So fucking hard. You’ve been so selfish for so long and it’s blinded you. I’ve been here this whole time and I know our relationship isn’t as great as it should be but all you had to do was stick to your promises. You could have done this years ago. Do you not think I wanted my brother? I wanted you there when I was pregnant and when I was struggling to raise Kobi. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me?”

  Elias shook his head. He couldn’t even remember Ellie being pregnant. His memories of that time were sketchy and vague.

  “Of course you don’t. You say none of us have been here for you, but the truth is, you haven’t been here for us either. You can talk about broken promises but what about the things you shouldn’t need to promise? I’ve done everything I could for you and I know I shouldn’t have kept giving in to you but I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to see you suffer but I didn’t realize I was making things harder for you. All I’ve ever wanted is a brother who I didn’t have to lay awake at night, wondering if he was still going to be alive when I woke up. When you overdosed again this year, I actually felt relieved because I knew I hadn’t been losing sleep for nothing. Every time I think you can’t disappoint me anymore, you do.”

  Elias had never heard such honesty from his sister. It felt like an outpour from years of built up anger and hurt. He knew that’s how she felt but he had never stopped to think about it. She was right, he knew he was selfish but he didn’t know how to be any other way.

  “What do I do? What do I do to make this right?” Elias blinked back the tears, looking from Ellie to Caden for answers.

  “Let’s make a new promise,” Caden said, “no more secrets. No more lies. No more holding it all in. Can you both do that?”

  Elias wiped away the tears, not wanting to cry because he wouldn’t know if he would be able to stop himself. He stared at Ellie, urging her to show that she was willing to do that. When she nodded her head, he felt a weight lift from his shoulders. He didn’t care about the unspoken rules, he walked straight over to her and grabbed her in the tightest hug he had ever given anybody.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered through her dark hair, “I’m so sorry.”

  “Me too,” she whispered back.

  There was no need to talk anymore because it was all there in the embrace. The promise was different this time because they both wanted it. For the first time in his life, he felt like they were both on the same side.

  “This isn’t right,” Caden stood up, “you shouldn’t be doing this alone.”

  He ran into the hall, leaving them alone. Elias pulled away from the hug and he followed Caden.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I’m going to give Madame Mayor a piece of my mind,” he didn’t turn around, “her time is up. She’s not getting away with this anymore.”

  Elias knew he should have tried to stop him, but he couldn’t. He forgot all about Caden arranging this behind his back because the passion poured from every part of his body. He wasn’t doing it to upset Elias, he was doing it to try and make things better. When he joined Ellie in the living room and he saw the genuine smile and the shared relief, he knew that Caden had helped after all.

  “I’d pay to see this,” Ellie laughed through the tears.

  As Caden bolted up the grand stone steps to the town hall, he didn’t know whom he was more angry with; Judy for breaking her promise, or himself for believing her. Ignoring the various sign-in desks, he headed straight for the mayor’s reception desk, where the receptionist Caden had been stopped by was busy talking on the phone.

  “Is she here? I need to see her,” he demanded.

  Apologizing to whomever she was talking to on the phone, she hung up, already looking like she had the ready made excuse on the end of her tongue.

  “The mayor has requested that you leave,” she smiled bitterly, “you can’t be here.”

  “I’m not leaving,” he laughed, “she can request all she wants, I’m not going anywhere until she talks to me.”

  The receptionist rolled her eyes and typed something on her computer for a couple of seconds, glancing to Caden between every word.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Writing down everything you say,” she mumbled, “for the police report.”

  “What police report?”

  “You’re harassing the mayor of Havenmoore,” she said it as though it should have been obvious, “and the police will want evidence when I hand it over.”

  Police report? Evidence? Caden should have been scared but he wasn’t. He wasn’t even surprised.

  “Listen to me,” he leaned across the desk, not able to hold the anger back, “if you don’t let me see the mayor, I will turn this town upside down until I find her. She promised she would be somewhere very important today and she broke that promise. I need an explanation from that woman.”

  “The mayor is a very busy -,”

  “Too busy for her children?” he slammed his hands on the desk, “You can write every last word of this down and hand it over to the police. I don’t care. That woman needs to face what she’s done to her own kids.”

  “Kids?” she stopped typing and arched an eyebrow, “I thought there was just one? The doctor?”

  “Exactly,” he nodded, “and that’s the problem. She has twins. Two. Two
kids. Not one. Where is she?”

  The receptionist tried to hide her confusion behind her false lashes and heavy mascara but it was obvious she had no idea about Elias, just like the rest of the town. The mayor was public property in their eyes but they only knew the abridged version of her life. They all knew the lies and façade but they didn’t know the witch who lay beneath it.

  “I can’t tell you,” her voice shook, “she told me not to.”

  “Listen, Emily,” he read her name badge, “I know this is just a job for you and you don’t want to get in trouble but this is important. I need to see her and it needs to be right this minute.”

  Emily looked from Caden to the screen as she battled her conscience. They both knew she could lose her job if she told him. For a moment, he thought she would but her eyes narrowed and she started typing again.

  “I will call the police,” she avoided Caden’s gaze.

  As the anger bubbled over, he ran around the side of the desk and straight through the door to her office. To his surprise, there she was, reading the morning paper with a sandwich on a plate next to her desk. Not wanting to take any chances, he closed the door and twisted the metal lock into place.

  “How did you -,” she closed the paper, “leave, now.”

  “No, I won’t leave,” he walked straight over to her desk, slamming his hands on the antique oak, “you promised me you’d be there. You promised me you’d come and try.”

  “Something came up,” was that a smirk on her red lips? “I’m a very busy woman.”

  “How long are you going to keep lying to yourself? How long are you going to keep ignoring the cries of your children?”

  Judy leaned back in her chair, already looking exhausted by his surprise appearance in her office. Had she really thought that she could get away with this, again?

  “Don’t pretend you know what you’re talking about,” she rolled her wide eyes, “if you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave.”

  Caden felt the draw of the door. He felt the familiar fear creep up inside his chest. It would be so easy to run away and rule her out, just like Elias had but he remembered why he was there. He was there for Elias. He was there to help Elias. She can’t keep hurting him like this. As much as Elias pretended he didn’t care about her dismissal of her son, Caden knew it affected him more than he would ever admit. How could it not?

  “I told you, I’m not going anywhere,” he sat in the chair opposite her, “your kids were just both in tears, promising each other that they were going to work on their relationship. You should have been there. You were supposed to be there.”

  He thought that would shake her lip but it didn’t. Not a single muscle in her ice-cold expression shifted.

  “How touching,” she said, “I don’t see what this has to do with me.”

  “Because you’re their mother,” he leaned forward, “and you should be ashamed of yourself.”

  “Ashamed?” her eyes rolled again, “I’m not the one who takes drugs.”

  Caden wasn’t sure if she didn’t understand or if she just didn’t care about her kids, or, just didn’t care about Elias. Was that all she saw when she looked at him? Drugs? He was so much more than that, so much better than that and if she bothered to get to know her child, she would see that too.

  “You stupid woman,” he shook his head, “you stupid, stupid woman.”

  “How dare you! I’m the mayor of this town and I could have your head for that,” she cried, “now leave my office right this second before I call the police and have you arrested for trespassing.”

  “Call them,” Caden pinched between his eyes, “I don’t care right now. I just can’t get over how heartless you are. You’ve ruined your son’s life and you don’t care.”

  “I’ve done nothing but help that boy. Who put that roof over his head? Me. You think you can just turn up at the last minute and start throwing accusations around. He’s probably told you all of these horrible lies about me. I bet he forgot to mention how many times I’ve saved him from going to prison.”

  “You’ve saved yourself,” Caden shook his head, “that’s all you’ve done. You care more about your reputation than your family.”

  This time, her face did change. All of the muscles in her face appeared to drag down into her lips, forming the tightest scowl he had ever seen. She looked like she could spit venom at any moment.

  “How dare you,” her voice deepened, “how dare you speak to me like this.”

  “Somebody needs to make you see how wrong you are. Everybody is too scared of you. When was the last time you hugged one of your kids?”

  For a second, it looked like she was trying to think about it and Caden almost thought she was going to produce an answer to shock him, but she didn’t.

  “Get out.”

  “What about when your son nearly died taking an overdose?”

  “Three.”

  “What about when he came out of rehab and expected to see you there?”

  “Two.”

  “Or when he was a kid and all he wanted was his mom to come home and spend time with him.”

  Judy jumped up to her feet so fast, it shocked Caden into doing the same. They stared at each other like wild animals trying to find the deadliest place on the body to attack.

  “Why do you care so much?” she looked him up and down.

  “Somebody has to,” he decided it was better to hide his true feelings.

  “What makes you think I don’t care?”

  “If you cared you would have showed up today.”

  She scowled again, the dimples in her chin shaking as her brows hovered low over her hazel eyes.

  “I – I -,” she stuttered before reaching out and delivering a swift and sharp slap to Caden’s left cheek, “get out of my office before I drag you out with my own hands.”

  Gripping the stinging handprint on his cheek, Caden took a step back, staring at her with pure shock. She sat back in her chair and straightened out her blouse before resuming her place in her newspaper.

  “I don’t know how you sleep at night,” Caden whispered, still clutching his fire-stung cheek.

  “Easily.”

  Elias was right. She was a lost cause. Caden hadn’t wanted to believe that a mother could be so cold and heartless but she was. He thought about how much Elias cared for Kobi and how much he cared for his own niece, Becca. They weren’t even parents but they both seemed capable of love. The woman sitting in front of him, reading the sports pages of the paper didn’t look like she was capable of loving anything or anybody.

  Tail between his legs, he left the town hall. He didn’t know where to go, so he let his legs carry him to Elias’ apartment. When the door opened and he saw that Elias was back home, he pulled him tightly into his arms, understanding his pain better than ever before. The stinging in his cheek was only a fraction of what Elias must have felt for so long.

  “I’m sorry for dragging this up,” Caden whispered into his ear, “you were right. She doesn’t care.”

  Elias didn’t look surprised as he led him up to the apartment where the bed was waiting for him. They made love slower and more passionately than Caden had ever made love to a person before.

  ***

  “You shouldn’t beat yourself up so much,” Elias pulled the frozen lasagne from the freezer and tossed it in the microwave, “some good came from today.”

  Sitting on the sofa in nothing more than his boxers, Caden smiled a little but Elias could tell it was still weighing heavily on his mind. He had never had anybody fighting so hard in his corner before and it felt strange, but in a good way. He could see how much it upset Caden that he couldn’t fix everything.

  “I’ve got my drug test and then we’re free of this,” Elias set the microwave and joined Caden on the sofa, “when it comes back clean, we can really start.”

  “She’s always going to be around the corner though, isn’t she? What will she be like when she finds out about us?” said Caden. />
  “I don’t care,” Elias rested his head on his shoulder, “she’ll probably pretend we don’t exist and keep living her life. She’s not important. When you left, Ellie said that she believed me when I said I was staying clean and she said the second I get those results in my hands, I can see Kobi whenever I want. Isn’t that great?”

  “Hmmm.”

  “I couldn’t have done it without you,” he whispered, “you saved me from myself. I would have relapsed in a second if you weren’t so tough on me.”

  “Yeah.”

  Elias sighed, wanting to shake Caden out of whatever he was in. He knew how his mother could be, but he had had twenty-six years to adjust. Caden seemed shell shocked by her and no matter what Elias said that wasn’t budging.

  “We could eat out tonight? We haven’t even been on a real date yet. And then tomorrow, we could go to the high school and ask about the GED program.”

  Caden seemed to snap out of it. He rested his head on Elias and reached out to run his hand gently across the hairs on Elias’ thighs.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Just forget her. What do you say?”

  “About?”

  “Eating out.”

  “Oh, yeah. Sure. That sounds like fun.”

  “It can be our first date. Well, it can be my first date too. I can’t say I’ve ever been on one and alleys with dealers don’t really count, do they?”

  Caden didn’t laugh at Elias’ joke. There was an unshakable tension in the air and he wanted to get rid of it. It made him wish that he had tried to stop Caden from running out to find the mayor. A tiny part of him thought he might have gotten through to her but he should have known better. She’s unreachable, even when she’s sitting in front of you.

  A hurried knock on the front door made Elias jump up. He looked to Caden, wondering if they were expecting anybody, but Caden shrugged. Grabbing his t-shirt from the corner of the kitchen counter, Elias headed downstairs.