“I still love you, Rebecca,” he softly said. “I look forward to the day when we’re together again.”
Swallowing the lump in his throat, he left the cemetery and strolled back to his house, not in any hurry to get there. As he passed the tree where he’d etched his and Rebecca’s names, he wondered if someone might stumble upon it and know that two people named Jeremy and Rebecca had, at one time, started a life together. If they ventured to the cemetery, they’d discover what happened to her, and the absence of his marker would tell them he had to move on and continue living without her.
He debated going up to the tree and tracing their names but decided there was no point. It wouldn’t bring her back. It didn’t change anything, and a part of him was tired of living in the past. A new town might be what he needed. Blinking back his tears, he passed the tree and kept walking.
When he opened the front door, the warmth in the home and smell of cookies were comforting after being out in the cold for as long as he’d been. He called out a greeting to Jane who was cleaning the parlor and went to his bedroom. There was no sense in delaying this any longer.
He pulled open the drawers in his room and emptied the ones that contained Rebecca’s things. They wouldn’t fit Jane, so it was pointless to ask if she wanted to wear any of Rebecca’s clothes. Jane was thinner and taller, her breasts not as large but certainly enough to satisfy any man who cared to caress them.
He stopped collecting Rebecca’s chemises and bloomers and wondered why he’d been thinking of Jane in such a personal manner. Looking down at Rebecca’s intimate apparel, he decided that was why—that it had nothing to do with anything else—and hurried to put her things into a box. Breathing a sigh of relief when he finished with all of her garments, he turned to items safer and collected her grooming supplies to put in with the clothes. Last came the small drawer on the nightstand that used to be by her side of the bed.
When he pulled it out, he saw her necklace and wedding ring. Beside them were a fountain pen and the small journal she wrote in. Running his fingers over the leather cover, he allowed himself a moment of sorrow. This was the journal where she wrote down her dreams for the future. Whenever she made an entry, she would show it to him, and then she got sick and couldn’t write anymore. In it, she had plans for making a garden and names of the children they would have together. He debated reading through her entries again but decided he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Maybe in the future but not right now.
He went to the closet and pulled out a small box to put the journal, her pen, and jewelry in. He saw no reason to get rid of them. The other things he would but not these. Once he placed the small box on the closet shelf, he shut it and returned to the large box. Unable to think of anything else to put in it, he sealed it up and carried it to the entryway where he set it on the floor.
Jane emerged from the parlor with a cloth in her hand. “Do you need me to take something into town?”
“I can do it,” he said. “They’re Rebecca’s clothes. I thought someone might be able to wear them. Maybe the Clark family could use them. They’re not too well off, and I think their eldest daughter could fit them. I also added her grooming supplies.”
Jane glanced at the box and frowned. “You’re getting rid of Rebecca’s things?”
“Not everything. I’m keeping her jewelry and journal. These other items won’t do me or you any good.”
She sighed. “You’re right. I couldn’t fit her clothes. It’s just that getting rid of her things makes everything seem so final.”
“That’s because it is. She’s not coming back.”
Jane blinked back some tears. “No, she’s not.”
He opened the front door and picked up the box. “I’ll be back before supper.”
She nodded and waited for him to walk over the threshold before she gave him a soft good-bye and closed the door. In a mixture of sorrow and relief, he carried the box to the Clarks.
***
A week later, Jane set the train tickets aside on her dresser. Her excitement was too great. Even though she and Jeremy would leave for Omaha in another week, she had to do something to settle her nervous energy. It seemed like a lifetime since she’d seen Edith. As she was putting a dress in the carpet bag, Jeremy peered into her bedroom with raised eyebrows.
Chuckling, she said, “You have no need to worry. I’m not leaving you. I’m just packing for our trip.”
He stepped into the room and lounged against the doorframe. “Good. It’s nice being with you.”
“I like being with you, too.” She turned to her dresser and glanced at her undergarments. Hesitant, she glanced at him. “Maybe you should turn around.”
“Why? Do you have a deep, dark secret in there you’d rather I didn’t know about?”
She giggled and shook her head. “No, but it’s personal in nature.”
“Really?”
She furrowed her eyebrows but smiled as she detected an unexpected enthusiasm in his tone. “It’s nothing that will be of interest to you.”
“How will you know unless you tell me what it is?”
Her face grew warm, and she shut the drawer. “I’ll pack later. I should attend to…to something else instead.”
“Something else?” He laughed and stepped further into the room. “There’s no need to be shy. I’ve been married before. I’ve seen female undergarments.”
She was sure her face went from pink to bright red. “While that’s true, you haven’t seen mine.”
“It’s not like you’re wearing them.”
With a sigh, she shook her head. “I think I should do something else. There’s no need to pack right now. We won’t be going to the train station for another week anyway. Maybe I’ll take a walk.”
“Mind if I join you?”
“Really?”
“Sure. I finished preparing this week’s sermon and no one needs to talk to me, so I have nothing to do.”
“In that case, alright.” Glad to have a change in topic, she left the bedroom and went to the closet. As he helped her into her coat, she asked, “Would you like to pick up anything in town?”
“No. I think a walk further out of town would be nice for a change.”
She buttoned her coat and slipped on her hat and gloves. “I don’t remember ever going on a walk with you. You know, just to walk and enjoy the weather.”
Slipping into his coat, he smiled. “I don’t often walk for pleasure. Usually, I have something to do.”
“I find it’s good to walk for pleasure. You’ll be surprised by how much you notice when you take time to look around you. Why, the other day I saw two squirrels tucked away in a tree. It was sweet. They looked so happy together. I didn’t even know there was a hole in that particular tree until I saw them, and I wouldn’t have seen them if it hadn’t been for the bird that chirped on the branch right beside the hole.” She glanced at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go on and on about it.”
“Don’t be sorry. I like hearing about it.”
“You do?”
“It’s nice to know the squirrels were together. You’re right. It is sweet.”
As she walked to the door which he opened, she turned to him. “Things like that are what I notice when I go for walks. In the spring, I like to look at the flowers and smell them. You can also hear the birds chirping. Summer evenings are good for lightning bugs and crickets. Susie always thought the crickets were annoying, but I found them soothing. Fall, of course, is good for the changing colors.”
“And winter?” he asked as she stepped outside the house. “What is winter good for?”
“The snow, especially with the way it looks on the branches. Sometimes it’s too cold to walk, but I take time to sit by the window and look outside to see what is going on.”
He shut the door and strolled down the pathway with her. “Do you find anything interesting in the winter besides snow?”
She shrugged and slipped her hands into her coat pockets. “If
it weren’t for the squirrels, I probably wouldn’t be entertained as much as I am. So, what about you? Do you have any favorite part of the year?”
“I haven’t paid much attention. The seasons come and go while I prepare my sermons and tend to the needs of the congregation.” They reached the dirt road and he motioned to the path they hadn’t traveled before. “Let’s go this way.”
“But you’ve never gone this way, have you?” she asked, surprised.
“Which is why I should see what’s down here. I’d like to see what I’m missing. You’ve been down here before, haven’t you?”
“Yes.”
Grinning, he took her by the arm and led her down the path. “Then you can show me what’s up ahead. Were the squirrels in the tree up here?”
“As a matter of fact, they were.”
“Do you think I’ll get to see them?”
Noticing that he still had his hand on her arm, she cleared her throat. “Maybe.”
“I hope I do.”
Pleased he was taking an interest in things she enjoyed, she said, “I hope so, too.”
And during their walk, he didn’t remove his hand from her arm.
Chapter Thirteen
On Saturday, Jeremy sat beside Walter Conner’s bed and read the Psalms as the man requested. Walter’s labored breathing reminded him of the day he last spoke to his father when he learned the truth about his parentage. It was unlike Rebecca’s passing. She stepped into eternity while asleep. One day, she closed her eyes to take a nap in hopes she’d wake up better, and she never opened them again. He hadn’t been there when she died. He’d been out getting more medicine for her. As soon as he saw her, he knew what had happened, and he’d never forget how horrifying it was to find her like that. Death was a tragic affair. It separated loved ones and left the survivors with an aching loneliness in their hearts.
In this case, it was Gerdy’s brother who was ready to take the step into the next life. Even though Walter had lived a full and productive life, it didn’t make watching him die any easier.
Jeremy stopped reading to ask, “Is there anything you need?”
Walter smiled, his hands folded over his chest. “No. I just want to meet the Lord while I listen to the Psalms.”
Jeremy nodded and continued as the man wished. Within a half hour, Walter slipped into eternity. Jeremy closed the book and took a deep breath before he stood up so he could talk to Gerdy. He reached the parlor and saw that she had drifted off to sleep, so he went over to her and tapped her hand.
“Gerdy?” he softly asked.
She opened her eyes and turned her head in his direction. “Is he with the Lord?”
He nodded. “I’m sorry.”
With a sigh, she offered a kind smile. “I’ve buried two husbands and a sister. Life is a cycle. The older you get, the more you accept it.” She struggled to stand, so he leaned forward to help her up. “Thank you. I want to see him. I bet he went with a smile on his face.”
“Yes, he did.”
As she went to the bedroom, he contemplated how she could be content with the passing of her brother. Granted, there was a sense of peace in his room, but it still surprised him. He turned to the window and noted the partly-cloudy sky. Catching a ray of sunlight that filtered through a couple of clouds, he recalled how, as a child, he imagined God taking someone to Heaven whenever there was a break in the clouds like the one he was now looking at.
He turned from the window when he heard footsteps. Gerdy smiled at him, even as she dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief.
“We’ll have to make arrangements for the funeral,” she said.
“Yes.” After a moment’s hesitation, he asked, “Do you have someone you can live with?”
“I do. There’s no need to worry about me. My daughter and her family will look after me.”
“Good. I hoped that would be the case but wondered since she doesn’t live here in Lincoln.”
“I told her I’d send word when my brother passed on. She was willing to come up when she learned he wasn’t feeling well, but he insisted that she stay put. He said he wanted it to be you reading to him when his time came. The least I could do was honor his wishes.”
“I agree. It’s best to do what the person wants when they’re ready to leave this life.”
“Preacher, I know you’ve had your share of death, what with Rebecca’s untimely death and all, but I hope you remember that it’s alright to keep living.”
Unsure of what to say, he opted for telling her thanks and discussed plans for the funeral. When he left her house, he went to Matthew about preparing Walter’s body and headed on home. He pondered everything that had happened that morning, and as he passed by the cemetery, he decided to keep on going home. He wasn’t sure why the gulf between him and Rebecca seemed to grow wider every day, and there were times when he didn’t feel the strong pull to visit her. He wondered if that made him a bad person.
With a heavy sigh, he continued to his home. When he opened the door, the familiar smell of cake baking in the oven made him smile. He called out a greeting to Jane as he slipped his shoes off and removed his coat.
She came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. “I take it Walter passed away.”
“Yes. The funeral is in three days.” Opening the closet door, he hung his coat up and set his hat on the shelf. “As unbelievable as it sounds, I get the feeling that he was happy to go. It’s like he was ready.”
“Well, that’s good, right?”
“I think so. It’s the way I’d like to go when it’s my time. He wasn’t in any real pain. He listened as I read, closed his eyes, and, for lack of a better term, fell asleep.”
“How is Gerdy handling it?”
“Remarkably well.”
Twirling the apron around her hand, she asked, “Do you think she wants some company? Perhaps she’d like to come here for supper.”
“I didn’t think to ask. I was too concerned about talking to Matthew.”
“Then I’ll go after I take the cake out of the oven. It can’t hurt to ask. At the very least, it’ll give her a break from cooking.”
“I could take the cake out for you.”
Shooting him a playful grin, she let go of the apron and crossed her arms. “You’re a sly one, Jeremy, but I’m not falling for that again.”
“Falling for what?” he asked, trying his best to look as if he had no idea what she was talking about.
“I haven’t forgotten what happened last time you took the cake out of the oven. I came back home and found half of it gone.”
“It was bizarre how it disappeared like that.”
“And what’s even more bizarre is how half the icing was missing, too. Then you couldn’t eat anything I made for supper.”
“Oh, that was a coincidence.”
“Sure,” she replied in a tone that told him she didn’t believe him.
“Can I help it if I have a weakness for cake?”
“Your weakness is why I can’t trust you alone in this house when there’s a cake nearby.”
He laughed. “One would think I was devious if they listened to you.”
“You might be a preacher, but I’m learning you’re not perfect.”
“If you tell others I’m not perfect, I’ll deny it.” Slipping his arm around her waist, he led her into the kitchen and took a deep breath. “It smells even better in here.”
“You can’t have any until after supper.”
“That’s not fair. I was gone all morning. I should be able to have a slice after lunch.” When he saw that she considered it, he gave her waist a light squeeze. “One slice.”
“Fine. But it’s going to be small.”
“How small?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Just small.”
“But there’s a difference between what you consider small and what I consider small.”
“We’re going with my definition of small. Knowing you, half the cake will be small if I let
you make the decision.”
He pretended to look hurt. “What do you take me for? A glutton?”
“If the shoe fits…”
“Why, Jane. Who knew you had an evil streak in you?”
Giggling, she nudged him in the stomach. “It’s amazing I don’t have to adjust the waistline of your pants with the way you eat. How you stay slender, I’ll never know.”
“It’s proof I don’t eat enough cake.”
She stepped away from him and picked up the bowl of icing on the table. As she stirred it, she glanced at the clock on the shelf. “The cake will be ready in five minutes.”
“Oh good.” He collected a plate and fork which he set on the table. Sitting down, he looked expectantly at her.
Groaning, she rolled her eyes. “You can’t eat it right away.”
“Why not?”
“Because it needs to cool before I put the icing on it.”
“Put the icing on the side. I can add icing as I need to.”
“That’s absurd.”
“No, it’s not. What did you think I did that day you were gone? It doesn’t matter if the icing is on the cake or next to it. It all ends up in the same place.”
She stopped stirring the icing and stared at him.
“What?”
Blinking, she shrugged. “I’m not sure. I mean, you’re right. It all ends up in your stomach, but it doesn’t seem right to eat a cake without icing on top of it.”
She was adorable when she looked at him with her wide eyes. He set the fork down and stood up. “Alright. I’ll wait.” He walked over to her and kissed her cheek. “Better?”
Her cheeks grew a pretty shade of pink, and she turned her attention to the bowl. “Yes. That’s better.”
“Good. I’ll be working on tomorrow’s sermon.” Before she could protest, he dipped his finger into the bowl and scooped out a good portion of icing.
“Jeremy!”
He hurried out of the kitchen, laughing as she threatened to make him wait until supper for a slice of cake. She’d never do it. She was too soft. And he found that adorable about her, too.
Bride of Second Chances Page 11
