Kindred Hearts

by Grace Lowrie

  Sebastian’s friendly, laid-back side that made him so popular, his witty sense of humour and easy charm, was all genuine, of that I had no doubt. But I wondered if it was sometimes expressed for the benefit of others. Not an act as such, but perhaps a mask, to hide a different, private, solitary side of him, that was drawn to the dark and the silence. For as long as I’d known Sebastian, there had always been a part of him that was content to watch from the shadows while his twin danced in the limelight. And as mysterious and sexy as it was, I couldn’t help worrying that there was something wrong – that he might be unhappy underneath it all.

  I desperately wanted to ask him if he was all right, but he had said he didn’t want to talk and I was determined to respect his wishes. We sat for a long time in companionable silence, just listening to the muted strains of Radiohead, alone with our thoughts.

  ‘Are you OK?’ Sebastian said at last.

  ‘Yes. Are you OK?’ I asked, lifting my head to look at him. But I couldn’t read his expression; the moonlight and the shadows, conspired against me.

  ‘Yes and no,’ he said.

  I waited quietly for him to elaborate.

  ‘We can’t keep doing this. We can’t do this to Celeste,’ he added softly. ‘She’s very possessive of you. You mean more to her than anyone else. I can’t take you away from her – I won’t hurt her like that.’

  He was right of course – this would upset Celeste, more than he knew. ‘I don’t want you to take me away from her. Can’t the three of us stay friends?’

  ‘Yes, but not if we’re sleeping together.’

  ‘So where does that leave us?’ I said, a lead-like weight in my chest.

  ‘I guess we pretend this never happened; we try harder to ignore the chemistry between us and we move on,’ he said with a sigh.

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  At six o’clock on Friday evening I started to loiter by the information desk in the grand entrance hall at the V&A. Freya busily dealt with enquiries while I waited for the twins’ arrival, nervous with anticipation. They wanted a guided tour of the Arts & Crafts exhibition, which had now been open for a week and subject to rave reviews. Tickets were already sold out right through October and November and everyone was thrilled with the success and popularity of the show, from my boss Evelyn right up to the Director and the Board of Trustees. I felt an enormous sense of relief but also pride to be part of something that lived up to the V&A’s fine global reputation.

  Mum had come to see the exhibition on the day it opened. I was a little surprised to be honest – she didn’t usually take much of an interest in my work, but I think she felt that she ought to see it and now she could report back to her friends and neighbours with some authority. She said that my dad would have been proud of me, which was nice. Not the same as Mum being proud of me herself, but close enough.

  By ten past six there was still no sign of Sebastian or Celeste. I knew they’d be arriving separately, straight from work and I’d expected Celeste to be late, but Sebastian was usually very punctual. Freya gave me an odd look.

  ‘Do your friends know where to meet you?’ she asked.

  ‘Yes, they’ve been here before.’

  ‘So why are you so jittery?’ Freya cocked an eyebrow.

  ‘Ha, I honestly don’t know … It’s Sebastian and Celeste Walker …’ I added by way of explanation.

  ‘Oh! Seriously?’ Freya said, her mouth dropping open. ‘They’re coming to see your show?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘Wow,’ Freya said, a smile spreading across her face.

  ‘Yeah,’ I smiled back.

  ‘I never got to see Sebastian Walker at that party, but I heard he’s drop dead gorgeous.’

  ‘Mmm …’ I said noncommittally.

  ‘And he’s absolutely loaded and single! – a very eligible bachelor.’ I couldn’t help smiling at Freya’s enthusiasm. ‘Will you introduce me to him? Put in a good word for me?’

  ‘Um, I could introduce you but –’

  ‘That’s fine!’ Freya said. ‘I’ll do the rest – unleash my feminine wiles …’ She giggled and fluttered her eyelashes at me dramatically, making me laugh.

  ‘Hello, darling.’ Celeste was suddenly beside me, as if from nowhere, kissing my cheek.

  ‘Hey!’ I said caught off guard. Celeste smiled politely at Freya and I hastily introduced them. Celeste was her usual friendly self, dressed to impress and oozing elegant confidence and young Freya looked intimidated, although she did her best to hide it.

  ‘Sebastian’s running a few minutes late, but he’ll be here soon,’ Celeste told me.

  ‘OK, do you want to check your coat and briefcase into the cloakroom?’ I asked.

  ‘Yes OK, darling. It was lovely to meet you, Freya.’ Celeste purred.

  ‘Yes – you too,’ Freya stuttered, smiling goodbye to us as she turned to help a visitor.

  ‘She’s cute,’ Celeste said to me as the guy behind the desk stowed her things.

  ‘Yes, she’s nice. She’s a volunteer, she’s still at uni,’ I added.

  ‘You two looked very close when I walked in,’ Celeste said quietly.

  I sighed, subtly took Celeste’s hand in mine between us and gazed straight into her beautiful clear blue eyes. ‘Don’t be silly, Celeste, or I’ll have to kiss you, right here in public.’ I murmured.

  Celeste’s angelic face broke into a beguiling, mischievous smile. ‘Sorry, darling,’ she whispered. I answered her smile with my own.

  ‘Evening, ladies,’ Sebastian’s bass tone resonated through my insides and my pelvic muscles involuntarily clenched in response. Chemistry; it’s just chemistry, I reminded myself for the umpteenth time, just ignore it.

  ‘Seb, you made it!’ Celeste instantly dropped my hand and turned to greet Sebastian with a peck on the cheek.

  ‘Natasha,’ Sebastian nodded, his hand briefly pressing the small of my back, his eyes piercing me, cobalt blue.

  ‘Hey,’ I smiled as calmly as I could manage. ‘Do you want to check your coat?’

  On our way back across the foyer I deliberately avoided looking towards the information desk but I could see Freya in my peripheral vision, her mouth open, her eyes on stalks as the three of us walked past arm in arm. I’d apologise to her later.

  As I showed the twins around the exhibition that was now more familiar to me than my own flat, I couldn’t help wondering why I had been so nervous. Celeste was animated, enthusiastic, and attentive and while Sebastian was undemonstrative in comparison, I could tell he was in a good mood – gently ribbing his sister when she became fixated on a Liberty & Co. fabric and then deriding himself when he fell for an iconic, lovingly hand-crafted, Stickley Morris chair. He commented on the simplicity of form, the honesty of the joinery, and the smooth patination of the wood and leather, his words somehow making me ache inside.

  We were about to head out for dinner when Celeste suddenly made a beeline for the gift shop, calling for us to hang on as she disappeared out of sight. Sebastian casually dropped some cash into a museum donations box and then held my coat open for me as we stood waiting near the entrance. I could tell there was an autumnal bite in the air.

  ‘Do you have your car with you?’ I asked.

  ‘Yes, it’s not far away.’ I was surprised at Sebastian’s tone, he sounded distracted and I looked up to find him staring across the lobby. I spotted Clive a few yards away, blushing and virtually cringing under Sebastian’s hard, speculative gaze. ‘Do you know that guy?’

  ‘Yes, that’s Clive, he practically lives here.’ I smiled and waved apologetically at Clive and Sebastian turned to face me.

  ‘He’s been watching you all evening, Natasha.’

  ‘Yes, he does that. He’s lonely, but he’s harmless.’

  Sebastian looked unconvinced. ‘Does he watch anyone else like that?’

  I sighed, ‘I don’t really know, Sebastian, but honestly, he’s very sweet, it’s fine, really.’ I shrugged to emphasise my lack of conce
rn.

  ‘OK, I’ll take your word for it,’ Sebastian said. ‘But if he ever bothers you or lays a hand on you –’

  ‘Yep, OK, don’t worry,’ I said, disturbed by the look in his eyes. ‘Really, just forget it, please?’

  Sebastian’s gaze held mine for another beat and then he turned away, the tension in his eyes and jaw smoothly melting away.

  ‘It’s nice to know you care though.’ I smiled and nudged Sebastian with my elbow and he rolled his eyes.

  ‘So will you curate an exhibition of my photos now?’ he asked.

  ‘Are you really serious?’

  ‘Yes, I’m serious.’

  ‘I don’t know, Sebastian – I don’t really know anything about photography and I’m not sure I have the right contacts outside of the V&A …’

  ‘You don’t need to know about photography – you know me, you know my work, and you have a good eye – a gift for displaying things in a way that tells a story, engages the viewer, gets them to think … and Celeste can help you with contacts, she knows everybody.’

  Wow, could I really do this? My confidence was at an all-time high and Sebastian’s faith in me was compelling. A few months before I would never have considered it but now …

  ‘Obviously I would pay you; I wouldn’t expect you to do it for nothing.’

  ‘Oh no, I’m not sure I’d feel right –’

  ‘Natasha, either you let me pay you, or you don’t do it at all,’ Sebastian said firmly.

  ‘OK, OK, if you’re sure, I’d love to! Thank you,’ I said, grinning.

  ‘Thank you,’ he said gazing into my eyes. I looked away and took a deep breath. There was still no sign of Celeste. Sebastian unbuttoned his collar and loosened his tie.

  ‘Can I ask you something?’ I asked cautiously. ‘You can say no.’

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘Would you let me include the photographs from your bedroom in the exhibition? The ones of your family?’ Sebastian looked surprised and wary. Perhaps he didn’t know that I’d seen them.

  ‘No,’ he said, agitated.

  ‘Oh. It’s just that people would be interested to see your early work and –’

  ‘No,’ he said again, cutting me off. ‘They’re private.’

  ‘OK I understand, I’m sorry,’ I said softly. ‘I just thought I’d check.’

  ‘You were right to ask but the answer is no. Look, I’ll draw up a basic business agreement and if you decide you don’t want to do it for any reason that’s fine – I won’t hold it against you.’

  In my heart I already knew I was going to do it – the prospect of pawing over Sebastian’s beautiful images – the opportunity to arrange them so that everyone else could see the beauty that I saw … it was impossible to resist.

  Celeste staggered out of the gift shop under the weight of a large, flat, bubble-wrapped object, while a young shop assistant trailed behind her carrying two more the same size. Oh boy, could Celeste shop.

  ‘What have you bought now?’ Sebastian asked his sister.

  ‘I decided it was about time Tasha’s accomplishments were represented on our walls too, especially if she’s going to move in.’

  ‘I haven’t agreed to that yet and what do you mean accomplishments?’ I asked, curious.

  ‘These are framed screen prints; posters, advertising your show. I got one of each,’ Celeste added, setting down her load. Sebastian relieved the shop boy of the other two parcels while I stood gawping in amazement.

  ‘Good thinking,’ Sebastian said. ‘Where are we going to hang them?’

  ‘I thought one could go in the breakfast room, where everyone can see it and I’d like to have one in my office.’

  ‘Can I have one for my office too?’ Sebastian asked.

  ‘Ugh, buy your own!’ Celeste grumbled, shoving him playfully.

  ‘I’m right here, guys! Do I get any say in this?’ I interjected.

  ‘No,’ the twins said in unison, with matching infectious smiles.

  Back in Holland Park we each carried a picture into the welcoming warmth of the house, tipsy with the champagne we’d had at dinner. Celeste proposed a sauna to chase the chill from our bones, as she stripped off her coat and shoes. She looked particularly vivacious and alluring – her tailored trousers hugging her bottom and the top few buttons of her silky pink blouse undone. Sebastian claimed he still had some work to finish and bid us good night as Celeste towed me resolutely downstairs.

  Once inside the gym, Celeste turned the key in the door, effectively locking Sebastian out. ‘It’s a shame Sebastian has to work on a Friday night, but at least we get the sauna all to ourselves,’ she smirked.

  ‘He seems happy though,’ I commented.

  ‘Yes he is – happier than I’ve seen him for a long time. But I have a theory about that.’

  ‘Oh yes?’

  ‘I’ll tell you in a moment, darling, go and get undressed while I set up the heater.’

  ‘Yes, ma’am!’ I saluted.

  By the time I reached the glass-fronted sauna, wrapped in a towel, Celeste was already inside reclining on the upper bench in matching attire, her eyes closed. I stepped inside, quickly shutting the door behind me as I was met by a cloud of hot steam. I lay down on the lower bench beside Celeste and relaxed my breathing as the hot air tickled my nose and throat. I felt the heat cleansing my pores, relaxing my muscles, and releasing the tension from my limbs.

  ‘Oh, this is wonderful,’ I murmured.

  ‘Mmmmm,’ Celeste agreed.

  ‘So,’ I mumbled. ‘What’s this theory?’

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘About Sebastian.’

  ‘Oh, yes – I think Sebastian has met someone special. Call it twin intuition if you like. He hasn’t mentioned it yet and I haven’t figured out who she is yet, but, something is going on with him.’ Celeste sat up, swung her legs around, and carefully ladled water over the hot rocks, sending more steam billowing through the small space.

  ‘I thought Sebastian didn’t do relationships?’

  ‘I know – he doesn’t!’ Celeste lay back down on her front. ‘Maybe he’s just happy to be back in London and finally settled; I certainly am and I know he’s really enjoying his work … But I think it’s more than that …’

  ‘Wow,’ I said. Was there someone new in Sebastian’s life? Was he moving on? An irrational misery welled up inside me like a sickness, even as I fought to drive my thoughts away.

  ‘Yeah. I’m not going to push him on it, he’ll tell me when he’s ready,’ Celeste sighed. ‘I just hope she’s someone I can get on with. I mean, what if she doesn’t like me? What if she’s some brash New Yorker who wants him to move over there?’ Celeste pouted.

  ‘I’m sure Sebastian has better taste than that,’ I said, as much to reassure myself as Celeste. ‘And I’m sure whoever she is, she’ll love you.’

  ‘I hope so. You didn’t like me when we first met.’

  ‘What?’ I said looking up into Celeste’s angelic face, her hair a halo of gold. ‘Yes I did.’

  ‘No, not at first you didn’t – you looked at me really suspiciously as if I was trying to poison you.’

  I laughed out loud. ‘That’s because I thought you were! I couldn’t understand why someone like you would want to befriend someone like me.’

  ‘What do you mean someone like me?’

  I sighed and smiled into Celeste’s clear blue, anxious gaze. ‘You – beautiful, confident, popular …’

  ‘But you’re all those things too …’ Celeste dropped her hand and caressed my arm with her fingertips.

  ‘I don’t think so, and anyway, I definitely wasn’t back then.’

  ‘Are you kidding? You were the most incredible girl I’d ever met, with your long crimson hair and your other-worldly green eyes, and you were so self-assured! Everyone wanted to know you … I had to fight to get you all to myself.’

  ‘Self-assured?’ I scoffed, genuinely confounded.

  ‘Yes, you seemed so independent
, so fearless, so completely comfortable in your own skin – you were new and yet you didn’t seem to need to make friends.’

  Seeing myself through Celeste’s thirteen-year-old eyes was a revelation and I felt oddly moved. ‘That’s because I’d never really had friends before – I didn’t know what I was missing,’ I added, embarrassed.

  ‘Oh, Tasha,’ Celeste whispered, tears springing to her eyes. ‘How did I never know that until now?’

  ‘Because it doesn’t matter. Everything changed when I met you.’

  ‘But –’

  I sat up, cupped Celeste’s face in my hands, and as my towel fell away I silenced her with a kiss. Celeste sighed and skimmed her fingertips achingly slowly across my breasts, through beads of perspiration and down, down to the damp hollow between my thighs. I flexed against her palm and she whispered sweet, spellbinding promises in my ear while her fingers circled and dipped inside me. As she made love to me I eased her towel open so that her breasts spilled free, the nipples contracting as I softly sucked them. She groaned, shifting to one hip and parting her legs and I mirrored her actions with my own. We steadily stimulated each other with our fingers in the feverish heat, panting with desire, our tongues licking and coaxing, our muscles quivering, until eventually we peaked; waves upon waves of pleasure rippling through our bodies until we were limp with relief.

  In her bedroom afterwards, Celeste tenderly examined and kissed each of my now healing knees before collapsing in to bed. I lay propped up on one elbow, idly stroking her head as she sank into a deep slumber.

  Finally, after more than a decade, I could understand why Celeste chose to befriend me, all those years ago. I’d always been too afraid to ask. But it hadn’t just been some crazy mistake on her part as I’d assumed – she’d been attracted to my independence. Years of childhood misery and loneliness had ultimately brought Celeste into my life and now I almost felt grateful to Emma Woodnick and her gang for bullying me at school.