Recovery

by JC Harroway

  His brows pinched together in confusion, but his eyes told me he was onto me. ‘Dancing. Traditionally done in pairs to a musical accompaniment.’ Clearly he’d prefer to delay this ‘talk’ for another time. He drew me closer, pressing his lips to my temple. His sigh gusted over me, lifting the hair from my forehead. ‘What’s going on is two people exploring the chemistry between them. You want to leave tomorrow and I’m not ready to let you go. I’ll never be ready.’

  I closed my eyes, his words too immense to fathom. He dropped his mouth to my ear, his lips barely brushing my skin. ‘This moved way past a charade a long time ago. I’m not pretending any more. In fact, I never was. Stay another week?’

  Every cell in my body buzzed with life. As much as I feared my own feelings for him, the effect of his words on me was instantaneous and electrifying. Despite being a big girl, aware of all the reasons I shouldn’t, I’d fallen for this unattainable man. And while the rest of the world saw a god, I’d seen the mortal beneath and he was every bit as beguiling. More so—his passion and self-effacing altruism were more alluring than his fame, insane good looks and immense sex appeal combined.

  I was beginning to hate the voice of reason in my head—she needed gagging. ‘Even if I stay, this can’t last beyond next week.’ Unfortunately, my conscious brain was in charge and was keen to be the killjoy of the party.

  Equally adept at hiding his own emotions, Nathan lightened the mood with a crooked grin. ‘Why not? I’m the sexiest man in the world and you’re the sexiest woman. We’re made for each other.’

  My brief, involuntary smile quickly fell. His attempts almost swayed me and I dropped my face to his shoulder, pressing my lips to the fabric of his shirt to prevent any further objections escaping.

  ‘We’re too different.’ The words fled, whispered past reluctant lips. Why didn’t he kiss me—to shut me up and give my mouth something to do other than talk? ‘Our lives are too different. You jet-set around the world, party with the rich and famous and kiss women for a living. My job is demanding, often depressing and is attached to one hospital, in one place.’

  ‘You do know the kissing is just that, right? A part of my job? Perhaps you need a little reminder of the real thing.’ He swooped, his mouth covering mine right there on the dance floor for anyone to see. At the first touch of his lips I was lost and wouldn’t have cared if the whole club pulled up seats and started filming with their phones.

  Why did I fight this? Why deny my feelings when they were quickly becoming too strong for my insubstantial body to contain?

  Nathan’s fingers gripped the back of my head, pulling me to him, one hand dropping to encircle my waist. I clung to him, his chest warm and solid beneath my palms and his arms banded around me so tight, it was hard to tell where I stopped and he began. He pulled back a fraction, his lips still whispering over mine as he spoke. ‘Let’s go home. I want to be alone with you.’

  My senses were in disarray and we hadn’t resolved a thing, but as we made our excuses to our friends and left the club, none of that mattered.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I’D never been skinny-dipping before, but I was definitely naked, the chill of the water raising goosebumps on my skin. In the blackness-shrouded privacy of Nathan’s pool, we swam lazy laps together, enjoying the tranquillity of the night-time chorus of insects.

  Jess’s frantic whispered instructions replayed in my head—have fun, make me proud. Skinny-dipping with Nathan Banks at his Hollywood mansion fulfilled those requirements and would surely earn me brownie points with my adventurous friend.

  Coming to the edge of the infinity pool, I rested my arms on the ledge and peered at the sprawling city below us, lit up like London a week before Christmas. Nathan closed in behind me, caging me with his arms and nuzzling into my neck. His springy chest hair tickled my back and his erection bobbed against my backside.

  ‘Do you like living here?’ I relaxed my head back onto his shoulder, enjoying the sparkling view and the heat from his body.

  His lips found my temple, pressing warmth to my skin. ‘Yes. But I love London too.’

  The seconds stretched, at first comfortable and then oppressive with the unresolved issue of my imminent departure.

  ‘The Emmys are in two days?’

  His arms stiffened around me, but his lips continued their lazy glide over my face and neck. ‘Yes. I’d hoped my parents would come—I’ve been nominated.’

  I spun around, clasping his shoulders. ‘You have?’

  He nodded, grasping my waist beneath the water and tracing lazy circles over my skin with his thumbs.

  ‘And they can’t make it?’

  His mouth pinched with tension. ‘My father hates Hollywood—he’s never once made it to an awards show here.’

  I rested my arms on his shoulders, my fingers drawn to his wet hair, whether to soothe him or myself, I couldn’t tell. His hands gripped me tighter, perhaps as a reaction to the shock that must have registered on my face. ‘And your mum?’

  ‘She sometimes comes by herself.’ His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes as he shrugged.

  He was alone. His father hated his career choices so much, he wouldn’t attend a prestigious awards ceremony in support of his son. The shock settled like a stone in my stomach, the edges rough and gnarly, irritating my gut until the bile rose to burn my throat. I forced my face to remain neutral, swallowing back my anger. There was no further room for debate in my mind.

  ‘Jess has to fly back in the morning—she starts her new job Monday, but I’d love to come with you, if the invitation is still open?’

  He raised one hand from my waist, brushing the wet strands of hair back from my face. His solemn gaze held mine, my words chasing away the shadows from his eyes. ‘Are you sure? There’ll be lots of press, all the major networks. Are you ready to be that girl?’

  I wasn’t certain I was ready to be anything at all, but there was a price to pay for being with Nathan, a price that looked more affordable the more time I spent in his company.

  ‘I can handle it. All I need is a killer frock and a smile, right?’ The aforementioned smile wobbled but I held it in place, determined to be strong for him. ‘And you’ll be there to protect me from intrusive questions?’

  ‘Always.’ His tone dropped, heat infecting his voice and his eyes. His lips found mine, the sensual glide of his mouth stealing my reason. His hands slipped to my buttocks and he pulled me onto the grind of his erection as his drugging kisses continued.

  I succumbed to the toe-curling hedonism of his mouth on mine, shoving my doubts to the back of my mind where I locked them in a safe and swallowed the key. The immediacy of Nathan’s strong body pinning me to the side of the pool drew me to the here and now.

  His breath gusted over my neck, raising a fresh wave of goosebumps. ‘I want you again.’ His erection surged against my belly as his fingers found my nipple beneath the waterline. ‘I want you all the time.’ His head reared back, his stare locking with mine as he spoke in a husky murmur that was not only laced with arousal, but also punctuated with sincerity.

  I wanted to pry, to eviscerate the emotion that flashed in his eyes and examine every nuance microscopically, but instead I bit my lip and moaned, because he lifted my breast above the water to surround my aching nipple with the velvety heat of his mouth. My fingers clawed at his shoulders as I relinquished myself to the pleasure we created.

  My own feelings surged up, rising to the surface where they fizzed and popped with the euphoria of freedom after being so long imprisoned by my natural caution and frenzied over-thinking.

  I cradled his head, hypnotised by the strong pull of his beautiful mouth on my nipple. He was breathtaking in the moonlight, just as in every other light and right now, in this moment, he wanted me and worshipped my body with a reverence I knew mirrored my own desires for him.

  Raising his head, he clasped my slick body to him tighter than ever before, his breaths gusting over my shoulder. ‘Fuck, Soph. We have t
o get out.’ His words were garbled against the skin of my throat on an anguished groan.

  Playing catch up, my frazzled nervous system mustered enough coherence to enable speech. ‘Why?’

  ‘Because I want to be buried deep inside you and there are no condoms in this pool.’

  Some of the lust-fog cleared and I dropped my legs from his hips, releasing him. ‘Of course.’

  Torturing us both with the continued grind and roll of his hips, he imprisoned me against the tiled wall of the pool. ‘How would you feel about taking oral contraception?’

  I stiffened, leaning back to read the meaning in his eyes. ‘That’s quite a … commitment.’

  He nodded, the slow dip of his chin and the intense burn of his eyes declaring his sincerity. ‘Yes. We could go to the clinic together, get a sexual health check and a script.’ He flashed his dimple. ‘It’ll be … romantic.’

  Romantic? At my hesitance, his hips stilled and his cajoling turned to a frown. ‘You don’t want to?’

  As the last of the arousal left my blood, I shivered, sensing the chill of the water for the first time. ‘No, yes. It’s just …’ The contraception talk suggested longevity. Did he see a future between us that I couldn’t see myself, no matter how much I might have wanted it? Aspects of his life still terrified and appalled me. But with all his talk of romance … a girl could get carried away.

  ‘Too soon?’ A chink appeared in his confidence, and I hated myself for always being the sensible voice of caution.

  My feet, grounded in cement for so many years, surprised me by jumping up and planting themselves firmly in my mouth. ‘I’ll be working in London and you’ll be travelling the world.’ What was wrong with me? I was sabotaging this moment, my fear running free like a chicken with no head.

  ‘So?’ The only sign of annoyance came in the minute tightening of his lips.

  This was it, the precipice, the bungee jump of faith, the moment I secretly craved and equally dreaded. Making this work beyond what we had would require faith, trust and a monumental mind shift on my part. Inviting Nathan into my life would not only expose me to the public scrutiny and speculation I’d learned to detest growing up, it would also expose my vulnerable family to further inspection and possible harassment—something they didn’t need. Could I live with myself, knowing my choices affected the lives of my loved ones, people I’d always protected?

  ‘Wait a minute—are you dumping me?’ His face lit up, his dimpled smile brighter than the moon. ‘Sophia King. Have you been using me for my sexual prowess, only to cast me aside like a used condom when you’re done?’

  His playfulness halted the dark path my thoughts had taken.

  ‘OMG I feel so cheap.’ His hammy acting continued. ‘You’re just like all the others!’

  I couldn’t stay serious, my laughter bursting out. Cupping my hand on the surface of the pool, I doused his smug grin with a handful of water. ‘Shut up.’ I pushed at his shoulders, grunting when he barely moved.

  He wiped his hand down his face, his expression turning serious as he flicked off the last of the drops. ‘I know it will be a juggling act with my schedule and your job, but I’d like to explore this.’ He pointed from his own chest to mine, his actions indicating what his words failed to describe. His eyes searched mine. ‘Wouldn’t you?’

  My pulse thundered in my ears and I bit the inside of my cheek to hold in a smile. The urge to tease him was too great to pass up and my traitorous body remembered the results the last time I’d goaded him. I shrugged one shoulder, examining my fingernails with bored nonchalance. ‘I suppose.’

  Before I could enjoy the crestfallen look on his face, I was airborne, sailing through the night, my squeal swallowed by the water as I slammed back into the pool. He was there to catch me and we surfaced, a spluttering, laughing tangle of lips and limbs. He hauled me form the pool, stooping to lift me over his shoulder as he padded across the terrace to the French doors leading to his bedroom.

  ‘I can see I have a lot more persuading to do,’ he said, slapping my backside.

  By morning, I was pretty much convinced.

  Chapter Seventeen

  WE pulled up behind the tiny boutique located in a quiet residential street and hurried inside. Tash and Benny, the flamboyant fashion-designing duo, had closed the store especially for us, a concession that made me uncomfortable until I pictured the alternative—photos of Nathan dress shopping in Beverley Hills splashed all over the internet in a viral storm. It was the lesser of two evils and I wanted to be red-carpet ready. For him.

  The last time I’d accompanied him to a high-profile event, I’d been focused on deflecting heat away from my family—playing fancy dress with a Hollywood icon of whom I knew little outside of what I’d read in magazines.

  Now I was contemplating turning my life upside-down and deliberately exposing my private life to the world for a chance at a relationship with him.

  Tash guided me to rack after rack of exquisite gowns, questioning me on my preferences of style and colour. Jess would have loved it, and I missed my friend who’d only been gone a couple of hours. When I had a decent number of maybes, I moved into the tiny changing room.

  I paraded each dress for Nathan, his heated eyes assessing them from his place sprawled in an armchair outside the dressing room. After the fifth gown, we were still undecided.

  ‘Soph, try this one.’

  I peered out of the changing room, taking the garment he offered. He was well versed in red-carpet etiquette and I trusted his opinion.

  ‘I think you’ll look amazing in it.’ His eyes sparkled with challenge and something darker.

  The sheath of black satin was skin-tight and hugged the curves of my hips and backside like a lover’s caress. A simple scooped neckline and short capped sleeves preserved the modesty of my ample bust, without being too revealing. Tiny beaded flowers were dotted here and there over the dress, softening it with a touch of romantic whimsy. It was perfect, and one glance at Nathan’s appreciative stare confirmed we’d found the one.

  He clapped, startling Tash, and urged me back into the changing room. ‘I think we’ve found it. Tash, Benny, thank you so much. Could you please package it all up, including the shoes and accessories you think will complement Soph? My assistant will collect everything from you this evening.’

  The urgency in his voice spurned me on to quickly but carefully slide the dress from my shoulders. That look on his face—it was the focus just before he lost control of his charming gentility and ravaged me in pursuit of our mutual delirium. The satin chafed at my oversensitive skin and my hands trembled as I struggled to pull on my jeans.

  Once in the car, I was pressed back into my seat, Nathan’s hand cupping my sex as he riled me up with a series of desperate kisses. ‘You looked so fucking hot in that dress. I was tempted to pay Tash and Benny to leave so I could fuck you in it in front of their mirrors.’

  Heat pooled in my panties as his words fast-tracked my libido. My mouth, occupied with his kisses, longed to agree—it sounded like an excellent idea.

  The shrill ringtone of Nathan’s phone interrupted our session. He pulled away. ‘We’ll take a rain check on that dress and the mirrors.’ His crooked smile and smouldering look prolonged the fizz of lust in my blood, and I exhaled a long breath in an attempt to control my raging hormones.

  As I fumbled with my seatbelt, Nathan answered the phone, his tone so clipped I pitied whoever was on the other end of the call. My heart rate slowed to manageable levels and I flipped down the visa to repair the damage done to my hair and makeup by Nathan’s hands and mouth.

  ‘Fuck. Brilliant!’ Nathan slapped the steering wheel. ‘Thanks for letting me know. No. I’ll be in touch.’ He disconnected the call and stared out of the windshield at the deserted parking lot. A muscle ticked in his jaw and his hand clutched the hair at the nape of his neck.

  Whatever bad news he’d received doused the last of my ardour, and I mourned the loss of an afternoon spent in b
ed. ‘What is it?’

  He kept his eyes averted, starting the car and slamming it into gear. ‘My agent. I didn’t get the film. They gave it to an American with a track record in dramas. Fuck.’ The steering wheel took a second battering.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ My hands clutched each other in my lap as I took in the bitter disappointment of his stony countenance. I wanted to comfort him, but fearful of touching him while he drove angry, I searched for the right words instead. ‘Something else will come along, Nathan. You’re a phenomenal actor.’

  His mouth twisted momentarily before he bit down on his bottom lip and squared his shoulders. Managing a smile, he said, ‘Thanks, beautiful. You’re good for my ego, but you’re the phenomenal one. That dress looked amazing.’ Shoving his feelings under his professional mask, he painted on his Hollywood smile, the flash of disappointment only obvious to the keen observer. Unfortunately for him, I observed him with almost fanatical enthusiasm and a pinching sensation settled under my ribs as I sought a way to help him.

  The traffic thinned as we made our way back into the hillside suburbs. ‘What would be your dream role, if you could choose anything?’ I stroked his leg and he dropped the hand closest to me from the wheel, covering my hand on his denim-clad thigh and squeezing my fingers.

  ‘Free to choose? That’s an intriguing idea.’ He sighed, lifting my hand to his mouth to press his lips to my skin. ‘People have expectations of me—my fans, the industry. They want the Nathan Banks they think they know. The swoony romantic hero with the six-pack and the winning smile.’

  The picture he painted was delicious and a big part of who he was. I’d experienced his romantic side and his six-pack and both had much to commend them.

  ‘Well I want him too, but I also want the rest of you. Who cares what they want?’ I hesitated, aware I might be crossing a line and fearing I’d sound preachy. ‘Why should you limit yourself? Look at Matty. The world places limits on him every day. But he doesn’t care. He does what he wants to do in his own way. His disability makes him unaware of most of the social norms the rest of us find crippling. I love that side of him—how amazing to be freed from a set of arbitrary restrictions.’ I soothed the words with firm, rhythmic glides of my thumb on his thigh.