“Still,” Daniella said. “At least he sent her roses. Didn’t that mean something?”
Gently, Blackwell turned to her eldest daughter and touched her shoulder. “Flowers are just things, Daniella. It’s making the effort to spend time together that counts. And Marcus, for all his charms, just wasn’t ready for that. So listen to me now. Learn from your mother, my darling girl—never accept anything that’s less than what you deserve. Marcus is a fine man, but work means more to him at this point in his life than any relationship does. And since I love my own work, I get it. Listen, as sweet as he can be, would you want your mother to be in a relationship where I always came in second?”
“Never,” Daniella said.
“Then hear me when it comes to this—sometimes in a relationship, there comes a moment when it’s time to call it a day. Today was that moment for me. Since I refused to continue to be led on by him, I decided it was best that he and I go our separate ways—civilly. And with kindness. I made it all very easy for him, and by doing so, I also made it easy for me. So stop looking so sad, Daniella. Tonight, your mother got her life back. When it comes to you and Cutter, I’m not going to sway you one way or the other when it comes to him or his behavior. All I’m asking is that you consider the reasons why I left your father and Marcus. I want you to think about the reasons why I got out of those relationships, and if you understand the reasons why, I hope that you will apply them to your own life.”
“You make it sound so easy,” she said.
“But don’t you see?” she said when she leaned in and held Daniella close to her side. “When you love and respect yourself, which I pray in my heart that you will some day—if not tonight, in fact, which is still possible—it’s actually easy to do when you know in your heart that you will never, ever settle for second-best.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
LATER, WHEN EVERYONE had retired to the living room, we were only thirty minutes into the party when Alex and I heard the elevator ring.
“Company,” I said to everyone. “Alex and I will be right back.”
“New people arriving?” Blackwell said. “I assume it’s my arch nemesis...”
“You already know it’s Lisa—and she’s not your arch nemesis.”
She waved her hand at me. “Shoo!” she said. “Go and greet them. After my dramatic breakup, I’m beyond my little catfight with Lisa. Tonight, there’s nothing I can’t handle—even when it comes to her.”
Alex put his arm around my waist as we walked down the hallway.
“Lisa is never late,” I said to him. “Neither is Kate. I wonder what held them up?”
“It’s Christmas eve,” he said. “Ben had to finish a job, and traffic is probably impossible tonight.”
“You’re right,” I said—just as the elevator doors opened to reveal Cutter, who hesitated for a moment before he stepped into the foyer.
When I saw him, I wanted to throw a cloak of invisibility on him (if there even were such a thing), if only because of what Blackwell and I had said separately to Daniella about her relationship with him. And with Daniella now officially angry with Cutter, I’d just be setting him up for failure if he didn’t go to her armed with that knowledge.
Beneath his black overcoat, I could see that he was wearing a tux. And when I looked at his face, I noted a look of embarrassment. But there was something else too, particularly in his eyes—and it was resolve.
“Cutter,” I said in a low voice. “I didn’t think you’d come.”
“I don’t want to ruin your evening,” he said. “If you think I should go, just say so before she sees me.”
“No, no,” I said. “You’re family. And it’s fine—we all want you here. Please let Alex take your coat.”
When Alex helped him out of it, I thought that Cutter looked more handsome than I’d ever seen him. It was like Daniella when she arrived and told me in confidence that she’d wanted to look her best in case Cutter decided to come after all. And now here he was, seemingly ready to take Daniella back into his life again.
But it was more complicated than that now, wasn’t it? With her defenses up, how would she react when she saw him? Especially after all these weeks of reaching out to him with no response. If she chose to take her mother’s lead, I wouldn’t blame her for dumping him. But their drama couldn’t be my drama—at least for now—so I welcomed him with a warm hug despite the knot I felt in my gut.
“I’m glad you came,” I said.
“I appreciate that. And look, I already know that this might not go well. I’ve handled the whole situation with Daniella poorly. She probably doesn’t want anything to do with me, but I’m still going to try to win her back because I do love her. I just needed time to sort things out.”
“And that’s where I’m going to have to stop you, Cutter,” I said. “She’s been trying to reach you for weeks, and you’ve been completely unresponsive. You haven’t returned any of her calls or texts. Why?”
“Because she threw me off,” he said. “You and I talked about it.”
“We talked about that weeks ago,” I said in a low voice. “Before I even gave birth. So what’s the problem? What’s the issue? Because I’m telling you right now that whatever has kept you from her had better be substantial. Otherwise, I don’t know how this will go for you tonight.”
“I’ve never lived with anyone before,” he said in an urgent whisper. “Where I come from, living together is pretty much the next step to marriage, so when she kept pressing me to do it—as if it was just this casual thing that I should do—it freaked me out because I wasn’t sure I was ready for that yet. You know how she can be—I felt suffocated. I needed some serious space so I could think, and so I took it.”
“Regardless of how bad things got between you, I still don’t understand how you could have ignored her that way. I mean, come on, Cutter. Not even a phone call or the courtesy of a text to say that you were trying to work through your own shit? I’m not going to lie to you. In fact, I’m going to be dead honest with you—if you did to me what you did to her, I’d have dumped you.”
“And I understand that. I know that I didn’t do right by her. I just hope that she isn’t finished with me yet, because I’ve hated not having her in my life. I’ve hated not having her around. I’ve missed the hell out of her, but I wasn’t about to lead her on if I didn’t know in my heart that I wanted to take our relationship to the next level. It wouldn’t have been fair to her. I couldn’t do that to her.”
At that moment, I could feel the depth of his regret, and so I softened.
“Alright,” I said. “Let’s just go to Daniella and see what happens. But I’ll warn you right now, Cutter, you need to know that she might be ready to move on—for a whole host of reasons that happened earlier tonight. So look at me,” I said. “Are you sure you want to be with her?”
“I am.”
“Do you want to live with her?”
“I do.”
“Are you certain that you’re ready for that next step?”
“If she’ll have me, I am.”
“Here’s the thing,” I said. “Tonight, Blackwell broke off her relationship with Marcus because he refused to spend time with her, which might have influenced Daniella to end things with you. And because of that, I don’t think this is going to be easy for you, so heed my advice. If you really want to win her back, then you’re going to have to bring your A-game when you talk to her. Otherwise, I’m not sure that this is going to go well for you at all.”
WHEN WE WALKED INTO the living room, it was Blackwell who saw us first. And when she did? The cold look she gave Cutter was enough to send a chill straight through me.
“Well, look who the rats dragged in,” she said as she lifted her martini to him. “Merry Christmas, Cutter. May I ask how long you’ll be with us tonight? Fifteen minutes? Five? A few seconds?”
Before Cutter could respond, Daniella—whose back had been turned to us—whirled around and stared at him in shock. For the first ti
me since I’d known her, she was speechless.
“I was hoping to stay longer,” he said. “If Daniella will have me.”
“That remains to be seen,” Blackwell said.
“Mother,” Alexa said. “This is for Daniella to handle, with no interference from you.”
“Fine,” she said. “But just so all of you know, my tongue is nevertheless barbed and at the ready.”
“Daniella,” Cutter said as he looked at her. “You look beautiful.”
But Daniella didn’t respond.
“May I speak to you alone?”
She started to answer him, but then she stopped herself short and said, “You know what, Cutter? Whatever you have to say to me can be said right here, in front of my family and friends. You know, the very people who have given me the kind of support I needed since you decided to go missing.”
“Then I’ll do that,” he said. “Because you’re right, Daniella, everyone here deserves an explanation.”
“Then, please do so,” Blackwell said with ice in her voice. “Explain why you haven’t been in contact with my daughter for weeks when she’s been going out of her way to get in touch with you.”
Even though I was angry with Cutter, I still felt sorry for him then, if only because of what he’d shared with Alex and me earlier, and especially since Blackwell’s claws were out and clearly willing to strike fast and hard if she felt that she needed to protect her child.
What I was beginning to understand is that where Tank and Cutter came from, making a commitment to a woman wasn’t something they did callously. They were slow to come to the table, and while that was something that could be misread as waffling, perhaps it was more complicated than that. In such a quick-paced world as Manhattan, where everything moves at lightning speed, men like Tank and Cutter were rarities. Whether it was due to their upbringing—or because of their military backgrounds—they believed in their convictions, and they especially believed in not leading women on. At that moment, I thought they were misunderstood.
And that was just what Cutter tried to explain to Daniella.
“I want to apologize to you,” he said.
Again, Daniella said nothing, which was uncharacteristic of her, but something that for the first time reminded me of how Blackwell might have handled this situation. Keep quiet, make him sweat, and then decide where to go from there. As Daniella matured, she was becoming more like her mother than I’d ever imagined.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“For what?” Daniella said.
“For not returning your calls and texts—I should have done that. I should have said something.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because I wanted to be sure that when I spoke with you, I knew exactly how I felt about going forward when it came to us, and exactly what I wanted to say to you now.”
“And that took you three weeks?”
“It did, because what you asked of me was that significant.”
“Cutter, I only asked if you wanted to live together.”
“That’s the thing,” he said. “There’s no ‘just’ in it for me when it comes to that, Daniella. Look, here’s what you need to understand about me, which I thought that you knew after spending the past year with me. It’s something I thought I made clear to you last Christmas, when we first started seeing each other. I thought I made it clear to you that if we were going to see each other, that I wanted it to move slowly.”
“It’s been a year, Cutter. So tell me—what does ‘slowly’ mean to you?”
“Certainly not a year, that’s for sure,” he said. “I know that this past year might have passed in a New York minute for you, but it hasn’t for me. We come from two different worlds, Daniella. I think that growing up in the city, you expect things to move faster than I do. But on the Midwest farm where I grew up, relationships progress much slower than that. And then there’s my military background, which gave me a sense of honor that I take seriously to this day. I’ve had a few girlfriends in my life, but I’ve never lived with any of them, even when they asked me to. And here’s why—for me to move in with someone is something that’s so significant to me, I have to be certain that the person is the one for me. Sharing a home is something that I feel should end with a marriage proposal. I’ve always known this about myself. And while you might think it’s old-fashioned or square of me, it’s nevertheless who I am. In order for me to live with someone, I have to know that that woman is the one. That she’s the woman I’ll eventually marry. That’s something I’ve never changed my mind about. And I never will.”
“Then why are you here tonight?” she asked nervously. “You could have just called me, you know? If this is the end of us, you didn’t need to come here to humiliate me. You could have just called—”
“But that’s the thing,” he interrupted. “I don’t want it to be over between us. I apologize that it took me time to be sure that this is what I want, but I wasn’t just thinking about me. I also was thinking about you. I love you, Daniella. I’ve missed you so much, I can’t even tell you. And after searching my soul, I know that I want to move in with you—but only with the expectation of having a future with you.”
“Are you talking about marriage?” she said.
“Yes, I’m talking about marriage. That’s what moving in together means to me. It might mean something less to you, but it means plenty more to me.”
“Why didn’t we talk about this sooner?” she said. “You never told me that you felt so strongly about this.”
“That’s because I always thought that we were on the same page,” he said. “I thought that things were fine. And then out of nowhere, you suddenly decided that we needed to live together. You came on so hard and so strong, it threw me off. I knew that before I could commit to any of that, I had to take a big step back to make sure that’s what I wanted. Because I would never take that step if I wasn’t sure that you were the one.” He shrugged at her when he said that, and then he just shook his head, as if he’d already lost the battle. “That is, of course, if you’ll still have me.”
“Well,” Blackwell said. “At last, the truth...”
“Will you?” he said. “Will you still have me? Or is it too late for us?”
I watched Daniella closely at that moment, and while I saw a wash of emotions overcome her, the most significant that came through was her love for him.
“What are you asking of me, Cutter?”
“That you’ll live with me.”
“Is that all? Because after what you just said, that seems like a loaded question. And it carries with it a hell of a lot of expectations on my part, which I already have taken to heart. Before I answer you, I need to know if that’s truly what you want. Because if we do decide to live together, there’s a chance that we might find that we’re incompatible, and then marriage will be out of the question. Where do you stand on that?”
“I understand the risks,” he said. “I know what’s at stake for each of us. But I also believe in us. I already know that I want to live with you. What I promise you is that should we move in together, I will give it my all, just as I hope that you will. After that, each of us will need to determine whether marriage is the right choice for us, because neither of us knows that right now, do we? Still, I’m willing to give it a shot, because if I were a betting man, I would bet on us—and I’d bet big.”
When he said that, I could sense by the emotion in his voice that he had just laid his heart on the line, which moved me. All along, Cutter had just been trying to do right by Daniella in an effort not to hurt her.
“Are you certain about this?” she asked.
“I am.”
“I’m angry with you,” she said. “I can’t believe that you never returned my messages. Not hearing from you for three weeks was hell for me.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I understand why.”
“Do you? Let me ask you this, Cutter—when has my love for you ever been in question? You would
have died on that island if it wasn’t for me. Everyone in this room knows that. I was in love with you then—long before you ever fell in love with me. And yet despite the threats against my own life, I still cared for you. So tell me—why should I believe any of this now?”
“Because I love you,” he said. “Deeply. I’m sorry for how I handled this, Daniella. But right now I’m here with my heart on my sleeve, because I know that I can’t live without you. I was a fool to even question our relationship in the first place.”
“I agree,” she said. “You were a fool to question it.”
“I’ll ask you again,” he said. “Will you live with me?”
And when he said that, I looked at Daniella and because she was so heated at that moment, I had no idea what she was about to say. Was she going to break it off? Or would she stay with him? I truly didn’t know.
But love won out in the end.
“Of course I will,” she said quietly.
“You will?”
“I will if you promise to get your act together,” she said.
“I’ve gotten it together—that’s why I’m here tonight.”
“Well,” she said softly. “To be fair to you and everyone in this room, I also have some ownership in what happened between us. I’m sorry that I pushed you so hard, Cutter. I know that sometimes I can be a bitch, and I promise that I’ll work harder to become a better partner to you. I just thought that things were going so well between us that moving in together wouldn’t be a big deal. I thought that it would be the next logical step. But now I understand that living together has a completely different meaning for you, which I respect. I just wish you could have told me how you felt earlier.”
“I’m sorry that I didn’t,” he said. “I mean that—I should have told you my thoughts earlier, and I apologize that I didn’t. But enough of that. Tell me what I need to do to make this up to you.”
“Maybe a kiss?” she said. “Because when I kiss you, Cutter, you’re going to feel everything that you mean to me. And I only hope I feel the same.”
Holiday: Annihilate Them, #2 Page 17
