by Ava Miles
After giving Ella a quick bath and dressing her, she took her downstairs to feed her. The morning sunlight was especially lovely in the family room at this time of day, and since it was her day off, she planned on taking it slow.
She was nursing Ella when Jordan came down. His hair was wet from the shower, and he’d changed into one of the spare outfits he kept in the guest room.
Ella stopped nursing and turned her head on the yellow nursing pillow, cooing.
“Hey, princess,” he called out, crossing the room to join them. “Are you having breakfast?”
After a moment of tension, Grace relaxed. She wouldn’t try to cover up—not after what they’d shared last night.
“Hey,” he said to her, stroking Ella’s head when she resumed nursing. “Sorry I slept through her second wake up. You should have poked me or something.”
“You were snoring,” she said, feeling a little shaky.
“Charming,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Ah…would it be weird if I kiss you good morning? I…kinda want to.”
She straightened against the sofa cushions, surprised he would be so direct. Ella stopped nursing and turned her head to stare at him, giving him an eyeful of nipple. Grace felt another twinge of embarrassment. She cupped Ella’s head and guided her back to nurse.
“Ah…no, it wouldn’t be weird,” she said, her voice cracking.
Well, that sounded convincing.
He exhaled sharply. “Great.” Leaning over her, he gave her a soft kiss. “You look beautiful. I’m…happy this morning in a way I haven’t been for a long time.”
“I’m glad,” she said awkwardly because she could hear the subtext behind his words: we should do this more often, like every morning. The Jordan who focused on what he wanted and didn’t stop until he had it was back in force. She felt unsure in the face of it.
Ella let go of her nipple again and gave him a toothy grin that sent milk running down the side of her face. Grace reached for a burp rag. “You’re distracting her from her breakfast,” she finally said, giving him a look.
He held up his hands. “Sorry. Have you eaten yet?”
“No,” she said. “Ella always gets first dibs.”
“Is it okay if I make you some eggs and share them?” he asked, rocking on his heels. “I have some time before I need to head to the stadium.”
Lovemaking and breakfast too? He’d hardly ever cooked for her in the past, always preferring to take her out. Yeah, he was focused. “Sure. There’s some bacon, chives, and cheddar cheese in the refrigerator.”
“Cool,” he said, heading over to the kitchen. “Do you want more tea?”
So he was going to wait on her too? “I could have another cup.”
For the next ten minutes, he brewed her more tea and made them both eggs. When Ella finished nursing, he took her and burped her while he sat next to Grace. He absently picked at his food and drank the espresso he’d made in between wrangling their increasing wiggly daughter.
“The eggs are good,” she said, also picking at them, her stomach nervous from all his attention.
“They’re not yours, but I didn’t want you to have to cook when you do so much else around here,” he said, giving her a full-watt smile.
He was impossible to resist when he was like this, and part of him knew it.
“She’s becoming more active, isn’t she?” He dropped his fork when Ella turned sharply in his arms.
“Yes. I don’t miss the old days when all she did was eat, sleep, and poop. This is more fun.”
“You can see her personality starting to develop,” he said, tapping her nose playfully. “When you moved your plate back from her little hands, I swear I saw her brow wrinkle. It was like you’d ticked her off.”
She chuckled. “Jordan, I don’t think you can tick off a three-month-old.”
He nuzzled their daughter’s neck, making her belly laugh. “I’m not so sure.”
His eyes tracked to the clock to the right of the sink, and she knew he was marking off time. Soon he would have to leave. He had already stayed later than he normally did.
“What are you beautiful ladies going to do while I’m at work today?” he asked, and Grace could feel him weaving the ribbons of being a family around them.
“Take lots of naps,” she said. “I don’t know. Maybe play on the blanket outside or go for a walk. The leaves are finally starting to turn and show their fall colors.”
“That sounds fun,” he said, rocking Ella when she cuddled against his chest. “I wish I didn’t have to go in and be tortured by… What do you call them? Fat guys in tights?”
“I might have used that term,” she said, and there it was, the gentle teasing between them.
“I’d rather stay here with you guys,” he said, giving Ella a smacking kiss on her cheek, making the baby laugh.
Grace joined in, and as she did, the nerves in her stomach loosened. Hadn’t her mom told Ella she and Jordan had stopped laughing? It seemed that was back.
Jordan glanced at the clock again while tickling Ella. There was no postposing the inevitable.
“I know you need to leave,” she said softly.
His artic blue eyes met hers, and the uncertainty in them touched her soul. “We haven’t talked yet.”
“No,” she answered.
He took a deep breath, holding Ella easily in place with one hand. “Will you…can we talk after I get home tonight? Once Ella goes down, of course. We need…some time.”
“That would be fine,” she said, sounding a little prim—even to her own ears.
He stretched his neck from side to side, like it had grown tense during their exchange, and Ella laughed at the motion. “Great. I’ll see you then.”
Grace took Ella from him after he kissed her on the cheek and said his goodbyes. He stood over her for a moment before cupping the back of her neck in his damp palm and leaning in to kiss her briefly on the mouth.
“Talk to you later,” he said and left.
Later wasn’t too far away. Grace had some thinking to do.
She was puttering around with Ella, putting away her clothes and restocking the diaper table when Tony called.
“I’m on my way over with your car,” he said. “Some fresh parmesan arrived, and after we broke the seal this morning, I thought you should have a piece for the house. I’ll be there in five.”
When he knocked on the front door, she picked up Ella—who hated to be alone even if it was only for a minute—and answered it.
“Hi there,” she said to Tony, who stood unsmiling in his Italian leather jacket and jeans.
“Buon giorno,” he said, kissing her on both cheeks before studying her and then stroking Ella’s cheek.
“You didn’t come by just to drop off my car and bring me parmesan,” she said frankly as Ella reached for Tony.
He played with the baby’s little fingers. “I was worried. We all were. Being Italian, I brought you a little treat.”
They detoured into the kitchen, and Grace placed Ella down on one of her soft receiving blankets. She kicked her feet, cooing, as Tony sank onto the floor beside her. He handed the parmesan up to Grace, and she put it away.
“Do you want an espresso?” she asked.
“Not right now. Some Pellegrino would be great.”
After pouring them both some sparkling water, she sank onto the floor beside them. “I’m fine.” At his incredulous look, she shrugged. “I’m better. Well…I don’t really know what I’m feeling right now. Things got…confused last night.”
Tony tickled Ella’s belly, making her giggle. “You got back together with Jordan,” he said, stating it as a fact and not a question.
“How in the world could you know that?” she asked, blinking.
Ella turned her head as if sensing the change in her voice. She gave the little girl a smile, and her heart melted when Ella returned it.
“I’ve known you both since New York,” he said dryly. “Give me some credit. I was also…unsu
re how Jordan would handle the news. I knew he would feel responsible, but it’s natural that he would also feel threatened. Any man would when another man asks out the woman he loves.”
“Huh,” she said, sitting back on her haunches. “I hadn’t thought of that.” Jordan always seemed so strong, so sure of himself. But hadn’t he told her last night that he still felt threatened? That he sometimes worried the people who said they liked him were only pretending? Did he believe that of her?
“How did you leave things with Jordan?” Tony asked.
Tracing Ella’s blanket, she let out a deep breath. “We haven’t talked yet. We’re going to tonight. I’m…not sure what to do. I’m not completely certain the reasons we broke up have changed.”
“I suppose the question is: have you?” Tony asked, grabbing Ella’s giraffe toy and squeezing it so it would squeak.
“Have I?” she asked. “What do you mean?”
“It’s obvious you two haven’t stopped loving each other,” Tony said, setting the giraffe on Ella’s tummy so she could flail her arms at it. “Now you have Ella.”
“You think I should get back together with him to give Ella a father?” she asked, rubbing the tightness in her diaphragm.
“I’m not saying you should do anything,” he said, gazing at her steadily. “I’m only saying Jordan has surprised you by how he’s acted with Ella. He’s stopped putting you and your family on hold for his career. Isn’t that worth something?”
It was worth everything, but that didn’t mean the rest of their problems would just go away. “What do I do about the media or guys like the one last night?”
“If Ella wasn’t here, I would use harsher language,” he said with a wry smile. “The clean version is to stop caring what they say. I’d hate to see you give up on something you want because of fear, Grace. You don’t do it in your professional life. You can kill a lobster with a knife between its eyes. You can go off to Italy to work in another famous chef’s kitchen. You’re a mystery to me sometimes.”
She was like Jordan that way, she supposed. She focused on what she wanted professionally and didn’t take no for an answer. It was on the personal front she had trouble finding her voice.
“You’re right. I know you are. But Tony, it’s hard to explain how exposed that kind of media attention makes me feel.”
“Then you have to decide if what you two have together, and with Ella, is worth facing it.”
Ella cooed and thrust out her little hand, which Grace took. “I want her to have everything,” Grace said softly. “I want her to have…oh, God…I want her to have a home with two parents who love her. I’ve always wanted that. Heck, I’m living in the replica of the home I’ve always dreamed about. But I also want her to be safe. I don’t want anyone to ever make her feel like she’s not good enough.”
“You and Jordan will handle things as best you can,” Tony said. “He’s already gone to great lengths to keep this compound guarded.”
“But he can’t protect us outside our home,” she said. “Last night proved that.”
He frowned. “I know, and for that I am deeply sorry, but it also helped me understand Jordan’s frustration. I was awake half the night, angry it had happened in my place. It was sobering, let me tell you… It was hard for me to conclude that none of us can shield you from the world’s interest, Grace—not even at the restaurant.”
Hearing that made her heart beat faster. The restaurant was her home, her family, which was why the incident had shaken her to the core.
“But I finally fell asleep like a baby when I figured out a different way to look at it,” he told her, tickling Ella’s little feet. “Can I share it with you?”
She nodded, feeling her throat thicken at the softness in his voice. He was being so gentle with her. She was so lucky to have him for a friend.
“So what if that guy asked you out because he wanted to see Jordan?” Tony said. “You were never really unsafe in the restaurant. We were all there. And if you’d actually gone out with him? The truth would have been discovered sooner rather than later. As soon as you discover a person’s not genuine, all you have to do is leave.”
She thought about it for a moment before answering. “Okay, I’ll concede I wasn’t in mortal danger, but it felt so invasive. How am I supposed to know if people are just using me? It’s an awful feeling. Tony, I don’t want to go through life constantly questioning the people I meet. And not everyone is that benign. The press especially.”
“You can’t live your life tucked away or in fear of being hurt,” Tony said. “In the end, you have to decide how you want to live and let life rise to support that. I left Italy with a vision for my life, and it’s worked out pretty well for me.”
“You barely spoke English. I sometimes forget that.”
He gave an expressive shrug. “My desire to explore life’s possibilities was stronger than my fear of not being successful. I started my first restaurant in New York because I wanted to be in one of the world’s biggest food capitals and show I had something to share. Jordan is in the so-called football arena because he has something to share too. He’s accepted the other crap as part of being there. Perhaps you need to as well, if you’re to be with him.”
She thought about her discussion with Jordan last night. He was more affected by the so-called haters than she’d thought, but he’d found a way to cope with it. Could she accept that her life would be composed of invasive photos and questions? And that Ella’s might be as well? Could she do that? Did she want to?
“You’ve given me a lot to think about,” she said, giving him a pointed look.
“It is your day off,” he said, stroking Ella’s cheek and then rising. “I need to get back. Let me know if you need anything. Otherwise, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She stood and kissed him on both cheeks, adding a third kiss for extra affection, which made him laugh.
“Thank you, Tony,” she said, putting her hand on his arm.
“Later, bella,” he said with once last glance. “I’ll see myself out.”
After he left, she sat cross-legged beside Ella. “Your Uncle Tony is pretty great, isn’t he?”
Ella cooed, drooling as she smiled. Then suddenly she turned to the right and rolled onto her tummy.
“Oh, my goodness!” Grace said, tears popping into her eyes. “Look at you. You did it again, sweet girl.”
Her daughter’s head rose, and she laughed out loud. Grace found herself joining in, wiping the tears streaming down her face. She needed to text Jordan and tell him. Rising, she grabbed her phone off the counter only to discover he’d already texted her.
Hey! I forgot to text you the video of Ella rolling over. Hopefully she’ll wow you on her own today. Thanks again for giving her to us, and thanks for making my life so happy. I’ll see you tonight.
There it was again. That word. Happy. He’d added a heart emoticon at the end, which touched her deeply. Sure, it was a silly cartoon symbol, but Jordan didn’t use such things lightly.
She texted him back.
Hey! She just rolled over for me, and I’m in awe. She’s the most talented little girl ever. I couldn’t be more delighted. See you soon.
And because he had opened himself to her, she added a heart at the end of her message too.
Chapter 20
By the time Jordan arrived home, he’d gone from focused to frazzled. The team was set to take on its toughest opponent to date this Sunday, but the prospect of talking about last night with Grace was more daunting. Despite the encouraging text she’d sent him earlier.
He let himself out of his car and stared at the door to his own house. If he were honest, he hated this house now. Before, he’d told himself its sleek modernity better suited his tastes. But the yellow house across the way with the traditional front porch was home now. Grace had been right to call it her dream house. When he looked at it, it seemed to hold everything he’d ever wanted.
Please don’t let me lose that tonight.
Postponing his talk with Grace wasn’t going to help anything—besides, he was eager to see her and Ella before she went to bed.
He detoured into his house and picked up Grace’s favorite wine, which he’d kept around because…he just had. He’d thought about getting her flowers on the way home, but the gesture had seemed too overt. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel he was hurrying things, even though he wanted to. But he’d texted her to let her know that he was on his way.
When he let himself in the house, he called out to her like usual. “Hey!”
“Up here,” she called back from the stairs.
He set the wine on the counter in the kitchen and headed to the second floor. They were playing on the floor when he found them in Ella’s nursery. Their daughter’s hair was damp from her bath, and she cooed when she saw him, kicking her feet wildly.
“Hey, baby girl.” He plopped down on all fours and started kissing her belly.
She giggled and wiggled her little body, making him laugh. Then he nuzzled her neck before he could summon up the courage to look at Grace. She was smiling, but there was wariness in her gaze.
“Hi,” he said, deciding to go ahead and kiss her cheek without asking.
She tensed up a little and let out an audible breath. “Sorry,” she said, giving his shoulder a mere brush with her fingers.
All right, so they might not be easy touching each other yet, but she was trying too. This was progress, and he managed to suck in a deep breath.
“How was your day?” he asked.
“Good,” she said quickly. “We both napped. Went for a walk. And ate some fresh-off-the-boat parmesan from Parma. You’re welcome to have some.”
Sharing Tony’s special parmesan with him was more than an olive branch. It was an overture. They’d eaten it together on more than one occasion, paired with a bottle of wine, and made love afterward.
“We must be on the same wavelength. I brought over a bottle of Barolo Montfortino.”
“You did?” she asked, blinking. “How did you…”
He gave her what he hoped was an easy smile. “I had a few bottles in the cellar for special occasions. Like when Ella took her first steps.” That was true, but not entirely so. This was no time for him to hold back, so he forced himself to say, “It’s also your favorite wine.”
