The Gate to Everything (Once Upon a Dare Book 1)

by Ava Miles

  “Well,” she simply said. Some inscrutable emotion passed through her eyes, but she returned her gaze to Ella before he could interpret it.

  He did the same, noticing the baby’s eyes were drooping. She gave him a drool-filled smile as he ran a finger over her feather-soft brow. “Someone’s sleepy.”

  “Yeah,” Grace said, holding one of the baby’s little feet in her hand. “Do you want to put her down or did you have a tough day? I forgot to ask.”

  Another encouraging sign. “It was mostly good. Practice is going well this week. I think we’ve come up with a good game plan.”

  “It’s a big game this weekend,” she said with a slight hesitation in her voice. “Two undefeated teams coming together.”

  “I didn’t know you kept up with the team,” he made himself say.

  Of course, he had wondered. Before they’d broken up, she’d stopped attending his games, saying the press was beating on her. Which was true. It had hurt him more than he’d cared to admit. Football was so much of who he was, what he loved. It had been hard not to share it with her.

  She lowered her eyes. “I thought Ella would like to know what you’re up to.”

  “Ah.” Not quite the answer he was hoping for, but he let his hand cover hers briefly. “Go on down and chill. I’ll be there in a bit. She won’t last long.”

  He picked Ella up, and they both stood.

  “I’ll open the wine and set the cheese out,” Grace said. “Did you eat?”

  “I grabbed something before I left.” He started patting Ella on the back and bouncing on his heels.

  Grace gave him one last half-smile and then turned off the light on her way out. Ella raised her head from his shoulder at the change and then snuggled back against him. Already her body was growing heavy. He rocked her to sleep, humming to her, as he contemplated the woman waiting for him downstairs. Grace might be guarded, but she wasn’t closed off. He let hope fill his heart as their daughter’s warmth spread through him.

  When he finally made his way downstairs, Grace was waiting for him at the kitchen table. The open bottle of wine presided over two crystal red wine glasses. A plate of parm and grapes sat beside it. He grabbed a chair as Grace poured the wine and handed him a glass.

  He extended it until their rims touched. “To the most beautiful and amazing daughter in the world and to the woman who gave her to me.”

  Her green eyes warmed, and the corners of her mouth rose in a brief smile before she drank.

  They watched each other as they drank, the silence of the room wrapping around them. The whispers of Ella’s sound machine could be heard over the baby monitor. Jordan finally set his glass aside since he didn’t drink much during the season—something Grace knew—and reached for the cheese knife. Without ceremony, he cut a slice of the parmesan and plopped it into his mouth.

  “This,” he said, groaning, letting the texture and taste wash over his tongue: smooth and buttery with a slight tang. “What in the world did we put on spaghetti as kids?”

  “Sawdust?” She laughed. “Certainly not this.”

  He cut her a slice and handed it to her. Their fingers brushed when she took it from him. Their eyes met, and suddenly all he could think of was making love with her again. Like they used to. She seemed to sense it because she broke eye contact and fiddled with the grapes.

  Dancing around the subject wasn’t going to get them anywhere, but he wasn’t exactly eager to jump into it either. “It was nice of Tony to bring this by,” he said to be conversational.

  She took a drink of her wine before speaking. “He mentioned he found himself sympathizing with you after last night.”

  “He did?” he asked quickly.

  “Yes,” she said. “He realized how frustrating it must be that you can’t keep people from bothering me because of you.”

  Shit. He set the half-eaten slice of parmesan on the table. “Frustrated is a mild term. Pissed off is closer, but since you dislike me using dirty words, it will have to do. But the anger’s not the worst of it. It makes me feel powerless. And since it’s part of the reason I lost you—besides my own actions, which I take complete responsibility for—it also makes me feel really sad. I hate that most of all.”

  Her glass bobbled when she set it aside with shaky fingers. Unlike she’d begun believing, Jordan wasn’t invincible after all. Just like her, he battled feelings of helplessness and sadness.

  “I didn’t really understand that fully until Tony told me. I’m sorry.”

  It cut him deep that Tony was the one who’d made her understand something that had been bothering him for a while now. “I wonder why you couldn’t hear it from me.”

  “Maybe I was too wrapped up in my own fears,” she said, gesturing awkwardly with her hands. “Or maybe it was what I blamed our problems on.”

  “I know I’ve said it before, but I’m sorry I stopped putting you first, sorry I stopped making you happy. I’ve hoped…to show you that I’ve changed.”

  She put her hand on the table, and he covered it with his own. Her green eyes met his.

  “I want to try again, Grace,” he said, clearing his throat when it clogged. “I want you and me and Ella to be a family, but when it comes right down to it, I just want you.”

  She sat there quietly, holding herself together. “I want us to be a family too. I never wanted it to be this way.”

  Encouraging words, but not the ones he needed her to say. “But what about me, Grace? I’m still a football player. I can’t give you your dream yellow house in Deadwood and work with your dad. I can’t keep the media from saying anything about you. But I’m here with you and Ella because I want to be.”

  She scooted her chair close to him until their knees touched, keeping their hands connected. “Seeing you these past few months, it’s like you’re you again—but different. More open. Do you understand?”

  He could feel the tightness in his chest intensify. “I know you’re scared I’ll lose myself again and forget about you and Ella, but I won’t. Okay? I promise you that, Grace.”

  Her quiet reserve unsettled him.

  “Now that I’m where I want to be, I can scale back to what’s vital. You and Ella are so much more important to me.”

  She looked down, and he scooted his chair even closer to her since the slight contact of their knees wasn’t enough of a connection right now.

  “I don’t know if you’ve realized it,” he continued, “but I haven’t been partying as much or doing all that extra stuff. I don’t miss it really. When I leave the field, all I want to do is come home to you and Ella.”

  She bit her lip and turned her head away.

  “Are you crying?” he asked, hoping it meant he’d finally reached her—and not that she was about to turn away.

  “A little,” she said, sniffing. “Jordan, I want to believe you. I want to believe we can make this work.”

  He gripped her hand harder to bring her attention back to him. “If we want this to work, then it will. We decide, Grace. I’m not going to let anyone else interfere, including me or the media or assholes like that guy at the restaurant last night. Is that something you’re willing to do?”

  Despite all he’d said, she had to make the choice. He held his breath.

  She leaned forward, and from the warm glow in her green eyes, he knew her answer before she spoke the words.

  “I want it too,” she said in the sweetest voice he’d ever heard. “I’ve been thinking about it all day—heck, since that moment when we went baby shopping. I’m happier with you. And so is Ella.”

  He closed his eyes briefly. “Thank God.”

  Then he felt her shift in her chair. Her mouth covered his, and they tumbled into the deepest, most mind-blowing kiss they’d ever shared. Suddenly, the world was theirs again, and everything was possible. They were soaring through the evening sky like a kite.

  He pulled her onto his lap, groaning as she curled into him. Sliding his hand around her nape, he brought their mou
ths together with greater intensity, changing the angle, kissing the corner of her lips before making sensual passes with his tongue.

  She moaned too, offering herself up to him. Any final walls between them seemed to crumble, and he broke the kiss so he could look straight into her eyes. She paused, panting.

  “I love you,” he uttered harshly. “I never stopped. I’ll never stop.”

  Her brows drew in as she fought tears. “I love you too. I always have.”

  Their mouths met again, and he scooped her more securely into his arms and carried her upstairs.

  When they entered her bedroom, he laid her on the bed and proceeded to show her all the words he held in his heart for her.

  Chapter 21

  Since Grace and Jordan both worked unconventional hours, they’d always favored morning sex. Ella’s presence in their life was changing that, and while Grace loved her daughter to pieces, it couldn’t help but make her a little cranky.

  “We’re going to have to set an alarm or something,” Jordan mumbled, rubbing his eyes as she fed their daughter. “I knew she got up early sometimes, but it’s not even light out yet. I was hoping to have a little time together before she woke up.”

  Grace wasn’t any less tired than he was. Their reconciliation had lasted well into the night. “Let’s just pray she falls back to sleep.”

  He folded his hands prayer-like on his chest. She was too tired to laugh.

  Ella let go and turned her head to smile at her daddy, drooling madly. God, how could she be so wide awake? There was no way she was falling back to sleep.

  “Do you think she’s wondering why I’m here like this?” Jordan asked. “I made sure to read what the experts say about being naked in front of your kids without it being weird. We have a few years.”

  This time the laugh bubbled out despite her exhaustion. “Jordan strut-his-stuff-on-and-off-the-field Dean is worrying about being naked?”

  He shot her a look. “Hey! I’m trying to be a good father here.”

  That shut her up. “I know. I’m sorry I laughed.”

  “It is kinda funny,” he admitted, cupping Ella’s head. “If only my Once Upon a Dare guys could hear this conversation.”

  “They wouldn’t believe it,” she said, stroking the soft curls on her daughter’s head. “Ella, let’s finish eating.”

  Her daughter turned at her name, smiled, and went back to nursing.

  “She’s not going back to sleep, is she?” Jordan asked.

  “No,” she answered, watching their daughter kick her feet. “She’ll probably go down for a nap around ten.”

  “Oh, well,” he said with a sigh. “Everyone says this is natural. We’ll just have to carve out some extra time for us. And not just for sex—although I love that—but to…well…to be together. Maybe have a date night. I…want you to feel special to me again.”

  Oh, Good Lord. This was the sweet and considerate Jordan she’d missed. “I’d like that.” Then she thought about what it would mean to go on a date in public with him and tensed. Ella stopped nursing again and looked up at her.

  Jordan laid his hand on her arm. “We’ll find somewhere private, Grace. Trust me on this.”

  Everyone would know they’d reconciled if they were seen in public without Ella. Was she ready for that? Was she ready to face another round of mean-spirited comments about her looks, about how Jordan Dean was settling? She decided this wasn’t the time to bring it up.

  “Okay.”

  He frowned a moment before taking a breath and smiling. It was his way of shaking things off.

  “I’d also like to bring over some more things if that’s okay,” he said haltingly. “I’m not saying we need to talk about anything else yet, but I’d…like to keep some things here in your bedroom and bath.”

  ‘Anything else’ meant marriage. That thought made her heart beat faster. Surely that was where this would lead. It was what she’d always wanted, and he knew that. But it wasn’t going to be a simple, normal people kind of marriage like she’d imagined. Part of her went cold with fear at the thought of the media always being in their lives.

  “Breathe, Grace,” he said, rubbing her arm briskly. “I know you’re freaking out. We can go as slow as you want. I don’t mean to rush you.”

  Rush her? She hadn’t been the one dithering. “Of course you can keep some things in here. I want you to feel comfortable.” She couldn’t say yet: I want you to feel at home.

  “Great,” he replied, tickling Ella’s little feet. “I’ll bring some things over after I get home tonight. I’ll text you when I’m on my way. You have the lunch shift today, right?”

  She nodded.

  “I can burp her and get her bathed and dressed while you shower,” he offered.

  Amy usually did that for her, but since Ella had awoken at the crack of dawn, there was no reason to wait. “That would be great. Then you can hop in after me.”

  He leaned over and kissed her. “Take your time.”

  “Jordan, we have a three-month-old. Taking our time is a thing of the past for a while.”

  “Has she finished nursing yet?”

  Ella turned her head again and gave him a toothless grin.

  “You’re distracting her,” Grace said, but their daughter deserved to share in their happy reunion. After all, she was one of the reasons it had happened.

  Jordan pulled up the sheet and covered his head. “Is this better?”

  Sensing a game, Ella cooed and started kicking her feet wildly.

  “Okay,” Grace said, “I think you’re finished, missy.”

  As she laid Ella down on the bed, Jordan lowered the sheet and said, “Boo.”

  Their daughter laughed, and Grace caressed her soft cheek.

  “She’s all yours.”

  He lifted her onto his chest. “Good, because that’s what she is. All mine. All right. Show Daddy how you burp.”

  Grace’s heart felt aglow as she slipped into the shower, listening to the mingled sounds of her daughter’s cooing and Jordan’s laughter. She and Jordan might not have made love again this morning, but they’d had family time. Right now, that felt equally as precious.

  Even though she was bone tired, Grace found herself humming under the hot spray. Jordan had been so in tune with her last night, and as she washed her body, she couldn’t help but think of everywhere he’d touched her. Goodness, she’d missed being with him. When she left the shower, her cheeks were flushed from more than the hot water.

  Maybe Ella had fallen back asleep.

  But when she got out to dry off, she heard her daughter laughing along with Jordan’s baritone rumble. No such luck. She dressed quickly for work and joined them.

  “You left the bathroom door open,” Jordan said when she returned.

  “Yeah, I did,” she said, looking back at him curiously.

  Ella was lying on the bed beside him with a rattle he must have snagged from the nursery.

  “Good…I wasn’t sure you would…never mind. Here, take this little sweetie pie. It won’t take me long to get ready.”

  “Really?” Jordan always took his time, saying appearances must be observed like a character plucked out of The Great Gatsby.

  “Yes, really,” he said, scooping Ella up and carrying her over to Grace. “I can change. I can grow.”

  “You can indeed,” she said, fighting laughter.

  “I am not that vain,” he said, giving her a decided frown.

  “Of course not,” she said, mostly teasing.

  “You’ll see,” Jordan said, handing her the baby. “Set your watch and prepare to be amazed.”

  Ella cuddled against Grace’s chest and then pulled away to watch her daddy walk into the bathroom, as if she too wanted to time him.

  “I’m also leaving the door open,” he called out as if it were a proclamation. “Oh, I’ll need to use your razor to shave.”

  Man, he was going to hate that. Her razor always left him with a trio of nicks on his chin. “Why
don’t you shave at your house?”

  “I want to spend as much time with my girls as I can.”

  She left the bedroom with a spring in her step, delighting Ella, who liked the motion.

  When he jogged down the steps not too much later, his hair was damp and finger-combed. Sure enough, there were some nicks on his chin. But he was smiling as he pointed to her. “You made coffee. And eggs? You didn’t need to do that.”

  He wasn’t the only one who wanted to spend more time together. “We both needed to eat. Go sit at the table. Everything is ready.”

  “Did you time me?” he asked, picking Ella up from the receiving blanket. He put her in her carrier and set it on the table so she could better see.

  “It looks like you took fifteen minutes,” she said, which was a record for sure since it normally took him at least forty minutes.

  “Thirteen,” he said with a wink. “I can shave off a few more minutes when I have my own razor here.”

  “Jordan Dean talking about getting ready in less than thirteen minutes?” she teased. “I don’t know who you are right now.”

  He went silent and turned his back. She’d intended it as a joke, but the words had clearly dug deep. Walking over to him, she hugged him from behind.

  “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

  His chest rose and fell with a deep breath. “I’m trying really hard here, Gracie.”

  She turned him to face her. “I know, and I appreciate it. I’ll be more careful with my words.”

  He hugged her to him. “Good. I’ll be careful too. Come on, let’s eat.”

  They sat down together, and Ella’s wide blue eyes tracked between them while they ate. Whenever she caught Jordan or Grace looking at her, she’d grin. The reality of the situation washed over Grace. When they’d broken up before, it had only impacted the two of them. With Ella, everything had changed. They had to make this work.

  “Hey,” Jordan called, setting his espresso aside. “It’s okay. We’re going to be okay.”