“As you all know,” he began to address the crowd, “every year Two Moons Brewery and Pub holds Theme Night. And each year I pick a charity all the proceeds from Theme Night go toward. Last year was the elementary school, and the year before that it went toward helping the revitalization of the Senior Center. Remember how thrilled Pete McGuckin was to have that ramp rebuilt on the south-side entrance? He couldn’t get up it fast enough. Remember how in all his excitement he left a wheelie mark with his scooter on his way in to ask Alice Ford to dance?”
The crowd chuckled at the collective memory. Even Apple felt her shoulders tremble with unshed laughter.
“Now, since I recognize most of your faces from this year’s fundraiser at the pub, you saw the sign stating that ‘computer literacy’ was this year’s charity of choice. And I’ve been talking in depth these past few weeks with our lovely town librarian, Ms. Woodman here”—Jake gestured to her and winked when she gave him the crazy eye—“about the library’s unfortunate lack of modern equipment, as well as the new computer classes starting next month for all senior members of our community. And I thought to myself, ‘Boy, ol’ Pete sure did fancy that ramp. I bet he’d be outright thrilled to learn Microsoft Word on a brand-new computer.’ ” Jake turned to Aidan and Sean and motioned with his hands, adding, “So, without further ado . . . ” Taking something from them, he straightened and continued in his deep, confident voice, “On behalf of Two Moons Brewery and Pub, I’d like to present Ms. Woodman with the proceeds from Theme Night—all twelve thousand and fifty-nine of them—in the form of this awesome oversize check.”
Apple’s mouth dropped.
The crowd cheered and hollered like true Fortunites. They might have even whistled some, but Apple was too in shock from what Jake had done to really know. All she could do was gape at him and the enormous check he was holding out to her. So much had just happened, and her brain was saturated. She could barely register what it all meant. In less than five minutes Jake had killed the gossip running around about them. He’d also done another great thing for the town. It was so much to process.
Taking mercy on her, Jake placed the check in her hands and leaned down to whisper in her ear, “All of this is for you.”
Blinking hard against the sudden wave of tears, Apple swallowed and nodded, unable to talk.
“Thank you,” she finally managed, completely overwhelmed. “I’ll just go put this somewhere safe.” With that she made her exit, glancing at the gossip queen’s surprised expression as she went. And it hit her: Jake had singlehandedly saved her reputation and her job. With this one act, he’d restored her credibility with the town busybodies and everyone else, up to and including her boss. Because of what he’d just done, she didn’t need to worry about her job security anymore. Surely he hadn’t done it because he cared what they thought of him.
He’d done it because he knew that she cared what they thought of her.
Aidan started talking then to the crowd, and she scooted farther away, looking for a nice out-of-the-way nook to cozy up in and watch and process. Before long, a G-rated puppet version of Robin Hood was in full swing, much to the delight of the crowd. Even Apple had to laugh at Jake’s high-pitched voice as he played Lady Marianne.
For thirty minutes the Bachelors entertained Fortune’s youth. When it was over they received a standing ovation and definitely more than a few whistles. As soon as the show was over, the crowd dispersed and began browsing books. Apple and her assistant became busy answering questions and searching for titles for what felt like hours. In reality it was only about thirty minutes of hectic activity.
She’d just returned from the back room when she saw Jake waiting at the children’s help desk, and her heart squeezed. “Apple,” he said, his eyes intense and a little sad. “How are you?”
Being in close proximity to him was so freaking hard. She didn’t know whether to kiss him or kick him in the shins for being such a thoughtless, selfish jerk and letting her fall in love with him when he knew he was all wrong for her. In the end she decided to do neither. “Thank you for the donation. It’s extremely generous and will be put to good use. And I’m well,” she managed, feeling like a robot. How weird it was to talk to him now. “Finished my book.”
“I’m glad.” His voice was barely more than a whisper. “I miss you, Apple.”
Tears welled in her eyes instantly, and Apple crossed her arms, blinked them back. “I can’t,” was all she said. She needed more time to sort things out. Seeing him today was confusing. She wanted him, but how could she ever really fully trust him again? And honestly, she just didn’t know if she would be happy in the long run being with him but not ever having babies. Was he even open to adoption?
His dark eyes pleaded with her. “Can we go grab coffee and sit and talk or something?”
As much as she hated it, a big part of her was seriously tempted. But she resisted and repeated, “I can’t.” Before he could say anything else, Apple picked up her tattered emotions and left him standing there staring after her.
One thing she did know: this heartbreak from Jake was enough to last her a lifetime.
Chapter Nineteen
APPLE NEEDED HER mom.
After closing up the library, she walked the few blocks to Cedar Street and her parents’ Craftsman. Her pace was brisk because of the chill that was quickly falling as the sun set low on the horizon. Still, she took the time to ogle the gorgeous display of fall color from the russet-leaved oak trees to the potted mums. It activated the melancholy inside her, sent it on a slow, meandering roll through her spirit. Most of her life she’d envisioned raising her own family here.
But maybe it wasn’t meant to be.
Pulling her cardigan closed around her as a gust of wind kicked up a few fallen leaves and sent a chill up her skirt, Apple glanced up at the darkening sky, noting the gathering clouds. It somehow seemed fitting with her mood.
Reaching her childhood home, she didn’t even bother knocking, she just burst in and declared, “I need advice, Mom!”
Sedona looked up with a startled expression from the overstuffed couch where she’d been reading. Sitting up, she swung her bare feet to the floor, all instant concern. “What’s wrong, honey?”
“Jake.” That’s all she said. And by the instant sympathetic look in her mom’s eyes, it was all she’d needed to say.
Patting the green chenille cushion next to her, Sedona let out a sound of sympathy. “Oh, darling, he got to you, didn’t he?”
Apple flopped down and laid her head against the back of the couch, closing her eyes. “So bad.” Tears stung the backs of her eyes. “You’ve been in Berlin at your shows, so I didn’t call to talk about it. I didn’t want you to worry.”
“The complicated ones usually do.” Her mom sighed, a little wistfully. “And you know you can call me anytime, honey. I was never too busy for you.”
“I know, Mom, thanks.” Apple popped one eye open, intrigued despite her heartache. “Wait a minute, who in the world are you talking about?”
“Your dad, of course.” Sedona arched a blonde brow at her, like that was the most obvious question in the world.
“That’s funny.” Apple laughed. Just flat laughed at that.
“What’s so humorous about it?”
Apple gave her mom a look. “Come on, Dad? He’s Mr. Mellow.”
“Oh, honey, no.” This time Sedona laughed, her long blonde hair billowing down her back.
“Nuh-uh.” Apple raised her head, disbelieving. No way was her dad anything close to being like Jake. It was hilarious that her mother would even compare the two. Marty Woodman had more patience in his pinkie than Jake did in his entire body.
“Yes-huh,” her mom retorted. “Your father was not the man he is today. It has taken time, patience, and acceptance to get him where he is. When we first met, Apple, he wanted to work on Wall Street. Wall Street, honey.”
For a person like Sedona, that was one of the gravest of offenses.
&
nbsp; “So what did you see in him, then? Why did you give him the time of day?”
“I saw beneath the surface, Apple. I looked where most people didn’t. They saw a hotshot Harvard-educated financier. But I took the time to see the poet beneath the gloss.”
“Why?” Apple brushed a stray hair back and looked at her mom. “Why did you take the time if who he was wasn’t what you wanted?”
Sedona raised a brow, clearly surprised. “Who was I to know what I really wanted, much less needed?” She shook her head and reached for a plate on the coffee table. “Brownie?” she said before taking one for herself.
“Yes.” Apple grabbed two.
Talking around a bite, Sedona continued, settling back into her comfy spot on the couch. “Life has a way of bringing the people we need most into our lives, but they don’t always look like we want or imagine them to. When I met your dad, I was an art student at Berkeley and he had just taken a job in the stock market. He worked for everything I stood against.”
Apple took a bite and almost groaned in pleasure. God, she loved chocolate. “But you dated him anyway.”
“I did. He was so persistent that I finally caved.”
Apple took another huge bite, already eyeing the plate for a third. “And you’re happy.”
“I am, yes. But back then I had a whole different life planned for myself. One I thought was the only path for me to find happiness. I wanted to live in Paris with my artist husband. He was supposed to be sweet and deep and profound. He was not supposed to be an ambitious stockbroker. And I was so narrowly focused on that idealized life that I almost missed the greatest gift.”
Apple sighed, resisting the chocolate temptation and already regretting it. “This is different, Mom. Jake won’t have children, and he didn’t tell me about it until I’d already fallen for him. I feel duped.”
Her mom’s hand covered hers and squeezed reassuringly. “Yeah, love’s a bitch that way.”
Apple’s gaze whipped to her mom’s. “Excuse me?”
“I wanted to marry a liberal. That didn’t happen. Life’s not fair. So what?” She shrugged.
“But—” Apple broke off. “Damn it, give me another brownie.” She grabbed the last one off the plate rather defiantly. Screw the extra five pounds. It was worth it. “He’s made a lot of mistakes, Mom. Like, a lot.”
“Your dad voted for Reagan.” Sedona held up two fingers and gave her a pointed look. “Twice.”
Apple flinched and felt a grin start to form. See, this was why her mom gave the best advice. She made her think—and she also made her laugh when she didn’t think it was possible. “And yet he survived for you to tell the tale.”
“Hmph,” Sedona just said. “Don’t get me started.”
“I’m not sure I can trust him,” she blurted out, staring down at her brownie, needing to finally get that fear out in the open. “He knew how much it meant to me to have a family of my own and to write my book, and he was dishonest with me about both.”
“Stop for a second. Why won’t he have kids?”
Apple sighed, still sad for him about it. “It’s awful, Mom. His family has this horrible genetic disease that causes brain tumors in the men and makes them go insane. It’s what’s really wrong with Verle—”
“Ah, that makes sense.”
“I know, right? Poor Verle! It must be so terrible to live with. Anyway, Jake finally confessed to me that it’s what happened to the first settlers, and it’s the stuff horror movies are made of. Seriously. His great-great-great-whatever ancestor Jesse Stone had the familial glioma disease. He went crazy one night and killed almost everyone—including his wife, can you believe it?—before he turned the gun around and shot himself. It’s terrible, awful stuff, really.”
Sedona nodded. “Sounds like. Eesh. Poor guys.”
Apple agreed. “Yeah. So anyway, when Jake turned twenty-one he got a vasectomy done so he wouldn’t pass the genes on by accident.”
“And that’s why he can’t have kids? Does he have the gene?”
“Yes, and he doesn’t know. There was no test for it when he had the vasectomy done.”
“Let me get this straight,” Sedona said, her blue eyes thoughtful. “Jake’s family has a hereditary disease that does tragic things to those with it, and so Jake took measures to make sure no one else would suffer from it—at least not through him. Is that correct?”
“I suppose so,” Apple hedged, not sure where her mom was going with things.
“So you’re upset at him for being a responsible young man?”
“No, I’m mad at him for not telling me from the beginning. About any of it. I wouldn’t have gotten involved with him and had my feelings crushed if he’d have come clean about it all.”
“Not true.” Sedona patted her knee and stood. “You’re you, Apple. You still would have jumped in with your arms wide open. You wouldn’t have turned from the chance at love. The real question is what you want from here: an imperfect life with Jake or an imperfect one with someone else. Because, honey, there’s just no such thing as ‘a perfect life.’ Just imperfect people who are perfectly meant for each other. It’s up to you to decide if he’s that one for you.”
She pictured Jake. And the minute she did, her heart began hurting again. “I don’t know, Mom. I would need him to change a lot of things, and people just don’t change that much.”
“No, that’s true. But they can love enough to grow.”
Apple sighed. “He said he loved me, but it can’t be true.”
Sedona leaned her elbows on the back of the couch. “Why not?”
“Because that’s not how love goes!” Apple burst out.
“So how does it go, then?” Her mother gave her a skeptical look.
Suddenly filled with confusion and uncertainty, Apple pushed off the couch and began to pace. “Not like this. God, he’s not who I imagined I’d fall in love with, Mom. For chrissake, it’s Jake.”
Sedona leaned across the couch toward her then, her expression uncharacteristically serious, and pegged Apple with a stare. “Let me tell you something about love, Apple. And it’s a big, important bit of life wisdom I’m about to impart, so listen. Love is many things, but perfect isn’t one of them. It’s flawed as hell. Still, if you’re lucky enough to find it, honey, it’s a real blessing. So don’t be so hasty as to toss it aside, even if it is Jake.”
“But it’s not how I pictured it would be. He’s not who I pictured. He’s certainly no white knight.”
She just raised a brow again. “So what? They’re for little girls anyway. Apple, I’ve seen Jake with his dad. You think that boy doesn’t know a thing or two about love and loyalty? Look at what he’s dealt with day in and day out for his entire life. And never once has that boy uttered a bad word about his father, even when there had been good cause for it a time or two. Just the opposite, actually. I’ve seen him stand by and support that man when everyone else had turned their backs.”
In midstride, Apple stopped and slowly turned toward her mom. “Oh. My. God.” Sedona was right. It had been in front of her all along. The way that Jake loved and accepted Verle clearly showed that he knew a whole damn lot about love and commitment. He had staying power—the unwavering kind that was rare and precious. And anyone who could love that fully deserved to be forgiven. To be given a second chance. Filled suddenly with a ton of energy, she rushed forward and hugged her mom. “I have to go.”
She was out the door before her mom could even finish saying good-bye. She was on her way to Jake. God, she’d made a mistake turning him down at the library today.
The sky opened up and starting pouring.
Apple refused to take that as an omen.
Please, don’t let it be too late.
JAKE FROWNED AS he lit another candle. The storm had finally broken loose, and he’d lost power about half an hour ago. Which suited him just fine. Sitting in the dark while rain pounded the windows outside sounded right up his alley. With Apple gone, everything felt
wrong. No, it didn’t just feel wrong—it felt empty. Like a black hole devoid of any light or warmth of any kind, whatsoever.
Apple brought the sun into his life.
It had been too long since he’d seen her smile. Far too long since he’d heard her laugh. And way, way too long since he’d held her in his arms. God, he wanted that in the worst way—just to hold Apple again. The need overrode everything else in his life. All his fears, all his misgivings and beliefs. They melted like snow in spring when he thought of having her in his life again—for the rest of his life. Being his partner, his lover, his friend. Challenging him and helping him grow.
And one day being the mother of his children.
It had taken a lot of painfully honest soul-searching, but he’d come to realize that he wanted that. More than he’d ever wanted anything. He wanted a family with Apple no matter what health risk there might be. He’d finally realized over the past few weeks that if he were blessed enough to make a child with her, then he’d love it no matter what. No matter what. He’d just love it with everything he had inside him, because it was theirs.
A car door suddenly slammed outside, and Dregs barked. Jake’s head whipped up, and his eyes narrowed on the front door. He wasn’t expecting anyone. Who the hell was showing up at his place now? It was storming like shit out.
Jake placed a reassuring hand on the old bulldog’s head. “It’s okay, boy,” he said and began crossing the open living room, tension settling between his shoulders. After Sean’s run-in last year with the mob unexpected visitors made him wary. “Who’s there?” he hollered.
He had just stepped in front of the huge woodstove when the front door swung open. A gust of wind and rain and Apple came blowing in.
“I’m so sorry!” she hollered over the storm, pushing the door closed with her shoulder and floundering with it for several seconds. Once it was finally shut, she brushed her hands down her soaked and clinging dress and gave him a shy smile. Her bun was drenched and sagging steeply off to the side. “Hi.”
Talking Dirty Page 20
