The world crashed in on Jake right then, and he just couldn’t deal. His dad was in the hospital, his life was in upheaval, and the woman he’d loved most of his life was slipping through his fingers. It was too much.
Shoving away from the counter, he began pacing the big kitchen and decided to get it all out there, because Apple was two steps away from hating him anyway, and the secrets were like poison in his veins. He wanted it gone. “You know that I’ve known all along about what really happened to my ancestors. But I made a promise to my father not to tell you.”
She froze, and her mouth dropped. For several long seconds she stared at him unblinking, her breathing shallow and rapid. Then, she slowly bent down and placed Waffles on the floor. “Cover your ears, honey,” she said to the dog before straightening. “It’s about to get ugly.”
His stomach sank. This wasn’t good. “I can explain.”
Hands on her hips, she smiled tightly, clearly seething. “Please do.”
He frowned, feeling like he was walking a very thin line and not knowing what was going to push him off. “Look, you know my dad. And I just explained about the family condition.”
“Did you promise him from the beginning, or is it a more recent thing and you were just fucking with me there for a while? Or maybe the whole while? Exactly how fun has this been for you, Jake?”
Warning bells fired off all around him. And damned if he couldn’t smell smoke.
One wrong word and this whole thing between them would be torched to the ground.
“What can I say that will make this better?” he asked, knowing it wasn’t the most macho thing to say, and maybe a little bit of a copout. But he didn’t give a shit about masculinity. Right now he just wanted to save what was left of him and Apple.
“The truth.”
Smolder.
“Christ, Apple.” He raked a hand through his hair, feeling the air around him grow stuffy and hot. “Please.”
“Truth.”
Crackle.
Snap.
“Okay, Jesus, fine. At first it was for fun. But only at first, I swear. I made the promise to Pop a month or so ago. But I admit that yes, at first I was holding out on you because I liked seeing you get all riled up. You have no idea how pretty you are when you’re pissed.”
“That’s about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“You’re pretty?”
She waved a hand again. “Pfft. No, I knew that.”
He was confused. “Then what?”
“That you felt you couldn’t be honest with me and just tell me Verle was asking to be left alone. Like I don’t know how to respect people’s personal space, even if it means not getting everything I want. I would have left you alone, Jake. Should have, clearly.”
“Wait, I don’t understand. You’ve been so insistent on talking to me. How can you say you’d have backed off, when you’ve been at Two Moons for the past four months pushing at me? Your writing career is everything. You’ve said that to me more than once.” This time, he was the exasperated one. Raking both hands through his hair, he added, “I’m so fucking confused right now.”
“Then let me clarify. Yes, my writing career means the world to me. But not at the expense of others. If you or Verle had told me there were private matters you wanted to keep that way, I’d have struggled with that, but I’d also have respected his wishes. In fact, I’d have written my book without it and had it finished and submitted months ago. Damn it, Jake. You made this so much harder than it had to be.”
“I wanted you around,” he admitted quietly.
“Not good enough.” She stared hard at him.
Jake sucked in a breath, feeling his chances to redeem himself slipping with every exhale. “I needed to be with you, Apple. I had to. I have feelings for you. I always have.”
She ignored him. “Have you known for a long time about your ancestors?”
He nodded, his heart hammering heavy and dull in his chest. “Yes. Harvey told me once when I was a kid. I spoke to my dad a month or so back about telling you. I tried to convince him to talk, but he just flipped out every time I mentioned you.” He frowned. “I still don’t understand why he does that.”
“So, what’s the story? How’d they all die?” Her face was so impassive, he couldn’t tell where she was at.
It was down to this. He loved his pop, he did. With all his heart. But if he was going to save what was left of him and Apple, then he had to tell her the full truth of it now. For a heartbeat he weighed his loyalties, but the answer was clear.
Sorry, Pop.
“My ancestor, Jesse Stone—the one who owned the Bible I gave you—had the family disease.”
“Meaning?” she pushed when he paused for breath, her gaze shards of ice.
He couldn’t handle it, couldn’t handle seeing his warm, sweet, soft Apple go cold on him. “He killed them, Apple. That’s what it means. It means that my goddamn ancestor went ballistic from this fucking familial disease that runs through our blood—my blood—and slaughtered and ate almost everyone in the encampment one horrible spring night. Including his own wife. And then he killed himself. Bodies were buried in a spring avalanche and never discovered. And that’s how the goddamn awful story ends.”
Jake leveled his gaze on her. “This is my truth, Apple. It’s who and what I come from. Crazy people and murderers.” His lips twisted in a hollow, self-deprecating snarl. “Still like me?”
Apple leveled a look at him, letting her emotions show now. Her face flushed and her eyes pooled with tears. “Get out.”
He flinched. “Please, Apple,” he pleaded softly.
“No! There’s no ‘please, Apple’ anything. I need you to leave so I can think. Do you know how much anguish you’ve caused me? For months, Jake. Months! Why? What did you get out of it?”
He raked his hands through his hair, fisted there. Her. She was what he’d gotten out of it. And she was everything.
But he had fucked it up.
“I got you.”
“Was it worth it?”
“It was.” No truer words had he ever spoken.
“Good, remember it. God, those women were right about you. You haven’t changed at all.”
But he had changed. “I think I love you.”
She sized him up from his head to his toes—then dismissed him, breaking his heart. “You don’t know what love is, Jake Stone.”
Maybe. But he knew what he was feeling, and it was real.
“Apple,” he tried again, hoping to break through to her.
She wasn’t in the mood to listen. “Enough talking, Jake. I want you to leave. I need to be alone right now.”
Though it went against everything he wanted and needed, he didn’t argue. Why would he when there was nothing to argue about? She’d made her decision.
With an aching heart, he gathered his things and left.
And wished like hell he could be different.
Chapter Eighteen
THREE WEEKS PASSED, and autumn swept over Glacier Valley. Jasper’s Peak became a spectacular sight, all gold and rust and green with pine. The elk appeared to the delight of tourists and locals alike, making their annual pilgrimage down the mountains, rutting and occasionally rioting on their way to their winter grounds in the amber-hued meadows tucked between peaks.
During that time, Apple buried herself in her work—both at the library and with her book—and tried desperately to ignore her wounded heart. It was the hardest thing she’d ever done. Everything reminded her of him. Literally everything. Even Mrs. Walton’s dog dumping in her yard made her think of how she’d had that fantasy of him being her Mr. Perfect, and it had her feeling sentimental over dog crap.
Dog. Crap.
She was pathetic.
Not even binge eating brownies and knitting Waffles more than a dozen sweaters had cured her or cheered her up. All it had done was succeed in giving her a monster blister on her finger and a little extra plump around the thighs. Although to b
e fair, Waffles did look adorable in her fuchsia Fair Isle‒inspired turtleneck. So her time spent wallowing in depression hadn’t been a total waste. Just mostly.
Still, she didn’t feel any better. Couldn’t. Not even finishing her book had helped.
Yes, she finished her book. Hooray. Wasn’t she just ecstatic?
She wished she could be.
She should be.
Having a broken heart tended to take the shine off things.
After Jake had made his confessions and she’d asked him to leave, to avoid feeling her feelings for as long as she could, she’d buried her head in her work. It was surprisingly hard and uncomfortable sharing the truth of Fortune’s first settlement and its gruesome end—like she was being somehow disloyal to Jake and Verle by highlighting that part of the town’s history. Even knowing that she wasn’t, and that it truly was for posterity’s sake, hadn’t made it settle on her shoulders any more comfortably.
So after dreaming of it her whole life, she’d sent her completed manuscript off to her publisher. Her real-life publisher. And it would have been great if she weren’t so miserable.
Being without Jake sucked. With a side of blew.
Everything seemed duller. The sky, the trees—her spirit. But how could she ever be with him again when he’d lied and hid things from her—important things like him refusing to have kids? She asked her reflection in the mirror every morning before she went to work, “Can you live a life with no children of your own in it?” And she asked it again every time she walked by Two Moons and refused to look inside in case he was in there. Yet she hadn’t come up with an answer. Not yet. It wasn’t like him not being willing to have children wasn’t a big deal to her. Because it was. It was a very big deal.
She’d been born knowing she was meant to be a mother.
Then she had to go and fall in love with the one man who couldn’t give her what she needed most. So she’d kept busy. Ridiculously so. She’d written, knitted, hiked—comfort baked like a champ.
She’d done one hell of a good job avoiding Jake.
Until today.
Today was the big day where the Bachelors of Fortune were finally going to put on their puppet performance at the library. She hoped—really hoped—that it would work, because just yesterday the bag boy at the co-op had given her the up-and-down and said, “Day-um, girl. Stone sure knows how to pick ’em.” Which alone was offensive enough. But after she’d grabbed up her bags and was stomping away in irritation, she still managed against her will to hear, “Mmm-hmm, like a juicy peach.” And then to her utter outrage, “Chomp.”
When nineteen-year-old boys had her feeling degraded and dirty, there was a problem. A real problem. A big, fat, stinky pile of a problem.
Furthermore, what made everyone just automatically assume that he had picked her?
It was time to set the record straight.
After Aidan had confirmed dates with her (she had refused to call Jake, for obvious reasons) she’d gone a little insane trying to get the word out about the Bachelors’ play at the library. Apple had media blitzed the event all over town and the cybersphere as much as she possibly could.
Judging by the huge turnout, it had worked too.
Apple smiled at Mrs. Butler, who’d brought her three youngest in to watch. “I’m so glad you could make it,” she said with a cheer she didn’t feel and wondered if she’d ever feel again. “I know you’ve been looking forward to it.”
The brunette leaned in close, hitching a toddler on her hip. “Kay’s coming too. There’s no way she’d miss this chance to see the Bachelors in action.”
Speaking of the men, Apple scanned the crowd of women, children, and the occasional Mr. Moms looking for them. It had been weeks since she’d seen Jake, and even though she’d done her best to prepare (affirmations, avoidance of reality, lots of chocolate—the usual things), she just never knew how it was really going to go with him.
And that made her stomach drop. “Well, I’m sure it will be memorable for all in attendance. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to see what’s holding the Bachelors up.”
Making her way through the rows of chairs, Apple approached the wooden stage, her body so tense over the impending meeting with Jake she could barely walk. She wanted to see him. She didn’t want to see him. She wanted to forgive him. She never wanted to speak to him again. The emotional Ping-Pong was killing her.
So she focused on her cousin’s gift for the library instead. It still amazed her that Aidan had whipped out this incredible work of art for her to use permanently at the old mill. He’d even stained it a glossy honey color. He had such a good heart; he really deserved someone who would treat him right, someone who would cherish that inherent kindness and generosity of his.
“Jesus, you scared me!” Apple jumped in surprise when Sean’s head popped out from behind it, her hand flying to her breast.
The Irishman laughed, his green eyes bright with humor. “Sorry about that, lass. Aidan just texted me that he was running a few minutes behind and he wanted me to double-check some of the screws at the joints to make sure they hadn’t come loose.”
Ah, well. “Is Jake coming?” Just saying his name made her hurt. Everywhere. And here she thought love was supposed to be comforting.
Sean nodded as he tightened a screw. “He’s already here.”
Apple’s head whipped up, and she darted a look around, not seeing him. But her body reacted to the information with a pang of longing so poignant it took her breath away. “Where?” she managed to whisper.
“In the toilet, I think. Don’t worry, he’ll be out in plenty of time for this.”
Just then a small group of women came up and claimed her attention. “Excuse me, can you tell us about the preschool story-time program we heard you’re expanding on? We’ve got some ideas we’d like to share.”
“Of course!” she replied behind a glass smile. “Let me take you to the reading tree, and we can chat.” Apple led the way across the room and didn’t see Jake come in. In fact, the women had so many questions and kept her so occupied that she didn’t see him until it was time to introduce the Bachelors to the large audience.
A very, very large audience.
And it was all thanks to Apple. Well, and the guys. But mostly her. She’d done all the PR grunt work.
Barbara Keeley and her “she’s overcompensating with advertising” could kiss her ass. Look at the turnout. It had totally been worth it.
And if she’d buried herself in the work as a coping mechanism against a broken heart, well, that was for her—and only her—to know.
Taking a deep breath, Apple walked up the middle row until she stood directly in front of the closed velvet minicurtain. Jake, Aidan, and Sean were standing together off to the side, and she did her best not to look at him. She didn’t even need to, really. She could feel him—his presence, his energy, his rugged masculinity. Just knowing he was there made it hard to breathe.
“Thank you so much for coming out to the library today, everyone,” she said brightly, noting all the happy little faces in the crowd. It made her heart squeeze. Hard. God, she wanted kids. Innocent and precious, and so full of possibility. She yearned for the adventure of motherhood—of growing and becoming more than she was now. More than anything, Apple wanted her own family. And for a while there, she’d been thinking she wanted to make all those beautiful would-be babies with Jake.
It still hurt knowing he’d kept that from her.
Taking a breath when a pang in her heart caught her off guard, Apple continued, “I am excited to introduce our very special guests. They’ve put together a unique performance for you that I think you’ll enjoy.” Her voice broke slightly on the last word, and she pressed her lips together, feeling them tremble. So much for the longer speech she’d memorized. She couldn’t do it. The more she talked, the more likely she was to break down. Damn him.
Time for the abridged version. Bringing her hands together, Apple beamed. “Without further
ado, let’s put our hands together for the Bachelors of Fortune!”
The audience broke into applause, and Apple quickly slipped off to the side, gratefully letting the guys take over. And she finally looked at Jake. She immediately wish she hadn’t. He was staring at her, his eyes dark and unfathomable—and her heart flip-flopped against her will. “Why?” she muttered under her breath, having no idea who the question was for—or what it was for.
She needed air.
Looking a little desperately over her shoulder toward the corner storeroom with the tiny balcony off the back, where she could take in some fresh air and calm, Apple was about to slink off when Jake’s unmistakable voice rang out and silenced the crowd.
“Thank you all for coming out today. We’re so honored to be here and to have the opportunity to entertain you all. But before we do, there’s an announcement I need to make.”
Apple stopped dead in her tracks.
Announcement?
Slowly spinning around in her flats, her pulse racing, she shoved her glasses up her nose absentmindedly and waited with shallow breaths for him to keep speaking.
“Apple, would you come here, please?” Jake’s dark gaze bore right into her.
Yes.
No.
Definitely no.
No, wait, yes. Shit. She didn’t know. What could he possibly need her for?
With wide eyes she scanned the room and realized everyone was staring at her expectantly. And that was enough to make her feet move, all on their own. Feeling awkward and super uncomfortable under the sudden scrutiny and open curiosity of her fellow townsfolk, Apple was at Jake’s side before she knew it. And she didn’t want to admit to herself how good it felt to be there, right by his side.
“I’m here,” she said under her breath for only him to hear. “What’s going on?”
“I’m sorry—” he started quietly, his gaze out on the crowd.
“Is that your announcement?” The edge in her voice as she cut him off surprised even her. Wow. Resentment much?
He stared at her, hot and intense. “No.”
The honesty in his voice surprised her and had her gaze darting up. She looked him in the eye and instantly began to fall into their dark, unreadable depths. It hurt and it was heaven all at once.
Talking Dirty Page 19
