Using You 2

by Ariel Arnold

  I wanted nothing then but to cross the distance between us and smack him as hard as I could in the face. I actually took a step forward, intending to do that before I stopped myself. “What, don’t like hearing the truth, sweetheart?” he asked. It was paining me to see Ilya act this way, to speak to me in that tone.

  “I was just doing my job!” I shouted, still trying to defend myself. “Maybe you shouldn’t have chosen a life of crime and we wouldn’t be in this fucked up situation right now.”

  “It’s not so simple as all of that,” he replied. “Not everyone gets to choose what their life will be. Circumstances force you into deciding that life for you.”

  I rolled my eyes. Excuses, nothing but excuses.

  “That’s not even what is important right now. We aren’t talking about what led to my career choices.”

  I scoffed at him calling being a mob enforcer a career choice, but Ilya ignored me and continued to speak. “Did your captain, your superior officers, ask you to seduce answers out of me? Were you gonna sell your virginity just to get evidence on Nikolai and me?”

  I gasped and without thought, I did move forward and smacked Ilya across the face. I knew he could have stopped me before my hand made contact with his face, but he stood there and let me. I was panting, chest rising up and down rapidly in anger as I glared at him.

  “I let you have that one. Don’t hit me again,” he warned.

  “Or what?” I couldn’t help taunting. “You gonna get rid of me like you do other people who become problems?” I asked. I wanted Ilya to show me that side of him. To prove to be the ruthless criminal and killer that everyone made him out to be. Then maybe this gnawing feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach would cease to be.

  Me and Ilya stood so close, looking into each other’s eyes unblinking, but it wasn’t a tender moment. Each of our bodies was tensed up in anger, neither wanting to be the one to look away first, until Ilya laughed and shook his head. He mumbled something in Russian before stepping away from me. “This is pointless,” he finally said. “If you know what’s best for you, you would stay away from me, Nikolai, and Amanda and Yaz.” He reached out and caressed my face tenderly at odds with his angry words. “Forget all about this little investigation.” And then Ilya walked out of my door and out of my life.

  I stood there in the middle of the floor, stunned. My body and emotions hadn’t come to terms with what had just happened yet. I was never going to see Ilya again, I knew it. The way he acted, this was final. He didn’t plan on ever seeing me again, not even by accident. He told me to stay away from Yaz and Amanda, and he was totally serious. My body began to shake and I slowly dropped down to the floor. I sat there, legs curled up against my body as my eyes started to water.

  “Don’t cry,” I told myself aloud. “Don’t you dare cry.” Why should I sit here and cry over him? It wasn’t like we were in a real relationship. I should be happy that I no longer had to keep up all the pretending, and lies, and sneakiness. No more breaking into warehouses and mob boss’s offices. I’d tried, I’d did my job as best as I could and now it was over. The chief, Detectives Callahan, O’Reilly and Agent Ramirez couldn’t fault me for that.

  I wiped at the hot tears that were just starting to fall over. I swiped them up before they could fall and run down my cheeks. All of this was for the best. Better to be found out now than have to carry this on any longer.

  Convincing myself that this was true, I changed out of my uniform into street clothes and dialed up Yazmeen.

  As her phone rang and rang, my stomach churned as I began to think Ilya had already gotten to her. In a panic, I hung up and then dialed Amanda’s number. There was also no answer from her as well.

  That fucking asshole. He’d actually gone and told them. They have to hate me now, that’s why they are ignoring me. I became short of breath and light-headed, the beginnings of a panic attack sneaking up on me.

  Everything was just so fucked up. I regretted the day I ever ran into Ilya in that park, I thought angrily, when suddenly, my phone rang and I saw that it was Yazmeen. I watched it wearily. At first, I was afraid Ilya had told them everything and now they were ignoring me, but now, I was more afraid that he had told them and they wanted to confront me. I didn’t know which scenario was worse. Never being one to shy away from conflict, I took a deep breath and answered the phone.

  “Nana, are you okay? Is something wrong?” she asked, the concern evident in her voice. I sat there stunned. She was worried about me. Shouldn’t she be mad? Unless Ilya hadn’t told them yet.

  “You called me and Amanda, are you okay?” she asked again when I hadn’t responded to her earlier questions.

  “Nothing’s wrong, I just needed to talk to you guys. Are you together?” I asked, noting how she knew that I had called Amanda as well.

  “Yeah, we were just going out to get something to eat. Want us to pick you up?”

  “That would be great.”

  I really didn’t want to do this, but I’d rather have it coming from me than Ilya. I didn’t want them having to hear about anything I did from him. That just seemed like it would make everything worse to me. Even though I didn’t know how it could be any worse. I was literally looking for evidence to put my two best friend’s men in jail.

  Within minutes of me going outside to wait, Yazmeen’s car pulled up. Amanda was already in the passenger seat, so I slid in the back. I couldn’t even look at the two as I kept my eyes trained on my feet. “Hey, stranger,” Amanda said lightly as she turned in her seat to look at me. I glanced up and trained my eyes somewhere beyond her head. I couldn’t look her in the eyes, not when I knew that she and Yazmeen both would soon hate me.

  “Hey,” I mumbled listlessly.

  “Are you sure there is nothing going on?” Yazmeen asked, noticing my strange behavior. I shrugged and lied to them once again.

  “Just tired, and hungry. Can we get a move on?” I wanted to hurry up and arrive wherever we were going to eat so I could reveal everything and get this weight off my chest.

  “Well, I hope you like Russian,” Yazmeen said as she began to drive. I wrinkled my nose. I, in fact, was tired of anything having to do with Russians. I think I might actually throw up at the smell of the food. It would only remind me of the night Ilya had cooked for me in his apartment.

  “Nikolai doesn’t cook, so I’ve barely eaten any Russian food,” Amanda said.

  “Alek’s always cooking because lord knows I can’t. He makes Russian food a lot, too. This place, though, supposedly was their grandfather’s favorite place in America.”

  As Amanda and Yazmeen discussed their domestic life with Nikolai and Aleksandr, I stayed silent. Hearing how happy they were, how normal their relationships sounded ripped another pound of flesh from me.

  I was thinking about how I wanted to broach the subject, what I would say to get my confession started as we entered the small and intimate restaurant. It wasn’t particularly packed, but everyone there looked to be ethnically Russian, the room filled with the language as families enjoyed meals together. I followed Yazmeen and Amanda towards the back where we entered a private eating area and stopped in my tracks. Already there, sitting at the table, was Nikolai and Aleksandr Prakenski.

  Chapter Seven: Ilya

  I stormed out of Nana’s apartment, a cold fury washing over me. I’d done it. I had ended this pointless game. Everything was out on the table now and we both knew where we stood. I expected to feel relief that we were at an end, that I didn’t have to constantly wonder if she was secretly searching my things while we were together. However, I felt a sense of loss, and that’s what pissed me off the most. How could I feel the loss of a fake relationship?

  Stalking off down the street, I got into my car and began to drive aimlessly. I didn’t want to go home because somehow, it was invaded with Nana’s presence. I would imagine how she looked sitting at my table, eating my food, her curled up on my couch sleeping. I couldn’t deal with that right now. I could go
to the warehouse, but then I’d end up sitting there alone, dwelling on everything that had occurred. I could go to the club, distract myself. Having Lydia throw herself at me seemed like a pretty good idea to me right now.

  I took my phone out, about to call Nikolai to see where he was at when the man in question was already calling me. I laughed as I answered it. “I think we have some type of psychic connection. I was just about to call you.” When Nikolai didn’t laugh and make a joke about how I was the only one with any supernatural ability, I knew that something was wrong.

  “You need to get down here to Bosco’s right now before I do something you’re definitely not going to like,” he growled out.

  I made an abrupt U-turn, causing a few cars to honk and yell out expletives at me as I headed in the direction of Bosco’s. “What’s happening?” I asked.

  “She’s here, that cop. She came with Amanda and Yaz. I refuse to share a meal with her. Get her out of here. I don’t care how you do it. And times up, I’m not having her around the girls anymore,” he said before hanging up the phone.

  I angrily punched the steering wheel as I sped down the road. What the hell was she thinking? I’d specifically told her to stay away from Yazmeen and Amanda and the first thing she did was go running to them. Nikolai was fed up and I wouldn’t put hurting Nana past him, even if it was unintentional.

  I arrived at Bosco’s in record time, barely stopping to take the key out of the ignition as I rushed into the restaurant. I knew that they would all be in the private area reserved for family and important members. As I entered the back room, I took in the scene.

  Nikolai stood at the head of the table, scowling at Nana while Amanda and Yazmeen sat with confused looks on their faces, looking between Nana and Nikolai. Nana sat with her head averted, looking anywhere but at Nikolai, while Aleksandr watched the scene warily, body tensed in case he needed to step in and be the voice of reason.

  I walked over to Nana’s chair and grasped her wrist, pulling her up from her seat. “Let’s go.”

  “Hey, now, wait a minute!” Yazmeen yelled as she stood from her seat. “What the hell is going on here?” she asked, glaring at me. “Let go of her right now.”

  “Stay out of this, Yaz,” Nikolai said to her sharply. Yazmeen gaped at him and narrowed her eyes.

  “I know you aren’t talking to me like that.”

  Aleksandr got up and walked over to stand beside Yazmeen, putting his hand on her shoulder. “Everyone, calm down. Let’s not turn this into something more than it is,” he said, eyeing Nikolai, letting him know that he didn’t appreciate him addressing Yaz in that tone.

  “Well, maybe if one of you explained what the hell was going on, we wouldn’t be acting like this!” Amanda shouted. She was looking at Nikolai for answers before she turned to me. “Nana is our friend. We aren’t just going to stand here and let you manhandle her.”

  “I’m not manhandling her,” I denied. “She wants to come with me. We need to talk.”

  Yazmeen scoffed, “You don’t even know her, so what could y’all possibly have to talk about?”

  Through this exchange, Nana had remained silent, standing there as I held her in my grasp. “Oh, they know each other,” Nikolai said. “Why don’t you go ahead and tell them what you have been up to, little girl.”

  Nana finally moved, looking up to glare at Nikolai. Nikolai laughed and taunted her. “Ah, she reacts.”

  “Okay, this is getting ridiculous now,” Yazmeen said, sounding frustrated. “Nana, what’s going on?” she asked with worry in her eyes as she studied the younger woman.

  “I’ve been spying on Nikolai, Ilya and Aleksandr for my department,” Nana blurted out, silencing the room.

  “Me? Why me?” Aleksandr asked. “Them two, I understand, but me?” he continued.

  “Shut up, Alek,” Yaz said, elbowing him in his abdomen.

  “How could you?” Amanda asked, looking at Nana in shock and disappointment.

  “I’m sorry,” Nana choked out before she shoved out of my grasp and ran from the room. Without waiting a second, I followed her out. She was walking blindly down the sidewalk when I grabbed her once again and turned her to face me. “Let go of me, Ilya!” she screamed, yanking hard on her own arm, trying to free herself.

  “Relax,” I said roughly, wanting to shake her. “I’ll take you home,” I told her, forcing her in the direction of my car.

  She followed without protest, even as she glared at me and said, “Yeah, but instead of going home, you’ll be getting rid of me, right? Am I going to die tonight, Ilya?”

  I angrily shoved her in the car. “Shut up.”

  I don’t know if she really believed that, but the fact that she thought I would actually be capable of killing her was ridiculous.

  We rode in silence to her apartment. Nana was turned away from me, head resting on the window of the passenger side door. She sounded like she was working really hard not to cry. Every once in a while, I would see her quickly reach up and wipe at her face and eyes. It was too dark for me tell if tears were falling, though.

  Was she crying because she was afraid I was going to do something to her? Or because her friendship with Yaz and Amanda was effectively now over?

  I pulled my car to a stop in front of Nana’s apartment and she bolted out before I could get a word out. Unfortunately, I wasn’t going to let her get away that easily. I followed her out of the car and up to the door.

  “Why are you following me?” she hissed. “You aren’t welcome here.”

  “Too bad because I’m here. I need to talk to you.”

  She cocked her head and rested a hand on her hip. “You can’t speak right here?”

  “Not gonna happen, sweetheart.” I took the keys from her hand and unlocked the outside door, letting myself into the hallway of her building. She remained outside, standing on the doorstep, watching me. “Coming? I have the keys to your house. I’ll just go inside and make myself comfortable until you’re ready to come in.”

  “You do know that I am a cop, right? I can arrest your ass for what you’re doing right now.”

  “Trust me, I know you’re a cop and I can’t ever forget it. Just get your ass in here, Nana.” I turned and walked to her apartment door, sure that she would follow along behind me.

  “Okay, we are inside. Say what you want and then leave. You’re the one who wanted to act like we had never met, right?” she said with a bitter laugh.

  “I’m pretty sure you want that also, that way, you wouldn’t have gotten involved with a dirty criminal. But I also told you to stay away from Yaz and Amanda, yet the moment I leave…,” I said, throwing my hands up in confusion. The second I had left, she must have contacted them.

  “Not that it’s any of your business because I don’t take orders from you, I wanted to tell them myself before you got to them and tainted everything.”

  “Tainted, how? I only would have told them the truth, if I was going to tell them about this, which I wasn’t, by the way.”

  She laughed and suddenly, tears began to fall from her gorgeous eyes. “Yeah right, you were going to tell them. But it doesn’t even matter now because they hate me, you hate me, everyone hates me. My superiors think I’m incompetent,” she said as she was sobbing.

  Watching her cry brought a tight feeling in my chest and it was physically impossible for me not to comfort her. I stepped forward and cupped her face in my hands as I wiped away her tears. She weakly tried to push me away before she pounded on my chest with her balled up fist. “I hate you. I hate you so much, Ilya Volstolv. Everything is all your fault.” I brought my lips down onto hers in a rough kiss, silencing her cries.

  Chapter Eight: Nana

  Ilya’s lips crashed down onto mine as he molded to mine, leading the angry dance that our mouths were engaged in. He gripped my waist and dragged me closer to his body. I could feel his bulge large and hungry, pressing against my belly. He began kissing down my neck, nipping roughly and I couldn’t help but
moan out loud. A voice in the back of my mind was screaming, what are you doing, Nana? This isn’t right, push him away. Even though the voice was screaming this at me, I couldn’t listen. My hands clutched desperately at his sides, holding him against me so he couldn’t back away.

  We were holding on to each other roughly, trying to get as close as possible when there already wasn’t any space between us. The two of us stuck together stumbled down the hall towards my bedroom. I turned in Ilya’s arms, making sure that he had to drop down on the bed first. I straddled his lap and nipped at his neck. His sexy male groan made me moan as well, then like a chain effect, we both groaned with desire and need. I reached the hem of Ilya's shirt and roved my hands over his chiseled abs and perfect chest. Ilya thrust his tongue deeper into my mouth and I obliged, opening up to him. He ran his hands through my short hair, down to my back, and around to my breasts that were being squeezed between us.

  I pulled on his shirt to lift it over his head and Ilya lifted his arms up to let me. We resumed kissing and roaming our hands over each other until Ilya pushed me back in order to yank my shirt off.

  "I want to see all of you," he demanded in a stern voice.

  I don’t know what came over me, but in this moment, all I wanted to do was whatever Ilya asked of me. I needed him, I needed him to be my first, even if we didn’t have a future. I stood in front of Ilya and tugged on my jeans, pulling them down, but leaving a pair of black lacy panties on. I wasn’t wearing a bra, so I was naked, save for my panties. Ilya groaned at the sight of me, his breath coming faster and heavier.

  "Come here," he commanded and I did as he asked while he captured my mouth with his once again. "You're so beautiful, Nana. Why have you waited so long?" he whispered in my ear before licking my earlobe, then taking it into his mouth.

  I moaned and it felt so good that I didn’t even care about admitting the embarrassing truth that no one, no one except him, had ever made me feel this way. “There wasn’t anyone who could do this to me, make me feel this way, forget everything in the world but my attraction to him,” I admitted out loud.