Before There Was You

by Denise A. Agnew

  Dad lifted his right hand. “I’m fine. It’s just an ulcer.”

  Mom scoffed. “Just an ulcer. That’s ridiculous. Ulcers are serious business.”

  He shook his head and made a tsking noise. “They’ll patch me up and that will be that.”

  Irritation crossed his mother’s face; Aaron had seen that look before.

  Mandy patted Dad’s shoulder. “We’re just happy you’re going to be okay.”

  “Well, they’re going to loop me up with some good drugs,” Dad said. “So why don’t all of you go get breakfast or something. I hear the cafeteria here is to die for.”

  They all laughed.

  Mom scoffed yet again. “I’m not leaving here until they kick me out.”

  “Mom, you’ve got to eat,” Mandy said.

  Mom threw her daughter a quelling look. “Sweetie, I’m staying here. Why don’t you and Aaron go to the cafeteria and see if the food really is good. You can bring me a coffee on the way back and maybe a protein bar.”

  “Mom—” Aaron started.

  “Come on guys…do as your mom wants,” Dad said.

  “Yeah, she just wants us to test the food first,” Mandy said. “Then she’ll eat.”

  “How did you guess?” Mom said with a smile.

  Grumbling slightly, Mandy led the way out of the emergency room. As they walked along the corridor and found the signs pointing to the cafeteria, Aaron felt as if he was dragging his feet.

  “What’s wrong?” Mandy asked as they walked.

  “I didn’t get to sleep until three this morning,” Aaron said. “When Mom called, I’d just crawled out of the shower.”

  She glanced at her watch, ever punctual. She’d inherited the family trait for being anal and sort of control-freakish. “It’s almost eleven o’clock. When did you get up?”

  “Nine.” He threw her a glance and added a smile to it.

  “Bum.”

  “Control freak.”

  They laughed.

  “Sorry,” she said as they found the cafeteria. “I just remembered Dad getting angry and saying that to you. That was a bad thing to say.”

  He smirked. “As long as you let me call you a control freak, you can call me a bum anytime.”

  She threw sarcasm right back at him. “Gee, no one would know we’re brother and sister.”

  “No way. Look, right now he could call me a low-down, dirty, scum-sucking bum, and I wouldn’t begrudge him. I’m just glad he’s okay.”

  “Does it still bother you? What he said after you were arrested?”

  The cafeteria didn’t have many people in it, and they wandered into the short line with their trays.

  Mandy waggled her eyebrows. “Yum. Yum.”

  “Brat. Don’t let them hear you. We’ve got to eat this food or starve.”

  She grunted. “You didn’t answer me. Does it bother you that Dad said all those things?”

  “Honestly? Yeah, it does.” Maybe it shouldn’t, but it did, damn it. He held up one hand. “Don’t say it.”

  She plucked a chef salad out of the selection and placed it on her tray. “What?”

  He picked a slice of pizza and green salad. “I’m not talking to him about it.”

  “Mom already asked you to.”

  “She tell you that?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  Of course she had. “That’s in the category of too much information.”

  “She was really, really upset, Aaron. She was crying when she found out you got arrested.”

  “And I’m sorry as hell I screwed up,” he said softly as he slid his tray toward the cash register. “But I’m paying for it now.”

  After they paid—she insisted on buying—they found a table a distance from other people.

  When they settled into a chair, he looked at his sister and noticed she seemed thinner than he remembered. She’d always had a slim frame, so it concerned him.

  “No wonder you’re skinny, eating nothing more than bird food,” he said lightly.

  “This isn’t bird food.” She lifted one eyebrow and looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “It has veggies and protein. Everything I need.” She sipped her iced tea. “And this has a little caffeine to keep me going. A complete and mostly healthy meal.” She nodded toward his pizza. “You’re eating high fat, high calorie.”

  “Yeah, I am. Not bad pizza. Surprise, surprise.” He took a big bite of the pizza and then realized he was eating too fast. Again. He slowed down.

  He’d been eating like there was no tomorrow since the day he’d kicked civilian ass and gotten himself thoroughly arrested.

  “I’ll bet Dad is sorry for what he said,” she said into the silence.

  Irritation welled up, but he sucked it down. “Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that he was ashamed.”

  Mandy dabbed a bit of lettuce into the small container of fat free dressing. “He was surprised. Shocked. He didn’t raise us to be violent, Aaron. It threw him off guard.”

  Wise words, but it didn’t heal the wound. “It isn’t Dad’s fault. Or Mom’s. The military…being a marine you have to learn combat skills. Sometimes it could mean killing someone.”

  She looked disconcerted and her expression was wary. “Did you ever…kill anyone?”

  He stabbed at his salad and ate a forkful. “Probably.”

  Once more her eyebrows rose. “Probably? You don’t know?”

  “Most of Force Recon’s duties mean you don’t engage the enemy unless there’s no choice. So I didn’t experience in-your-face hand-to-hand combat with the enemy. I did shoot at the enemy, though.”

  “That’s when you killed them.” Her voice was hushed.

  “Yeah.” A question that had eaten away at him for some time resurfaced. “Are you ashamed of what I did? Being a marine?”

  Mandy’s eyes widened. “Oh, my God. Never. I’m very proud of you, Aaron. I thought you knew that.” Her brow creased a little as she frowned. “I was worried about you the whole time you were in the desert. Really worried.”

  “I wasn’t sure. I was afraid my family was ashamed of me on several levels.”

  She drank more tea and sat back in her chair, most of her salad still in the bowl. “I couldn’t believe you hit the guy in the restaurant. I’ll admit that surprised me. But I could also understand why. And you’ve been through so much, Aaron. The war—” She cut herself off, as if she didn’t even like the word war, the taste of it in her mouth too heavy and nasty. “It affects everyone differently. But I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.”

  He took a sip from his water bottle. “Shit, Mandy. I know I’ve put my family through a lot. I’m working on this…whatever the hell it is that caused me to flip out.”

  PTSD. He waited for her to say it. The description of symptoms and the amount of attention it had gotten in the media almost made him long for more obscurity. Sure, it was great…fantastic more people were aware of it and people received help for it. Didn’t mean he wanted the label. Didn’t mean he didn’t choke on the words.

  He would have thanked her for helping him find the group therapy outside the Veteran’s Administration system, but he’d already thanked her a half dozen times. She might be a skinny, anal, control-freakish, pain-in-the-neck sister, but she was also a crack lawyer, an overall nice person, and he loved her.

  Mandy looked up from her salad. “What’s going on in that big head of yours, bro?”

  He smiled. “That we should talk about something else, sis. Like how is lawyer life these days.”

  “No different than when you asked me last week. I can’t wait to find a new firm to work for. Castle and Hardwick sucks the big one. I hate being junior and being with those two fat old white men.”

  She wasn’t disparaging because they were old, white, and fat. She disliked their old-fashioned, backward thinking ideas about women lawyers. Aaron knew that, and the scorn in her voice couldn’t be denied.

  “So if you hate it so much, why haven’t y
ou found another job yet?” he asked.

  “Working on it.”

  They tossed conversation back and forth until they’d finished their meals.

  Before they left the table, Mandy said, “Dad worries about you, Aaron.”

  Half irritated, he shook his head. “You mean that crusty face he wears every time he sees me is concern?”

  “He’s had that face his whole life.”

  Aaron shrugged. “Whatever. I’m glad he’s all right.” He was eager to change the subject. “He’ll probably be in the hospital overnight, I’d think.”

  “Probably. I’m going back to work at least for a couple of hours. Could you stay with Mom and Dad?”

  “Of course. My social calendar is pretty damned empty.”

  “What, no dates lately?”

  He snorted. “You kidding? Nobody wants to date an old retired marine. They want the young studs who’re all pumped up on testosterone and bullshit.”

  She waved one hand. “Well, least you’ve got the bullshit part down.”

  They laughed.

  “Seriously, Aaron, you’re only thirty-eight. You’re not old.”

  He rolled his shoulders, but this time from the tension gathering in them. “I need to get my act together before I even think about dating.”

  Right, marine. You’ve been fantasizing regularly about taking Lana Burns up against a wall.

  “Not like I’m doing a lot of dating, either,” she said. “It’s good talking to you, Aaron. Now let’s get out of here before we start getting all mushy and stuff.”

  They disposed of their garbage and left the cafeteria.

  As they walked back to the emergency room, Aaron couldn’t help but say, “Dad has to be stressed out to have an ulcer.”

  “Dad’s always stressed about something, but now it’s catching up with him. The last few years…hell more than that…have burned him up. First Craig…”

  She didn’t need to say more. Craig’s death had stripped the hide off of all of them in various ways, had plucked at them with sharp talons.

  “Craig wouldn’t want us to grieve so hard anymore,” she said.

  He glanced at her as they walked down the hall slowly. “Yeah, but grief doesn’t have a timetable. It waxes and wanes.”

  “How did you get to be so damned clever, bro?”

  He made a sound of disbelief. “Me? You think I’d be this hosed up if I was smart?”

  “You’re one of the smartest guys I know. I truly believe that.”

  “I’ve got you fooled, then.”

  When they returned to the ER area, they discovered Mom back in the waiting room. Dad had gone in for more tests. It would be a long, long day.

  * * * *

  Sunday night, around seven o’clock, Aaron woke up to the phone ringing again. He sat bolt upright in his bed, heart banging away like a sledgehammer. He flipped on the bedside light, his mind going straight toward disaster. Had Dad taken a turn for the worse?

  He grabbed his cell and Lana’s name flashed on the screen. He took a deep breath. Thank God. The call went to voice mail before he could pick up. He sat on the edge of the bed and steadied his thoughts before checking the message.

  Her voice came through tentative and soft. “Hi, Aaron, this is Lana Burns. Sorry to bother you, but would you have time to do a driving session with me Monday? I have an idea. If not, I totally understand. Thanks.”

  After he hung up on voice mail, he sat a moment longer and reflected. Did he have time for her tomorrow? He’d thought about the kisses they’d shared and how crazy they’d made him. He’d been spending a lot of time fantasizing about what she’d look like naked, how she’d respond if he stroked, kissed, and licked her into orgasm. What would she sound like if he made her come?

  Yeah, he was pretty sure if he got her into bed, they wouldn’t leave for hours. Her kiss had seared him. Shit, she’d practically given him third degree burns he’d been so hot for her. He wasn’t certain why their chemistry was so crazy. But he was pretty certain she was attracted to him. Why? Was it just the proximity of being together in the group? Probably. Sex could drain off that connection and make it less interesting to him.

  On the other hand, chances of sex in their relationship didn’t seem likely. Sure, she’d responded to his kisses and hadn’t acted afraid of him. So maybe she wouldn’t mind hooking up. But hooking up didn’t feel like the right thing to do. He didn’t want to just bang her and toss her away. He’d never been that guy. The one who fucked and fled. Just the idea of using her that way made him sick. No, Lana was a forever kind of woman. A woman who deserved a man who’d love her and cherish her.

  He shook the fog out of his brain and called her back. She picked up on the second ring.

  “Hey,” she said. “Thanks for calling back.”

  “Of course. Everything all right?”

  “Fine, thanks. And you?”

  He closed his eyes and lay back down on the bed. “Yes and no. My father went into the ER this morning.”

  “Oh no.” Her gasp of concern was soft. “What happened?”

  He explained, giving her the major details, and finished with, “He’s there overnight. They said after they get him through some more tests tomorrow, they’ll release him to go home. They’re pretty sure it’s all ulcer related. We’re all happy it wasn’t a heart attack, which is what we thought it was at first. Scared the crap out of us.”

  “I can imagine.”

  “I stayed with my parents until about six tonight. I’ve pretty much been there all day.”

  “You must be exhausted.”

  “Yeah. I was sleeping when you called.”

  “I’m so sorry. Here you went through all that and I woke you up.”

  An endearment slipped out before he could think it through. “It’s okay, sweetheart. No worries. Your voice mail said you wanted me to drive with you?”

  “Yes. I thought I’d try driving again tomorrow. At first I thought I wouldn’t use you as a crutch. I mean, I need to do this by myself. Then I thought about it. Would you mind driving behind me to Walmart? I want to try heading to a place that has a lot of people and noises and see how I do. You know what I mean?”

  “Sounds like a good idea.”

  “Really?” She sounded doubtful.

  “Maybe knowing that I’m following you will give you an extra boost of courage. Hell, if you can handle a Walmart parking lot, you can handle anything.”

  She laughed. “That’s what I was thinking.”

  “It’s a deal. What time?”

  “Would afternoon work? Around two?”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Okay, I’ll let you go then. Thank you so much.”

  When they hung up a moment later, he stayed on the bed with his eyes closed. Images of her pretty smile and red hair floated around in his mind, enticing him. Man, this probably wasn’t a good idea, but he wanted to help her. And if he was honest with himself, he wanted to see her again before Tuesday, in a setting that had nothing to do with group therapy.

  He rubbed a hand over his face. “God, MacPherson, you are a dead man.”

  Chapter 9

  When Aaron’s name flashed on Lana’s cell phone Monday morning at eight, she had a feeling he’d changed his mind about helping her with driving. Disappointment stabbed her. She sank onto her couch with the phone and answered.

  “Hi, Aaron.”

  “Hey. Look, I’ve got to change plans. My dad is leaving the hospital around two this afternoon and my mother wants me to help. I’m not sure why, because she’s perfectly capable of picking him up. I think she’s feeling a bit insecure with his health scare.”

  “Of course. I understand.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Well, I guess I’ll see you Tuesday at therapy, then.”

  “Wait. Do you have time to drive to Walmart this morning? Maybe have some lunch before I head out to the hospital?”

  Pleasure touched her. “That would be great. Thanks for fitting
the Walmart trip in there.”

  They agreed to meet up at ten thirty instead. Lana rushed around the apartment cleaning up. He’d never been inside her place, and she didn’t know if she’d let him when he arrived. Still, she needed to clean, so it didn’t matter. After dusting, vacuuming, and spritzing the air with some lavender room freshener, she figured if she did allow him in the apartment, at least the place wouldn’t be trashed. She realized something else. She hadn’t experienced the desire to clean her apartment up like this in a long time. Not just for someone’s visit.

  Progress, girl. She smiled at the thought.

  Her phone rang again, and she said, “Great. I’m popular all of a sudden.”

  She grabbed the phone off the kitchen counter. It was her mother. They hadn’t talked every day in the last couple of weeks—Lana had made certain it wasn’t more than two times a week now. Even that sometimes felt excessive.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Hello. How are you this morning?”

  “Wonderful. I’m meeting a friend today for lunch, and I’m driving myself.”

  “Really?” The doubt in her mother’s voice was profound. “That’s amazing.”

  Lana’s excitement at the possibilities came rushing in. “I’m driving to Walmart and then somewhere for lunch. He’s following me.”

  “Him?” Mother’s voice filled with alarm. “That marine you mentioned?”

  Shit. Good going. Lana wanted to cringe. She should have kept her mouth shut. “Yes. Him.”

  “Your father won’t approve of that.”

  Lana leaned her head back and closed her eyes for a moment. “Why does it matter if he approves?”

  “He just won’t.”

  “Dad doesn’t have anything against the military. He thinks they’re all God’s gift to the United States of America.”

  “Well, you know how he is. He won’t approve of you visiting with a man in your home alone.”

  Lana stared out the kitchen window but didn’t really see anything. “Dad doesn’t run my life, Mom. He hasn’t since I left home.” Okay, so maybe she could ease her parents’ minds a bit. “If it makes him feel any better, this marine is retired and has a chest full of medals. He’s very respectable.”

  No way would she tell Mom that Aaron had been arrested for punching a guy in the nose.