Thomas A. Easton’s GMO Future MEGAPACK®

by Easton, Thomas A.

  The beast forgot him. What was in that box? The stirring in his mouth intensified. He swung away and lowered his head. A struggling movement caught his eye. A horde of marching figures.

  Instinct took over. His mouth erupted in a stringy tongue. The figures vanished as he sucked them in. They struggled in his mouth. Acid, he thought as he swallowed. And sweet. But good!

  He began to seek the tidbits eagerly. He found them, one by one, and dined. The rumble in his belly quickened, and he searched on, using his claws to winkle his prey out of the cracks and holes they found so quickly. He broke into a nest of ants that had been there all along, and he used his tongue like a spear to harvest the unexpected bonus. He licked and swallowed. Once more, he speared and stripped.

  By the time his belly was full at last, he was exhausted. He had no energy left to explore the rest of his cage, and already he dreaded the next meal. It was no gain, he moaned to himself. At least, I used to be able to get ahead sometimes. I didn’t have to sweat for it all the time.

  He’d been had. This too, he thought, is going to be aard vark.

  THE HOMEMAKER

  If you could have a house shaped like anything

  you want, what would you choose?

  Wednesday, 9:15 AM

  Oh, Mama! I’m so glad I caught you in! He’s done it again! Elmer, of course. I’ve told you all about him so many times. He swore at me! You know he’s in Chicago, on another one of those trips of his. And yesterday afternoon he was trying to get me, right when we were on the phone, you know? And he couldn’t, of course. And then he went to a dinner meeting, and he lost a sale, and it was all my fault. How was I supposed to know he forgot the contract? I don’t even know how to work his darned fax machine!

  He says the only electronic thingy I know how to use is this phone. That’s right. That’s what it was, just like all the other times. “Get off the goddamned phone! You were supposed to cut that umbilical cord the day you were born, not wait until you die!”

  That’s what he said, Mama. I’m sure I don’t know what he meant. You know it’s hard for me to go outside. I have to do all my shopping by phone. And I just love you so. That’s why I call you every morning. And I know you love me. That’s why you call me every afternoon…

  Wednesday, 2:32 PM

  Mama! It’s so good to hear your voice! There’s a sale at Merilee’s? Oh, I know she has the sweetest things, but I don’t know when Elmer will want another party. The last time… But you were there, of course. He had everything set up in the back yard, and I tried, I really did. I even went outside for a little while. But then you brought Grandmama’s old family album, and we sat down in the living room to look at the pictures and talk, and the time just flew by. He was livid!

  Are you going to visit Grandmama again on Saturday? Of course you are. You have to. But we never used to miss a day before she had to go in that nursing home. I miss you then. I’ll be—I hate to say this, but it’s true, really, it is—I’ll be glad when she finally dies and I can have you all to myself again, just the way it used to be…

  Thursday, 9:13 AM

  Oh, Mama! I’m so glad I caught you in! I called Merilee’s, you know? And she said she’d send me a brochure right away. I can hardly wait to see those dresses. From what you said, they’re lovely, and I do like to look my best for Elmer. And he will surely want another party. I’ll try. I’ll promise him again, I’ll try my very hardest, though it would help if he would have the party indoors.

  He called again last night, you know? He said losing the sale was really his fault. It was his responsibility to remember the contract. He should have known better, he said, than to trust his scatterbrained wife. And he certainly should have remembered that I’m useless around all his computer thingies.

  Oh, he was really very sweet about it all. He was still mad, but he was apologizing for losing his temper…

  Thursday, 2:25 PM

  Mama! It’s so good to hear your voice! You wouldn’t believe what happened this morning! I had just finished calling in my grocery order, and the phone rang. It was a Dr. Schneider. He said Elmer had asked him to talk to me. “About what?” I said, and he said, “Your husband seems to think you have some difficulties.”

  He was very cautious, but I made him spell it out. “What do you mean?” I said, and he said, “Is it true that you find it hard to leave your house?”

  I told him I can go outdoors anytime I want, though maybe I don’t want to very often. And then he said, “And is it true that you are very close to your mother?”

  Well! I know the word he was thinking. Agoraphobia. You told me about it yourself once, when you were worrying. I told him so, and when he suggested that we talk about my problems for an hour every week—we could even do it over the phone, he said—I told him they weren’t problems as far as I—or we!—were concerned. He should tell Elmer that I am not crazy and that I do not need a shrink. Certainly not one I didn’t pick myself. And when he suggested a time, too—he said he had a slot open at 2:15 on Tuesdays—well! That’s our time, isn’t it, Mama?

  You think he might be able to help me get out more? Oh, Mama! You know me! I just want to stay near the phone, so I can talk to you whenever… No, a portable phone just wouldn’t be the same thing…

  Friday, 9:20 AM

  Oh, Mama! I’m so glad I caught you in! I was so upset yesterday afternoon that I didn’t tell you. I found the nicest recipe for carrot cake. It has pineapple in it, and raisins, just like the one you used to make when I was little only you lost the recipe. Remember? And the cream cheese frosting? You can’t eat cream cheese? Of course. I forgot. But I’ll make it anyway the next time you visit, only with powdered sugar on top…

  Friday, 2:33 PM

  Mama! It’s so good to hear your voice! Would you believe that that Dr. Schneider called again? He said Elmer was quite upset that I wasn’t more cooperative. He said that from everything my husband said, I was far too dependent on you, Mama. And agoraphobia is a terrible, painful handicap that can be overcome. There are drugs, he said, and special desensitization techniques. But I just laughed at him. It doesn’t hurt a bit, I said. Except when strangers make an issue out of it.

  Not very professional? Of course he wasn’t. If he was a lawyer, I’d call it ambulance chasing. But what can you do?…

  Sunday, 9:31 AM

  Oh, Mama! I missed you so yesterday! And I have news! Elmer got home safely Friday night, and I was all set to tell him off. That Dr. Schneider! But he was so happy, I didn’t have the heart. That sale he lost? It didn’t hurt him a bit. When he got back to the office, his boss told him he had earned a nice promotion and a raise, and even a bonus. He said we can afford a new house! And he even had some brochures with him.

  Maybe you’ve heard. There’s a new development on the other side of town. They’re growing the houses! They’re gengineered from plants, and they’re shaped like… Well, some of them are shaped like regular houses. But some are actually shaped like human heads! The brochure even had a picture of one it said looked like the famous architect, Frank Lloyd Wright. Just think, we could have a Frank Lloyd Wright house! Or anything else we wanted. The customer picks the shape, and they’ll even customize it if you want. Your house can be a portrait of anyone you like. Movie stars, or politicians, or… Anybody…

  Sunday, 2:40 PM

  Mama! It’s so good to hear your voice! Yes, I know you don’t trust Elmer. He does like to have things his own way. But he does love me, too. He says so every day.

  Oh, I’m sure. Dr. Schneider didn’t work. So he’s hoping this will get me out of the house, at least for a little bit. And maybe it’ll stick. But those houses are so darling! And he says I can pick the design. So I’ll try. I really will, Mama. And the brochure says that if a customer’s own design turns out to be popular, the customer gets a royalty. If enough people want it,
you can even wind up paying for your own house and then making a living too! So maybe I’ll wind up being a house designer! I already have an idea! And I just know everyone will love it!…

  Monday, 9:40 AM

  Oh, Mama! I’m so glad I caught you in! I’ve actually made an appointment to look at those houses. Already! Elmer will come home early this afternoon, and—Oh! I’m sorry!—we’ll be out until maybe four. I’ll miss your call! But you can call later, can’t you? Of course you can. We’ll just be a little delayed and I’ll have so much to tell you…

  Monday, 4:40 PM

  Mama! It’s so good to hear your voice! Oh, yes, it took us longer than we expected. I’m so sorry you worried when I didn’t answer! But I made it. Elmer brought the Tortoise right up to the side of the house, and I got in and closed my eyes. I didn’t open them until we were almost there, and then! I was so amazed that I forgot entirely that I was away from the house. It was like a regular suburb, you know? Streets and yards and tiny trees and tulips blooming, but the houses were heads! Their chins are sunk in the ground so the lower lip is the front stoop, and you step into the mouth. The inside is just like a real house, except for the curved walls. There are plenty of windows. And…

  No, we didn’t sign anything yet. But I think we will. The little houses are so cute! They plant seeds, you know? And they start off small, the size of golf balls. We saw some. They don’t even look like heads until much later. They’re just smooth and green and a little fuzzy, like peaches. Then, when they’re about the size of a cabbage, they begin to show noses and eyes. They look sort of babyish, but then they get bigger and bigger, and they get all hollow inside. And eventually…

  Tuesday, 9:22 AM

  Oh, Mama! I’m so glad I caught you in! Elmer says I can have total charge of the new house! All I have to do is get out to talk to the gengineers and supervise and buy the drapes and carpets and…

  Of course I can do it! This time Elmer was absolutely right. It’s just what I needed. I’ve been going over all the photos we have in the house. I want to find just the right one, you know?

  Whose picture? Oh, I can’t tell you that, Mama. I’m not even going to tell Elmer! It’ll be a surprise for both of you, though I suppose he’ll have to know first. I’ll take it to those gengineers, and they’ll tell a house seed what shape to grow into, and they’ll plant the seed, and the house will grow, and we’ll move in. It’ll be heavenly! A real dream house! Cozy and warm, and I’ll feel so safe at night, curled up in my bed. The appointment’s for the day after tomorrow…

  Wednesday, 9:31 AM

  Oh, Mama! I’m so glad I caught you in! You wouldn’t believe what’s happened! Elmer got that promotion?…

  Oh, no! They didn’t fire him. It’s worse than that! He has to go to Germany! For months!

  Well, yes. That’s so. The house will be all ready when he gets back, won’t it? It’ll surprise him just as much as it will you. But he’ll be gone! I’ll be all alone!

  Oh, no. I have to stay here. To supervise the new house, you know. And no. I can’t have you stay with me. I want it to be a secret until… I’ll just have to manage. Our phone calls will help. And of course Elmer will call…

  Thursday, 2:30 PM

  Mama! It’s so good to hear your voice! Yes, the gengineers said they could do it. No problem. We’ll go in next week and sign the papers. It takes them two weeks to get ready to plant, and then the house will be growing. By the time Elmer gets back, it’ll be all ready. I should even have us all moved in.

  That’s right. He still has to go…

  Tuesday, 2:38 PM

  Mama! It’s so good to hear your voice! It’s started! It took almost all our savings, but we signed and the gengineers are starting work right away.

  But then I had to take Elmer to the airport! Yes! I actually drove, first to the realtor’s to list the old place, and then to the airport. And I stood up in the middle of that huge place, and I hugged him and cried and waved good-bye. Then he got in the Bioblimp. And I came home.

  Of course you can hear it. Of course I’m still crying. Right now, I don’t want to even think about leaving the house. I just couldn’t! But I’ll have to. They said I could see the seed as soon as it’s big enough to be visible, and I have to be there on planting day, and… Oh! I wish Elmer could be there too!…

  Tuesday, 10:20 AM

  Oh, Mama! I’m so glad I caught you in! I know I’m late, but… They called yesterday afternoon, after our talk. They said the seed would be ready to view this morning, so I went, right after breakfast. They had it in a little dish, and it wasn’t any bigger than a pea. But they said it had all the genes it needed to become just what I ordered. They’ll keep it in the dish for a couple of weeks. They’ll feed it chemicals, and it’ll get a little bigger. As big as a walnut, they said. And it’ll put out its first tiny roots. And leaves, even. And then we’ll plant it.

  I know you’d like to see it. So would Elmer. He’s been gone for a whole month now. But it’s a secret. My secret. You can see it when it’s all done, and we’re moved in. I just know you’ll love it!

  Yes, Elmer called last night again. He’s got a little apartment, and a Turkish housekeeper. She doesn’t speak English, and just a little German, but he knows some German himself, just enough so he can tell her what to do. He can’t tell her what sort of food to buy at the market, so what she gets is kind of strange. German and Turkish and funny mixtures. But it isn’t bad, he says. And he’s learning more German every day…

  Friday, 9:15 AM

  Oh, Mama! I’m so glad I caught you in! We’re going to plant the seed later today!…

  Friday, 2:42 PM

  Mama! It’s so good to hear your voice! We did it! They took me out to the lot we picked out and dug a little hole and put fertilizer and compost in it. And then I picked the seed—a sprout really, now—out of its dish and tucked its roots into the dirt and just stood back and stared at it. It’s hard to believe such a tiny thing could ever grow into a house. But it will! There are head houses all up and down the street, all full sized, and I can hardly wait to move in!…

  Sunday, 9:30 AM

  Oh, Mama! I missed you so yesterday! Elmer called last night. He says he’s getting used to his housekeeper’s cooking, and the work is going well and…

  No, I don’t think I have to worry. He’s away from home, and he’s lonely, but he’s a good boy…

  Mama! He’s not like that…

  Thursday, 2:35 PM

  Mama! It’s so good to hear your voice! I visited the house after lunch, and it’s grown so much! It’s the size of a grapefruit, and I can already make out the first signs of its features. It’s going to have the cutest button nose, at least while it’s a baby. The eyes will be green, just like yours and mine, though they’ll be closed at first. They won’t open until the house is taller than I am.

  Oh, Mama! Don’t try to guess who it will look like. I won’t tell you! It’s supposed to be a surprise.

  Yes, the realtor finally showed up to inspect the house. She says it’s in fine shape. It’ll bring a good price, even enough to cover the new one…

  Sunday, 9:21 AM

  Oh, Mama! I missed you so yesterday! I spent all afternoon weeding around the house. The new one, of course! I watered it, too. This summer’s awful dry! But it’s doing so well, and the eyes are just beginning to open. So is the mouth, and I can see the stubs of its teeth. It’s teething! The lower ones will be like a sill, right in front of the door. The mouth is the entranceway, almost a porch. The uppers? They’ll be overhead, just like a portcullis.

  Mama! Surely you know what a portcullis is! The iron bars over an old-time doorway? The ones that drop down to keep invaders out? That’s right! Like a castle! Except these won’t move, of course…

  Wednesday, 2:28 PM

  Mama! I
t’s so good to hear your voice! The realtor brought some people around this morning, and she says they might make an offer.

  It’s doing fine! I’m over there every day, almost. It’s so cute you wouldn’t believe it! Its hair is coming in, blonde just like yours and mine. It looks like thatch. The mouth and eyes are open all the way now, and the features are almost exactly the way I wanted them. The gengineers say the shapes still have a little changing to do. And of course the house still has to grow bigger. But it won’t be long! I’m already picking out drapes and carpets and… From catalogs, of course…

  Monday, 9:34 AM

  Oh, Mama! I’m so glad I caught you in! Elmer just called! He says he’s about done over there. He’ll be home in a couple of weeks! And they’re going to start putting the windows and doors in the new house today! Then they’ll do the plumbing. The kitchen and bathroom will be ready by the end of the week. And then… It’s just in time, too. The leaves are beginning to turn, you know.

  There have been so many people looking at this house! No one’s made an offer yet, but it won’t be long. Sally—that’s the realtor—says so! No, she hasn’t suggested we lower the price, so she must really be sure it’ll sell.

  I should have everything moved in by the time he gets back. Yes! I’ll pick him up at the airport, and I’ll bring him straight here. What a surprise he’ll have! He’ll be so delighted to see how well I’ve done! We’ll have to have a party right away, a house-warming. You can come, of course, and see the house. And all our friends, and…

  It does sound like it, doesn’t it? Elmer was absolutely right. I didn’t need that Dr. Schneider. Just a good reason to get out. And now I’m cured. No more agoraphobia. Maybe I’ll even get a job! If people love the house as much as I do, maybe I’ll even be a house designer…