Beefcake & Mistakes

by Fennell, Judi

  “A snozzberry,” Jenna and Lara answered at the same time. They looked at each other and started laughing.

  “You found a snozzbewwy? Weawwy?” Trevor’s eyes lit up and his voice rose an octave.

  Ah. The secret to successful parenting. Lie to the kid. Bryan liked it.

  “Yes, Trevor. This is the last snozzberry cupcake in the whole place and since snozzberries are out of season, we probably won’t get any more in for a while. But you’re welcome to this one if you want.”

  Trevor held out his pudgy little arms. “Yes, pwease. I always wanted to twy a snozzbewwy.”

  Trevor peeled the cupcake holder back as if he were unwrapping a present, with all the awe and wonderment and happiness a kid could muster.

  “So, what do you think?” Jenna ran a hand over his curls. She did that a lot. As if she needed to touch him.

  Bryan completely got it. This parenting thing was—

  “Awesome!”

  Yeah, that summed it up.

  “So, Bryan, how is everyone today? Gage told me what happened. Thank God those other dancers could fill in.”

  “Hey, Trev,” said Jenna. “Why don’t we go look at the dinosaurs again? Maybe we can take one home for later.” Jenna steered Trevor to the far end of the counter while motioning toard the other end with a nod of her head.

  Bryan got the hint and headed that way, Lara following. “I talked to everyone. Still feeling some residual stomach pain from the cramping, but they’re doing okay. Best thing we ever did was get a bigger crew and rotate them. Of course, the team tonight will be on for their second consecutive night, but I doubt if many of the patrons are coming in two nights in a row.”

  “I heard there was a new dancer. Did the Marilyn Monroe bit.”

  Bryan rubbed the back of his neck. He hated sticky situations and this was about to get stickier than her buttercream icing.

  “Uh, yeah. She was applying for the job, and since she was there, I figured it’d be the perfect audition.”

  “Pretty ballsy. What if she’d been awful?”

  He resisted the urge to look at Jenna. “I had a feeling she wouldn’t be.”

  “You had a feeling? Here, I’ve been looking at cost sheets and inventory and staffing needs and all I need is a feeling to make business decisions?” Lara put the back of her hand against her forehead. “Oh, my. I’ve been doing it all wrong.”

  “Okay, okay, your point’s made. It didn’t matter though; she decided she didn’t want to work at the club. But she did help out and she did it well.”

  “Wow. That seems… counterproductive. Fickle, too.” Lara rubbed his upper arm. “Good thing you didn’t hire her. You’ve had enough fickle women in your life.”

  True. Most of it because of the night job. Gage had had the same problem. For a while, women liked the idea that he knew those sexy moves. Sex had never been a problem in his relationships. Jealousy, on the other hand… It took a secure, confident woman to be with a dancer.

  “So what’s the story there?” Lara nodded toward where Jenna and Trevor were huddled together, staring at the items in the display case. “Is she the one?”

  “Gage told you.”

  She nodded, not that it was a surprise. News like this wouldn’t stay quiet for long, though he hadn’t expected Gage to keep it from her.

  “Then you know he’s my son.”

  “I do. How are you?” She rubbed his arm.

  “Okay. It was a shock, obviously.”

  Her fingers tightened. “She should have told you.”

  He covered her hand with his and gently removed it. “She didn’t know how to get in touch with me. My fault.” It wasn’t anyone’s fault, but society was the way it was and it’d be better for Jenna if he took the fall. He didn’t mind. “But she’s fine with me being part of his life. It’s going well.”

  “So far. Are you going to ask for her for a formal custody arrangement?”

  It was his turn to put his hand on her arm. He squeezed. “Thanks for caring, Lara, but right now, it’s working for us. I’ll cross that bridge when I need to.”

  “I just don’t want you to get hurt, Bry.”

  “I’m not going to. Not in this. Trevor’s great, and so is Jenna. It’ll work out. You’ll see.”

  “Hey, Bwyan!” Trevor barreled into his legs again. “I’m gonna get a whole bunch of cupcakes. Want some?”

  “Sure, Trev. What are you getting?”

  Jenna walked up to them. “He’s decided on two dinosaurs, one fire truck, and three footballs.” She looked at Bryan. “One for each one of us for dessert. After dinner tonight. If you’re interested, that is.”

  He glanced at Lara. Point proven as how well it was working out.

  “Pwease, Bwayn! Pwease have dinner at our house. Mommy’s gonna make pisghetti. I wove pisghetti.”

  Bryan laughed. He used to call it the same thing. “Sure I will, Trev. I love spaghetti, too.”

  Hell, he’d eat anything if it meant he could share it with his son.

  And his son’s mother.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “Wocco wikes his new home.” Trevor stared into the glass bowl he’d insisted join them at the dinner table. He’d even set a place serving out for the fish so Rocco wouldn’t feel left out.

  “Now he has a weal famiwy too!” he said, melting Bryan’s heart. He’d obviously missed out on having a “real” family, and Bryan was so glad he could give it to him. That he and Jenna could give that to him.

  He cleared the dinner plates while Jenna scooped out ice cream for dessert. “Thanks for coming today,” he said as he scraped the remainder of Trevor’s “pisghetti” into the trash and set the plate into the sink to soak. “I had a great time and I think Trevor did, too.”

  “Thank you for suggesting it.” She dug a scoop of vanilla fudge out of the carton. “I’d really wanted to take him this year. Last year the clowns scared him before we got past the ticket line. I was worried he’d be scarred for life.” She plopped the scoop into Trevor’s bowl.

  Bryan unwrapped the football cupcake Trevor had claimed. “I never liked clowns either. I always thought the big red shoes were scary.”

  She chuckled and scooped some ice cream into another bowl. “He said the same thing. Genetics are amazing things.”

  “I know.” He unwrapped another cupcake, the pink one Trevor said was Jenna’s. “I’d like to see his baby pictures sometime. Compare them to mine.”

  The ice cream scooper clattered onto the countertop and Jenna got all flustered trying to grab the ice cream before it fell onto the floor.

  Bryan set down the last unwrapped cupcake and turned on the faucet when she dropped the glob of ice cream into the sink, then handed her a dishtowel when she finished washing her hands.

  “His baby pictures.” She scrubbed her hands dry and got a funny look on her face. “I, uh… I have his baby album put away upstairs. Sticky kid fingers, you know. I didn’t want him to smudge the pictures. Can I show you some other time?”

  “Sure, no problem. But you must have some pictures around somewhere? Hanging up or something?”

  “Uh, yeah. I do. I’ll grab a few when we’re finished with dessert if that’s okay?” She wiggled her fingers. “Even grown-ups can have sticky fingers.”

  “Sounds good. “ He picked up two of the bowls and headed back to the table. “Here you go, kiddo. The blue and white football, just like you wanted.”

  Trevor’s eyes lit up. Bryan would never get over the feeling of making his son smile. It was so precious. So sweet.

  “Thank you, Bwyan. I mean, Daddy. I wike having a daddy.”

  Bryan liked him having one.

  “Michael’s daddy wives wif him. Are you going to wive wif me?”

  Jenna’s spoon clattered to the table and she got a funny—though not in a haha sort of way—look on her face. “Trevor—”

  “I have my own house, Trev.” Bryan jumped in because this was as much for Jenna as it was for Trevor.
He’d just shown up in their lives and, as great as Jenna was being about this, she had to be freaked out by having to share their son. Had to be wondering where this was all going. So was Bryan, but he had to set her mind at ease. For as much as he wanted to be part of Trevor’s life, he realized that they had to take this slow. That everything couldn’t suddenly be different. “Actually, Trev, I already have a house.”

  “You do?”

  “I do. And you’re welcome to come over anytime you want. We can even set up a room for you if you like.”

  Jenna’s gaze flew to his and she wasn’t looking any more relieved than she had when Trevor asked about him moving in here. Maybe he should have cleared that invitation with her before issuing it.

  “I can have another bedwoom? Cool! Do you have a twee fort? Michael has one, but Mommy says none of our twees are stwong enough.”

  “Sorry, no, I don’t have a tree fort. But maybe we can build one when you’re older.” The last was as much a question to Jenna as it was a stalling tactic for Trevor.

  “I’m gonna be four soon, wight, Mommy?”

  Jenna’s smile didn’t reach her eyes. “That’s right, Trev. In a few months.”

  “What day?” Bryan suddenly realized he didn’t know. The most important day of his life and he didn’t know the date. Early in the year sometime, given that Brad’s bachelor party had been in April.

  “January third.”The words were short, clipped, and she kept her eyes firmly on her cupcake.

  He wanted to keep his eyes on her cupcakes…

  He shook his head. He should be ashamed of himself, lusting after his son’s mother—

  Though that pretty much contradicted itself, didn’t it? How else would she be his son’s mother if he hadn’t lusted after her at some point? And why was it bad to do so now?

  The thing was, it wasn’t bad. It also opened the doors to a lot of possibilities. Ones he really wanted to explore.

  That proposal hadn’t come from nowhere. While he might not have been consciously thinking it, he’d obviously been unconsciously thinking it.

  “Can I take Wocco up to my woom, Mommy? Mr. Monkey wants to meet him.”

  “How about if I carry him up for you?” Bryan pushed back from the table. No need to sit here with temptation sitting across from him, looking utterly delectable with a smudge of icing on her upper lip. Lusting after his son’s mother with that son sitting right here wasn’t the part of fatherhood Bryan wanted his son to see. “That way the water won’t slosh out.”

  “I can cawwy it, Bwyan. I help Mommy all the time in the garden and I cawwy lots of water buckets. Wight, Mommy?”

  Jenna looked up. “Yes, that’s right. You’re a very big helper, Trevor.” She helped him out of his booster seat, then picked up the fish bowl. “But why don’t you let Bryan carry Rocco anyway and you can show him your room. I bet Mr. Monkey would like to meet him, too.”

  “Okay.” Trevor walked around to Bryan and tugged his hand. “Wanna see my woom?”

  “Sure.” He took the fish bowl from her. “I’ll be down to help with the dishes in a few minutes.”

  “No, don’t worry about it. Enjoy Trevor.”

  “You sure? Really, I don’t mind helping out.”

  “But Trevor might if you leave before he shows you his toy car collection. I can handle K.P. duty.”

  He touched her chin. “Now you said doody.”

  She swatted his hand away with a smile—the one he’d been trying to put back on her face. “Go on, will you? The kid isn’t going to be three-and-a-half forever. Enjoy it while it lasts.”

  “Aye, aye, captain.” He punched his heels together and saluted which got Trevor to break out in a fit of giggles.

  “Her name’s Mommy, not captain, Bwyan!”

  “Don’t be so sure about that, Trev,” Bryan said as he followed his son up the stairs. The woman was definitely captain of the ship he was on these days.

  Jenna exhaled the minute they were out of the kitchen. Trevor’s baby album. She had to do something about it and quick.

  Mindy’s pictures were all over that album, which was why she didn’t leave it lying around. Trevor didn’t know about Mindy and Jenna wanted to keep it that way until he was old enough to understand. And, as she and Cathy had discussed, to keep him from blurting it out in the unlikely event that his father ever showed up.

  And since the unlikely had happened, Jenna was glad she’d kept that secret. Now to keep keeping it…

  She was going to have to make up a fake baby book.

  She looked at the retro red-and-white clock hanging above the doorway. Too late to go to a store tonight. She should have bought a baby book when they were there earlier, but that would have raised some questions she hadn’t been prepared to answer.

  She finished cleaning up the kitchen and started working on the family room, all the while listening to the chatter going on upstairs. She couldn’t hear all of it, just the low murmur of voices, and while she should be happy they were bonding, should be feeling good about it, she didn’t.

  She was feeling left out.

  This was going to be hard, adjusting to having someone else in Trevor’s life who was just as important to him as she was.

  Jenna took a deep breath. She could do this. She could. She had to. And she had to make it work so Bryan didn’t get curious and start delving into areas she’d rather he didn’t.

  Which made the baby book even that much more important.

  Chapter Twenty-Six.

  She was home by nine the next morning, having dropped Trevor off at Cathy’s while she completed Operation Fake Baby Book.

  The pictures were tough to look at. Mindy at every stage of her pregnancy, the sonograms, the copy of his original birth certificate, the inked footprints by his birth photo…

  She missed her sister. Ached that she’d died so young and missed out on Trevor’s life. He was a gift, truly a gift, and one Jenna would treasure forever.

  She scanned copies of the photos and pasted them into the book. She added in some of the notes Mindy had written down, decorating them with exclamation marks and hearts like Mindy had to show how happy she’d been as he’d grown inside her.

  The same information about his birth came next, the same comments about morning sickness and worries about stretch marks and the delivery, followed by his feeding schedule and when he’d rolled over and smiled and cooed and said his first word. Took his first step. Called her Mommy.

  Those last few had been her memories, not Mindy’s.

  She loved this little boy with everything inside her. Couldn’t love him more if he had been inside her—and she knew that because she’d carried a child. Granted, it’d only been for three short months and she’d been terrified the entire time, but she loved Trevor just as fiercely as she had that other child. And she would mourn losing him just as much if it came down to it.

  But it couldn’t. Trevor was hers and she would do whatever it took to keep it that way.

  She called Bryan when she was finished.

  “Hey, Jenna, what’s up? Is Trevor okay?”

  She had to smile at the question; it’d be the same one she’d ask him if he called her. “I was wondering if you’re free for lunch. I have those pictures you were asking about.”

  “Great. Can you meet me at Mick’s Deli in, say, a half hour? I ought be able to get away.”

  “Sure. See you then.”

  She checked her makeup in the hall mirror, then tucked her shirt into her shorts, and made sure she was wearing two matching socks. Not that Bryan would look, but when she went out in public she always tried to look professional in case she ran into students or their parents.

  Hopefully none of them had been in the club the other night.

  Oh, God, the other night. What had she been thinking? Why on earth had she agreed? She could have told him no. Being a teacher was a valid excuse, yet she’d opted to be naked on a stage.

  Okay, she’d had tassels and a thong, but she mig
ht as well have been naked.

  She hadn’t been thinking. That was all there was to it. She’d been so worried about losing Trevor that she’d been ready to do anything.

  It hadn’t been that bad.

  She stared at herself. It wasn’t bad? Was she crazy? She could have lost her job. The respect of her students if this ever got out.

  Bryan’s?

  No. Of course not. He’d asked her to do it. Hell, he’d danced, too.

  Yes he had.

  And then he’d kissed her.

  And proposed.

  Why on earth had he proposed? Where had that come from? They barely knew each other and getting married for the sake of a child was not a reason to get married and she could just forget about last night’s dream.

  The dream.

  Oh, crud. The dream. The one that had woken her with an ache between her thighs and the sheets twisted around her.

  He’d been oiled down and muscle-bound in that dream, wearing nothing more than what he’d barely had on on stage, with moves designed to jumpstart any woman’s libido, let alone someone who hadn’t had sex in over three years.

  Of course she’d dream about him. He’d be dream-worthy even if she hadn’t seen him dance at the club.

  He’d danced in her dream, too. This time just for her.

  And she’d done the same for him.

  She tucked her hair behind her ears. Get a hold of yourself, Jenna. No flings with your child’s biological father. Bad enough she was worried about spilling the beans about Trevor’s birth, but what would happen if something did start between them only to go south? That would open a can of worms she’d never be able to close.

  She and Bryan were co-parents. That’s it. They had to get along for Trevor’s sake, but N.O.T.H.I.N.G. more. Ever.

  ***

  Yeah, that was all good in theory, but then she got to Mick’s, and Bryan was waiting there by the door in his butt-hugging jeans, work boots, and a t-shirt that could have been paint on, her dream rose up like a tidal wave and crashed over on her, drowning her in want and need and an aching desperate loneliness she’d never really acknowledged before. But she had to now because with him standing there, looking at her the way he was… she ached.