Beefcake & Mistakes

by Fennell, Judi

Bryan pulled on the doorknobs to the double doors and out tumbled two little boys, a big blue teddy bear, a slew of clothing and boxes, and a bunch of DVDs.

  “You guys okay?” Bryan helped them up, checking for broken bones and bumps and bruises while trying to get his heart rate out of heart-attack range. “What happened?”

  Bobby’s bottom lip quivered. “We were hiding and I got scared.”

  “I told him you’d find us, but he didn’t think so. He thought we were gonna be stuck in the dark forever.” Trevor hugged the teddy bear tighter. “See, Bobby? I told ya my dad would find us. He can do anything.”

  Now Bryan’s heart was swelling—with pride. And love. And the feeling of being a superhero in Trevor’s eyes. Being a parent was the best feeling in the world.

  “My dad can do anything, too.”

  “Nuh uh. He can’t frow a football. His bounce.”

  Bryan tried not to laugh. Poor Bobby. The kid was going to need some help in that area. “Hey, guys, how would you like to help me test the apple pie? It’s going to be finished soon and I need someone to tell me if it’s good or not.”

  Trevor’s chest puffed up. “We can do that, Daddy. We’re good tasterers.”

  “Yeah. Good tasterers,” said Bobby, following Trevor out of the room.

  Bryan scooped up the mess and put it on Jenna’s bed. He’d help her put her closet together later…

  The DVD cases had white labels on the front. Trevor’s First Smile. Trevor Rolls Over. Trevor’s First Steps.

  He flipped through them. A little more than a dozen, all noting significant events in his son’s life.

  Trevor’s Birth.

  He wanted to see that one.

  “Daddy! We want pie!”

  Right. The boys. He needed to get down there before they took it upon themselves to open the oven—

  Shit.

  Bryan grabbed that last DVD and ran down the stairs. He’d watch it after Jenna came home. They could watch it together and she could tell him everything she was feeling and thinking as their son came into the world.

  ***

  Bryan couldn’t wait until after dinner. He couldn’t even wait until Jenna came home; that DVD was burning a hole in his palm. He’d barely put it down to get the pie out of the oven and serve two slivers to the boys—he had promised them after all. Merely as a means to change their focus from being scared in the closet and everything fallen on them, but Bryan added some ice cream to the pie to keep them occupied a little longer. What was a little pie in the face of such grave danger?

  And if it had the added bonus of keeping them occupied so he could take a peek at the video, more’s the better.

  He watched it for a lot longer than a peek. A lot longer than he should have, but Bryan hadn’t been able to look away.

  Jenna was not the one giving birth to his son.

  Oh she was there—she was filming the birth. For a woman named Mindy.

  A woman he actually did remember. Vaguely.

  “That’s it, Mindy, come on, you can do it. Just like in class.”

  Mindy’s hair was stuck to her face, pain evident as she gripped the rails of her hospital bed, her knees pulled up, and she bore down.

  And there… there was Trevor’s head.

  “That’s it! I can see him! I can see Trevor!” Jenna jiggled the camera in her excitement. “Come on, Mindy, just one more!”

  Mindy took a deep breath and bore down and pushed Trevor—his son—into the world.

  “Bryan, what are you—Oh.”

  Jenna had opened the front door. She was standing in the living room.

  She was looking at the television.

  He was looking at her.

  And didn’t know who he was looking at.

  “I… I can explain.” She looked at him now, her eyes worried, her hands wringing, a tear coursing its way down her cheek and he…

  He couldn’t. He couldn’t stay. He couldn’t listen. He couldn’t hear what she wanted to explain. Because it’d be a lie. Just like the one she’d been telling him for the last week.

  She wasn’t Trevor’s mother.

  Was he even Trevor’s father?

  That thought sucked the breath out of him more than the other one. Had she been trying to trap him into paying for this kid that she…

  She what?

  If Trevor wasn’t hers, what did she hope to get out of him?

  But there were those eyes. Even at birth, he could see the resemblance—no they weren’t violet yet, but there, on the screen, that was the face in his baby pictures. Trevor was his son.

  But not hers.

  He stood up, kind of amazed that he could. That his legs hadn’t been cut out from under him because it sure as hell felt like they had. “Don’t leave town. If you do, I’ll find you. I won’t stop until I find you.”

  “Bryan, I can explain—”

  “Save it for my attorney.” He walked past her and headed toward the kitchen. He was taking Trevor and getting the hell out of here.

  “But you don’t understand—”

  “Damn right I don’t. And I can’t right now. But you will explain this to me. Or I’ll have you thrown in jail for kidnapping, extortion, fraud, and whatever other charges I can find on you. So I suggest you pack his bag and meet me at my car or I’ll call Sergeant Benton right now and no sweet smile on your part will save you from being hauled off in handcuffs in front of my son. Is that what you want, Jenna? Do you want Trevor’s last image of you to be in the back of a police car?”

  More tears were streaming down her face, but Bryan steeled himself against them. He wasn’t going to fall for that act. No way. She might have gotten to him on her sweet and innocent loving mother charade, but his eyes had been opened. He wasn’t that foolish.

  “You can’t take him from me.”

  “Can’t I?” He walked to the DVR and removed the evidence. He put it in its protective case and waved it at her. “This says I can. This proves he’s not yours.”

  “It doesn’t prove he’s yours.”

  “I’ll get a DNA test, but we both know what it’s going to say, don’t we, Jenna?”

  That hair that never stayed behind her ears didn’t do so again as her head fell forward and she buried her face in her hands. “Please, Bryan.” Her words were muffled. “Please don’t take him from me.”

  “You took him from me.” He stormed over to the kitchen, stopping and pulling himself together before he went in. Didn’t need to scare the kid. “Hey, guys. We’re going to go take Bobby home and then, Trev, you and I are going to do something fun.”

  “Cool! What?”

  “It’s a surprise.” To both of them because he didn’t have a clue yet what his next step was going to be. All he knew was he had to get out of this house. “So, come on. Let’s get going.”

  “But I have to wash my hands.” Trevor slid off his chair then held his hands in the air. “They’re all sticky and Mommy doesn’t like me to touch stuff wif sticky hands.”

  “Well, I’m not Mommy, and it’s okay if you have sticky hands in my truck. How’s that?”

  The two little boys grinned at each other as if they’d struck gold. He knew the feeling. “Cool!”

  No, it wasn’t cool. Nothing was cool. Not now.

  But it would be.

  Bryan let the door slam nice and loud on their way out.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Jenna didn’t know how long she sat there on the living room floor. Had no idea how long it’d been since Bryan had taken her son and walked out of her life.

  Her son.

  His son.

  Their son.

  Her fingers curled over her belly. What if there was another one on the way? Bryan hated her. Would he try to take this child from her, too?

  She drew in a deep, ragged breath and pushed herself onto her knees. She had to get off the floor. She couldn’t just sit here and do nothing. Her child was out there. He was gone from her. Taken.

  Granted, by hi
s father. Whom he loved. And who’d never hurt him, but still… Trevor was her son. Aside from the legal piece of paper she had proclaiming it, her heart proclaimed it. She loved him as much as if he’d come from her body and nothing Bryan could say would change that.

  And it wouldn’t stop Trevor from loving her, either.

  He would miss her. Oh, sure, this time with Bryan would be fun, but he’d want to come back to her. To his home. To Rocco and Mr. Monkey, and the blue bear and his blocks and his dinosaurs and his backyard and Bobby and…

  Jenna made it as far as the sofa before she crumpled onto it in tears. Her baby. Her child. Bryan was going to go for custody.

  She couldn’t fight him on it. Well, she would if he went for full custory, but if he would see reason to sharing Trevor—for Trevor’s sake—then she’d have to go along with it. Just like she’d told her mother, a child shouldn’t have to choose between parents and she had to make Bryan see that.

  She dragged herself off the sofa and went into the kitchen. She’d talk to him. Make him see reason. He loved Trevor; he’d do what was best.

  And what about you? Does he love you?

  God, what was with her conscience? It’d been mocking her since Bryan had shown up on her front porch, taunting her with the failings of her life.

  Jenna swiped at the tears on her cheeks. She wouldn’t cry. Her life wasn’t a failure. She’d just had some bad breaks, was all. But Trevor hadn’t been a bad break. He’d been the best thing that’d ever happened to her and by God, she wasn’t going to give him up without a fight.

  She grabbed her purse and dug her keys out of it. She was going to go over to Bryan’s right now and explain this to him. Make him see reason. Hear what she had to say.

  Except… she didn’t know where he lived.

  Jenna sank down on the chair, the irony of having made love with a man, could possibly be carrying his child, was raising his other one, yet had no idea where he lived—just like Mindy—was not lost on her in so sad a way. Was she so hard up for a man to love her, to want her, to stay with her that she would resort to this?

  That’s what her mother would want her to believe.

  …

  Jenna sat up.

  Wait. That was what her mother would want her to believe. Her bitter, lonely mother whose husband had left.

  He’d left.

  He’d left Ellen and, yes, he’d left her. Jenna. His daughter.

  He’d chosen someone else over her.

  As a mother, Jenna couldn’t understand it, and as a child, she obviously hadn’t been able to either. And even if she had, she hadn’t been able to do anything about it.

  But now she could. Now, she could fight to keep both Bryan and Trevor in her life. She didn’t have to sit back and let it happen. She had the legal right to see Trevor, and she had the moral right to, as well.

  And as for Bryan… She had love to keep Bryan from leaving her. Hers for him. Yes, he was angry—rightfully so, perhaps—but she’d been planning to tell him the truth—the whole truth. That she loved him and about Trevor. She’d been planning to tell him tonight, actually, and if it hadn’t been for him finding that video, she would have in her own way.

  Which still could have gotten you to this point.

  She shoved her conscience aside. She wasn’t listening to that annoying voice anymore. She owed it to Trevor to fix this and she owed it to herself. She owed Bryan, too. For so much, but especially for the excitement and love she’d seen in his eyes when she’d said yes to him. They could get through this. He just had to listen.

  ***

  “I’m sure she had her reasons, Bryan.” His mother wrapped him in a hug.

  It was times like these when he was so thankful to have her.

  No, that wasn’t true. He’d been thankful every day of his life that she’d taken him in when his own mother hadn’t wanted him.

  Just like Trevor’s…

  Where was Mindy? Why was Jenna raising his son? What was wrong with his gene pool that the mothers left their children—and, dear God, if he and Jenna had created a baby the other night would the same thing happen to that child?

  Bryan held his mom tighter, the one rock in his stormy sea of self-doubt. “Why, Mom? Why would Mindy just walk out of his life? Why wouldn’t she have found me?”

  His mom pulled back and cupped his face in her small, strong hands, the gleam in her eye fierce, like a mother bear defending her cub. “Maybe she looked, Bryan. Jenna might not have been lying about all of it. Maybe there are extenuating circumstances.”

  “There’s no excuse for walking away—”

  “Bryan, that’s not true and you know it. I know you’ve felt the loss of your birth mother, but you don’t know her circumstances. We may never know. But she could have been a scared teenager who was all alone. She could have been thinking of what was best for you. There are a hundred different scenarios about why she gave you up, but the fact is, she did and Henry and I adopted you. We chose you, Bryan. Don’t you remember me telling you that? We could have said no, we could have waited for another one, but we didn’t. We saw you and we fell in love with you and knew you would make our family complete. I wish it were enough for you.”

  “It is, Mom.” And it was. Suddenly, just like that, Bryan realized it was enough. It was more than enough. In a world where divorce was almost fifty percent, his parents had stayed together until the ’til-death-do-us-part part had come true, and he and Kyle had always known they were loved and wanted. Their parents had told them time and again about how they’d chosen them because they’d fallen in love with them on first sight and Bryan had grown up never doubting that love.

  No, it was his birth mother’s love he’d doubted, but he finally realized that he couldn’t live his life on that. The truth of it was, Jenna loved Trevor as fiercely and as much as Tabitha Lassiter loved him, and before he’d known the truth about Trevor’s parentage, Bryan had been both thankful and envious of how much Jenna loved Trevor.

  That hadn’t changed because she hadn’t carried him. If anything, it only made his admiration for her stronger. His appreciation of her love for his son greater.

  She’d come find him. Bryan knew that. As soon as she recovered from him finding out the truth and her devastation over him taking Trevor, Jenna would track him down. This wasn’t over between them.

  And, hell, he didn’t want it to be.

  He turned away from his mom and shoved his hands into his pockets. He wanted Jenna. He’d fallen in love with her—with who he thought she was.

  But she had to be that person somewhere. He’d connected with her. Their lovemaking hadn’t just been physical. It’d moved the heavens and the earth just like all the poets spouted. He’d felt it. He’d known it, had believed in it. It couldn’t be a lie.

  “Listen to her, Bryan. Give her a chance to tell you the truth. Then judge her. You might have done the same thing in her position.”

  “I’d never deny a child his birthright.”

  “You don’t know what you’d do in those circumstances. And you owe it to Trevor to find out the truth. Remember that. At the bottom of all of this is a little boy who has just been removed from the only mother he’s ever known. Think what that would have done to you at his age, Bryan.”

  Ouch. Mom didn’t use guilt often, but when she did, it was effective.

  He drew in a ragged breath and pulled his hands from his pockets. “You’re right, Mom. I overreacted.”

  “No, you reacted. And just like you don’t know what you would have done in Jenna and Mindy’s positions, no one knows what they’d do in yours. So cut yourself some slack and do the same to Jenna. Hear her out.”

  “You’re assuming she’s going to want to talk to me.”

  “Oh, I’m not assuming. I know. Because she just pulled up in the driveway.”

  Chapter Forty

  Bryan met her halfway. The symbolism wasn’t lost on Jenna, but she wasn’t sure he’d done it on purpose.

  “I
don’t think Trevor should hear this,” he said, proving her point. “Let’s go somewhere.”

  He held out his hand for her keys since she’d parked him in, and Jenna gave them to him. It wasn’t worth fighting over.

  He backed out of the driveway. “I took Bobby home and my mom’s with Trevor.”

  She nodded, knowing Bryan would have made some provision before leaving. He loved Trevor.

  She had to remember that. And he had to remember it. “Where are we going?”

  His fingers that had been thrumming on the steering wheel stopped. “I don’t know… Somewhere we won’t be interrupted.” He glanced at the dashboard clock. “Shit. I have to open the club. Let’s go there, and then we can talk in the apartment.”

  The apartment where they’d made love. The club where they’d made love…

  Jenna wasn’t sure she could handle the memories if this didn’t work out.

  ***

  Backstage was a hustle of activity like the night she’d danced, though, luckily this time, no one was getting sick and Bryan was able to do his register and inventory functions quickly, then handed the reins over to a big guy named Tanner who was half undressed—or actually half-dressed since those clothes would be coming off in a little bit—as a construction worker, and led her up to the apartment.

  What a difference a few hours and a giant lie made.

  “Why did you lie to me?”

  Bryan hadn’t even let her step two feet into the apartment before he tossed the opening volley.

  “I didn’t know you, Bryan. I didn’t know how you’d react.”

  “What gave you the right to care how I’d react? Why do you get to be the gatekeeper for this information? Where’s Mindy to own up to all of this? You two looked pretty chummy on the tape; you can’t tell me you haven’t heard from her since she just upped and left. Does the woman even care about her child?”

  Tears threatened to choke her, but Jenna swallowed them She owed it to all of them to get this story out in its entirety. “Let’s sit, Bryan.”

  “I prefer to stand.”

  “You’re going to want to sit for this. It’s not at all how you’re imagining it.”