Past Forward- A Serial Novel: Volume 5

by Chautona Havig

  “Thanks. It’s not so easy with these things in the way.”

  Unaware of the storm brewing in Chad’s heart, Willow unstrapped the pumps, poured the milk into a jar in the ice chest at the back of the cart, and set the pumps in a basket. “Why are you home? I thought you didn’t get off until four?”

  “Judith swapped beat with me, and then the Chief came in grumpy and said I could either sort the filing or go home. I opted for home.”

  “Joe and Judith’ll kill you.”

  “Brad too, but hey.”

  Unaware that Chad needed to talk out some of his thoughts, Willow pointed to the cart. “Mind taking that up to the barn for me?”

  He sighed and reached for the handles. Willow mistook his sigh for dismay at the weight and moved to the front of the cart to help pull. “I’ll help. Sorry.”

  “I’ve got it, lass,” he growled and jerked his thumb, ordering her out of the way.

  She stood watching him wheel the cart through the trees until he vanished from sight, but he ignored her. Chad wheeled the cart back to the orchard, his temper smoldering hotter with every step. Any moment, the slightest spark would make it flash into a full-blown fire. The sight of Willow teetering at the top of the ladder as she stretched for a lone peach on a branch just out of reach struck the final blow.

  “Are you trying to get yourself killed? Get down from there!”

  She missed the seriousness of his tone and laughed. It was the wrong move. Before he could dive to save her, Willow and the ladder crashed to the ground, Willow laughing harder than ever. “Can you get that thing for me? I think I’m going to lose a limb if I try again!”

  With an impatient jerk, Chad righted the ladder, gave his wife a helping hand, and climbed to get the peach. “Is a stupid peach really worth the risk? Would it have been so difficult to move the ladder? Twelve seconds and no injury or spend that twelve seconds leaning for it? Why do you have to be so selfish!”

  “Chad, I just fell off a stepladder. I fell five feet for heaven’s sake. Maximum!” She looked at his red face and stepped closer. “What’s wrong? You seem out of sorts.”

  “You have done nothing but criticize me since I got home.” He dropped the peach in her bucket. “I’m going back to work. At least files don’t have sharp tongues.”

  “What!” Willow stared at his retreating back before exploding in her own fury. “I don’t think so mister! Who do you think you are?” Her words grew closer and closer, but Chad didn’t turn around until her hand grabbed his shoulder. “What are you talking about? When have I criticized?”

  “First the electricity, then the jab at my mother, then the implication that I’m not capable of doing any work, and now it’s all about how I’m out of sorts. I think you’re working too hard, overheated, and possibly dehydrated. I also think you need to realize that you don’t have to do everything just because you used to do it.”

  All the way to the back porch, Chad ranted about everything from lack of sleep to the “insanity” of her insistence that she make the boy’s clothing. “Did it ever occur to you that I might want to buy them little RU t-shirts once in a while?”

  “Who said you couldn’t?”

  “You did! ‘I don’t want to buy their clothes until they need jeans. I enjoy making them.’ Well what about what I enjoy?”

  “You asked if I wanted to go shopping for clothes instead of stitching their little rompers myself. I said no. I didn’t say you couldn’t buy something. I said I didn’t want to do it myself.” He heard the tone in her voice. He knew it meant she thought he was ridiculous, but her next words toned him down—for a moment. “What about your mother? When did I make a jab about your mother?”

  “Well, not really about mom I guess, but you did have to throw my own words back in my face when I asked why you didn’t call mom. You know how much she wants to be with the boys and how she tries not to intrude too much.”

  “She’s family, Chad! How can she intrude? I don’t care if she moves into Mother’s room indefinitely if it makes everyone happy. I love your mother, Chad!”

  Had she managed to make the statement without a hint of laughter in her voice, Chad might have dropped the subject, but feeling ridiculed, he threw back the first thing that came to mind. “You didn’t act like it when Mom was concerned about you and your pregnancy. You thought she was interfering.”

  “Chad, she was. Everyone was. I was pressured from all sides to reproduce, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want her, and she knows that.” Her voice grew exceptionally quiet as she opened the back door. “For that matter, you know it. I don’t know what has gotten into you, but I don’t know who you are right now.” Without another word, she disappeared into the house leaving Chad standing on the back porch, livid.

  He threw open the door and at the sight of her chipping ice into a bowl threw up his hands in disgust. “Look at that. If you’d just keep ice in the freezer in the barn—or better yet, put a stupid freezer in this kitchen, you wouldn’t spend so much time chopping ice.”

  “We don’t need a freezer in here and in there. And fifteen seconds to move a ladder is something you want me to spend my time doing, but fifteen seconds for my personal comfort in getting some ice for my lemonade isn’t? It’s too much work to chip a bit of ice?”

  “Why does everything have to be a contest with you, Willow? Why must everything be done your way? Would it kill us to have a fridge in here where we could keep a never ending supply of ice for water, lemonade, maybe a smoothie every now and then?”

  “We don’t have electricity in here most of the year to run it. It’d be a nuisance and a waste of space.”

  “We could have electricity if you weren’t so determined to live in the past!”

  Her amusement was completely gone. Her irritation had started to rise but now fizzled in a puddle of hurt. He saw it in her eyes, in the quiver of her lips, but he refused to yield. She took a deep breath and whispered, “I can’t believe you just said that. After all the times—” Without another word, she left the kitchen, grabbed her purse, hurried down the front steps, jerked open the mini-van driver’s door, and in a cloud of late summer dust, was gone.

  The irony of her action wasn’t lost on Chad. “Of all the absolutely modern and normal ways to duck out of an argument, that has to be the most hysterical,” he muttered to himself. A new wash of fury prompted him to slam his glass on the edge of the porcelain sink, shattering it into a hundred pieces. “The only thing better would have been if she’d chewed me out by text.”

  Ten minutes later, Chad stared in shock as his phone rang and Willow’s text message flashed on the screen. “The animals need food and tending. Let me know if you’re not going to do it.”

  Chapter 145

  The front porch creaked in rhythm to Chad’s push. As each moment passed, he created quite a list of grievances in his mind until he jumped from the swing and strode into the house. He grabbed his keys from the kitchen table, and hobbled down the back steps. At the truck, he remembered the boys and returned upstairs for more diapers and out to the barn for a few more containers of Willow’s milk. He’d see if Lily could keep the boys a bit longer. It was time for a talk with his father.

  “I just don’t know where she’s gone or why she’s being so impossible.”

  Christopher listened to his son, confusion growing. The argument didn’t make sense from either standpoint. Neither Chad nor Willow was so unreasonable and vindictive. Such spiteful conversation didn’t make sense. “Chad, none of this makes sense.”

  “You’re telling me—”

  Grabbing his phone, Christopher dialed Willow’s number much to the chagrin of his son. “Willow, where are you?” He listened and then suggested she come to their home to talk. “Of course, Willow; bring David. I think that’d be a good idea.”

  An hour later, they sat in the Tesdall living room. Marianne tried to get everyone to eat and drink, smiling as though the very sight of her forced good humor would somehow erase the
ugliness of the situation. Willow had entered the house and gone straight to hug Chad, but his aloofness sent her into a nearby chair nearly hugging herself. The others stared at one another in shock, and Christopher no longer assumed that they both shared equal responsibility for the argument. He had a sinking feeling that this time Chad was way out of line.

  “I’d like to take Willow into the family room and hear what she has to say, Chad. Will you let David know what’s bothering you while we’re gone?” Somehow, he knew hearing it together would start an argument.

  How two people could use the same words and make it sound exactly opposite the other story, Christopher didn’t understand. Listening to Willow, he heard the same description of the “milking machine,” the ladder, and the electricity, but from a much more logical viewpoint. Even as he listened, Christopher thought he knew the trouble—or part of it.

  “Willow, I think there’s something bothering Chad. My guess is work.”

  “There was a bad accident the other day.”

  “He’s probably taking it out on you. City cops tend to have to decompress after hard days at work and sometimes they take it out on those closest to them. Not much happens like that in Fairbury, so I doubt you’ve seen it very often, but I’m imagining that there were children involved or something?”

  “I don’t know, he wouldn’t talk about it.”

  “I could be wrong,” Christopher admitted trying to avoid taking sides, “But I think Chad was picking a fight. I don’t think he realizes it, and once he does, he’s going to feel terrible.” His hand covered hers in an attempt to reassure her. “It’ll happen again, I imagine. Next time I hope you’ll be able to recognize it and maybe that’ll help.”

  “What do I do? He’s upset about things that don’t make any sense. I can’t just ignore him; it’s rude, not to mention he’d be livid.”

  “You guys are both going to have to recognize this. You can’t laugh at his unreasonableness; he can’t deny or bottle his reactions.”

  “Ok.” Her voice sounded small and confused.

  “Let’s go then.”

  “I need to go upstairs for a few minutes.” The way she crossed her arms over her chest told him it’d been too long since her last “milking.”

  “We’ll be waiting.”

  When Chad didn’t invite Willow to sit with him or even acknowledge her return to the discussion, Christopher realized it was going to get worse before it got better. “Well now, I’m very proud of both of you. Things went wrong and instead of lashing out repeatedly at each other, you both came for counsel. This is good.”

  Chad grunted. Willow’s hands wrung miserably and uncharacteristically, she cringed almost looking like a whipped puppy. This was harder on her than any of them had realized. Marianne’s arms went around her, and she whispered something in Willow’s ear, making Chad glower even more. Had the situation not been so strained and uncomfortable, Christopher would have laughed. He looked exactly as he did when sat on a chair to “cool off” after getting mad at Cheri over something when he was still in elementary school.

  “This all started when Chad found Willow working in the orchard, is that right?”

  Both of them nodded. “Chad seemed annoyed by it,” Willow added confused.

  “Of course I was! My wife was walking around outside with her shirt unbuttoned and breast pumps attached to her. How did you rig those things to stay attached like that?”

  “It wasn’t hard, and I can’t imagine why you’d be bothered. No one knew I was out there but you; no one could see me, and frankly, even if they could, I was pretty well covered by machinery.”

  “See what I mean!”

  Marianne sat up sharply. “Knock it off, Chad. That was uncalled for. It makes perfect sense to me.”

  “Did you know she sent the boys home with Lily and Tabitha for the day? She knows how much you love to spend time with them, but when she wants to get work done, does she call you? No. She just sends them off like they’re going to daycare or something.”

  The entire room erupted in a shocked and unified, “Chad!”

  “What!”

  Willow’s voice was small and quiet. “Did you really think that’s how it was? Did you really think I couldn’t wait to get my little chaps out of the house so I could go do my own thing without them underfoot?”

  “You did it quickly enough.”

  She bit her lip trying not to cry. “Chad, every week at some time or another, you tell me how much the church is supposed to bear each other’s burdens. You tease me all the time about how I’m willing to help someone else, but I’m not willing to accept help. You tell me that relationships with the church aren’t an option—that we need to invest time together and that this is what you want for your sons.” A sob escaped, but she kept going. “So Lily overhears me talking with Jill, and she knows I’ve been slower with my work this summer so she insists on taking the boys for the day so I can get some things done.”

  Encouragingly, Marianne patted her hand. “It was thoughtful of Lily to do that.”

  “But of course that means she sent the boys to Lily instead of letting you have time with them when she knows how much you crave it.” The defensiveness in Chad’s tone was more belligerent although it had lost some of its angst.

  “I don’t know what I should have done! Should I have said, ‘No thank you, Lily, it’s a kind offer, but I’d rather the boys spend time with Marianne. I think I’ll see if she wants to come take them while I pick peaches?’ Do you think I wanted Lily to take them at all?”

  “At least Mom—”

  “I’m the mom here and I’ll tell you, I don’t know how she can please you in this. Have you told her she needs to deepen fellowship ties with your church?”

  “Well yeah, but—”

  “And have you told her she needs to let people serve her?”

  “Don’t you think Willow could—”

  “Answer the question, Chad.” Marianne’s tone took on a familiar “don’t mess with your mother” tone. Christopher relaxed a little. This was going to be good.

  “Yes, but—”

  “And am I right in assuming that you’ve mentioned it quite frequently?”

  “It takes that to get it through Willow’s head.”

  “Well it got through,” Willow muttered, audibly exhausted. “I remembered what you said, thought I was being difficult about things, decided I could always go and get the boys early if necessary, and accepted their offer thinking you’d be so proud of me.”

  The last words were choked out with emotion that wrung the hearts of almost everyone there. Christopher watched a flicker of emotion across Chad’s face and sighed as he saw his son harden again. “Proud of excluding my mom—”

  “I didn’t mean to exclude anyone. I tried to include!”

  Marianne didn’t let him respond. “Don’t be an idiot, Chad. If you’ve told her these things in the past, it is not unreasonable that she assumed this was a good opportunity to follow your counsel and do as she knew you wished. If you were my husband, I’d have thrown a glass of ice water in your face by now.”

  Willow’s head shot up quickly. “Can I?”

  The room erupted in laughter. Chad’s mouth twitched ever so slightly, but no one but Christopher saw it. Without a word, Christopher passed her his glass of water and crossed his arms, challenging Willow and his son to step up to the plate. To his disappointment, she didn’t use it.

  “What about the electricity?” David hadn’t spoken much since he’d arrived, but this part of the story had greatly confused him.

  “What about it?”

  “Well, the last time we talked, you told me that one of the things that drew you to Willow in the first place was how different her life was. You said you loved how she and Kari kept the convenience of electricity but had removed themselves from it just enough to ensure that they didn’t allow themselves to be controlled by modernity. You liked having to decide if a movie was worth setting up your laptop, t
urning on the electricity, and you said that the simple act of lighting a candle was a daily reminder that one Christian can bring a lot of Jesus’ light into the world. What changed?”

  “Nothing. I just saw her hacking away at the ice, and with all she had to do, I thought it’d be nice if we had a refrigerator in the house to save work.”

  Without a word, Marianne stood, went into her kitchen, and returned with the ice bin from her freezer. This, she unceremoniously sat on his lap, stood back, and said, “So when you have an ice machine, you can avoid having to chip apart ice cubes, right?”

  Chad had the grace to flush. “It was just a thought, but she—”

  “Chad, after you said that, I commented that we didn’t use electricity most of the year and your response was, ‘well we could if you weren’t determined to live in the past.’ Considering you’ve told me time and again that you love how Mother and I kept the best parts of the past while embracing the best parts of today, that was the biggest slap in the face of all. I felt like you had lied to me all this time.”

  Christopher stepped in before Chad could say something he’d eventually regret. “Not a week before those babies were born, you told me that you were the most blessed man alive to have a heritage like Willow’s to pass onto your children. I have to admit,” Christopher admitted, “I felt a little insulted. We may not have had the same kind of rich traditions and unique lifestyle, but we taught you to love the Lord and about community and family, but your heart was wrapped in the life that you wanted for your sons.”

  Those words knocked the first brick out of Chad’s wall. “Oh Pop, I didn’t mean—”

  “I know you didn’t, son. You didn’t mean that then, and you didn’t mean to reject it all when you spoke to Willow today, did you?”