His mouth fell open.
“You’re not very bright Agent Harland. Not bright at all.”
He laughed. “Special Agent now,” he said. “I earned the title three years ago.”
“Congratulations,” she raised her glass of water to him before taking another sip.
“You’re right though, I should have handled things differently. It’s just that a year turned into two, and then three and after a while I guess my guilt for leaving you like that just ate at me. I couldn’t face you. I was afraid you’d slam the door in my face.”
“I should have,” she hadn’t smiled. “But I could never do that to you. If you had come back after three years I would have welcomed you with open arms. You know that.”
“You didn’t welcome me this time.”
“That’s because you showed up with her,” she waved her hand in the direction of Janet’s bedroom.
“That wasn’t part of my plan.”
“The two of you—”
“Broke up over five years ago.”
She looked shocked at his confession and then he realized, she thought they were still a couple. “I left her because…I guess because a part of me resented her for talking me into giving you space.”
“And the other part of you?”
“The other part knew I missed you too much to just be thinking of you as somebody I needed to protect.”
“Yet you still stayed away from me.”
He had. He hadn’t bothered to call, stop by, send a card to let her know he was thinking about her. “I’m an idiot,” he stated flatly. “I made a mistake, a big one, and I hope one day you can forgive me.”
“Maybe,” she nodded. “But for now I’m going to try to get some sleep. I have an early and very long day tomorrow; I’d like to be at least marginally refreshed.”
He hated to end the conversation on a maybe, but maybe was better than no and he’d take it—for now.
Clair stretched out on her bed. He hadn’t received any of her messages, not even the letter. She had always assumed he had and he had just ignored them, but now she knew the truth. Maybe she shouldn’t have assumed. Maybe she should have gone to his house to see him, but back then she thought he didn’t want to see her anymore and she didn’t want to be his own private stalker. He still hadn’t bothered to acknowledge her on his own. He had let ten years float by because of guilt; somehow that seemed better than deliberate refusal to acknowledge her.
He looked sad, vulnerable even, when she asked why he had walked away from her. He had been honest with her in a way she hadn’t expected, and that knowledge warmed her heart.
She wanted to know more, wanted to ask him the questions on her mind. She wanted to know if he had known anything about her life over those years. Had he silently followed her movements? Did he know she had gone to finish college; or that she had started teaching fitness programs? She doubted he knew about either since he had looked so shocked at her appearance when he arrived. That meant when he disappeared from her life he didn’t look back. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that, but at least now she was starting to understand what happened.
He was with Janet, and Janet’s insecurities, mixed with her psychology degree, had obviously convinced Greg to walk away…and stay away. She wanted to hate Janet, and maybe some part of her did hate her for taking her friend away, but she understood her delusional motives too.
From the time Clair was fourteen she had always assumed Greg was hers and that one day they would belong to each other in the way she dreamed about. Then, when she hit seventeen he partnered with Janet, and by eighteen he and Janet were an item…a very steady item. She saw the man she knew would one day be her husband, her family, slowly become somebody else’s and she tried to accept that. She still looked at him longingly; she couldn’t help that because she wanted him so much, but she never tried to break his relationship up. No matter how much she wanted him for herself, she wanted him to be happy and he seemed happy with Janet. She had resolved herself to friendship, even though a silent part of her hoped he would end things with the “new girl” eventually.
Instead, he had ended things with her. He had ended an entire friendship, a four year long friendship, and perhaps that had hurt her the most. After everything they’d gone through…or more like she had gone through and he had supported her through, she would have never expected his abandonment.
On the day of her sister’s funeral, her mother wouldn’t even go and her father had asked her not to sit near him. She was hurting just as much because she had seen what Levins did to Amy. She had seen him rape her over and over again. She had seen him strangle her to the point of blacking out while he laughed about it, only to have her wake up and then he’d find some other way to hurt her. She had seen him cut her sister open and pull out her organs one by one. She had heard the screams, the pleas for her to help her and she had been powerless to do it.
He made her watch as some part of his sick game, but also as a promise of what was going to happen to her. Three hours into captivity he tired of Amy and he turned his attention to her. He seemed to have more fun torturing her, making her suffer. “You’re mine,” he had said as he claimed her innocence. Two hours later he killed Amy, and once that happened he turned his full attention to her. She wanted to die by that point, but he hadn’t been quick to kill her. He had used her body in ways she would never be able to understand, in ways she never thought she would recover from. If it weren’t for the rescue team she would have died that day. For a long time she wished she had.
When they buried Amy, her parents’ heart, she lost what was left of her family. At the funeral she sat down at one end of the row and her father at the other; that was his request and she had honored it despite her need to be near him. Greg had been her only support that day, sitting next to her, holding her hand, wrapping his arm around her, telling her she would be okay. She needed comfort and he was there for her when nobody else was.
When she thought she might be pregnant she bought one of those at home pregnancy test sticks that she had done on her own. She found out alone what permanent part of himself Levins had left her with. Greg had been the first person she ran to. She sat outside his door until he came home. She had told him she couldn’t do it, she couldn’t have that monsters baby and he hadn’t tried to talk her out of it. He took her to a clinic where doctors did another test to confirm her pregnancy. The test she’d taken at home had been correct. The doctors explained adoption options, and she refused. She wanted it out of her. She wanted him out of her. If they couldn’t get him out of her then she would find a way to do herself. Greg must have known that because he helped her.
By that point her father wouldn’t even look at her, let alone speak to her. Greg had been the one to get him to sign the consent form, and he had been the one who had gone with her when she terminated her nightmare.
Then, he had stuck by her at the trial. He had been there for every testimony, before, during and after. He made sure she was in the right frame of mind to sit on that stand everyday. He was the face she honed in on when she reached a point where she thought she just couldn’t recount what Levins had done to them. She would just look at Greg and his reassuring presence gave her strength. After each day of testimony he was the one who talked to her with more than the “you did good up there” speech the district attorney had given her. He had been her rock. Without him she wouldn’t have survived.
Then, two years later he was there for her again, sitting by her side at the appeal trial. He seemed to always be there and for some reason she had assumed he always would be.
Twelve years since the incident, ten since she had left home, and her parents were in the same condition. Her mother was still in the institution and her father still wouldn’t talk to her. He had been the one who told her he wanted her out the moment she was legally of age to do so. He had even given her the money to get out, buying her the house and giving her a significant chunk of cash to keep her going for tw
o years without working. She worked anyway. She had to work. She needed to work to keep from thinking about what she had lost.
She had sent her father a holiday card. They never really celebrated the holidays until Amy came along and once she was gone there wasn’t a need to celebrate anymore, but she wanted…no, she needed, a reason to correspond with him. She had tried to stop by the house once, but he just slapped more cash in her hand and told her to stay away.
She missed her parents, but they hadn’t missed her. The card she sent was returned unopened with a note written largely across the front that reaffirmed his position. “Rejected; Return to Sender,” and it was in her father’s handwriting to boot. He didn’t want to know her, didn’t want to see her, hear from her, or get cards from her. He wanted nothing of her, and that realization had hit the morning of the appeal trial’s final decision. Maybe that’s why Greg leaving her hit her even harder.
She had noticed something different in Greg that morning. Something was bothering him; she assumed it was the same thing that was bothering her. There was a possibility that the judge might lessen Levins’ sentence, or worse, overturn the conviction on some weird technicality and then she would have to go through a new trial facing that monster all over again.
When Greg dropped her off at home she noticed that he hadn’t hugged her the way he usually did. She had hugged him, and he had moderately wrapped his arms around her, not the tight embrace as he usually gave her after a hard day. He had also said, “Goodbye, Clair.” He had never really said goodbye with such finality before. When she was young he would always say “see you later, kid,” and as she got older he dropped the kid part and simply said, “see ya,” but this time he had said goodbye. She should have known then, but she didn’t. She never expected, never could have imagined that he was abandoning her too.
For a long time she felt guilty, as if she had brought too much darkness into his life and he just couldn’t bare the burden. But then, over the years, she let go of that guilt. She couldn’t hold on to the guilt of losing him, the guilt of her sister’s death, and the guilt of her family’s demise all at the same time. The load was breaking her, threatening to take her down to a level she couldn’t recover from.
She moved on…or at least she tried. She would be lying if she said her inability to get close to people now didn’t have some correlation to the loss she had faced with her parents and then with Greg. She had never allowed herself to really connect with anybody after that because connecting meant she would get too close and they’d just leave her too.
Sure, she had friends, maybe more acquaintances than friends, but they were still in her life from time to time. Mostly she had work and she had thrown herself so completely into it that she didn’t have time to miss what she would never have—her family.
Levins had changed her life, and now, because of him things were changing again. She had worked so hard not to care about Gregory Harland, and while there was still that part deep down that thought about him from time to time, she had mostly succeeded in moving on without him. Now he was back, confessing his mistakes in such a gentle and honest manner that all those old feelings were flooding back, overwhelming her senses and breaking down the wall she had put up to protect herself.
Truth be told, the moment she saw him standing on her porch she had felt that old familiar feeling return, and then she saw Janet beside him. The smile faded from her face, her shoulders squared and she immediately went to last name basis with both of them. She assumed they were probably married by now, maybe even had children…but neither assumption had proved to be correct.
As much as she wanted to guard herself again, make sure she didn’t get too close in case he walked away again, she couldn’t. Her heart wanted what it wanted, and it wanted Greg. The question was, did he want her?
She closed her eyes and fell asleep with those thoughts on her mind. Tomorrow would be a new day, and only time would tell what was in store for her and Greg.
Chapter Five
“Oh, Clair,” Levins moaned. “I’ve missed you so much my chocolate éclair.” He shaved off the beard he had grown in prison as he waited to rinse the red die out of his hair. With his complexion he wouldn’t look appealing with dark hair, but he couldn’t stay blonde either. Would she recognize him when he returned? Oh, maybe not at first, but eventually; he assured himself of his unforgettable qualities.
Clair had been special. He thought Amy would be the special one. It was Amy he’d wanted. When he first saw her at school he had found a way to approach her while she was on the playground. The other kids were engrossed in their games, but Amy sat off on one of the swings eating her ice cream.
He’d been cautious not to scare her, but when he said hello and she looked up at him with those big brown eyes of hers he knew he had his way in. She hadn’t been afraid of him. She hadn’t even said her parents told her not to talk to strangers. She talked to him for a few minutes, until she finished licking that ice cream push pop and then she left with a hardy, “see you later,” and a smile.
He had thought he’d fallen in love and he made plans to take her like he’d taken the others. A few more impromptu visits to her school and he knew she would come willingly to his truck. The visits weren’t impromptu for him, but they were for her. He had calculated everything precisely as always. He couldn’t afford room for a mistake. One wrong move and he could spook her, or somebody else nearby, and then it was all over. He couldn’t risk that outcome, so he planned every step of the process as if he were going to war with the enemy.
When he saw Amy in the park he had figured he’d get her alone and take her away, but then he saw Clair. Clair was the icing on his cake, he thought. She would just be an added extra bonus for the day because normally he liked them younger, much younger. So he made it work where he’d get both of them. He didn’t think that it would work for both that day, but then she had gone over to the ice cream stand and he’d had just enough time to convince Amy to get in his truck. He had some new dolls he’d like to show her. She could have one if her big sister approved.
He did have dolls in the back, porcelain ones with pretty dresses, and Amy’s little eyes lit up. “Get in and I’ll take you home,” he said. She hesitated only briefly until he said, “I’ll ask your parents if I can give them all to you.” Then, like lightening she got into his truck and she closed the door. He gave her a doll to keep her occupied. She hadn’t looked up and out the window even once. When he put that doll in her hand he no longer had to worry about her trying to go anywhere. It happened in less than two minutes. He was good, very good, but he couldn’t deny the homework he had done. The time he’d put into developing a rapport with her had been the clincher.
Then, the sister, Clair sweet Clair, finally spotted Amy in his truck and she came running. He wouldn’t have expected any less from a big sister. He had to work even faster because the vendor was behind her and it was clear other parents were already dialing 9-1-1.
He grabbed her quick, made her get in the truck and told her to drive or he’d kill her sister. She drove exactly where he wanted her to, and then they walked the rest of the way to the abandoned cabin. He had tied her up first. Amy had been so preoccupied with those stupid dolls that she didn’t know what was going on. She was so easy. He’d left her alone in the room while he made sure Clair couldn’t run, or hurt him, and then he came back and took Amy in the room with her sister. Then he tied her up and decided to have some fun.
He loved the screaming, loved the pain he inflicted. There was no greater high, or so he thought. But then he had a piece of Clair and he liked her a heck of a lot more than the little girl on the bed. He didn’t need them both, so he got rid of Amy and focused on Clair. He’d had so much fun until he heard the dogs barking. He knew then the cops were on to him. He hadn’t expected them to move so fast, to coordinate and find him so quickly. He wasn’t sure how they had, but they had found his truck and those stupid dogs had led them to him.
He
didn’t have time to finish with Clair, so for the first time ever he left one alive. He ran, but they caught him and then his sweet Clair had testified against him. He hadn’t thought they’d put her on the stand, but they had. He should have killed her before he tried to run, but he didn’t like rush jobs. He knew where she lived, knew he could come back for her later and finish what he had started, but later didn’t come. He landed his ass in prison with a death row sentence.
He grinned at his reflection in the mirror. “Well you’re out now,” he said. “Time to finish her.” He would have a little fun first. She would be twenty-eight by now and the age would normally deter him, but he had been dreaming about his chocolate éclair since he’d had the first taste of her. There was no way he could kill her without having a little fun with her first.
Once she was done and gone he would move on, maybe back east where he had started. He’d have to move around a lot this time since they knew who he was and what he looked like. He didn’t have any scars or any distinguishing tattoos, but the slight change to hair color wasn’t going to change his looks enough to perfectly disguise him. Hell, maybe he’d get some cash and have his face changed. He rather liked his face, but he liked his games more and he would do whatever it took to ensure he had a chance to play for a lot longer.
“Clair, sweet Clair,” he moaned. “I’m coming for you baby…soon.”
Chapter Six
Greg shut his bedroom door and went through the bathroom, using the connecting door to enter Clair’s room. Her door was closed, which was perfect for what he had in mind. She was in the closet, the bright light softly lit her bed; the bed he planned to get her flat on her back in.
Dangerous Obsessions Page 7
