He walked into the closet, watching her stand there in her bra and panties. “What are you doing?”
She jumped and turned toward him. “Don’t scare me like that,” she complained. “I’m looking for something to wear tomorrow.”
She had to go to work, what was so difficult about finding something to workout in? Then he actually paid attention to her workout attire and he realized, she had the proverbial truck load of clothes to choose from.
“Black pants, pink top, or white pants, blue top?” She held both outfits up, asking his opinion. Hell, he didn’t care; he rather liked what she was wearing now.
“White and blue,” he said.”
“Black it is,” she put the white and blue set back on the rack and then she hung the black set in front.
Hell, she could wear whatever she wanted, he didn’t care. Right now his mind was on getting what was left of her clothes off, not on.
Greg stepped closer, wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her against his body. Her back rested against him so evenly the fit felt perfect. He brushed his lips against her neck. “Don’t,” she said. “Don’t do it if it doesn’t mean anything to you; if I don’t mean anything to you.”
He placed his hands firmly on her arms and turned her to face him. Looking into her eyes he said, “This means something to me. You mean something to me.” She meant everything to him and that realization had broke his control. He lowered his head, lips conquering hers as he kissed her wantonly. She rose on tip toe to meet his exploration and pursue one of her own. Her mouth welcomed his tongue as if they’d done this before, done this for years.
She clutched his shoulders, trying to pull him closer, trying to connect completely with him. He wrapped his arms around her pulling her in, obliging her silent request as he lifted her off her feet.
Her legs wrapped around his waist as he pressed her back into one of the drawers. She moaned a muffled, “ouch,” and he took the hint. The closet wouldn’t be comfortable for what he planned to do with her.
He walked, clumsily, to the already turned down bed and laid her upon it. In one swift move he had his own pants and underwear down and off. He parted her thighs gently with his hands and kneeled between them. “Is this okay, Clair? I want you, but if this isn’t okay I’ll stop.” He would be in a considerable amount of pain, but he would stop.
She looked up into his eyes.
“Do you want me to stop, Clair?”
Her mouth formed the word no as she shook her head. Thank God. He eased her panties down her thighs and off, tossing them to the floor as he lifted her gently to remove her bra. One flawless motion and now she was naked beneath him. He wanted to take his time, enjoy her body, learn it, feel it, taste it. He didn’t want to rush this, wouldn’t rush this.
He pulled back and looked down at her small breasts. “You’re beautiful,” he mumbled as he dipped his head and licked her nipple, drawing a moan of ecstasy from her. He played with her breast, licking, sucking, shaping it in his hand before turning his attention to the other one and lavishing it with the same attention. Hell yes, this is what he wanted…no, he wanted more, more of her. He wanted to know what every inch of her tasted like, what she’d feel like with him inside of her, what she would sound like as she came with him.
He trailed kisses down her body, to the inside of her thigh and then he set about arousing her further with succulent kisses and a few swirls of his tongue. He dipped a finger inside her, she was wet, but not quite wet enough to take him. He licked, sucked and fondled her sex until she arched and withered beneath him.
“Greg…please?” She moaned.
He weighed the choices, make her come with his mouth or come with her while he was inside her. The later option won.
He pressed his lips to her lips, kissing her hotly as he slid into her. She arched beneath him, taking him in deeper as her legs wrapped around him more.
He raised over her just enough to look at her face as he thrust heavily into her. She moaned and gasped, silently taking in each breath as if she needed to control her climax. “Come for me baby,” he said as he thrust into her harder, faster, feeling his own impending climax. She felt so good, held him so tight, he wouldn’t be able to hold out for much longer.
Her hips lifted, legs went wide and he sunk into her deeper.
“Oh, God…Greg,” she panted. She was close, so close, he could tell by the look of ecstasy on her face and the dazed look in her eyes.
He thrust in again, and again, hard and fast. Her eyes closed tightly, her breath caught and she came. Her sex pulsed around him as her tiny fingers grasped his biceps. “Yes, God, Greg, yes,” she panted as she rode out to the edge of her climax. “Please?” Her hips lifted hard against him. She was riding out the wave of her first climax when the second one hit her hard. He had done this to her. He had taken her to the edge and over it and that knowledge alone made his lust blaze stronger.
He kept thrusting in deep, pushing himself in completely and pulling out just enough to thrust back in hard. He took her over the edge and felt his own release in the process.
He stayed locked inside of her, resting his weight on her, his head nestled against her neck. All he could manage was the occasional lick of her skin.
When he could move again he eased out of her and rolled onto his back. “Damn,” he said. “I didn’t use anything.”
“I know,” she curled into his arms. “It’s okay.”
“Are you on something?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m clean,” he said.
“Me too,” she confirmed. “Don’t worry about it,” she started to roll away from him and he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her back in close. There was no way he was letting her pull away from him again.
“I’m glad you didn’t deny me,” he said. “I would have left if you had asked me to.”
“I know. It’s why I didn’t ask you to leave.”
He smiled. “Thank God for level heads,” he said.
She rested against him, his arms wrapped around her, their bodies entwined the way he wanted. His fingers stroked a lazy line up and down her spine. “Clair,” he whispered. She moaned an intangible “what”. “Are you seeing anybody?” He should have asked before he’d gone to bed with her, but he hadn’t.
“No,” she pulled closer to him. “I know what I said the other night when you made that disparaging remark about my weight, but I was just angry with you. I’ve been sleeping alone in this bed since I got it. I’ve been sleeping alone since…forever, I guess. The only person I ever wanted was you. After what Levins did to me it was a long time before I felt anything, sexual or otherwise, but when I did it was always you.”
He pulled her closer to him, as if she could get any closer than she already was.
“When you left…at first I hoped you would come back and we would be together and then I realized you wouldn’t. Still, I never felt for anybody else what I felt for you and I didn’t want to go to bed with somebody if it weren’t going to mean anything to me.”
“But you’re on the pill.”
“Yeah, after what happened with Levins…I guess you can say I was afraid…if it ever happened again I didn’t want…” her voice trailed off into nothingness. She didn’t have to say more he knew exactly what she didn’t want. She didn’t want another pregnancy, another abortion. She had taken precautions for something most people never thought about preparing for, and she had done that because she had faced the unthinkable, experienced the aftermath and she didn’t want to face it again.
“Do you know how to defend yourself?”
“I took some classes at the gym. I’m not sure how good I’ll be in case of emergency, but I know some defensive moves. I have a Tazer in that drawer and I generally carry a second one in my gym bag. I tried not to get carried away because Lord knows I was living my life in fear for a long time. Once Levins went to prison some of that fear subsided, but I guess I still thought maybe it could happen again, not
with him, but somebody else. It’s a scary world out there, Greg. Levins opened my eyes to that and afterward I just couldn’t shut them. I couldn’t block out all the bad things that might happen. But I made a promise to myself and I’m trying to stick to it.”
“What kind of promise.”
“I promised myself I wouldn’t stop for fear. So I keep functioning everyday, and I keep trying to survive.”
“You need a break. Take some time off work and just relax. Do you ever do that?”
“Not much. I like work.”
“I like work too, but I know how to leave it behind.” She started to pull away from him again. “Oh no you don’t,” he held her tighter. They were going to finish talking.
“I can’t,” she said. “Staying busy helps me. After you left I didn’t have anybody. It wasn’t just about not having somebody to talk with either. I mean I can pay a shrink for that I guess, but I just needed a friend. When you left I lost the only real friend I had and I just couldn’t allow myself to feel that pain again. I stopped letting people get that close to me.”
“You let fear stop you.”
“No, I let heart stop me. I wasn’t afraid it would happen, I knew it would. People leave, and sometimes they don’t come back. My heart just can’t keep taking that, Greg. It hurts too much.”
He placed a soft kiss on her head. “I’m so sorry, baby,” he mumbled.
“You couldn’t have known, I couldn’t have known, what your leaving would do to me. After my parents abandoned me I guess I just…whatever,” she mumbled. “It’s in the past. We can’t change it. But I need to know, Greg. What was this?”
His eyes widened. What did she mean what was this? This was love making, plain and simple love making. Or maybe there was nothing plain or simple about it, but the emotion behind it was still love. “This was us,” he said, “finally getting it right.”
“Not just sex?”
“No.”
“You feel…something for me.”
“I feel a lot for you, Clair. I love you.”
She looked up at him, her eyes searching his. She smiled. “I believe you do,” she lifted her head and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. “Maybe, when this is over we can talk about where you see this going. But for now, I’m just going to enjoy being in your arms.”
Where he saw this, as she had called it, going was straight to the judge’s chamber followed quickly by a honeymoon on some exotic island. He could wait to discuss his plans with her. First he had to make sure she remained alive and safe, then he could talk marriage. He just hoped she was on the same page with him. He had wasted so much time that he didn’t want to waste more. He knew it might be moving fast. You didn’t just show up in somebody’s life after ten years and propose marriage, but he didn’t want to wait. He loved her, by God, and he wanted to marry her. He should have married her years ago. He should have got off his ass, let go of his pride and begged for her forgiveness years ago, but he hadn’t done either. Now, he was in the making up for lost time business. He hoped she would say yes, hoped she would fully be able to forgive his betrayal, but if she weren’t ready for either he would keep working hard, long and hard, until she was. He would wait if he had to, but God knew he was hoping he wouldn’t have to wait long.
“I love you, Clair. I’m sorry I was an ass. I wish I could blame it on being young and stupid, but…”
She laughed. “How about old and stupid then.”
“Old?” He said indignantly. “I am not old.”
“Trust me, I know. After what you just did to me I don’t think an old man would still be able to talk. But you seem to think you’re old, so I’ll go with that if you want me to.”
“I don’t think I’m old.”
“Oh, no? You talk about yourself as if your life is almost over. You’re thirty-eight years old, Greg. You have your entire life ahead of you. Stop looking at things through society’s eyeglasses. You don’t have to throw in the towel and retire at fifty. You can keep going, doing the things you love to do and living your life for many more years to come. You’re in shape. You’ve taken very good care of yourself,” she rubbed her hands over his chest and down his stomach. “You just need to see what I see and maybe you can stop looking at your life as if your time is running out.”
Hell, she’d been perceptive. He had made a few remarks since being there, maybe even before, about retiring in twelve years. Maybe he had inadvertently called himself old. Compared to her he sometimes felt old, but not tonight. Tonight he felt loved, wanted, cherished. “Well hell, maybe I’m not an old man,” he said.
“You’re not.” She kissed his chest, letting her tongue swirl around his tight nub. “You’re definitely not old.”
He laughed. “Did you think that when you were kid?”
“I didn’t think you were old. Older, maybe…more mature, but not old. Yuck, if I had thought you were old there would have been no crush. Old, to me, at that time was like my dad’s age. He was forty and to a fourteen year old, forty was kind of old.” She laughed. “Although for you I guess my heart would have made an exception.”
Chapter Seven
Greg stayed the night in her room, holding her, caressing her, making love to her. He touched her as if he were trying to regain ten years of being away from her, as if he wanted to learn every inch of her body so as not to ever forget again.
“I didn’t think you liked my body,” she had said.
“I like it…I like it a lot,” he kissed her breast once again. “I was shocked when I saw you. You’re a good twenty pounds lighter than before.”
“Twenty-two,” she said.
“Don’t lose anymore.”
She gave him a look that told him he couldn’t tell her what to do with her body.
“Oh hell. You’re in the business of doing the opposite of what I tell you now; aren’t you?”
“No. I’m in the business of being my own person. Nobody tells me what to do anymore…not on a personal level anyway.” She stroked a slow line over his shoulder and down his arm. “But if it makes you feel any better I’m not trying to lose weight. I wasn’t really trying then either.” So maybe that wouldn’t make him feel better, knowing she lost weight without trying.
After Amy died and her mother checked out, her dad stopped coming home for dinner. She had tried cooking his favorites, the ones her mother had taught her to make, but he wouldn’t eat them. He had always just grabbed a sandwich on his way home, went to dinner with friends or he simply wasn’t hungry. After a while she got tired of throwing food away and she stopped cooking meals for two. She ate lighter meals, but since she was afraid to go to the park, to go hiking, to do the things she use to do, she wasn’t getting much more than yoga in everyday. She didn’t gain weight, but she didn’t lose any either.
Then, when she started school part of her program was actual exercise so she started working out in the gym. She started taking more dance classes in school and outside of school. She started losing weight. Once she started the weight just seemed to come off and after two years of college she was probably the only person in her class who had avoided the freshman fifteen. In fact, instead of gaining fifteen pounds she had lost fifteen pounds, and then fifteen turned to twenty, twenty to twenty-two and then she hit a moment where she didn’t lose or gain any weight at all. She was holding steady at one hundred eleven pounds for almost a year now. She had a BMI of nineteen and she was at a healthy weight for her height, which was a good thing because she couldn’t stop her workout schedule since she taught so often and had to prep for classes, and she didn’t think she could eat anymore than she already did.
Fortunately she worked around people who were all physically fit, so she didn’t deal with biting remarks about her weight often. She’d gone out a couple times and heard women who were bigger than she was remarking about how skinny she looked and how she needed to eat something. She ate plenty of things; she just didn’t shove food in her mouth to no end. When she was full she stopped e
ating. When she wasn’t hungry she didn’t force herself to eat that extra bite. She ate healthy foods, with the occasional treat of homemade ice cream, and she worked out. She was healthy, her body was healthy, and she was proud of that.
She had been out at a bakery picking up cheese bread rolls, once when some chick bought a doughnut and offered it to her. She hated sweets, so doughnuts were out. She respectfully declined, although she had thought of a few pieces of advice she could give her to lose those extra fifty pounds she was carrying around. But, if it was one thing she had learned; people made bitter remarks about other people when they weren’t happy with themselves. They needed to make themselves feel better about their weight, or their looks, and they did that by putting everybody else who didn’t look like them down. It was prejudice and probably jealousy combined and she wouldn’t play a part in that game.
She tried to think back to when she had started hating sweets. Despite eating moderately healthy all her life, as a kid she liked the occasional cupcake. She preferred crackers and salty foods, but the occasional cupcake or Krispy Kreme glaze doughnut was always welcome. Now she couldn’t even stomach the smell of those same sweet foods.
Then she remembered the day walking into a doughnut shop had turned her stomach. She was with Greg at the time. It was the day he tricked her into seeing the psychologist. They had stopped afterward, his treat, for doughnuts, and the smell of the rows of sweet concoctions almost made her throw up. She had to run from the shop and get air.
She had seen the éclairs, and that had done her in. Just one look at those things covered in chocolate reminded her of what Levins called her during and after his penetration of her body. That combined with the smell made her so sick she almost threw up right there. After that day she hadn’t tried to eat sweets at all.
Dangerous Obsessions Page 8
