A Distant Journey

by Di Morrissey

  In a few weeks, the horror of the drought had been replaced by new pastures and the agisted sheep had returned to begin building up the Kingsley Downs flock all over again. Wool prices continued to climb and the property had become prosperous once more.

  But for Cindy that drought was seared into her memory.

  It had given her an insight into the vicissitudes of life on the land, and an admiration for those who hung in there: the small farmers, the big holdings, the old families, those with a passion for life on the land in spite of the heartbreak the drought had wrought. Cindy was proud that she was part of a culture, a way of life, that city people had little inkling about, and she realised that it was a way of life that had also claimed her soul.

  The next few years had seen good and regular rain, and the flocks had flourished with the addition of the best ewes and rams Lawrence had been able to find.

  Lawrence had continued to revel in his involvement in the Wool Corporation. He talked about the lavish wool promotions which he attended. He mixed socially with the other big-name boardroom players as well as the overseas buyers, whom he talked about later with arrogance rather than respect.

  To Cindy’s astonishment and annoyance, Lawrence had begun to spend money as he never had before. He upgraded his satellite dish so he could receive better television, radio and phone reception. He handed the old Daimler over to Murray and bought himself a top-of-the-range Jaguar. He’d also bought a light plane, carved out a runway and hangar in a western paddock and both he and Murray learned to fly. Lawrence loved his single-engine plane. He frequently flew off visiting other properties around the country and attending field days, as well as flying down to Melbourne for board meetings. Times had certainly changed since Cindy had first come to Kingsley Downs.

  With a slight jolt, Cindy returned to the moment as Sally nudged her from her musings.

  ‘Mum, the guests will be here soon, and you haven’t even changed. What have you been doing?’

  ‘Just thinking about us, and wondering where all the years have gone,’ Cindy replied, giving her daughter a hug. Her daughter returned Cindy’s embrace and then shooed her towards the house. Cindy smiled as she walked indoors. So many things had changed, but some things were still the same.

  *

  By sunset all the guests for Sally’s engagement party had arrived. The band was tuning up, a group of Ashley’s mates were gathered around the keg of beer, Sally and her girlfriends were watching them from the verandah, and Cindy and Joanna circulated with plates of food, enjoying exchanging banter with the young people. Murray, his grey hair now slightly thinning, his face more weathered but his frame firm and lean, stood with his contemporaries, drinks in hand, discussing the latest wool prices and ram sales.

  It was lovely to have so many of their friends there to share Sally and Ashley’s party, Cindy thought. She was happy that Marie’s grandchildren, Toby and Holly, were able to be there, too, though she missed Marie’s exuberant presence.

  Lawrence arrived in time for the toasts. He said a few words, gave Sally a kiss and handed her an envelope with a cheque in it which would more than cover the honeymoon. He spent some time circulating, being charming, but quietly left once the music and dancing started.

  After a couple of dances with Murray and then with Donald, Cindy finally collapsed in a chair beside Joanna.

  ‘I can’t remember the last time I danced like a mad thing,’ she said breathlessly, laughing.

  Jo grinned at her friend. ‘Terrific party, Cin. Everyone is having a great time. Looks like Lawrence was splashing his money around on Sally and Ashley.’

  Cindy rolled her eyes. ‘Yes, he’s spending like it’s going out of fashion these days. Not like when Murray and I were first married. Then we couldn’t get a penny out of him. But then, he’s always been generous with the kids. Sometimes I think he tries to buy their affection.’

  Joanna shook her head. ‘Your kids are too sensible to be taken in by that. Mind you, I’ve noticed that he’s always rather polite to you these days.’

  Cindy nodded in agreement. ‘Yes, he mightn’t like me, but I think he respects me.’ Before she could say anything else, Murray and Donald wandered over and sat down beside them.

  ‘Great night, Cin,’ said Donald. ‘I can’t believe Sally’s getting married. Look at them all on the dance floor, having the time of their lives, and yet it doesn’t seem all that long ago that all of them were just young kids together.’

  ‘I was thinking much the same thing myself earlier this evening,’ said Cindy with a smile. ‘Are you two driving home, or staying in one of our bedrooms? Most of the kids are bunking down in the shearers’ quarters. There’s a big barbecue recovery breakfast planned.’

  ‘Ha, reminds me of those B&S balls! I think we’d better stay. We’ve had a bit too much partying to be able to drive home safely,’ said Jo. ‘Not that we’ll get a lot of sleep with all this noise going on.’

  As the four friends settled contentedly into their chairs, they were entertained by Sally’s friends belting out ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ as they danced wildly on the little dance floor. Life, Cindy thought, couldn’t get much better than this.

  *

  But a few days later, things changed when Cindy received a phone call from Alice. As soon as she heard Alice’s voice, she knew something was wrong, for Alice never phoned.

  ‘It’s Babs,’ Alice said without preamble. ‘She’s sick. She’s got breast cancer. She’s a fighter, but I thought you’d want to know. She told me not to tell you, of course.’

  ‘Oh, no! Oh, Alice, that’s terrible.’ Cindy felt her heart constrict and tears sprang to her eyes. ‘I’ll come immediately.’

  ‘You don’t have to rush to her bedside, she’s not at death’s door – yet,’ said Alice ominously. ‘But the prognosis, long-term, is not looking so good. Of course, we both know Babs can be a drama queen at times.’

  Cindy bit her tongue. She knew that Babs was not the drama queen in the family. She had never been one to exaggerate, which made Cindy feel even more alarmed.

  ‘What about Joey? Has she told him?’

  ‘Yes. I persuaded her. He’s a grown man with a family, for goodness sake.’ Alice sniffed. ‘Babs still indulges him, but he had to know the truth. Babs will be very happy if you give her a call, now that you know.’

  ‘I call her quite often, and she’s said nothing to me,’ said Cindy. She felt a dreadful twinge of guilt. ‘I should have brought her out here, taken the kids there, and now …’ Suddenly, she couldn’t speak.

  ‘No point in going into the ifs and buts now,’ said Alice briskly. ‘I just thought you should know. She doesn’t expect you to come, she knows that you have a very busy life and Sally’s wedding coming up and all.’

  ‘Thank you, Alice, I’m glad you told me. I’ll tell Murray right away. Take care and give our love to Spencer,’ said Cindy, putting down the phone. She felt she might burst into tears.

  Murray simply held her tightly. There was little he could say to comfort her except to agree that she had to leave for Palm Springs as soon as possible. ‘Of course you must go. I’m only sorry we couldn’t have gone sooner so Babs could meet the kids.’

  Cindy nodded. ‘I wish she could too, but they’re so busy with their own lives at the moment. Murray, I feel so guilty that I didn’t find the time to see Babs before this. There just always seemed to be something going on. Something else to spend the money on. The years just seem to have slipped away and I owe Babs such a lot, I should have made time for her. And poor Joey. I know he has a wonderful partner in Kelly and children of his own, but it will be terrible for him to lose his mother.’ She stopped.

  Murray must have known what she was thinking, because he said gently, ‘You’re right. We’ve both lost our mothers, so we can understand how he must be feeling.’ He stroked her hand. ‘What about your father, Cindy? Will
you find time to visit him while you’re away?’

  She gave a wan smile. ‘Yes. I was thinking I’d see my dad, of course. He’s not getting any younger. Oh, Murray, it feels rather like I’m saying goodbye to everyone …’ She buried her face in Murray’s chest and cried.

  *

  Cindy felt small and fragile as she hunkered down in her seat in the aircraft.

  People were talking and laughing all around her, stowing bags, getting settled with magazines and books and blankets. She turned her face towards the window, hoping no one chatty sat beside her and asked her questions; Off on holiday, then? Seeing family? Where are you headed? She just craved solitude so she could be alone with her thoughts.

  Murray had driven her to Melbourne and the children had all come to the airport to see her off. How she wished Babs could see how well the children had turned out. She was so proud of them, making choices for their futures, deciding on their careers.

  Occasionally Cindy had wondered what sort of career she would have had if she hadn’t met Murray, but now she struggled to remember what her dreams had been. Palm Springs had been unlike any place she’d ever imagined and Alice and Babs had opened her eyes to so many different ideas and experiences. College life had been fun, and that world had seemed a place filled with the promise of opportunities. But over the years she had gradually lost contact with the friends she’d known there, and occasionally she wondered what had happened to them. Had they led richly busy and fulfilled lives, striding the world stage as successful achievers, or had some failed at life, never meeting their yearbook hopes and predictions? And where did she fit in? What would they think of Cindy’s life, contained as it mostly was within the small world of Kingsley Downs?

  But her life, in spite of all its dramas and ups and downs, had been a success. Cindy only had to look at her children to know that. And now she wanted, very much, to be able to tell Babs this was so, and reassure her that her impulsive marriage all those years ago had turned out for the best.

  Cindy was tired when she finally landed in Los Angeles, but she hired a car and headed off on the two-hour drive down Interstate 10 to Palm Springs. She could hardly wait to see her American family again. She knew from Babs that Joey had fallen madly in love and had moved in with a young girl called Kelly, and that babies had come along and suddenly he was a family man, although he and Kelly had never bothered to marry. Babs had been thrilled to see her son happily settled, although she had also told Cindy that Alice was scandalised by their actions. She’d told Joey bluntly they shouldn’t be ‘living in sin, but must formalise their relationship for the sake of the children’.

  Cindy had laughed and she was now looking forward to meeting Joey’s little family.

  When she turned off onto the highway, she started to smile and, although the areas she drove through had changed a lot, she was soon back in familiar territory. And while the desert might have blossomed with more lavish condos, gated communities and golf courses, when she pulled up outside Babs’s house she saw that it was just the same as she remembered it, with its well-established desert plants in the front garden and the same white-walled fence. It was dark now, but lights glowed from within the house and the light over the front door was welcoming. Cindy hesitated on the doorstep and rang the bell.

  Babs opened the door, smiling. ‘Why are you ringing the bell? This is your home!’

  ‘Oh, Babs.’ Cindy opened her arms and they held each other. The years they’d been apart seemed to dissolve in their embrace and Cindy felt as though she had never been away. Cindy was shocked by how old and tired Babs looked. Hugging her, Cindy felt how thin she had become. However, Babs’s voice was still the same; bright, comforting, caring.

  ‘Honey, you didn’t have to come, but I’m so happy you’re here,’ Babs murmured as tears ran down Cindy’s cheeks. ‘Now, now, let me look at you.’ Babs stepped back, holding Cindy’s hands. ‘What a beautiful woman you are. Come on in, come in.’

  It was a homecoming. As she looked around, Cindy saw that everything was more or less as it had been when she’d left. Her room was made up, and Babs had resurrected some of her college photos and an old teddy, and her favourite cushions lay on the bed.

  ‘Babs, I can’t believe that you kept those things of mine,’ Cindy said delightedly. The familiarity of those objects, worn with memories, was comforting and reassuring.

  ‘You didn’t want them shipped to you, but I couldn’t bring myself to throw them away, so I kept them, waiting for the day when I could bring them out again. Now the day has come, and here you are,’ said Babs. She had a hesitancy about her that gave the impression of frailty, but she sparkled with joy.

  Once they were settled at the table and eating their supper, Cindy took a breath.

  ‘Now, Babs, lay it on the line. How do you feel, how is your treatment going?’

  A shadow momentarily crossed her aunt’s face, but then Babs smiled forcefully. ‘As well as can be expected, as they say. I’m in remission, but the cancer could come back. Still, I am optimistic.’

  ‘It’s the 1980s, Babs. Medical science is making so many breakthroughs, advancing so much … You’re going to be just fine,’ said Cindy firmly.

  ‘We’ll see. Whatever happens, happens.’ Babs clasped Cindy’s hand across the table. ‘I’ve missed you, Cindy. It’s so good to see you.’

  ‘Babs, I’m so sorry that I’ve not come before to visit you, but I want you to get strong and we’ll fly you out to Kingsley Downs. How about next summer? Your summer, not ours. Or spring? When all the lambs are dropping?’

  Babs waved a hand as though to brush away such suggestions. ‘We’ll see, let’s just enjoy having you here now. Alice and Spencer are looking forward to seeing you. Joey can’t wait to see you. As I told you in my letters, he’s only about an hour away in San Bernardino, so he’ll come and see you as soon as he can.’ She began to clear the table, and Cindy jumped up to help. ‘You must be tired. Jet-lagged. Why don’t you go to bed and see if you can sleep through till morning.’ Babs sighed contentedly as she moved about the kitchen. ‘I can’t believe you’re here, back in your room. It’s like all the years have just telescoped and it was only yesterday you were playing with Joey in the pool at the old apartment with dear old Sol and Deidre.’ Babs paused as she stacked their plates. ‘I still miss those two so very much, although it’s been years since they died. They were about the kindest people I’ve ever met. And you, Cindy. Look at the long journey your life has taken. Are you happy, Cin? No regrets?’

  Cindy shook her head. ‘No regrets. I know marrying Murray the way I did was impulsive, and I was young, but it was the best thing I ever did.’

  Babs nodded. ‘I’m glad. Alice always said you were strong and you’d make the most of whatever came along. Dear Alice, she and Spencer have been so kind and helpful. Alice is just the same. She never ages, she is constantly into some new thing, she has so much energy, although in the last few years, I think she has made some dubious decisions. I’ve tried to say so, but as you know, you can never tell Alice a thing. I’m so glad she has Spencer. He’s very sensible.’

  ‘And how is Spencer?’ asked Cindy, helping her aunt load their dishes into the dishwasher.

  Babs rubbed her back. ‘Getting older, like we all are. Wakes up every day with a new pain, according to Alice. Sometimes he’s like a fussy kid, but he still plays golf and goes to the club, so he does okay. He’s driven me to the doctor and the hospital many times. Says it gives him something to do since he’s retired and Alice is so busy with the shop. She threatens to sell it, but I can’t imagine her doing that. And now of course she has a second boutique in Palm Desert on El Paseo – did I tell you about that?’

  Cindy nodded. She’d heard this news before, but it was just so nice to hear it in person.

  Wiping her hands on a tea towel, Babs said, ‘Now, Spencer will come by and collect us whenever you’re ready tomo
rrow and the two of them will take us to lunch. They have somewhere really great in mind.’

  Cindy yawned. ‘Wonderful. And I’m sure Spencer doesn’t drive you around because he has nothing else to do. He does it because he loves you, like we all do.’ Cindy kissed Babs, holding her tight. Leaving her aunt in the kitchen, Cindy went to the bathroom and showered, the warm water seemingly melting her cares away. She fell into the bed in her old bedroom as though she had never been away.

  *

  The next morning, Alice arrived into Babs’s house like a technicolour whirlwind on stilettos, a rush of pink and lime, flashing crystals, a new shade of colour in her hair and nails with glitter in the polish.

  ‘Oh, Alice!’ laughed Cindy, reaching to hug her. ‘How marvellous you are.’

  Spencer wandered into the house in the wake of his wife. He had indeed aged, but was smartly dressed in crisply pleated cream linen slacks and a lemon shirt, with a tangerine cashmere sweater over his shoulders. His hair had thinned and although he looked a bit wan and drawn, his smile was brilliant, showing dazzling teeth.

  ‘Cindy, you are as lovely as always.’ He hugged her and Alice leaned over for a small embrace and a kiss on the cheek, so as not to disturb her bouffant hairdo.

  Alice eyed her niece. ‘Cindy. You look exhausted. How many hours on that awful flight?’

  ‘I’m fine, Alice,’ Cindy said with a smile. ‘Babs is looking after me.’

  ‘How are you?’ Alice turned to Babs like a schoolteacher with an errant student.

  ‘How would I be, now Cindy is here? Over the moon, of course. Come on now, let’s go eat. Cin, you won’t believe this fabulous new place.’ Babs took Cindy’s arm.

  The lunch was delightful and Cindy was touched by the number of people who stopped at their table to greet her.

  ‘You’ve spread the word, you two.’ Cindy grinned at her aunts.