Mercy for the Wicked

by Lisa Olsen

  “Mercy…” he chased after me, and I let him catch me because as much as I didn’t want to look at him, part of me wanted him to comfort me very much. “Come here.” His strong arms wrapped around me and I leaned into his chest, simultaneously loving and hating how easily his embrace soothed me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know… You never said he…” his throat worked as he swallowed, jaw clenching. “You always sound so strong, I thought you had it under control.”

  “You heard me then?” My head came up in surprise. Although I’d suspected it was him on the other side of those phone calls, it was gratifying to find out he cared enough to reach out to me.

  “Do you always pour your heart out like that to total strangers?” The ghost of a smile flickered across his face.

  “Why didn’t you ever say anything then?” We were close, closer than we’d been in a long time, I didn’t think the Ether counted. His eyes raked over my face and I could see the indecision warring within him.

  “‘Cause I’m an idiot,” he admitted, whatever barrier he’d erected against the idea of ‘us’ crashing under the temptation. His lips descended over mine hungrily, like a starving man set before a banquet. I kissed him back for all I was worth, those weeks of separation falling away the moment his lips touched mine. Alone in the night I could tell myself I didn’t need Adam in my life, but with the man himself there, it was a little harder to stick to.

  It was different kissing him, the bond between us stronger, maybe from his gift of Grace, or maybe it was something else. All I knew was I dreaded the moment it would end, because I knew each time we parted it would be harder to say goodbye. So I concentrated on making a memory to last me through those times when we’d be apart, savoring every touch of his hands , every brush of his lips, every breath that mingled with mine until finally he pulled away, pressing his forehead to mine.

  “I hate to say this, but…”

  “You have to go,” I nodded slowly, but neither of us moved to part just yet. “You can’t keep doing this to me.”

  “I know,” he sighed, fingers tracing the curve of my jaw.

  “I have a life. I have a boyfriend.” Inside I dared him to challenge me about it, claim me as his, but his face darkened.

  “I know.”

  Disappointed, I pushed a little harder. “You can’t expect me to wait around for you forever, taking whatever crumbs you toss my way when you feel like it.” But I would, I knew that about myself and I felt like shit for it, because it wasn’t fair to Ben and it wasn’t fair to me.

  “I know.”

  A furrow appeared on his brow and I wasn’t sure he was even listening to me anymore. “Will you stop saying you know? Can’t you give me something to hold onto? Some kind of hope? Or is this it? You’re leaving me here until you’re good and ready and when you do take me out of this place things go back to the way they were? You in whatever forsaken corner of the world you’re holed up in and me…”

  “Shut up for a minute, I’m thinking,” he muttered absently and my eyes closed as I tried to reign in my temper. Sweet Jesus, why did I bother? “You said Raum bit you before, why was that? His kind doesn’t crave the taste of flesh.”

  I blinked at the sudden subject change, my argument losing a bit of steam. “He didn’t take a bite out of me to chew on, he bit down on me, to make me hit him with the Grace.”

  “Why didn’t you let him have it? Why did you let him hurt you?” Adam frowned, his fingers pushing aside my hair to check for damage along my neck and shoulders.

  “Why did I let him hurt me?” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes over that one. “Um gee, let me think… maybe because I don’t know how to perform on command? I’ve only done it a few times before and it seemed to flow naturally, but this time it wouldn’t come.”

  “Okay then, let’s see what we have to work with.” Taking a step back, he picked up my hand and laid it over my heart. “Come on, hit me here.”

  “Are you high?” I tried to snatch my hand away, but he held it fast.

  “Don’t worry, you won’t hurt me.”

  “Why not? It seemed to slow Azazael up.” Not for long, but I did have the impression it hadn’t been a good thing.

  “You hit him, huh? That’s my girl,” he grinned. Oh yeah, there was definitely pride in his voice. “Don’t worry though, I can take it. I’m more interested in getting you to learn a little control before I leave you here.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you.” I wasn’t even sure I could. I wasn’t afraid of him and that seemed to be the only thing that triggered it.

  “Are you sure? I kind of deserve it,” he taunted.

  “I can think of better ways to punish you.” I gave him an arch smile, unable to resist that teasing grin.

  “As tempting as that sounds, let’s try and focus on giving you some manner of protection.”

  “I can’t hit you with it, I told you, I can’t control it.”

  “Do you need me to be scary? Is that it? I could come after you.” He stepped closer, eyes flashing in what I assume was supposed to be a menacing manner, but it made me giggle.

  “It doesn’t work like that, I’m not afraid of you.”

  “No? What about now?” In one deft movement, Adam pinned me against the bed with his body. “The last time I did this, you lit up like a Christmas tree.”

  “That was a long time ago.” My hands slid up and around his body, enjoying the play of muscles under his shirt. “Now I don’t mind so much.”

  “I bet I can do something else to make you glow…”

  Chapter Eleven

  The lesson forgotten, his lips pressed against mine, begging entrance. I was no better, forgetting the fact that Raum could come back at any time, and the danger he risked with every second he lingered. Or maybe that made it all that much sexier as we made out like there was no tomorrow. His hands skimmed all over my body, leaving all manner of interesting tingles in their wake. As I opened my eyes, I saw he was right, I was glowing faintly, but not from fear.

  “Does that always happen?” I murmured, noticing the faint nimbus of light that surrounded him as well.

  “I have no idea, I never made it with another angel before,” he grinned, studying his hand with interest. “I have to say, I feel a little…”

  “What?” I prompted, but he shook his head. “Do you think the same thing would happen if I kissed Sam?”

  “Have you been thinking about kissing Sam lately?” he pulled back, a disgruntled look on his face.

  “Well, you’ve been gone an awful long time…” I couldn’t resist a little tease, but it was too hard to maintain my expression, so I let him off the hook. “No, you’re the only one I think about kissing when I shouldn’t be,” I sighed. “I wonder what would happen if we…”

  “Time to get back on track,” he cleared his throat, rolling off of me. I got the sense that he deliberately tried to distract himself so as not to think about that with the bed in such close proximity. “Let’s try something else. Here, sit up and close your eyes.” He pulled me up to a sitting position and knelt on the ground before me.

  “Close my eyes?” I frowned, wanting to see him for as long as he was there, but I did as he asked. “Okay, now what?”

  “Now focus on the Grace, can you feel it inside you?” Adam laid a hand over my heart.

  “I feel something,” I sighed, not at all sure it was the Grace when he touched me like that. His chuckle was warm and intimate, his voice falling in pitch.

  “This is just like healing, you can focus the Grace through your hand. Concentrate on doing that right now, push the power to your hand, you don’t need to be afraid to do that, right?”

  I nodded, gathering the Grace in the palm of my hand where I could feel its warmth even though I couldn’t see it. “Now what?”

  “Now, instead of directing it into someone, keep building it bigger and stronger… good, just like that.” I heard the approval in his voice. “Picture a big glowing ball of energy, like a fireball.�
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  Doing as he asked, my hand started to feel unpleasantly hot and tingly, and a fine sheen of sweat broke out across my brow. “How long do I have to do this for? It’s… heavy.” Maybe that was the wrong word, but I couldn’t think of a more appropriate one.

  “Good, now I want you to push it out of your hand like you’re shoving at something solid like a bowling ball, ready? On the count of three. One, two, three… push!”

  Oddly enough, the visual worked for me and I felt the Grace leave my hand with a measure of relief. Relief that was short lived as I heard his groan and my eyes popped open. “Oh God, I forgot you were right there in the line of fire! Are you alright?”

  “Never better,” he grunted, falling to sit against the edge of the bed on the floor.

  “I’m sorry…”

  “Forget it, it’s fine. It’s what I told you to do, right? See, I’m already feeling better.”

  “Yeah, you look great,” I frowned over his pale complexion. “Can I maybe…” I laid my hand over his heart, looking to heal him this time.

  “No, you save your strength, I’ll be alright in a couple of minutes. You shouldn’t do that too often in one day, it’ll wear you out.” He laid his hand over mine, trapping it against his heart and I was reminded of the Grace he’d given me before we parted the last time.

  “Why did you give me some of yours then? That was more than a simple healing or a ball of power like I just did. It felt like you gave me part of yourself.”

  “It was the only way I could think of to stay close to you,” he shrugged as if that made perfect sense.

  “Won’t that get you into trouble with the guys upstairs?”

  “Nah, they already know you’ve got Sam’s Grace, what’s a little more? With any luck they won’t even notice.” It seemed a bit risky to me, but I had to admit I was touched by the gesture.

  “Does it really make you feel closer to me?”

  Adam pressed a kiss to the center of my palm. “You don’t?”

  “Sure I do, but I’m the one who got the Grace. It feels like… like a warm hug sometimes.”

  A roll of the eyes was given. “I think I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear you say that.”

  “Oh, like you’re too cool to admit you need a hug every now and then? What does it feel like for you then? And choose your words carefully, if you say something disgusting I’ll blast you again.”

  A myriad of expressions flitted across his face and I could tell he was thinking of and discarding a few cutting quips. But then his face softened, and he wrapped an arm around my waist. “It feels like, if I close my eyes I can almost imagine you lying there beside me at night. I can almost smell your hair on my pillow and hear the way you snuffle in your sleep,” he smiled softly, for once devoid of his trademark smirk.

  It was a vivid enough picture for my mind to supply the other half of it. What he would look like stretched out in my bed, the sheets covering him just barely. “How would you know what I sound like when I sleep?” I asked suddenly, seizing upon that single detail.

  “You don’t know how many times I’ve watched you sleep,” he shook his head.

  “Not at all creepy,” I laughed, sobering when I saw he was absolutely serious. “Why didn’t you ever visit me when I was conscious? If I was on your mind so much the whole time we’ve been apart… I mean, who are you trying to fool? If anyone was paying attention, who would be able to tell the difference if you were in there watching me sleep or with me in bed for Pete’s sake?”

  Adam pointed skyward. “Think of it like Santa Claus. They see you when you’re sleeping, they know when you’re awake.”

  “Eewh.”

  “Tell me about it. Only if they happen to be looking of course, but I knew they were keeping an eye on you, so it seemed simpler to stay away. You sure made it hard though.”

  “Me? What did I do?” I was the one who’d been left behind.

  “Do you have any idea what it’s like to watch you go home with that bozo night after night?”

  “Ben?”

  “Was there another bozo I missed?” he replied sourly.

  “What do you want me to say? You left me, remember? You acted like you were never coming back again. You didn’t return my calls, on the phone or otherwise. What was I supposed to do?”

  “Wait in celibacy, saving yourself for the off chance we might one day reunite?” He gave me a cheesy grin and I laughed with him, because it was almost true. Maybe I’d continued to date Ben, but I’d been saving my heart on just such a fantasy.

  “Does it seem as if that’s likely?” I asked earnestly, willing him silently to truly answer me once and for all, because I could wait, if I knew there was something to wait for.

  Adam was silent for long seconds, weighing his answer carefully, judging by the look on his face. “I’m working on it.”

  “Working on what exactly?”

  He shook his head, “I can’t go into it right now, but Mercy, you get that this isn’t how I want things to be, right?” I wanted to believe him, but he kept leaving me so often! “If it was up to me, I’d take you out of here, hole up with you for a year or ten in a little place on the beach in Fiji until things settle down, and we can see where things go from there.”

  “Fiji? Why Fiji?”

  “You would prefer Iceland? I’m open to suggestions, but I’m thinking I’d rather see you in a bikini than a parka.”

  “I don’t care where we go as long as we’re together.” There, I came out and said it. No more games or taunts, Adam was the one I wanted, heart and soul.

  “I want that too,” he said gently, linking his fingers through mine. “But right this moment it’s not safe for us to do that, even beyond the things that you already know about. I’m not saying it’ll never happen, but it’ll take some time.”

  There were worse things than the drama I was already going through? Something told me I didn’t want to know about them. “Time as in human time or angel time?” I already figured out they measured time in much longer spans than us little people did. Patience had never been one of my virtues but I was willing to give it a shot.

  “I don’t want to promise you something and have it fall through. If you decide you can’t wait for me… that’ll suck, but I’ll understand.” Adam swallowed uncomfortably as if he tasted something sour. “Actually no, I’ll just have to fight for you when the time comes, that’s all.” He looked happier with that decision and I gave him a faint smile of my own.

  “Sam said you can come visit me in the Ether and no one would ever know, is that true?” If it was, it seemed like the perfect compromise. That way we could still see each other every night. Hell, I’d start taking naps during the day…

  “Hmm, I’ll have to think about that one. It could be risky, but… maybe we could make it work. You can’t get there from here, so we’ve got some time to work the details out. It’s a good idea though.” He gave my fingers a squeeze.

  “Maybe we should come up with a code word, so I’ll know it’s you.”

  “Why wouldn’t it be me?” his brows drew together in confusion.

  “Because Azazael is out there, and that seems to be the way he likes to get at me the most. How hard would it be for him to appear as you and get what he wants?”

  “Good point. Okay then, my safeword is Belgium.”

  “As in waffles?”

  “That’s Belgian.”

  “Whatever.” Vaguely aware of what ‘safeword’ was used for, it put all manner of interesting images in my mind that I wish hadn’t crept in there in the first place. “I don’t even want to know where that comes from.”

  Adam placed a chaste kiss to the crown of my head, pushing himself up to his feet with his usual vigor, and I assumed he was fully recovered from my burst of Grace. “Well, enough of the pillow talk. I’d better motor before someone notices there’s a bonus on the demon buffet line.”

  Scrambling to my feet, I followed him to the balcony where he cautiously peeked ou
t at the skies overhead. “How did you get in here by the way? I though it was impossible to get by the gate guard?” Naberios, or whatever his name was, scared the crap out of me, and I was under the impression that angels couldn’t make themselves imperceptible to demons.

  “Nobby owed me a favor so he let me pass. It’s getting back out that’s gonna be the tricky part,” he grimaced. “Come here and give me one for the road, I’m gonna need it.” Adam pulled me into his arms, kissing me tenderly, almost reverently before crushing me to his chest for one last embrace.

  “I love you,” I murmured into his chest, feeling his arms tighten around me almost imperceptibly when he heard the words.

  “I know.” He gave a long slow sigh. “Now stay put or I’ll kill you myself.” His voice rough with emotion, Adam launched himself off the balcony, wings unfurling to catch the air. I watched him grow smaller and smaller in the distance before he vanished from sight, considering his last words.

  I knew I should stay put and wait for Adam to figure out how to keep me protected. I should hope that Sam would be able to handle Azazael and somehow get word to me when it was safe to come home. I should trust all my friends and family to understand if I disappeared for a while, and be there waiting for me with open arms when I got back (not to mention my job). I should be patient, and use the time in Midian to gain a little control over my abilities.

  Yeah, none of that happened.

  *

  After another deep and dreamless night’s rest, I woke up to find the white haired witch standing next to my bed, gazing down at me in puzzlement. I’d seen the same expression on Sam’s face a dozen times since he moved in with me, so maybe that’s why I didn’t jump halfway across the room when I found her there. “Something I can help you with?” I asked, keeping very, very still. Raum called her a witch, and she was an odd one at that, so I wasn’t quite sure what to expect from her.

  “How can you sleep with so many pieces jumbled inside of you?”