by Jo McNally
He put his arms around her and nodded at her shocked expression.
“It’s true. I’ve fallen in love with you, Jillie. Don’t ask me how or why or when. I know it as much as I know I’m right-handed. I love you.”
Her mouth fell open, and then she began to laugh. Loudly. Almost hysterically. Had he just triggered another panic attack? Then she rested her hand on his chest, her laughter growing lighter. More genuine. Which oddly didn’t help, because she was still laughing at him.
“This isn’t exactly the reaction I expected...” He frowned. “I just told you that...”
“Oh, I heard you. But Matt...” She wiped dampness from her cheek. “Your timing is just...too much. It’s all a little fuzzy, but I’m pretty sure I just had a full-on panic attack in the middle of our date.”
He shrugged. “Technically, it was the end of the date. And I’ll have to take your word for it being full-on. You didn’t pass out or anything. You got...uptight. So I got us out of there. No big deal.”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure it was a big deal. I’m quite sure you’ve never had a date quite like that.”
“That’s true.” He kissed her forehead. “For example, I’ve never told a woman I loved her and been laughed at.” He tipped her chin up to stare straight into her eyes. “I’ve never told a woman I loved her. Period.”
She smiled, her eyes sparkling brighter than the Christmas lights on the resort. “Okay, maybe it wasn’t a full-on anxiety attack, but it was close. You didn’t freak out, though. You just...took care of it. And yes, you said you loved me. And for some weird reason, I think I love you, too.”
Matt heard the words. But his brain refused to accept them. He wanted it. He wanted her to love him. But what did that mean for them?
“You...you what?”
“We love each other, Matt.” She chuckled. “So...now what?”
They stared at each other in stunned silence, in the middle of a parking lot. She reached up to cup his face with her hands. “We don’t need to solve this tonight. Let’s hang on to the wonderful parts of the evening and see what comes next. One day at a time, like we have been. We can do that, right?”
* * *
And they did do that. They got through Christmas, spending it with the Randalls at Halcyon. It was a big family holiday unlike any Matt had experienced as an adult. Bryce had played video games with Zach, and gave little Maddy a ride on his shoulders, galloping around the big old house.
They got through the holiday break, which flew by with him working nearly nonstop at the ski slope. The week was thankfully cold enough to make plenty of snow, and word had gotten out to Gallant Lake and the towns around them that the old ski resort was open for business. They’d done solid business right through New Year’s.
He still made it to Jillie’s nearly every night, but there were some evenings when he fell asleep as soon as he hit the mattress. She didn’t seem to care. She’d crawl in bed with him and hold him until morning. They hadn’t spoken of love again. But he felt it. He was sure of it. More sure every day. It should be a happy thing. Love was supposed to be happy. It solved everything, right? That’s how it worked in the movies.
But here in the real world, he didn’t see how those solutions played out. Bryce’s leg was feeling better. He was making noises about flying out to an event at Lake Louise in January. He said it was to catch up with friends, but the doctor had cleared him, and Matt knew Bryce was itching to compete. Which meant travel. Which meant Matt would be leaving Jillie behind. For weeks at a time.
He’d eventually put the ski lodge up for sale, as planned. Leave Gallant Lake, as planned.
None of those plans worked if he and Jillie were in love. How could he leave her? How could he let Bryce go back to competing without him? Which was more important—his love for Jillie or his responsibility to his brother? He’d sworn on his parents’ graves, for God’s sake.
He was still struggling with all those questions when he and Jillie joined their friends one mid-January weekend. They’d all gathered at the Brannigan house for a chili party. Everyone brought different toppings and sides—cornbread, noodles, cheese, tortilla chips.
But as Matt stood near the family room bar of the rambling new lakeside home, staring between Bryce and Shane Brannigan, he was realizing two things. First, there was more to Bryce’s presence at this gathering than just chili. And second, his plans, as scattered as they were, had just been obliterated.
Outside, a large yellow Lab was careening through the snow, bounding between Amanda Randall and Nora Peyton. Nora’s grandson George was toddling around in his snowsuit, laughing every time the dog knocked him over with her swinging tail. Amanda and Blake’s six-year-old daughter Maddy was trying to protect George, but that wasn’t going all that well, because she kept laughing and falling down into the fluffy white stuff, too. Blake Randall and Nora’s husband, Asher, were talking to each other at the end of the shoveled-off patio, each holding a beer and watching the kids with wide grins.
Jillie was out there, too. She stood on the patio with Shane’s wife, Mel, laughing at the antics, then gesturing for Sophie to leave her side and go join the fun. Sophie and the other dog—Matt thought her name was Nessie—were clearly pals, and soon they were rolling around in the snow as the two children played together. A frozen Gallant Lake shimmered silver in the background. It was a quintessential American family scene. A genuine Christmas card moment. It was family. And Matt felt completely disconnected from it.
“This is a good thing, Matt.” Bryce’s voice seemed to be coming through a tunnel. Matt shook his head to clear the cobwebs, then turned back to the two men. His brother and his brother’s new manager. Bryce licked his bottom lip. He always did that before breaking through the gates on a new ski slope, especially if the conditions were challenging. These were the things Matt knew about Bryce. And Shane didn’t.
Shane cleared his throat. “I can assure you I have Bryce’s best interests in mind. We’ll take care of him as if he was our brother.”
“But he’s not your brother, is he?” Matt wasn’t sure why he was so angry, but rage...or panic...rose up inside him. “You’ve been wining and dining him and impressing him with your New York offices and fancy clients, as if a baseball player’s career has anything in common with a downhill skier.”
Bryce started to argue, but Shane stopped him with a shake of his head before answering Matt. “You’re not the first family member I’ve replaced as manager. I get it. The emotions of the job and the emotions of the relationship get all tangled up together until you’re not sure where one ends and the other starts.” Shane rested his hand on Bryce’s shoulder, and Matt had to look away. “Bryce will always be your brother. Nothing about that relationship changes. He needs your support. He needs you behind the lines, cheering him on. He needs to be able to talk to you about what he’s thinking and who’s getting on his last nerve and why that pretty forest ranger keeps showing up at the Chalet the same time Bryce does.”
Matt’s brow rose at that, and Bryce’s cheeks reddened. Had he missed a relationship blooming between Bryce and Holly? He frowned. Maybe he hadn’t been paying as much attention to Bryce and his rehabilitation as he should have been. Which made him both a bad manager and a bad brother.
“We need this,” Bryce said. “You don’t need to be my parent anymore. You don’t need to be my manager anymore. Just be my big bro.” He grinned and winked at Matt. “And frankly, Shane’s already made me more money than you ever did.”
“What are you talking about?” Matt had worked a few sponsorship deals for Bryce through the years, when companies approached them. Some had been fairly lucrative, but most of those went away when Bryce got kicked off the US team.
“I’ve got a few contacts in the fashion world,” Shane explained. “The folks at Clarity Sports Apparel are very interested in having an edgy young skier wearing their logo. And we’v
e got a tequila company ready to sign Bryce right now for some commercials. I think he’s a natural for TV with his quick smile and big personality.”
“Television?”
“And online. They’ve got some ideas for a series of short videos telling an ongoing story on their website. They were going to go with a tennis star, but that fell through, and it’s a great fit for Bryce. I’m trying to get him into some announcer booths this winter as a commentator. The collegiate games up in Lake Louise may present some opportunities to test the waters.”
Matt swallowed hard. Tequila? Television commercials? Apparel? There was no way he’d know how to land sponsors like that.
“Shane said we should film some ads at the ski lodge!” Shane straightened, but Bryce didn’t seem to notice. “They need shots of me on the slopes, so why not shoot them here, right?”
Shane seemed uncomfortable with Bryce’s enthusiastic outburst. Get used to it, pal. He cleared his throat. “It’s a possibility, but first we need signed contracts. And that means...” He glanced at Matt.
“That means you need me out of the way.”
Shane barked out a laugh. “Well, that’s not exactly the way I’d put it. You’re still part of his decision-making. Part of his life. A permanent unpaid adviser, if you will.” He grew somber. “My partner Tim and I have been doing this for a long time now. Our agency is small. We only take on clients we feel will be a good fit for us. Once they’re on board, we work our asses off for them.” The corner of his mouth lifted. “And that fancy New York office you think I dazzled him with? It’s a third floor office above my wife’s boutique on Main Street. Tim runs our office in Brooklyn, near his husband’s business, but it’s hardly fancy.” He leaned his hip against the mahogany bar, watching through the window as his wife, Mel, laughed at something Jillie said. “There was a time when I wanted the corner office on the fortieth floor, but I came to my senses. Tim and I aren’t in it for the flash. We’re in it for what we can do for our clients.”
Matt stared at Bryce. “He’s known as the bad boy of skiing, you know.”
Shane grunted. “Bad boys and wild children have somehow become our specialty. We usually manage to keep them on the straight and narrow...or at least under the radar.” The soft sounds of a baby beginning to stir came from the small white speaker sitting on the bar. Shane stood and tapped the window, waving at his wife. “My son awakens. Do you guys need to talk more about this? I don’t need an answer tonight, you know, but...”
Matt turned to Bryce. “This isn’t my decision. It’s yours.”
There was a brief moment of desperation in his brother’s eyes. For one brief instant, he looked like the uncertain young boy he’d once been. And just as fast, the look was gone. The man was back. He gave a short nod at Matt, as if to accept the mantle of adulthood once and for all. He stood, extending his hand to Shane.
“Let’s do this.”
Chapter Twelve
Tiesha laughed at Monica. “You’re falling for that boy.”
“Don’t be silly. Robbie’s a good soldier. That’s it. A comrade, and nothing more.”
“Okay. You keep telling yourself that.”
Jillie knew Matt was struggling with Bryce’s decision last weekend. He’d been quiet. Sometimes abrupt. He wasn’t sleeping well. She knew it was coming from frustration. So she’d been patient, focusing on her writing to distract herself. She knew he’d work through the surprise his brother had dropped on him eventually. And then they’d figure out where he and she were going.
But his announcement that morning had floored her.
“Matt...” His name came out on an exhale. “You can’t be serious. There’s no way I can fly to Lake Louise in Canada with you. I mean...it’s not even in the realm of possibility.” How could he not know this? She walked out of the kitchen to where he stood by the window. Sophie was lying at his feet, staring up at him with all her newfound adoration for the man. If only she knew the damage his words had done to Jillie’s heart.
Matt’s voice was brittle. “You told me you’ve flown before. You went to Europe! And now you won’t even think about it? So you’re never going to leave Gallant Lake again? Ever?”
“I hadn’t thought about it. There hasn’t been a need...”
He spun on his heel, slapping his chest with his hand. “I’m your need, Jillie. I love you, but it’s not fair of you to expect me to just sit in Gallant Lake the rest of my life.”
Her spine stiffened at the unexpected attack.
“I beg your pardon? I’ve never once said you were chained to this town. Or to me, for that matter.” Her irritation flared. “Don’t use your love for me as a weapon, or turn it into some burden.” She stood right in front of him, staring up at his hard—no, more like terrified—gaze. If anyone could recognize panic, it was Jillie. Her voice softened. “You’ve known from the very start what my limitations are. Don’t you remember our date at the resort? If my anxiety is suddenly a problem...”
He put his hands on her shoulders, his voice heavy with pleading. “The thing is, your limitations are...well, they can be changed. You don’t have to be this way...”
“I didn’t choose to be agoraphobic in the first place, Matt. I can’t just switch it off. Haven’t you learned that yet?” She pulled away from his grip and walked away, unable to think clearly while looking into his eyes. She wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging herself tightly. The thought of walking through an airport, going through Customs, boarding a flight...it was horrifying. Having Matt be the one to suggest it was even more so. “This is me. If you can’t accept me as I am, tell me right now, and walk away before we get any deeper.”
Matt muttered something she couldn’t hear, then tried again. “You’re not even trying to change. You’re willing to hide in this self-imposed prison...”
She laughed harshly, turning away so he wouldn’t see her tears. “This home is hardly a prison. Neither is Gallant Lake. I’m not hiding.” She ignored the new little voice in her head saying maybe she was. “I’m comfortable here.”
“And that’s enough? To be comfortable?” He walked up behind her but didn’t touch her. “You talk about me not accepting you, but, babe...that goes both ways. I’ve been following Bryce around the world for years.”
She faced him, blinking rapidly. “You just told me I don’t have to be the way I am. Well, right back atcha.” She raised her chin. “Like it or not, you’re not Bryce’s manager anymore. You don’t need to follow him everywhere he goes. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’d rather you didn’t.”
His jaw tightened. A vein in his neck pulsed in a hard rhythm. “I’m still his brother. I’m not just going to turn my back on him because he’s got some hotshot sports agent now.” He huffed out a bitter laugh. “A hotshot agent he met here in freakin’ Gallant Lake. Some hotshot, right?”
“Shane Brannigan’s firm represents some of the biggest names in sports, and you know it.” He wouldn’t look her in the eye. She reached out, resting her hand on his forearm. The muscles went taut beneath her fingers. This conversation was about a lot more than Matt and her. He was losing the only identity he’d known as an adult. He was scared. “There’s more to you than being Bryce Danzer’s big brother. Bryce Danzer’s manager. Bryce Danzer’s fixer, cleaning up after his misadventures. I told you once that you’d given up your future to raise Bryce, and I admire you for that. But, Matt...” She squeezed his arm until he finally looked at her. “You did your job. You’ve honored your promise to your parents. You raised a good man. And now you get to let him go. You get to be...you.”
There was the slightest moment of relaxation in the lines around his eyes. His shoulders relaxed. His jaw unclenched. But it didn’t last long. The steeliness returned, defiant and unwilling to let him go. She knew what it was like when your brain didn’t want to let go of a belief, and she sighed. They were both stuck in unhealthy patterns. An
d she had no idea how either one of them would break free.
“I’m still his brother.” His voice was almost childlike in its conviction.
“You’ll always be his brother. That won’t change, whether you’re his manager or not. In fact, I’m guessing things will be better between you without all that business pressure. You do your thing and he’ll do his. You just have to figure out what your thing is. And where you’ll do it.” She added that last part in hopes he’d say Gallant Lake.
Matt shook his head, rejecting her logic. “Bryce said he still needed a cheerleader. That’s me. I’m the cheerleader.” He chewed the inside of his cheek. “It was never my plan to stay in Gallant Lake. This was supposed to be a quiet little pit stop. Great plan, right? Now my whole freakin’ life has blown up, and you won’t even try to see things my way. So where does that leave us?”
Where, indeed?
“I love you, Matt.”
“I know. But...”
She held her hand up in front of his face, her patience wearing thin. “I really need you to stop using that word.”
Matt’s brow rose. “Love?”
“But.” She sighed. “Earlier, you said you love me but. Now you say you know I love you, but. If you have to qualify the word love with a but every time, it makes me wonder what love means to you. To us.”
“That’s not fair.”
“I don’t have any more experience at falling in love than you do, but I’m pretty sure fairness isn’t what defines it.” She stepped back. “That makes it sound like a business proposition. Love is an emotion.”
“Just like fear.”
“And your point?” Didn’t he see that he was just as scared as she was?
Matt’s jaw ground together again, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “Hell, I don’t even know. I’m not in a good head place right now, Jillie. I should go. Bryce’s announcement threw me, and I don’t want to say anything here that will blow us up any more than we are.”
