I wish I could heal the hurt for Dina. I wish I could make her see herself the way I see her. All in time, all in time. I just have to be patient and let her heal herself. For her, I will wait a lifetime if I need to.
Chapter One
Another Monday
Dina
There is just something about a strong man with broad shoulders, a few tattoos peeking out from his shirt, and that air of confidence that screams I don't care what anyone thinks, I am me. So, here I sit in my favorite spot, at the local coffee shop, waiting on Maggie to arrive and in walks the one man who takes my very breath away. Funny thing is, to this point, I haven't spoken more than a handful of words to him. He has seen me at my absolute worst; yet, his presence alone makes my heart jump.
He walks to the counter, not noticing me. I take this moment to take in the sight that is uniquely Ryder. He’s in black boots, slightly loose, light denim jeans and a snug black t-shirt, that not only hints that the man is clearly full of toned, tight muscles but also sporting some serious ink. Lost in my own Ryder cloud nine, I totally miss my very best friend joining me.
"Hey girlie," says Maggie, as she sits and begins to sip the caramel latte I have waiting for her.
I’m snapped back to reality, time for my Monday girl morning to begin. Margaret Rose Lawson, my very best friend since freshman year of high school, my sorority sister in college, my business partner and, until recently when she moved in with her boyfriend, my roommate.
She is the girly one of our duo; she is the confident one. She’s also the outspoken one between us. With her beautiful, just below the shoulder, jet black hair, her dark brown eyes, a golden tan, and a body that is every man's playground. She is everything I wish I could find in myself again. Not only is she absolutely gorgeous, she has a heart of gold and is the most loyal person I know.
Our typical Monday morning routine begins with lattes, followed by a trip to our favorite spa, before lunch, for a mani and pedi. This has been our treat every Monday since college graduation. We both have benefited from our talents. Our job doesn’t force us to work the typical nine to five weekday hours like most, so we choose to start our week with some pampering and girl time.
Maggie and I own the most popular promotions and events company in the Charlotte area. She uses her marketing degree to promote and plan events. I use my business degree and inheritance to fund the company and make sure we keep our books right. We don't consider it work since we get paid to party and promote some great events. We are two girls from a tiny coastal, North Carolina town, loving our independence and city life. Here we are, discussing our Saturday night club event review, from the bar Whiskey Alibi, when Ryder strides over to our table.
As he stands next to us, I can't help but inhale the scent of Perry Ellis Black mixed with Ryder creating heaven in my nose. Oh dear Ryder, if only you knew what you did to me.
"Hey D, how's it going?" he begins, speaking to me first. He then turns to Maggie, "Hey Maggie, is Brayden on his way to work?"
And with those few words, I lose all ability to think, much less speak. I quickly drop my head and drink my latte, while Maggie talks to Ryder. “Brayden was headed in right behind me."
I feel Ryder's eyes burning into me; when I look up he is staring right at me. Our eyes meet. I feel like I can't even blink.
He suddenly shakes his head and says to Maggie, “I’m headed in now myself. Slow go this morning. Catch ya later at the shop." He turns to walk away, then looks over his shoulder at me and says, "You should stop by sometime D. Don't be such a stranger."
Before I can do anything more than a slight nod in agreement, he walks out. Another opportunity wasted. I didn't even manage to stutter a ‘hello’ or ‘sure’. Maggie just gives a quick giggle and gets right back to our business conversation.
After a morning of pampering, I head to the gym for my favorite kick boxing cardio class. I just finish up as my phone rings. Looking at the screen, I see it’s my bestie.
"I know you don't miss me already, sooo what's up?"
Maggie laughs and says, "I always miss you babe, but can you please save me from a day at the oil and tire smelling garage by coming to pick me up?"
I can't help but laugh at my very girlie friend as I say, “Sure thing, but I’m at the gym and I need to shower quickly first."
With thanks, she tells me Brayden wants to work on her car today, while it’s slow. We hang up, and I can't help but wonder why she needs a ride when Brayden has a car. Not to mention he works for Ryder, who owns a restoration garage; he could change her oil anytime. Oh well, she’ll be waiting outside, so it’s not like I’d have to go in and see Ryder.
I pull up in my newest car, a canary yellow, with black racing stripes, and black rims, Ford Mustang Cobra. It’s the flashiest car I’ve had in quite a few years. There was a time, I wanted to blend in, be lost in the crowd to everyone, including myself. Slowly, in the last three years, I’ve begun to put the pieces back together. I’m not nearly carefree as I once was, but I’m breaking free of the ties of my past each and every day. I park my car, only to have to catch my breath.
It’s not Maggie out front, it’s Ryder talking on his phone. Now he’ll see me, especially in this car! It’s sort of hard to miss; I have to get out, no hiding today. I’ve become an extremely shy person since my parents’ deaths, but I love the bad ass engine and all the flash of my current car. As I’ve been rebuilding my life, I couldn’t resist having this car, she called out to me from the lot. However, in these situations, I wish I drove a damn minivan.
Well, no turning back now, he's staring right at me, time to face him. I shut the door to look up and watch as he hangs up the phone. Great, we’ve already established I’m not good at small talk with him. I’ve known Ryder for years. There should be a casual flow between us, seeing as our best friends have been dating for what feels like forever. Yet, Ryder comes around and I can’t form a complete thought, becoming too consumed in my Ryder haze.
Damn it! I muster a tiny bit of control and courage. "Hi, Ryder," I say, as I release the breath I didn't even know I was holding.
He smiles and in his oh so sexy deep voice responds, "Dina, looking amazing as always."
My inner diva is high fiving me for the mere fact I spoke to him. I keep walking, entering the shop as he holds the front door for me.
I manage to stutter, "Thanks, Ryder, I’m here to pick up Maggie."
He runs his fingers through his short, spiked, dark hair and says, “Ahhh, today is turning out to be a really good day. I’ve seen your beautiful face twice and now you’re saving me from listening to her complain about the lack of organization in my office." I laugh and that prompts him to say, "Oh, that smile can stop a man’s heart."
I know I’m ten shades of red, as I think to myself no wonder he has so many women dropping their panties for him constantly.
With my five foot four inch, hour glass frame, my golden brown hair with blonde highlights, hazel eyes and a slight tan that pales in comparison to Ryder, there is no way to hide my blush from his six foot two inch frame. I remind myself this is just how Ryder operates. Before I can respond, Maggie approaches us with Brayden.
As Ryder turns to walk away, he says, "Seriously, don't be a stranger D" and heads into his office.
Without a chance to think of a reply, Maggie has me by the hand guiding me out of the garage and back to my car. Maggie gets in the passenger seat with a serious face, as she asks, "Ok, Dina, I’ve spent way too many years watching you lose all composure around Ryder. When are you going to do something about it?"
My short reply is simple, "I'm not." Then begins the lecture from hell. The one I’ve been avoiding for over two years.
"You know, D, the breakup with Michael was almost three years ago. Stop letting him control you. Get him and all that negative shit out of your head. He took enough away from you in the year you were together. You’re strong, you’re absolutely gorgeous, and it’s time to get out there. Don't let him cont
inue to break you anymore."
Then she starts to cry and looks me in the eye as she continues, "Seeing you with not one ounce of self-worth or confidence is harder for me than wiping the blood off your face or taking you to the emergency room when the bastard broke your arm; or helping you find make up to hide all the bruises. Take the inner strength to fight your way out of the dark place he left you in. Find a way to take a chance and be happy. Ryder is a great guy; he has straightened up, turned in his player card, so to speak. I don't want to watch life pass my closest friend by and neither would your parents. And if they had been alive, you and I both know you never would've dated Michael."
I pull away from the garage saying nothing, just letting the tears freely fall. When we arrive at Maggie and Brayden’s house, she leaves saying, "I love you like the sister I never had. I want to see you find your half that makes you whole, like I have with B. It’s time, Dina, to face the demons in your head left by that asshole. It’s time to fill the loss of your family. I’m always here for you. Anytime, day or night."
All I can do is nod in agreement and sob as she walks away and into her house.
Ryder
Brayden and I have been working way too late and living off caffeine more than we should. Making the pit stop for coffee this morning, I ran into Serena working behind the counter. She was pushing her breasts out at me every chance she could, as she was making our drinks, which is an annoying reminder of how things used to be.
There was a time when I would’ve told her to take a break and meet me in the bathroom. All because I knew I could start my day with a ‘bang’. Yeah, a quick bang in a public restroom with the barista at the coffee shop. It’s easy for me like that. A smile, a wink, and an invitation are all I need to have their panties on the floor, thigh in my hand as my dick pounds furiously in any of the willing women. None of that is enough anymore. Not since meeting Dina. Meaningless sex is just that, meaningless. The satisfaction and fulfillment long gone.
With Dina, there is so much more hidden in the depths of her blue eyes. There is something absolutely sexy about a woman who doesn’t realize she’s gorgeous. The strength inside Dina to keep going through all the bad that life seems to deal her all the time. She’s a woman that has been through so much. Yet, she doesn’t get angry or out of control. No, she simply takes the cards life deals her and keeps going.
Maggie tells me she used to be vibrant and outgoing. I don’t know if it’s just me or that she’s still dealing with her past issues because she can’t seem to speak whenever I’m around. I know I don’t match up to the pretty boys playing golf. Maybe she doesn’t like the tattoos. I’ve seen her car collection and her dad was a mechanic, so I know my job isn’t an issue.
Looking out the lobby door to my garage, I shake off the thoughts swirling as I watch her climb in her car to pull away. Maybe I scare her. Fear is not something I want to draw out of Dina; but, given her history, our history, maybe that’s the problem. She knows I beat Michael to a bloody pulp and threatened him if he dared to come near her ever again. Do I stir up too much of those memories in her?
My agitation grows as I think of her ex. Things with Dina won’t be easy. Anything worth having is worth the effort and work to make it mine, that’s what my life and my business has taught me. I don’t know why Dina rattles me so much, but I don’t intend to let her insecurities, or my own, keep us from seeing what we can be together when the timing gets right.
Chapter Two
Looking Back
Dina
I don't remember the drive home. As soon as I pull in, I methodically make my way inside and change into one of my dad’s old t-shirts, my favorite sweats, and crawl into my chaise and cry. Letting it all out.
Five years ago, my parents died in a car accident. I was an only child and my grandparents on both sides had already passed away when I was younger. I had three uncles, an aunt, and a few cousins but no one that I was close with.
My parents were amazing and I was a daddy's girl all the way. My dad owned his own garage. Instead of a babysitter, I went to work with him. When I was younger, I would just hand him tools; as I got older I helped him with basic oil changes, flat tires and such.
The first car I rebuilt with my dad is sitting in my garage right now; it’s a black 1964 Chevy II with a big block 454 under the hood. To the right of the Chevy II, is my dad's very first car: a 1955 red and white Chevy Bel Air. Yes, my dad was a Chevy man, but my mom's heart was always in the Ford Mustang.
The night a drunk driver killed them, they were driving mom’s completely restored 1965 Mustang. They were returning from another first place win in the Mustang Round Up car show in Raleigh.
After the accident things changed for me. I decided not to drink as much anymore; not that I was your typical party sorority girl to begin with. I stopped talking to practically everyone but Maggie, and I devoted myself fully to college, well as much as I could devote myself to it, because neither of my parents got that opportunity and it was important to them.
I still have my parents’ beach house, but sold my dad's business. With that, the life insurance, the settlement from the accident, and some smart investing, I’m set, financially, for life, but no one needs to know that. I’ve never even told Maggie.
I was going through the motions when Michael came along. What started out as a dream, quickly became my living nightmare from hell. One that I couldn't seem to escape. Maggie is right, if my parents hadn't died, I never would have fallen for him.
Michael was cute, in a loner, bad boy way. Before the accident, I was as outspoken and outgoing as Maggie. I loved being active in our sorority. I loved meeting new people, going to frat parties, being involved in any sports, or outdoor stuff. I wasn't drop dead gorgeous, but I was attractive and confident.
At first, Michael was just a friend. He was patient with me, always saying he wanted me to be really ready. He seemed to understand my desire to exclude myself, he was easy to talk to, and he listened. Yep, he listened alright, a little too well. He managed to use every insecurity and weakness I had, about being alone, to tear me down. It started with needing to know everywhere I went, who I was talking to. Then it was small put downs, little insults and jabs that chiseled away at my self-worth.
The night I went out with Maggie without checking with him first, was the first taste of the angry fire burning inside Michael. Maggie had just started dating Brayden. She felt it was getting serious and wanted me to meet him; so we made dinner plans. I purposely didn't invite Michael because I knew he didn't like Maggie.
We had dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. Brayden was nice, funny, handsome, and best of all he looked at my closest friend with such adoration; I knew immediately she found her prince. She asked where Michael was; after all, she wanted this to be a double date, and I lied. I said he had to work when the truth was he was at his apartment waiting for me to come over after I was done with what he thought was a study group.
Funny thing, that night I met my heaven and began my hell. We were just ordering dessert when I felt this charge, almost like an electric current. I looked up and instantly was mesmerized by the man walking over. I stopped thinking and just stared as he made his way over to our table. I was so lost in him that I totally missed the bottle blonde on his arm that couldn't keep her hands, or eyes, off him.
He came over and fist pounded Brayden, and then looked right at me, "Well, hello beautiful, you must be Maggie’s roommate, Dina, I’m Ryder Davenport."
I stuck out my hand to shake his, "Yes, I’m Dina…Dina Fowler."
Before I could say anything else, I felt cold fear run through my veins. The next moment, Michael had his hands wrapped in my very long hair and was yanking me out of my chair.
Ryder stepped in, Maggie jumped up and before they could make a scene I put my hand up to stop them. "It’s okay, we have to leave." Trying to reassure her not to follow, I locked my gaze with Maggie quickly and repeated. “It’s okay.”
Michael r
eleased my hair but was now holding me, painfully tight, on my wrist, half dragging me away.
As we walked out, I heard Ryder yell, "Dina, don't go with him!"
I could hear Maggie crying. I couldn't stop myself from following Michael out the restaurant, I just wanted away from it all.
Michael got me home all the while screaming obscenities at me, saying I was a whore and cheating on him and I deserved to be alone. He hit me in the face repeatedly, causing a black eye, a busted lip, and bloody nose. I crumpled to the floor of the kitchen in our apartment in agony as he quickly left.
Brayden and Maggie arrived home not far behind us. Someone had to pay our dinner check, giving Michael the few minutes he needed to escape. Michael had left, he was long gone for now, but that didn't stop Brayden from looking. He took one look at me, told Maggie to lock the door and not open it for anyone. He bolted, took off looking for Michael.
Maggie cleaned me up that night and held me silently while I cried. The next day, Michael showered me with apologies and gifts. It took me a few days to even speak to him. When I did, he promised this would never happen again.
Oh how I wish I could say that was the end of it. As time passed on, things got rougher with Michael. I just got better at hiding it. I became more secluded to avoid the looks, the questions, and to hide my inner turmoil. Maggie begged me to end it constantly, but I didn't know how to get out. In fact, I can't even say I was the one to end it when it comes down to it; Ryder handled it.
The night that ended it all was not one of my own doing, it was literally the crossroads. I found rock bottom at the bottom of a stairwell. I knew that night, I could choose to get up and move on or I could get up and go back to him. If I had gone backwards, I would probably wind up dead at the hands of Michael’s unrelenting anger.
Love and Repair Series Box Set Page 5
