Reluctance (The Exchange #2)

by M. B. Feeney

  Aiden

  Chapter Six

  April 2012

  I can’t deal with this. Holly’s everywhere and I can’t seem to escape her. It would normally be fine, but when we were in Ty’s car this morning, I noticed she wears the same perfume as Jessie. What were the odds of that happening? Trying to hold my breath the entire ride to school was impossible and Ty began to notice something was up with me. Ignoring both of them, I opened the window and leaned my head against the door frame.

  The moment we pulled up outside the school, I got out and went inside the building. It was mean, I know, but if I’d stayed to wait for her, I think I would have broken down. I’ve been doing so well, too. Mizz. Jones would be so proud, but this girl . . . She changed everything.

  Then, at lunch, I could feel her watching me. Not knowing where to go, she’d sat out in the quad and watched me, watching Jessie and her friends. I was tempted to go over to talk to her, but the memory of her perfume rendered that idea obsolete.

  My last period of the day, AP European History, one of my favorites, was just about to start when she walked in. Of course, the only empty space was next to me. Thankfully, her perfume had worn off throughout the day, so it wasn’t complete torture sitting next to her. By the time we got into Dad’s car when he collected us, I was almost fine with her being around, but not enough to make conversation with her when we got home.

  I can’t stop watching her when my family is together. She’s not sure what to make of everything. Meal times are a bit insane in our house. Dad and Ty argue about sports— depending what season it is, while Mom fussed over ‘her guys’. It was clear that Holly’s not sure where she fits in to this new dynamic. Well, that makes two of us.

  Listening to her and Ty laughing and talking in her room spurred me into a frenzy. A red rage came over me out of nowhere, yet rather than gun for him (hear that Mizz. Jones?) I read the essay Holly had given me to read about World War Two and the Holocaust.

  Knocking on her bedroom door was more nerve wracking than I’d have expected, but I had an apology to make.

  Aiden

  —∫∫∫∫—

  April 2012

  Well, Ty’s got his claws into Holly. It didn’t take him long at all, even after she slugged him at the party we all went to. He was acting like the alpha male everyone believes him to be and he went all Cro Magnon on her. I ended up having to take her home so she could ice her hand.

  However, he’s still managed to weasel his way back into her good books. They think I can’t hear them, making out, but I can, and it makes me sick. Why can’t she see what an utter prick he really is?

  I’ve stopped dropping by her room to talk, because he’s always there, a smug look on his face that makes me want to hit him; with my laptop.

  Aiden

  —∫∫∫∫—

  May 2012

  Is it wrong that I want to say ‘I told you so’? It’s not something I’ve ever wanted to say before, but for some reason, now seems an appropriate time to do so. Ty’s attention to Holly has gone from full on to nonexistent, which can only mean one thing for my brother. He finally got his way and is no longer interested in her.

  Up until the other day, he was all over her like white on rice, and then he took her out for the day. Since then, he’s barely looked at her, and whenever she walks into the same room, he spouts some bullshit about having something to do. Every time this happens, hurt flashes across her face. She thinks no one can see it, but I can. Mom and Dad are oblivious, but that’s nothing new.

  Holly and I are spending more time together, and I managed to tell her about Jessie, knowing it was likely she’d heard rumors around school. She was sweet and understanding, having had similar experiences back home, but I found her glaring at Jessie at any opportunity she could. That made me feel uncomfortable, but there was nothing I could do about it. Well, there was. I went out last night and keyed the side of Ty’s car while he went out with his friends to see some action movie. The roar out him this morning made it all worthwhile, and the dumb jock didn’t even consider it was me. Watching him had to leave an hour early to go and catch the bus while his car gets a respray is great. I may be ‘the smart one’, but a little mindless revenge easily pleases me now and then, just like everyone else.

  I think, and I hope I’m right, that me and Holly are slowly becoming friends, and that even after this joint assignment is done with, we’ll stay that way. She’s pretty cool.

  Aiden

  —∫∫∫∫—

  May 2012

  I had a meeting with Mizz. Jones this morning, just a quick ten minute thing for her to check out how I’m keeping my anger in check. She asked if I was still writing in this journal. When I told I was, she was real pleased, but didn’t ask to see it again, which is cool with me.

  That’s it; I’m free from therapy. My life is mine to do with as I wish, without worrying about someone second guessing or questioning why I’ve done something.

  Aiden

  Chapter Seven

  May 2012

  Holly’s leaving tomorrow and I’m not sure how I’ll deal with it. We had. . . Have a connection. It’s more than just sex though, which with her was so different than with Jessie. I know I shouldn’t compare them, but as they’re the only girls I’ve been with, it’s kind of hard not to.

  That night wasn’t planned or anything, but the best things never are. While I have my suspicions about what went down between her and Ty, I never addressed it. I simply went along with the moment. It started out as a kiss that got more and more heated as time went by. The little moans coming from her spurred me on, and soon she was screaming. It was like music to my damn ears.

  I’d never understood the fascination guys my age have with sex, until Holly screamed my name, so loud my ears were ringing. Up until that moment, I’d never ‘got it’, but now I do.

  Determined to make her feel wanted, rather than used by yet another King Brother, I held her in my arms, whispering nonsensical things into her ear. Trying to convey my feelings into my physical actions was hard, especially as I have no true idea what they are.

  Today, we went out driving. There was no end destination, I just wanted to get out of the house for a while, and be alone with her. I admitted I would miss her when she left and asked if we could keep in touch. Her crying wasn’t quite the reaction I’d expected, but her smile was bright; I took that as a good thing.

  We even discussed the possibility of me going over there, but I’m not sure if it’ll ever happen; despite how much both of us want it to.

  Six weeks is all it took for me to finally get over Jessie and fall for someone else. I think that’s a good thing.

  Aiden

  —∫∫∫∫—

  June 2012

  It’s been two weeks since Holly left, and to cope, I’ve thrown myself into my work. After school let out, I managed to get myself a part time job down at the library. It’s not much, but it keeps me busy, and out of the house now that Ty’s around all of the time with all his college buddies.

  I’m waiting for my funding to come through. Thanks to the board over at the oil refinery offering to make their offer annual on account of my grades, I’ve decided to stay in state. Dad and I are going down there in a few days to check out accommodation. I thought I’d be nervous about this major stepping stone, but I’m not. It’s the next stage in my life and nothing can put a stop to me reaching for it.

  Holly and I speak all the time, and thanks to her, I’ve managed to make another couple of good friends in Bethany and her boyfriend Chad. We hang out, with Zac, all the time, and I’m starting to get a taste of what it’s like to be a regular kid. I have so much to thank that crazy British chick for.

  —∫∫∫∫—

  June 2012

  Ah. . .

  Shit.

  I’m gonna be a dad.

  Aiden

  —∫∫∫∫—

  February 2013

  My daughter was born today. Ell
ie Mae King, according to my Mom, is just like me as a baby; long and skinny.

  The fact that I can say I have a daughter while still a Freshman at college, is seriously messed up, but I can’t wait for her and Holly to finally be in the States, permanently. Her parents weren’t keen on the idea at first, but it was what she wanted, even before finding out about the baby. There was a lot of back and forth between my parents and hers, but an agreement was finally reached.

  I’ve applied to the Dean of Housing to move out of campus housing and back home before the end of the year. Hopefully, I’ll hear soon, and my application will be granted. I don’t want to leave Holly and the baby at the house while I’m living two hours away. I mean, what if there’s a problem or something? There’s no problem with me driving to class rather than stumbling out of bed and just making it in time. To be honest, by the time they get here, I’ll be almost at the end of the school year anyway, so I can’t see it being an issue.

  Tyler’s been quiet since all this news came out. Holly told me about the two of them, and I think he’s worried that there might be a mistake, and that Ellie’s his daughter. Since the news broke back in June, he’s calmed down on the player side of his personality. We still don’t get on, but he’s been a lot more civil these days. Silver lining, I guess.

  Aiden

  Epilogue

  August 2019

  I bumped into Mizz. Jones today at the local store. She’d left her job at the school while I was in college and I felt bad that I’d not even given her a thought until today. Ellie and I were out picking up the last few things she needed to go into first grade next week— that’s some scary shit right there. My baby girl’s growing up way too fast; making me feel old.

  I couldn’t believe my old guidance counselor recognized me. I guess I haven’t changed that much, but she must have dealt with hundreds of kids at that school. It’s because of seeing her; I dug this old journal out and read through it. For someone who hated even the idea of writing in it, I opened up quite a lot, even after our meetings stopped. It surprised me at the time, but looking back, I guess it’s what helped me get over Jessie and find my new life with Holly; as unconventional as it was.

  Thinking back, I never did thank her for helping me the way she did. I didn’t see it back then, but now having worked in a High School— the same one no less, despite not being much older than my students, I can relate to her and how hard it must have been to get kids to open up to her. Thankfully, I’m not a guidance counselor, but my first semester was a nightmare and I came close to walking out on a couple of occasions. As time went on, the kids began to warm to me and now, probably because of my age, see me as one of the more approachable members of the faculty.

  So, I dug this journal out and Holly and I sat and read it together once Ellie and Jonah were in bed. It felt weird sharing it, but considering she featured quite heavily in it, I thought it was only fair. Also, it enabled me to answer some questions she still had, lingering from seven years ago.

  Becoming a parent at eighteen was scary as hell, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I loved Ellie the moment she arrived in the States, and then, when Jonah was born, I didn’t think there was enough room in my heart to love another in that way, but that boy has me wrapped round his chubby little finger.

  Holly’s an amazing mom. I couldn’t do what she’s done; move to another country with a baby, set up home in someone else’s house, and study for her degree while pregnant and having Ellie running around. Having Jonah put a stop to her studies for a few months, but now that he’s almost one, she’s slowly starting back up with them. The college has been understanding with everything, which really put her mind at rest. The last thing she needed was more stress on top of everything.

  Getting married was something we didn’t plan, but it felt right to make our family more. . . Permanent, I guess. I’m not the most romantic of guys, but even I had to admit that our day was perfect. Then, getting the house not far from my parent’s place— life is moving along quite nicely. From thinking I would only be happy once I was away at college to having a happy family home, I’m surprised at the twists and turns that brought me to where I am right now; and I’m happy about every single one of them.

  Mizz Jones asked how things had progressed with Tyler, and actually said she wasn’t surprised when I told her we never became close. “Chalk and cheese don’t mix” were her exact words. She cooed over El, and even gave her a shiny silver dollar with a wink and a wide smile, before saying her goodbyes. Ellie was determined to head into the dollar store to buy a present for ‘Uncle Ty’s baby’ and who was I to disagree?

  As for Ty, well he moved across state after blowing out his knee during a lacrosse game. Unable to consider playing professionally, he’s got a job as a High School coach, which surprised me. Let’s face it, my brother’s not the most patient of people, but it seems to work with him. He’s even settled down with his fiancée, who’s pregnant with their first child, as I mentioned earlier. We still don’t speak much, but when we do, it’s better than it was when we were growing up. Maybe its maturity, maybe it’s putting water under the bridge; we’ll never be close, but at least we can be in the same room.

  Whenever they visit Mom and Dad, he’s great with Ellie and Jonah, so maybe he’s finally growing up. Either that, or working with kids has mellowed him out a bit.

  Well, my past is just that, behind me. All I can do is make the most of my family, and look towards the future. I’ll never forget that time in my life, though, it’s molded me into the man I am today, and for that I’ll be forever grateful.

  The End

  About the Author

  M. B. Feeney is an army brat who finally settled down in Birmingham, UK with her other half, two kids and a dog. She procrastinates on her assignments by listening to music of all genres and trying to get ‘just one more paragraph’ written on whichever WIP is open. She is also a serious doodler and a chocoholic. Writing has been her one true love ever since she could spell, and publishing is the final culmination of her hard work and ambition.

  Always having something on the go can often lead to ‘writer’s block’ which eventually gets dissolved by good music and an even better book.

  Her Other Works

  Right Click, Love

  Just Like in the Movies

  Honour

  The One That Got Away

  Dear Diary

  Keep up with her at:

  https://mbfeeney.wordpress.com/