by Mercy Amare
It’s funny how life has a way of working out.
Friday, December 18
Los Angeles, CA
10:17 AM
No regrets
Today is the last day of practice before we take a two week break for Christmas. After that, we will be leaving for our tour. I’m excited about the break, and the time I get to spend with my family, but I admit I’m also pretty excited about my tour. Almost all the venues are already sold out.
“You sound amazing,” Alec compliments us. Today is the first day he’s at my rehearsal. He’s been busy practicing with his band. But today, we decided to do a full dress rehearsal. He’s a little down because he won’t be playing guitar on this tour. At least not for six weeks, possibly longer depending on what the doctor says.
“Are you sure you don’t regret doing this tour with me? You’ll be seeing Bridgett every day,” I remind him, and then I take a drink from my bottle of water.
“I’m sure,” he says. I can hear the confidence in his voice. “I have no regrets. By the time this tour is over, she will be mine. I know it.”
“How can you be so sure about that?” I ask him. “She seems to hate you now. Seriously, all I have to do is mention your name and lasers come out of her eyes. If looks could kill, I would have died about one hundred times now.”
Alec laughs. “The fact that she’s trying so hard to hate me tells me that she is in love with me. She can pretend and fight all she wants, but it’s inevitable. We will be together.”
“That’s my favorite thing about you,” I tell him. “You never give up. Well, that and your attitude. How can somebody that grew up like you be so down to earth?”
He shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “Everything could be gone just as easily as it came. My dad taught me to appreciate everything around me. Everything is a gift — including life. And every day that I’m alive should be celebrated, because who knows if there will be tomorrow.”
“Most people don’t think like you. Especially at your age. Your twenty-one. I thought you were supposed to think you’re going to live forever.”
“Forever isn’t realistic. I’m not saying if vampires were real I wouldn’t want to be one… Eternal life… It’s a nice thought, isn’t it? But that isn’t how life is. Death is a part of life.”
“I think everybody is fascinated by the thought of immortality,” I say. “If you had forever, what would you do with it?”
“You’re looking at it,” he says. “I’d play music, because that’s my passion. I’d spend it with my friends, my family… with Bridgett. Of course, I wouldn’t want forever unless she was there to enjoy it with me.”
“I have to ask… And when I ask, know that I love my sister very much… But why do you fight for her when she pushes you away so hard? Don’t you get sick of constantly chasing after somebody who may never want you back?”
Alec smiles, but I can tell it’s forced. “Bridgett is the most frustrating woman I have ever met. I fight for her because she is worth it to me. The second she stops being worth it is the second I stop fighting. But that’s never going to happen.”
“Good. Now go play your lineup!”
Alec walks over to the stage, along with his musicians. My crew and I watch.
I love watching Alec perform. Maybe it’s just because I know him, but when he plays I can see how passionate he is about music. He isn’t happy unless he is making the audience happy. He thrives on the thrill. He and I are a lot alike in that way.
“He’s really good,” my drummer, Riley, says to me.
“Yes, he is.”
“How long have you and Alec been friends?”
I do the math in my head. “Four years — but it seems like so much longer.”
“I can’t believe your husband is okay with you two being so close,” she says. “Is he not jealous?”
I shake my head. “Stephan has no reason to be jealous of Alec. I am not in love with Alec. Besides, Alec is my sister’s… boyfriend.”
Okay, boyfriend is a stretch. But still, they’re meant to be together.
“What about you?” I ask her. “Do you have a boyfriend?”
“Definitely not. A boyfriend is too time consuming and would just get in the way.”
“Not necessarily,” I say, thinking about Stephan. He encouraged me. If it wasn’t for him, I probably wouldn’t be here today. I’d still be hiding out in Hope, Florida. “When you find the right guy, he will help encourage you.”
“Is that what Stephan does for you?”
“Yes. He’s perfect.”
“He is rare. You should hold onto him.” She smiles at me. “The love you’re talking about is the kind fairytales are made of.”
“You make it sound like you don’t believe in true love.”
“I do,” Riley says. “It’s just I don’t think everybody finds true love. I’m skeptical. Some people get happy ever afters, but not people like me. To me, going on tour with you is as good as it will ever get.”
“What is your dream, Riley Lewis?”
“I don’t like to set myself up for failure, so I don’t dream. Imagining a future that might not ever happen is a waste of time. I’d much rather be focusing on the present.”
“Humor me,” I say. “If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?”
“Family,” she answers. “My father walked out on me when I was five, and my mom has hated me for it ever since. I want to make her proud of me.”
“Hey — you’ve seen my documentary. You know my story. I’m not exactly loved by my mom either.”
“Yeah, but look at you. You’re Scarlett Ryan. How much better could it get?”
Oh, the irony of her statement. “Just keep watching. My life is pretty screwed up. Sure, they make it seem like issues are resolved by the end of each episode, but they’re not. It’s my life, and it is all kinds of screwed up. But people in my life make it better — Stephan, Bridgett, Alec, Anna, and Stacy… I don’t know what I would do without them.”
“I have nobody.”
“No siblings?” I ask.
“One. An older brother. He’s a preacher and doesn’t approve of my sinful ways.” She rolls her eyes.
“Sinful ways?”
She motions towards her head. “My pink hair. My nose piercing. And don’t even get him started on how I dress.”
I look at her outfit. She’s wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, and a dark purple tank top. “What’s wrong with what you have on? I think you look nice. You look very… you.”
“The fact that you’ve known me one week and know me better than he does is pretty sad. There isn’t anything wrong with how I’m dressed, you’re right. But he’s weird. In his eyes, tank tops are equivalent to the anti-Christ. And don’t even get him started on the evil of Harry Potter.”
This makes me laugh. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t laugh. But you should know that as long as I’m around, you have a friend.”
“You’re different than what I expected,” she said.
“Good different, or bad different?” I ask.
“Good different.”
I grin at her, and then we both turn our attention back to Alec. It’s weird seeing him without his guitar, and I can tell he’s missing it.
Poor Alec. He really did fall in love with the wrong girl.
1:32 PM
Chart topper.
We call it quits just before two o’clock. We played through our set twice, and it was perfect. We are definitely ready for this tour. We’ll play through once more after our break, but other than that rehearsal is done.
Alec is waiting for me while I pack up my guitar when I get a phone call from Barry. My stomach fills with dread. Oh, God. What if he’s calling to tell me the song was a complete flop. What if it didn’t make the top 100?
Hesitantly, I answer my phone. “Hello.”
“You did it!” he yells.
“I did what?”
“You’re number one.”
> “What?” I ask. Surely I didn’t hear him right.
“You debuted at number one, Scarlett!”
“Oh my God! Are you sure it isn’t a mistake?” I don’t know why I asked that. But it has to be a mistake. I’ve never debuted in the top ten before, let alone number one.
“No mistake,” he says, laughing. “Honey, this is big. I knew you I made the right choice with you!”
Barry gives me another congratulations, and then we end the call. I turn to Alec, who is staring at me. “My song is number one,” I tell him, still not able to believe it myself. “My song is number one!”
“You seem surprised,” he says.
“You don’t.”
“That’s because I’m not. You’re freaking amazing, Scar. I totally expected this song to be number one.” He gives me a way-too-tight hug. “Congratulations! You totally deserve this!”
“It’s because of you. You’re my producer, and you made this CD amazing. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“You know this is just the beginning, right?”
I nod. “I know.”
“So we are going to go celebrate tonight… Like old times.”
“Hmm, I can’t,” I say. “I’m married now. And might I remind you I’m married because I was completely wasted and was in Vegas. I obviously have no self-control when it comes to drinking, so I should just stay away from it all together.”
“Stephan can come with us. Mona and Bridgett too. And you don’t have to drink to celebrate. I’m thinking tomorrow, we hike to the Hollywood sign.”
“A hike? That isn’t celebration. It’s torture.”
“Come on! It’ll be fun. Remember last time we went up there?” Alec asks.
“Yes. I also remember spraining my ankle and being carried for a mile and a half because I couldn’t walk. Then the paparazzi got the ugliest picture they could and put it on the cover of every magazine. Most embarrassing day ever.”
“Well, Bridgett hasn’t been up there. I know she wants to go, and she won’t go with just me. If you go, she will be forced to spend the day with me.”
“Fine, Alec. We will celebrate my single being number one by doing something that I hate. That is how much I love you.”
“Thank you! Don’t tell Bridgett, but you’ll always be my favorite twin.”
This makes me laugh. “If I were you’re favorite, I would be spending my day tomorrow in bed. Sleeping. And waking up only to eat and have lots of sex with my husband.”
“Augh, yes… You actually waited until you were married to have sex… What would have happened if Stephan was really bad in bed?” Alec asks. “Wouldn’t it suck to spend the rest of your life with somebody who can’t get you off?”
“This conversation is totally inappropriate, but it was pretty obvious by the way Stephan kissed me that we were going to have amazing chemistry in bed. And if he sucked, well, I am so in love with him it wouldn’t matter. I would just teach him how I liked it. And until he got it, I would just take care of myself.”
“And you know what I love about you?” Alec asks.
I shake my head.
“Your ability to be completely blunt with everybody. Seriously, you are fantastic.”
“I know,” I joke. “I’m going home now. I can’t wait to tell Stephan about my song."
Saturday, December 19
11:13 AM
Are we there yet?
I really thought I was in shape. I spend forty-five minutes a day on the elliptical. Yet it’s not enough. This hike is rather miserable. Though I will admit any kind of sporty activity isn’t for me.
“I may die before we get to the top,” I say, leaning against a tree. I take a huge drink of my water.
I look over at Bridgett, and see that she is breathing just as heavily as I am. Is it bad that I take comfort in the fact that she looks miserable too?
“We are almost there,” Alec says.
“You said that thirty minutes ago.”
“Wimps.”
“Your legs are like way longer than mine.” I point out the obvious. “So I have to take more steps than you. It’s obviously harder for me than it is for you.”
“Aw, well, the problem with that logic is that you’re like one hundred pounds. I have more weight to carry. Not to mention, I’m doing this with a broken arm.”
“Your muscles are used to carrying that much weight. And too bad you didn’t break your leg. Because then we wouldn’t have to be here today.” Yep. I’m going to fight over something really stupid. I’ll say anything to just lean against this tree a little bit longer. “Ugh, whose stupid idea was this anyway?”
“Let’s just go. We are like five minutes away.”
“Okay.” I push myself off the tree and start walking. I take comfort in the fact that the way back is downhill. And I haven’t sprained my ankle this time… yet anyway.
Alec and Bridgett walk ahead of us, and Stephan walks besides me. I envy Mona. She stayed home today. Said something like “No way in hell am I going to hike.” Ugh, why must I always say yes to Alec?
“I thought today was celebrating your song hitting number one. Why are we doing something that you obviously don’t want to do?” Stephan whispers.
“Bridgett wanted to come, therefore this was Alec’s idea. The things I do for my friends…”
“This is kinda cool, though,” he says. “I have never been to the Hollywood sign before.”
“Well, at least some good will come out of this hike.”
“Yep. And on a very nice plus note, we are done with Season One of the documentary. We don’t have to film again for another four months.” This is great news to me. I am so sick of cameras following me around everywhere. Mona, however, already misses them.
Finally, we reach the top.
The view was so totally worth the effort.
Today the fog is minimal, so we can see the valley for miles and miles. From here, everything looks so small. And I can’t help but feel so insignificant from here. My problems. My worries. My drama… Why is it always about me? There are seven billion people in the world, and I am just one.
“This is incredible,” I hear Bridgett say.
“Let’s go closer.” Alec starts to crawl through a part of the fence that has been cut.
“Are you crazy?” Bridgett asks. “You’re not supposed to. There are cameras. You’ll get caught.”
“No I won’t. And if I do, I’m Alec Torch. What are they going to do?” He stands up on the other side. “Come on.”
I am the next to follow. Alec is right. We won’t get in trouble. After I climb through, I wipe the dirt off the front of my clothes. “They always do it in movies,” I say. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to sit on top.”
Stephan climbs through. Bridgett rolls her eyes but comes anyway.
“If we get caught, you’re paying for me to get out of jail,” Bridgett tells Alec.
He laughs. “Right. All I have to do is turn on the Alec charm, and we’ll be good.”
“Alec charm?” Bridgett snorts. “Puh-lease, don’t make me laugh.”
“You seem to be the only person immune,” he says.
“Ugh…” I groan. “Seriously, please, no fighting. Today is a celebration, because I have hit a huge milestone in my career. My song debuted at number one — for the first time ever. And my new single is successful. Which means that I’m finally me. The real me. And it feels good. So the two of you can either kiss and make up, or you can pretend for one day, because I’m sick of your fighting.”
“Agreed,” Stephan says.
“Look at the breathtaking view.” I decide to change the subject. “This is what I love the most about California. It’s a beautiful state.”
“After all this is over, where do you think you’ll live?” Bridgett asks. “You obviously don’t want to be a rock star forever.”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I love Hope. It felt like home from the second I got there. But now that Ste
phan is here with me, I realize that home is wherever he is. I figure maybe we can split up our time in different places. I just want to be close to family. You, Stacy, Anna, Natalee… Even Dad, if he still wants to be a part of my life. I’ve already traveled the world, so settling down will be nice.”
We all take a seat under the sign.
“So what do you plan on doing after the tour?” Stephan asks me.
“I don’t know,” I say honestly. “I guess it’s something we should discuss, but I think I’d like to continue music. But maybe at a slower pace. I want time to rest and enjoy life. I’m thinking when I’m around twenty-six, we can take a break and maybe have kids… If you want kids.”
Wow. We really didn’t discuss anything before jumping in marriage. We didn’t think about kids or our future. We were just thinking about the right now.
“I definitely want kids,” Stephan says.
I’m relieved by his words. I feel stupid for not asking before getting married.
“I want kids too,” Alec tells Bridgett.
“I do too. Just not with you,” she says.
Ouch. “That was really mean, Bridge.”
“Sorry,” she mumbles to Alec.
He tries to smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. I wonder how many times Bridgett is going to hurt him before he finally gives up and moves on. I hope that she comes to her senses and realizes that she’s in love with him before it’s too late.
After sitting there for thirty minutes, we decide to head back down. Alec basically brags the whole way about how we didn’t get caught. But I know Alec. I know he’s hurt over what Bridgett said. I also know that he hates that he’s hurt.
Before we get in the car, I pull Alec aside. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m only twenty-one — way too young to settle. Besides, I don’t believe there is just one epic love. I think there are lots of them. I obviously just need to move on,” he says.
“Can you?”
“I don’t know. I hope so.” With that, he gets in the car.
Poor Alec.
