Bridesmaids' Club

by Cathy Hopkins

  Uri grinned. ‘Something like that. You’ve come for the Velcro experience I assume, Marcie?’

  ‘Yes, but we’re not sure, I mean, maybe another day. We were just about to leave, in fact.’

  ‘First time, huh?’ asked Uri.

  We both nodded.

  ‘Well, you’ve come all this way – at least give it one try,’ he said. ‘You’ll have a blast. Now let me see if I can get my lights happening.’ He picked up a box, went to the wall and plugged in what looked like a slide projector. Immediately the room was flooded with lights, and not just any lights – it was a laser show with swirling lightning flashes, stars and fireworks. It transformed the place, and it no longer looked as spooky as it had done only minutes earlier.

  ‘Over ’ere girls,’ said Nessa, and out of a bag that she had brought with her she produced two pale pink tracksuits like the one she was wearing. ‘Pure Velcro,’ she said as she held them up to us. ‘I’ve been researchin’ the material and it needn’t be ucky. If you go for the Velcro option you can decide on the design details and so on at a later date.’ I took one and the material felt soft and it smelt lovely like it had been washed and hung out to dry in the fresh air.

  ‘Shall we, Marcie? At least give it a go?’ I asked.

  She glanced up at the trampoline and then at me, then she grinned and I got a glimpse of the old fun Marcie. ‘Why not?’

  We slipped into the DRESING RuM, and as I was ready first I went out to join Uri.

  ‘Wow! What happened?’ I asked. The light show had been turned off and Nessa was busy mopping. I had only been gone about five minutes but the space looked immaculate as if it had been given a lick of paint, not just a wipe over. What’s more it smelt divine, of fresh flowers. ‘Wow, Nessa!’ I said. ‘It’s as if you waved a magic wand. How did you do it so fast?’

  Nessa smiled and tapped the side of her nose. ‘Maybe I can work a bit of magic ’ere and there when it’s needed. I ’ate a messy room, don’t you? I like everythin’ to be beautiful and ’armonious. I get upset otherwise.’

  ‘Yes, me too, but how did you do it?’ I asked. I took a long look at her and a mad thought occurred to me. Maybe she was an angel or a fairy godmother. Maybe she really was able to do magic.

  ‘I can move fast when I need to as well,’ she said, then she turned and went over towards the trampoline. ‘Now let me up on that. Give me five minutes to ’ave a dust then up you come.’ She started to climb up and Uri came to join me.

  ‘So how’s the Zodiac time going?’ he asked. ‘Second week in, isn’t it? Nessa said you missed our help the first week but that wasn’t surprising seeing as Mercury was retrograde.’

  ‘Mercury – that’s Hermie’s business, isn’t it?’

  ‘Not his business. Hermie is Mercury.’

  I felt confused. ‘And retrograde – that means going backwards, doesn’t it?’

  Uri nodded.

  ‘What, like skating backwards?’

  Uri laughed. ‘No. When Mercury is retrograde, and that happens a few times a year, it means that all sorts of things can go wrong to do with communications.’

  ‘My teacher confiscated my phone.’

  ‘A perfect example. Shame it fell in your Zodiac month.’

  Sometimes I found the people in the Celestial Weddings company had a strange way of communicating. Planets, retrograde, zodiacs – why couldn’t they just say what they meant? I decided to try and put it in plain language for him.

  ‘I know that the promotion is for a month and Nessa has given me some good advice. She said to let go and enjoy this week and that’s what I’m trying to do.’

  ‘That is good advice. In fact, the only way to do it. Go with the flow – that’s another way of saying it.’

  ‘It was hard to feel enthusiastic when we got here earlier and saw what a dump this was. I can’t imagine why you’d want to add Velcro weddings to your list of options. And there’s a whole load of other names in my Zodiac phone address book. Where do they come into it? Are they all in the same business?’

  Uri sprang back and did a cartwheel across the warehouse floor, then somersaulted back. ‘The others will introduce themselves but only if they’re prevalent in your chart this month. Not every Zodiac Girl meets all ten of us.’

  ‘Why are you in the wedding business, Uri?’

  ‘For you. We adapt ourselves to the needs of whoever our Zodiac Girl is.’

  I felt that he was talking in riddles but then it didn’t surprise me – he looked like the sort of person who would do that.

  ‘OK. For me, huh?’

  Uri nodded. ‘Ten planets. Each sign has a ruling planet.’

  Here he goes again, I thought. ‘I know, and Venus rules Libra, but I thought there were twelve birth signs, so why only ten ruling planets?’ I was sure I’d read it in one of my mags.

  Uri nodded. ‘Libra and Taurus share Venus as their ruling planet. And Gemini and Virgo share Mercury as theirs. All the others have their own. Aries is ruled by Mars, Cancer by the Moon, Leo by the Sun, Pisces by Neptune, Capricorn by Saturn, Scorpio by Pluto, Sagittarius by Jupiter, Aquarius by Uranus.’

  I decided to try and talk to Uri in his own strange language. ‘Uri, I hate to say this but . . . I think you might be retrograde because . . . don’t be offended, but I think you have a problem with the way you communicate. You need to speak more directly.’

  Uri burst out laughing like I’d made the best joke ever.

  ‘What’s so funny?’ I asked.

  ‘You are,’ he replied. ‘Each Zodiac Girl makes sense of what’s happening to her in her own individual way but . . . I have never come across anyone like you before. You . . . you’re amazing. A one-off.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I said, although I wasn’t sure if he was paying me a compliment or not. This is a lesson in life, I decided. Sometimes I won’t have a clue what some people are on about. And that’s OK. ‘Now try again, Uri. Try again to explain about you and the wedding business, but try to keep it simple.’

  Uri looked as if he might start laughing again. ‘OK. So where was I? Right. Uranus is the planet of rebellion, some people say the planet of eccentricity, certainly the unexpected – so my part in the wedding scene is anything that is off the beaten track, like this Velcro wedding. If you’d looked in your chart, you would have seen that Uranus has a strong influence at this time, hence me telling you to expect the unexpected.’

  ‘It’s been that all right. First Marcie’s list and now this, but I don’t understand any of it. I thought I was a Libran and that’s ruled by Venus but now you’re saying Uranus is an influence?’

  ‘All the planets have some influence on a person’s chart at some time or other depending on when you were born. Have you looked at the horoscope that I gave you?’

  ‘Um, not really. That is, I did have a quick look but it looked like a graph. A circle with a load of lines through it. I didn’t know what to make of it.’

  ‘Have another look when you get home and you’ll see that all the planets are on there. Or don’t look. It doesn’t really matter. It’s what you do with your month that matters.’

  ‘You’re talking in riddles again, Uri.’

  ‘OK. In simple language. Once a month, every month somewhere on the planet, one girl is chosen to be a Zodiac Girl. What this means is that she gets the help of the ten planets, who are here on earth in human form. What she does with this help is up to her. It usually happens when the girl is at some kind of turning point in her life.’

  ‘Why can’t you just say – once a month, we at Celestial Weddings pick someone to receive our special promotion? The offer only lasts a month – you can repeat that bit if you want because it seems to be important to you. There are ten of us in the business and we will be there to help. There. That’s it. Simple. You don’t need to mess it up with talking about astrology and stuff because some people aren’t into that and you may lose customers.’

  Uri’s eyes were glistening and I wondered if I’d gone
too far and upset him. Then I realized that his face had a strange expression because he was trying not to laugh. Shame, because I liked him even though he was a bit odd and had only been trying to help.

  ‘OK, Chloe,’ he said after he’d got his face straight. ‘Just go with the flow, Zodiac Girl, and be open to what you can learn. Do what Librans do best and see both sides.’

  ‘Hermie said that too,’ I said, and Uri continued saying something more about being a Zodiac Girl but I wasn’t really listening any more though because Marcie came out in her suit. She looked really pretty with her hair pulled up at the back.

  ‘Ready?’ she asked.

  I nodded.

  ‘OK, we can do it one of two ways,’ said Uri. ‘The wedding suits are made of Velcro so after the ceremony, when the vicar says, “I now pronounce you man and wife,” the bride and groom simply hurl themselves at each other and splat, they are as one. Joined from tip to toe in Holy Matrimony. And Velcro.’

  Marcie giggled. ‘Sam will love it.’

  Mad, I thought, but I didn’t say anything because today was just for having fun, not for making serious decisions, and I also knew that there were several options left on Marcie’s list after this.

  ‘Come on, Chloe,’ said Uri. ‘Let’s show your sister how it’s done. Let’s stand side by side and when I say jump, let’s jump towards each other.’ He clapped his hands, we jumped, and our suits welded together. It was hysterical because he was over six foot and I am only five foot four, so I was stuck to his side. ‘Joined at the hip,’ I said as he walked off down the room with me firmly clasped to him. ‘Isn’t that what they say about some married couples?’

  Uri laughed.

  ‘What’s the second way of doing it?’ asked Marcie.

  Uri indicated a ladder that led up on to the trampoline. ‘For the more adventurous,’ he said. He climbed up and held out a hand to me. I clambered on after him and smiled at Nessa, who was still up there. Trampolining was something that I could do. Demi had one in her back garden and we used to go on it every Saturday when we were younger. Nessa winked and gave us the thumbs up.

  ‘OK,’ said Uri. ‘Imagine that I’m the groom.’ He began to jump up and down, up and down, and then he hurled himself against the wall, flinging out his arms and legs as he did so. And there he stayed, suspended halfway up the wall. ‘See, the wall is made of Velcro too. Come on, Nessa.’

  Nessa bounced and threw herself and there she was, splatted beside him. ‘Have a go, Chloe,’ she said. ‘Come on, Marcie – join in.’

  I jumped and jumped, splayed my arms out and went for the wall, where I stuck like glue. ‘Come on, Marcie,’ I called.

  She tentatively began to jump.

  ‘Aim for the wall after your next spring,’ said Uri. ‘You don’t have to be good at trampolining. It’s just there to give you a launching pad on to the Velcro.’

  Marcie began to bounce, then she flung herself at the wall. When she realized that she was safe and not going to fall off, she smiled a little. ‘And how do you get down?’ she asked.

  ‘Easy,’ he replied. ‘I’ll show you.’

  I looked over at Uri and the situation suddenly struck me as really funny. The four of us hanging halfway up a wall, having a conversation like it was totally normal. Once again, not the typical wedding scenario, I thought, but I was beginning to see that it could be fun and that I had been too closed to Marcie’s suggestions in the beginning.

  ‘Exactly,’ said Uri as if picking up on my thoughts once again. ‘See, getting married can sometimes turn into an intense occasion and the two people who are supposed to be enjoying it the most end up being miserable and stressed. The Velcro experience brings an element of the unexpected into it all. Why go for the boring old convention? Be a rebel on your wedding day, surprise your guests – that’s what I say. Live a little, have fun. And in answer to your question, Marcie, to get down you simply peel yourself away, limb by limb.’ He peeled away his right arm, then his left, his right leg, then his left, then he leaned forward and peeled his spine away, then leaped back on to the trampoline.

  There was no stopping me after that. I bounced with Uri and Nessa. We tried splaying on the wall with our arms and legs in different positions. Marcie had a few tries but she didn’t seem to be enjoying it as much as Uri, Nessa and me. Uri was amazing at it. He could do a somersault in the air and land upside down. ‘Tadah!’ he said with a grin after one amazing leap.

  ‘Wow! Now that would be impressive. If Sam could do that! Don’t you think, Marcie?’ I said.

  ‘Maybe,’ she said. She had a pensive look on her face. ‘I’ll have to think about it. Might be a bit difficult for doing the toast though, or cutting the cake.’

  ‘We could find a way,’ I said. ‘This gets my vote.’

  Marcie didn’t say anything. We climbed down from the trampoline and I took her aside. ‘You OK?’

  ‘I’m not sure this is for me,’ she said and her bottom lip wobbled a little. ‘I mean, imagine the wedding photos.’

  ‘But Nessa said she can make something lovely,’ I said.

  ‘In Velcro! You’ve changed your tune,’ said Marcie. ‘What’s the matter with you? I thought you wanted the best for me. Silk and lace and tiny mother-of-pearl beads.’

  ‘I . . . I . . . Marcie, it’s your list. I’m trying to be helpful.’ I decided to quote what Nessa had said. ‘I am trying to see both sides, be easy-going. Nessa says—’

  Marcie wasn’t appeased. ‘Nessa this, Nessa that. You’ve only just met her.’

  ‘I know, but honest, Marcie, if you’d seen her gorgeous designs at the wedding show and met her colleagues, you’d be impressed too. And I won some kind of astrology thing where I get her advice for a month. And she does talk sense.’

  ‘You’ve just fallen under her spell because she’s so beautiful. And you’re not the only one who knows about astrology, you know. I had a flatmate when I was at college who was Libran and there’s another trait I remember about them. Easily influenced. And that’s you. Adamant about one thing one week and then someone comes along and turns your head.’

  ‘Hey! That’s so not fair,’ I said. ‘I . . . I . . .’

  ‘Yeah. You hate me. Go on, say it. Be the princess who didn’t get her way.’

  What on earth is going on? I asked myself. Planning a wedding is supposed to be such a happy thing to do but this is turning weird. I don’t seem to be able to do anything right. I resist Marcie’s plans and she says I’m selfish. I go along with them and try and get into it and she accuses me of being easily influenced. I can’t win! I decided to shut up and not say another word. After I’d changed back into my jeans and T-shirt we said goodbye to Uri and Nessa, then we drove home. It was a silent trip, both of us wearing sulky expressions, me with my arms firmly crossed over my chest. I glanced over at Marcie. It’s you who’s acting the spoilt princess blaming everyone else for Sam’s stupid list, I thought, as I mentally struck number two from the list.

  ‘Sam ought to be here with you doing this,’ I said. I’m just your sister. It’s not my fault you aren’t enjoying this.’

  ‘Don’t I know it,’ she said through gritted teeth. ‘Sam is probably sitting in a country pub somewhere having the time of his life. The way I feel at the moment, I think I’d like to kill him rather than marry him.’

  Oops! I thought.

  Chapter Eight

  Options Schmoptions

  ‘So, Chloe, any more ideas about what you want to do when you leave school?’ asked my sister Jane as she forked her way through Mum’s casserole, picking out the mushrooms.

  Oh God, not this again! I thought. ‘I might become a trampoline artist in the circus,’ I replied. ‘Or maybe a window cleaner. I can’t decide.’ I thought I was being quite funny but nobody laughed.

  Jane rolled her eyes.

  ‘Marcie was right about you being easily influenced, you know,’ said Clare, my other sister. ‘Not because you’re a Libran – we all know that astrology i
s a load of baloney – but because you just are, always have been.’

  ‘Duh! I was joking,’ I protested. It was the evening after Marcie and I had been to the Incredible Velcro place and my sisters were round for supper. Sadly, what should have been a nice girlie time with us discussing Marcie’s wedding and what we were going to wear was fast turning into a character assassination of the worst kind, that character being me. I looked at each of them in turn. Even if you didn’t know them, you would know that they were sisters. Like Marcie, Jane and Clare also take after my mum and have her chestnut brown hair, her brown eyes, fine features and slightly small mouth. I’m the only blonde of the girls in our family and the only one with a dimple, right in the middle of my chin. I take after Dad, who was fair when he had hair but was pretty well bald last time I saw him. I wonder sometimes if they are mean to me because I look like him and they don’t want to be reminded.

  ‘Gullible is the word I’d use,’ said Clare.

  ‘Always changing her mind, it’s true,’ said Mum.

  ‘That’s not a bad thing,’ I protested. ‘There are two sides to every story and surely you Clare, as a lawyer, ought to know that.’

  She raised her eyebrows and fixed me with a stern look. ‘Only one side that wins though.’

  ‘OK, if I am easily influenced then what about Marcie? Before she met Sam Hunkalunk, she wanted a normal wedding in a beautiful dress with a fabulous reception. Instead, we’re on some kind of weird adventure week.’ As I said the words though, I remembered what Nessa and Uri had said about not settling for convention and the fun of being a rebel and doing something wacky. Despite my first choice still being the traditional wedding, I wasn’t as one hundred per cent against Sam’s list as I had been in the beginning. The alternatives didn’t have to be tacky. With the right organization and Nessa to help, they could possibly be made to work. ‘I’m trying to be open-minded, and that’s more than you lot are about astrology. It’s actually very scientific.’

  Jane grinned. ‘You know, you could make a good lawyer, Chloe. You do know how to argue.’