Resilient Love: Banished Saga, Book 7

by Ramona Flightner

  Aidan frowned as he settled his long fingers over his stomach. He arched an eyebrow at Richard and nodded for him to speak.

  “Flo is expecting again.” He appeared bilious at the words and swiped at his sweaty forehead.

  “That’s wonderful news, Richard. A reason to rejoice.” Aidan’s calm, carefully modulated voice eased the silent tension thrumming through Richard, and he relaxed back into his chair.

  “I need to know you’ll take care of them. That you’ll support them should it be necessary.”

  Aidan frowned and scratched at his forehead. “Are you planning to leave us?”

  “Times are precarious, Uncle,” he said with a frustrated glare. “I have to ensure my family, my large family, is well provided for.”

  “You own three successful blacksmith shops. You earn a handsome profit on their running alone each year. Florence will never want for anything.” He raised an eyebrow. “Except her husband’s company.”

  When Richard seemed to tense further, rather than relax at his uncle’s soothing words, Aidan sighed. “What’s brought this on?”

  “My father was forty-one when he died,” he whispered.

  “And you turned forty-one this summer.” Aidan rubbed at his eyebrow. “There is no reason to be concerned, Richard. Your father died in a tragic fire accident. I’d hardly think you’d suffer the same fate.”

  “That’s just it. Horrible accidents happen every day. I’m lucky I wasn’t maimed working in the smithy all those years.”

  “Stop it,” Aidan barked, causing Richard to jolt in his chair. “You cannot live your life filled with fear. For, if you do, any chance for joy will leech away until the ability to appreciate happiness will disappear.” He watched his nephew. “Embrace the unknown. Savor the unexpected.”

  Richard sighed and rubbed at his face. “What will I do if I lose Flo?”

  Aidan steepled his fingers and studied his nephew. “That’s your real concern, isn’t it? That you’ll lose Florence in childbirth.”

  Richard raised tortured eyes to meet his uncle’s compassionate gaze.

  “No one can take away that fear, Richard.”

  “How did you overcome the loss?”

  Aidan’s gaze became introspective as he remembered his first wife, who had died in childbirth—as did their child—from a hemorrhage. “I was a ghost for months. Haunting the baby’s room, imagining I heard a cry. Sequestering myself in my wife’s sitting room, merely to surround myself with her scent.” He closed his eyes. “Finally I realized I was alone, as alone as I’d ever been, and I buried myself in work.” He opened his eyes and watched his nephew. “You’ll never be alone, Richard.”

  Richard swallowed at the soft avowal. “In all ways that matter, I would be if she died.”

  Aidan sighed. “I imagine Florence is afraid too. Excited, yet fearful. Support her, spend time with her, listen to her, as you’ve always done. Don’t drown her in your fears as this should be a joyous time.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Then, if we are truly blessed, we will have a new member of the family to love in May.”

  Richard nodded his agreement. “Thank you, Uncle. Thank you for seeing to the heart of what truly bothered me.”

  Aidan smiled. “When you’re giving your sons and nieces and nephews similar advice in the years to come, think of me.”

  Chapter 23

  Zylphia lay on her side on the chaise longue, watching as the snow fell. She felt as barren and devoid of apparent life as the trees outside. At the soft knock on her bedroom door, she ignored it, knowing the maid would enter anyway with a tray of food. She curled further into herself, huddling under her blanket. When she heard the door shut, she stiffened as footsteps roamed the room. She rolled over and froze, meeting her husband’s gaze.

  “Teddy! What are you doing here?” she asked, aghast.

  “Visiting my wife,” he murmured. He pulled the vanity stool closer to the chaise longue and gingerly sat as it creaked under his weight.

  Zylphia sat up so she was propped up on the chaise with blankets pulled closely around her. Her black hair hung in clumps, and she pushed it back to hide some of her dishevelment. “Why now?”

  He sat with impeccable posture in a gray suit that matched his eyes. The burgundy of his tie eased the starkness of his ensemble. He clasped his long ink-stained fingers together on his lap while he clenched his jaw a few times. The silence stretched between them. When their gazes met, she flinched to see the despair in his, matching her own.

  “I had a visit from your father. He was concerned I’d yet to ascertain you were comfortable in your new home.” He paused. “And then your mother lashed into me.”

  Zylphia flinched at his words, imparted in a cold, clipped manner. She pulled the blanket more tightly around her. “Do you care at all?” Her voice broke, and she shook her head.

  Teddy leaned forward, the facade of a composed, cool businessman shattered in an instant. “Do I care that you acted recklessly and cost me my child? Do I care that you would rather live here than at our house? Do I care that I’m not even certain that child was mine?” he rasped, his eyes molten in their fury.

  “Teddy,” she whispered. “I … of course it was.” She shook her head in disbelief as tears poured down her cheeks. “How could you think otherwise?”

  He clamped his jaw shut as though angry with himself for having revealed so much. “We’d made love one time in the past six months, Zee. Why now, when every other time hasn’t led to a pregnancy?”

  She shrugged, ignoring the tears that fell. “I don’t know. That’s part of the reason I doubted …”

  “Don’t lie to me!” he roared. “You promised.” He took a deep breath to calm himself. “You promised that, with any suspicion, you’d cease your activities for the good of our child.”

  Zylphia nodded, her chin wobbling. She raised a hand to cover her face as a wail emerged. Her other hand she held at her waist as she slid down the chaise longue, curling into herself as she sobbed.

  Teddy watched her a moment before rising. He bent over her shaking form, kissed her forehead and turned away.

  “No, Teddy, please,” Zee sobbed. She reached for him, but he stepped away from her. As she heard his footsteps retreat from the chaise longue, her sobs intensified. Suddenly his arms were about her, and he eased her upright, cradling her against his chest as he coaxed her to walk beside him.

  “Come, my darling,” he whispered. He led her the short distance to the bed, where he’d pulled down the covers. He laid her on the bed, tugged off his boots, shrugged out of his coat and waistcoat and climbed in after her. He pulled her against him, holding her as her sobs slowly abated. “I’ve got you, my love,” he murmured, kissing her nape.

  When she had calmed to random hiccoughs, his hold on her remained strong. She squirmed against him until he released her enough so she could face him. He traced fingers over her tear-ravaged cheeks, her eyes red-rimmed and swollen from crying.

  He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, evoking another shudder. “I’m still furious with you,” he said, although his voice was warmer and held no trace of the earlier rage.

  “I know.” She rubbed her face against his shoulder. “But there’s no one who could be angrier with me than I am.” She blinked, and two more tears leaked out. “Will you ever forgive me?”

  He sighed. “I don’t know as I’ll ever be able to fully.” He leaned away to meet her hurt gaze. “I won’t lie to you, Zee. This has affected me profoundly. I thought I could trust you. That faith—in you, in us—has been shaken.”

  “Teddy,” she whispered, grabbing his injured hand and pulling it to her heart. “I love you.”

  He closed his eyes at her quiet avowal. “And I love you.” He met her terrified gaze. “But I wonder if that’s enough.”

  “No!” she shouted as loudly as she could amid her tears. “You will not throw me over for this. We will make it through this.”

  He watched her with tired, sorrow-filled
eyes. “Then I fear you have more faith than I do.” He ran a hand over her head, frowning at the knots in the long strands. “Look at what our relationship has done to you, Zee. I hate that loving me has led you to this point.”

  She pushed at him until he fell to his back, and she leaned on his chest, as though she were strong enough to hold him in place. “Loving you, being loved by you, will help me out of this horrible darkness I’ve descended into. Losing you would consign me to it forever. Don’t …” Her voice broke. “Don’t give up on us, my love.”

  His melancholy smile did little to reassure her. “For now, rest in my arms,” he soothed. He relaxed as she scooted to pillow her head on his shoulder.

  “I will find a way for you to trust me again, Teddy. I will prove myself worthy of you,” Zylphia whispered, her voice thickened with sleep.

  Teddy wandered downstairs a few hours later, leaving a sleeping Zylphia nested in her bed. He poked his head into the cold, vacant formal sitting room before wandering down the hallway to the rear parlor. A fire warmed the sitting area, with soft lamps lit throughout.

  “It’s about time you decided to show your face here,” Sophie barked from her chair near the fire.

  Teddy jolted at her voice. “I didn’t see you there.” He sat in a chair across from her, meeting her perceptive, piercing gaze without flinching.

  Her mouth trembled as she appeared to bite back words. “I thought you cared more for your wife’s well-being than letting her languish in her misery for over a week.”

  Teddy heaved out a sigh. “I know you relish your role as a wise advisor, but I fear those around you will always be a disappointment.”

  She glared at him, her aquamarine eyes gleaming with dissatisfaction. “Don’t be flippant, young man. You had every opportunity to make things right. Instead you’ve licked your wounds. Do you have any idea what it has been like for that poor girl, worried you’d never come here?”

  “And in all of this”—he waved his arm around to indicate Zylphia sleeping upstairs—“have you given any thought to me? To how I feel? To the fact I suffered too?” He met her stormy gaze with his. “Or has all your concern been for Zylphia? I should have known you’d first champion your women friends. Us men will only be second best in your world.”

  “Don’t take that tone with me, young man.”

  “I’ll take whatever tone I like, Mrs. Chickering. You’ve failed to consider what I have suffered. What I fear.” He rose. “If you are so inclined, please tell my wife she knows where to find me if she would like to talk further. I bid you good night.”

  “Stop right there, young man,” Sophie barked, her cane thunking twice on the floor with her agitation. “I thought you knew me better than to throw such accusations my way.” She glared at him as he flushed beet red. She motioned him to sit down again and waited a few moments before speaking. “I have a tendency to parse out advice to my acquaintances and friends. I like to believe those close to me seek out my counsel.” She raised an eyebrow at Teddy, causing him to squirm as he had been one of those she spoke of.

  “However, you are delusional if you believe I place more value on any of my friendships because the friend is a woman. It is an appalling accusation.” She tapped her cane on the floor again. “When have I failed you? When have I treated you unfairly?”

  “You’ve harbored my wife!” His flush intensified at his roar.

  “If you care to recall, you threw her out.” She pinned him with a stare, daring him to contradict her. “When any friend comes to me needing succor, I will offer what I can. I’m fortunate enough to have a large home and sufficient income to open my home to those in need.”

  She sighed, her grip on her cane’s handle easing as her ire lessened. “Now stop all that nonsense and tell me what is bothering you.” She sat back in her chair, her gaze eagle sharp as she studied the man in front of her. His coat and waistcoat were haphazardly buttoned, and his hair was disheveled.

  “I think …” He stared into the fire a long moment. “I believe I must petition for a divorce.”

  Sophie gasped and dropped her cane. It clacked against the small table in front of her before bouncing on the carpet. “You can’t be serious.”

  He rose and wandered to the mantel. He played with a few of the trinkets she had there, tracing the smooth enamel before gripping the marble mantel. “I’m dreadfully serious.” He spun to face Sophie. “I hope you can see how earnest I am.” When she gave a reluctant nod, he continued speaking. “I love Zee. I believe I always will. However, I fear I’ll never trust her again. Not with the things that truly matter.”

  Sophie cleared her throat. “Do you ever consider the role you had in this debacle?”

  He sat again across from her. “My obstinacy cost me my child. If I’d swallowed my pride and traveled to Washington earlier, this could have been avoided.” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

  Sophie harrumphed. “I don’t see how. Zee has been irate with you for over a year about your unwillingness to apply for citizenship here. A trip to Washington wouldn’t have made it better.”

  He raised sorrow-filled eyes to meet Sophronia’s gaze. “I’d already decided to comply with her wish. I merely wanted her to come home to tell her the news. I never thought she’d stay away so long.”

  Sophie frowned. “When was the last time you saw your wife?”

  “The end of August,” he whispered as understanding dawned in Sophie’s gaze. “She swears the baby was mine, but …” He rose again and paced to the window.

  “She should have had more than doubts by mid-November,” Sophie murmured.

  Teddy nodded, his head lowered as his shoulders shook. “I would have cherished any child,” he gasped out. He took a deep, stuttering breath. “Forgive me.”

  “Ah, my dear boy, I know you would have. It does my heart good to see how much you care. And, because you care as you do, I know you aren’t in your right mind when you say you are contemplating divorce.” She frowned as his shoulders heaved a few more times with deep breaths.

  “Do you know what it is to wonder if you’ve been betrayed? To know that the one you love could … could chain herself to a cause and deem it more worthwhile than the life you dream of building with her?”

  Sophie nodded sadly. “I do. I’m certain my husband fell in love with a nurse when he worked as a surgeon in the Civil War. Just as it took me many years to overcome my anger that his desire to serve in that gruesome conflict overrode my desire to have him here with me.” She gave a nod of understanding to Teddy. “We all must overcome fear and doubt to learn to trust again. Those we love will fail us. It is inevitable. They are human.”

  She paused as she took a deep breath. “But never forget, we will fail them in equal measure. We must hope, every day, that our love is stronger than our fear.”

  Parthena played her piano in her front sitting room, swaying to the gentle music she played. She smiled to herself as she realized she had been unable to play anything but sweet music since the improvement of her relationship with Morgan. She ceased playing when she sensed someone watching her. She spun on her bench and smiled. “Zee!” she called out and stood, then neared the settee. “Come in.” She nodded to the maid behind Zylphia. “Tea, please.” When the door closed behind the maid, Zylphia remained near the mahogany door.

  “Come. Sit by me,” Parthena coaxed, patting the seat next to her on the settee.

  Zylphia nodded and moved listlessly, her usual grace and vivacity missing.

  “What’s happened, Zee? I haven’t seen you or Teddy at any of our regular entertainments, and my recent cards have gone unanswered.” She paused as the maid returned with the tea tray. When they were once again alone, she ignored the tea and clasped her friend’s hand.

  When Zylphia remained quiet, Parthena shook her head in confusion. “Well, I’ll share my news.” She frowned at Zylphia’s panicked gaze. “Morgan and I are traveling to Montana after the New Year to see my sister and Lucas. She is to have a ba
by soon, and I want her to have family around her to support her.”

  “A baby. I’d forgotten they were to have a baby,” Zylphia said with a weak smile. “How fortunate.”

  Parthena frowned at Zylphia. “Yes, well, as you’ve traveled to Montana before, I was hoping you’d guide me in what I should bring and what to expect on the journey.” She waited expectantly and glared at Zylphia as she stared into space. “Zee?” she demanded.

  Zylphia jolted at Parthena’s harsh tone. “Teddy and I fought when I arrived home from Washington. He’s very angry with me for what happened there,” Zylphia said in a flat voice as though a recitation in front of a classroom.

  Parthena squeezed her friend’s hand and then shook it to elicit more emotion from her. “Morgan told me that Teddy was beside himself with worry for you when we were arrested. He can’t be angry with you for that. I’d think he’d be rather proud for what you attempted.” She smiled with a hint of pride. “As Morgan is of me.”

  Zylphia raised haunted eyes to Parthena. “Aren’t you ever beset by nightmares? By what we lived through?” When her friend paled and nodded, Zylphia licked her lips. “I can still hear the women near me screaming. The moaning as the hunger set in. The thuds as another was kicked for insolence. The clinking of the key against a chain as they approached to force-feed me again.” She closed her eyes. “Nothing takes away those memories.”

  “We all have them, Zee. We all lived through similar experiences.” Parthena paused and closed her eyes, sniffing the air dramatically. “I can still remember the smell of bacon, as though I can always smell it, and I’m taunted by it.”

  Zylphia half smiled. “I feel guilty eating it now.” She shared a look of understanding with her friend.

  Parthena poured two cups of tea, preparing Zee’s with plenty of milk and sugar. She handed Zylphia her cup and then sipped hers with a quiet sigh of contentment. “I’ll never take these simple pleasures for granted again.” After she set down her cup, she studied Zylphia. “We were separated almost from the very moment we entered that horrible workhouse. What did they do to you, Zee?”