Renegade Red

by Lauren Bird Horowitz

  “And Judah had you,” Callum finished stonily.

  Judah met Noa’s eyes for the briefest of moments, then scowled quickly, whipping venomously toward Callum. “How do you know my wish wasn’t just to be an orphan? To be free of you and Dad? ’Cause I had that too.”

  Callum scoffed. “Please.”

  Judah turned red with rage. “Well, if Noa’s right, look what the Portal gave you! Your deepest wish to be some murdering tyrant like our father!” Callum’s eyes flared; his jaw clenched.

  “Stop it, Judah!” Noa cried, more anger dissipating, more warmth returning, this time for Callum. She went toward them both, stepped in between. “Callum didn’t want to hurt anyone! Don’t you see? His wish was to take care of everyone! To keep things safe, protected…” Callum looked at her hopefully, so hopefully. She stuttered, continued: “The Portal just … in that world, the only way the Portal could grant that wish was to have him actually protect that world.”

  Noa focused her mind, her heart, on the Callum she had known before—the Callum from Harlow, from Monterey. Callum now was looking at her with such hope, wanting to believe this was how she truly felt—and Noa did feel it, the way she’d even felt it in the In Between. The safety of him, the way his face sparked heat and longing and trust and something more, just as it had since the first time they’d met, when he’d been Callum Then—

  Except that Callum, Noa suddenly remembered clearly, had lied to her, about almost everything.

  Noa’s resolve flickered, uncertain.

  Judah smirked. “Sounds right to me. Callum thinking he knows best, and in the process hurting and destroying everyone around him. In the Portal, in real life…”

  “Sasha,” Noa murmured, with heartbreaking clarity. Her little sister, the Girl she’d searched for in the In Between, her heart of hearts, her love … except she was not Noa’s sister at all. She was Callum’s and Judah’s. She was in Noa’s life only because Callum had faked her death, blamed it on Judah, and then secretly hidden her in Noa’s world, in Noa’s family.

  That was the real reason Noa had met Callum. She’d thought it fate, or love—a special soulmate appearing at exactly the time she’d needed him after she’d lost her older sister Isla. Noa had needed someone to help her breathe again, live again, and they’d bonded over both having “lost” a sister. But that wasn’t true. It wasn’t fate; they didn’t resonate in loss. She had simply been part of Callum’s elaborate web of lies.

  But. Noa’s heart beat on the word. It hadn’t all been lies. He’d told her about himself, after all—about being Fae, Blue Fae, and about his gift to manipulate the elements. He’d told her about his race, their different gifts, and the story—at least partially—of his exile and his family. Those were intimacies Callum hadn’t had to share; in fact, sharing them with her had put him in great danger. And he’d literally broken his soul for her, let awful creatures carve off a piece, to make a talisman-bracelet to protect her when touching her in the mortal realm without it would have meant draining her spirit, her Light.

  “Noa?” Callum asked anxiously.

  Noa shook her head. It was too much.

  “She’s just remembering how much you suck,” Judah smiled.

  Callum spun on him. “I’m not the one who threw her little sister into the Portal in the first place, Judah—”

  “It was an accident!”

  “You declared your love for my girlfriend, she rejected you, and you threw her sister into the Portal to punish her!” Callum pressed. “It was no accident at all!” Noa closed her eyes, shuddering at the memory. Judah hadn’t known then that Sasha was also his sister, Lily, but it didn’t matter, Judah would never have sacrificed an innocent child for revenge.

  “You’re the one who actually killed people, Callum! Putting them on ‘Review’ in your deranged little fantasy world, Mr. Otec. You sucked their Light into oblivion to feed the In Between! That girl, Annabelle, and that teacher, Dr. Chandler, and who knows who else! You let the Portal murder them! I’m surprised you didn’t also find a way to have me blamed for it, the way you framed me for ‘killing’ Lily!”

  “I was being brainwashed, Judah! Unlike you, who chucked Sasha into hell without a second thought!”

  “I didn’t—”

  “Stop it! Stop it, both of you!” Noa yelled, suddenly furious. “It doesn’t matter!” It was too much—too much to handle, too much to balance, too much to feel. “Who cares who meant what, or who wished for what, or who knew what at what time! None of it matters now! I’m deciding!”

  “Ha.” Callum couldn’t help but gloat, glaring at Judah.

  “Goes both ways, bro,” Judah snapped back.

  “I said shut up!” Noa commanded. “I jumped into that hell dimension in the first place because of Sasha. That’s what’s important here. Finding Sasha. Lily—”

  “She’s Sasha now, I told you,” Callum said. “She’s Sasha Sullivan,I’d never take that from you—”

  “The way you took Lily from me—” Judah started.

  “To protect her! From Darius!”

  Noa held up a hand. “Stop! Look. All the people who Thorn and Judah threw into the Portal were in the In Between too.” She glared at Callum when he scoffed at the reminder of Judah’s myriad other crimes. “Annabelle, Carly Ann, Ms. Jaycee, Dr. Chandler—they were all really there. The other people who weren’t, like Ansley, they were just blurs, approximations, because their minds weren’t really in the In Between—”

  “The faceless people you saw,” Judah said.

  Noa nodded. “But Sasha, who we know went into the Portal—she wasn’t there, except as some ghostly hallucination. Why? She should have been there, too.”

  “Her gifts,” Judah offered uncertainly. “Her special powers; she must have used them to go right through, bypass the In Between.”

  Noa looked at Callum, who nodded slowly.

  “It must be. The whole reason I tried to take her from Aurora, protect her, was because I’d never seen powers like hers before.” This was true; Callum had confessed as much when Sasha’s true identity had been revealed. Unlike the usual races, or Colorlines, of Fae—Blue Fae like Callum, who manipulated the physical world; Red Fae like Judah, who manipulated thoughts; and Green Fae like their mother, Lorelei, who manipulated emotions—Lily had been able to do all three. She was some sort of magical hybrid, different even than the Clear Fae like their father, Darius, who could Channel different Colorline powers but could not produce gifts on their own. Callum had worried that Darius—who ruled Aurora as the king-like Otec—would use Lily’s gifts to solidify his tyranny, further oppressing the Colored Fae whose gifts he and other Clears jealously siphoned.

  It was to protect both Lily and the Realm, Callum claimed, that he’d faked Lily’s death and taken her to Noa’s world, the ‘prison’ world, where he’d hidden her with Noa’s family, where he himself would have to live without his gifts.

  “She didn’t come back out of the Portal in your world, and she wasn’t in the In Between, so she must have gone straight through to Aurora,” Callum hypothesized.

  “She could do that?” Noa asked.

  “Her mind would be impossible to trap,” Judah put in. “It makes sense that the In Between wouldn’t hold her.”

  “My scar … where I cut myself to open the Portal again so I could find her,” Noa realized. “Every time I saw the Girl in the In Between, it was like my scar was connecting me to her. My scar was what pulled me away from the exit Callum made to take us home, and toward that big black wave that brought us here instead—”

  Callum nodded. “Because your blood really is her blood now, bound by a deeper magic than genes.”

  “What, love?” Judah snorted.

  “Exactly that,” Callum said evenly. He turned back to Noa. “That bond, that magic, was crystallized in your scar, and so must have guided you on the path
she took.”

  “It led me to follow her here, to Aurora,” Noa finished. She closed her eyes, gathered herself, then faced them both. “We have to find her. All of us.”

  “Of course,” Callum said immediately.

  Judah scowled.

  “We’ll need your help, too, Judah. It’s Sasha—”

  “We’re not in the In Between anymore. I’m not your boyfriend,” Judah said icily.

  Noa’s chest tightened. “Judah,” she said gently, “I felt it too, there—”

  Judah stepped backward, held up his hands. “Stop! You said we’re not talking about it, right? We’re just forgetting what happened?”

  “I didn’t mean—”

  “Who cares, anyway? Even if we didn’t forget it, you promised him. I heard you. When we got out and we remembered whatever it was we had forgotten, you swore to forgive him and love him and be happy forever!”

  “Judah, please—” Hot tears stung Noa’s throat.

  Judah snorted. “You always choose him anyway. Back in your world and in the stupid In Between too. But don’t you worry, I’ll help you find Sasha because she’s my Sasha too. But I don’t need your pity, and I don’t want it.”

  Noa swallowed hard. Her throat felt like fire. Callum put a steadying hand on her back; as always, his touch soothed and strengthened her—and she didn’t have the energy to question it.

  Judah smirked. “It is a bit gross though, right? I mean, we’re all brothers and sister now. Callum saw to that.” With that, he spun on his heel and stalked to the far corner of the cave, where he curled up on the hard ground, his back to them. “I’m getting some sleep.”

  Noa watched him until she couldn’t bear it anymore, then turned and slumped into Callum.

  “I am so sorry, Noa,” Callum murmured into her hair, voice soft and warm. “You saved us in that Portal. Just like you saved Sasha … you just keep saving us, saving me. I’m going to prove to you that I’m worth it.”

  Noa turned slowly to face him. “I meant what I said,” she whispered carefully. “I know you wanted to protect us in that Portal world. And even, with Sasha…” She broke off, closed her eyes, not yet able to forgive that lie. “I meant what I promised in that world, the In Between. I’ll try…” She opened her eyes, made sure her voice firm and clear. “But Callum, it’s going to take time.”

  Callum glanced sadly at Judah’s back. “Time?” he echoed.

  Noa sighed. “It’s complicated now,” she admitted. “Can we first please just find Sasha?”

  She felt his jaw tighten, but he nodded, head on hers. “I’ll find her, Noa,” he murmured. “This time I will protect us all. I swear.”

  • • •

  Callum agreed that whatever was to come, they needed sleep. Noa lay beside him, back to back, but could feel he wasn’t sleeping either. Judah remained in his corner, still as stone.

  Judah.

  Noa knew the In Between had not been ‘real,’ but that didn’t mean she remembered it with any less precision. Moments there vibrated like all others: sharp spatial forms inside her mind, hums and textures in her blood. Noa knew Judah’s body language even better than she knew Callum’s; in a paradoxical way, she and Judah had actually been together longer.

  Of course, Portal Judah hadn’t had this Judah’s history, this Judah’s guilt, this Judah’s scars. And yet, as much as the ‘real’ Judah defined himself by his past, the Portal Judah, stripped of that past, had somehow been more true. Portal Judah was Judah at his core, not diminished by history or family—he was a Judah who was too strong for that. Noa understood that Judah. She admired that Judah, could feel for him.

  Noa looked over at Judah now, lying in the corner: back knit with anger, wrapped with that shell of who he thought he had to be. Capable of things that scared her. Opaque and hard to understand.

  Callum moved slightly behind Noa, and reflexively her body fluttered, the way it always did. But there was something new in this flutter too—the smallest bit of fear. If the In Between had shown Judah’s truer core, then had it done the same with Callum?

  Noa shut her eyes. She would not let the Portal simplify these brothers, make them smaller than they were. Judah was no lover, and Callum was no villain, any more than Miles was a popular jock or Olivia a pointy-haired vixen. The In Between was a mind trap.

  Noa had already decided: from that point on, she would trust her real memories, and the complexity of feelings that came only from real life. In real life, she was angry with Callum for how he’d lied, but in real life, deep down, she’d already forgiven him, because his lies had brought her Sasha. No matter how it had happened, no matter how it had taken shape, Noa had Sasha now, and nothing could undo that. Sasha was her Sasha, Sasha her love—because of Callum.

  Noa’s body calmed. Of course it was Callum; it had always been Callum. Judah was right after all: she had already chosen Callum, would always choose him. Her body had known, even in the In Between, what her mind now saw so clearly.

  Callum turned gently in the dark, and Noa tucked herself back against his chest, accepting the warm wrap of his arms.

  She closed her eyes, and slept.

  • • •

  “It’s light enough now. We should be able to figure out where we are,” Judah announced. He stood at the mouth of the cave; the world was still dark but lightening with dawn.

  Callum rubbed her shoulders. “You okay?” he asked softly. She turned to him, nodded shyly.

  Judah walked over, scowling, and pulled her bracelet from her wrist. The bracelet that blocked her from his and Callum’s—and anyone in their family’s—magic.

  “Heal her muscles, you moron,” he told Callum.

  Callum looked instantly apologetic. “He’s right. I’m so sorry, Noa. I didn’t even think of it. We’re in Aurora, so I can use my gift on you and not have to take your Light.” He placed his hands on Noa’s arms and focused. Noa closed her eyes as a pod of warmth spun itself like a chrysalis in her chest, then spiraled outward down her arms and legs, healing every bruise. Callum lifted his hands, and Noa exhaled with a little pop. She opened her eyes to see Callum’s proud, boyish grin.

  “I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted to share my gift with you,” he said. “In a way that wasn’t torturous.”

  “That was definitely superior to when you healed me back at Harlow,” Noa agreed.

  Judah sighed loudly from the mouth of the cave. They turned to see Noa’s bracelet flying back at them. Callum barely reached out and caught it before it hit Noa in the face.

  “Hey, a little warning,” Callum said to Judah.

  Judah shrugged. “Put it on so we can go.”

  “She doesn’t need to wear it here,” Callum replied sharply. “What is it, you don’t think you can stay out of her head?”

  Judah rolled his eyes. “Sure. Whatever.” He turned back, muttering. “Can’t be that she’s better off with some protection in case our father is out there….”

  Callum looked at Noa, cheeks pink with angry shame again. “He’s right, Noa,” he said reluctantly. “I’m sorry, I was just so excited to show you what I could do—but he’s right. It’s too much of a risk. Whatever protection you can get from Darius—”

  “While we look for Sasha. I get it,” Noa said, fastening the talisman bracelet back onto her wrist. “Don’t worry, finding her will be all the magic I need.”

  Callum got to his feet, helped her up. “We’d better start by figuring out where we are.”

  “Bad news: no idea,” Judah announced as Callum and Noa joined him at the cave’s mouth. Noa squinted. She realized that what she’d thought the night before was wilderness was actually fairly landscaped, as if they were inside a massive Central Park. Thicket-like islands rose from wide seas of flat and hilly grass, and the cave itself was an immense, serpentine stone bridge, casting deep shadows and caverns
where it rose and fell.

  “We seem to be in a housing center,” Callum said, walking out slowly and spinning to look around from every angle, “but I don’t recognize any of the buildings. Do you remember Darius planning a city extension like this?”

  “Wait, am I blind? What city? What buildings?” Noa asked, bewildered.

  Judah sighed impatiently, pointed in a circle all around them. Noa looked where he pointed but still saw nothing, so he walked over and took her by the shoulders, directing her. She jumped a little at his touch, which they both pretended not to notice.

  Look closely,” he directed.

  Noa squinted in the distance—and then gasped.

  “See it now?” Judah whispered. Noa heard his smile and nodded as it all took shape before her. The previous night, she’d been sure she’d seen walls of towering vines and trees on every vista, climbing to the sky—now she realized those leaves and trunks were the exteriors of soaring buildings, skyscrapers, built of vines and stones and roots. The ‘park’ where they stood was much smaller than she’d thought—a shared plaza, really, inside a square of towers.

  Judah turned to Callum. “This wasn’t here when I left. Darius must have built it since. I say we go to the Tunnels. I can find our way from anywhere down there.”

  Callum scoffed. “But no one else can.”

  “Yeah, where’s that traitorous Hilo when you need her, right?” Judah muttered.

  Callum glared at him, clenching his teeth at Judah’s reference to yet another of the lies Callum had needed to facilitate Sasha’s escape—how he’d turned Judah’s best and only friend, Hilo, into his spy.

  Noa was grateful that Callum didn’t rise to the bait.

  “Anyway,” Callum said instead, “we clearly can’t rely on you to give us an accurate report on what’s going on here.”