To Be With You

by Daphne Abbott

  “This can’t be a shock to you,” Callum said and took a step forward. “Liv, it stopped being just about sex the minute you came to stay with me.”

  “Things changed,” I said and nodded. Why did my throat burn so much?

  “We said nothing about it, but I felt the shift in you, too. The sex wasn’t just about scratching an itch anymore. It was deeper. There was a connection.”

  “We’re friends. You looked out for me when the RV was busted up. I was grateful.” My breath wheezed past the burn in my throat. “But it was still just sex.”

  “I admit I don’t have experience with these types of relationships, but do you share hopes and dreams with a fuck buddy?” He got closer still, and I could smell his familiar cologne of cardamom and vetiver. I hated how much that smell turned me on, even as we were breaking up. “Do you tell secrets to your sexual conquests, Liv? Or was that just with me?”

  I couldn’t take it anymore. I pushed past him and ran to the living room, where I’d dropped my purse. “I need to go.”

  “No, you need to stay and talk this out with me. We’re not kids anymore. I will not let you run away like you did the last time.”

  I looked over my shoulder and saw the same look he’d given me the night of our graduation. Anger and sadness hollowed out his cheeks and made him look like a ghost of himself. I hated that I’d done this to him again, but what was I to do? He’d crossed the line and added feelings to a relationship we agreed to keep light. But the worst of all was that even if my feelings had changed too, there was still the fact that Cal was only back in Eagle Creek temporarily.

  We had an expiration date, regardless of our feelings.

  Chapter 25

  Callum

  My world was imploding at the hands of Olivia Van Ess. Again.

  It shouldn’t shock me the way it did, but I’d been living in a dream state with her for weeks, and I’d never once considered she didn’t feel the same. Even as I denied my feelings to Fab and Jo, and anyone else that asked me, I’d known I was falling back in love with Olivia.

  It’d been different this time around; it wasn’t the fast shock of first love anymore. It was the slow love that had snuck up on me over the days and weeks. It wasn’t about the girl she’d been but the woman she was now, and damn if that woman wasn’t dismantling me worse than the girl had.

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” Olivia said as she shouldered her bag and pulled her keys out of the side pocket. “I’ll go to Lucy’s for the night. I can get my stuff later.”

  How could my heart hammer and break at the same time? How could it still beat when it felt like it was being cut into pieces?

  “Don’t go. It’s late, and Luce is still out with everyone else. I’ll go to my parents’ house for the night. Give you a chance to pack your stuff if that’s what you want.”

  I wanted to scream that this was just her running scared. She obviously manufactured the entire fight to get her out of having to deal with her own feelings. But my knowing and understanding of what she was doing would not stop this from happening. I could see it in the set of her shoulders and the ice in her eyes.

  Our time was up.

  “Yes, it’s what I want.”

  I nodded, unsure of my voice, and started toward the bedroom for a change of clothes and my shave kit. I purposefully didn’t look at the unmade bed, where hours ago we’d made love, and I’d revealed more of myself to her than any other person.

  In the bathroom, the sight of her toothbrush next to mine in the holder almost broke me. I stopped to splash water on my face, hoping it would knock some of the shock from my brain. But it didn’t work, and I ended up staring at my reflection for longer than was necessary.

  “You knew the risks,” I said to my reflection. But just like me, he had no answers.

  Back in the living room, Olivia had put away her purse and was sitting in the recliner that looked out the patio doors and across the lake beyond.

  “I texted Fab. He’ll be back in an hour after he drops off some people that had too much fun tonight.”

  She nodded, but didn’t turn from the window.

  Her silence was the final nail in the coffin for me. I wouldn’t fight with someone that refused to see reason or even talk with me.

  I sighed, frustrated with the both of us, and turned to walk out the front door.

  “It never would have worked, anyway.”

  I stopped with my hand on the door and looked over my shoulder. Olivia had turned from the window. It surprised me to see her eyes were red-rimmed, even though there were no tears in sight on her pale cheeks.

  “Your life is in New York, and your job takes you all over the world. I want to stay here and build my business. It never would have worked.”

  I put down the bag and turned to face her. “That’s a lot of assumptions you just made. Did you ever think to ask me what I wanted? What I thought about a relationship that went past the summer?”

  I could tell from the look on her face she’d never considered asking me. Never thought I’d want to come back. And if I was honest with myself, that hadn’t been a thought in my head. But if she’d asked? If she’d showed she wanted more?

  I would have moved heaven and earth to make it work.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I remember the last time we had this argument. You said the same thing.” I bent down and picked up the bag again. “Now that I’m older, I have to wonder what you’re sorry for? Hurting me? Or being a coward?”

  * * *

  When I got to my parents’ house, the lights were off, so I pulled my rental up to the garage and got out as silently as I could. The house was on the edge of the campground my father had inherited from his father, which meant they kept to the same quiet hour schedule the campers did. It also meant my brothers and I became adept at the silent entry.

  There was a walk-out basement at the back of the house with a patio door that was never locked. I pulled the glass slider open as quietly as I could, crept inside, and stopped in my tracks. My father sat in a recliner with a glass of whiskey on the table beside him and a thick book in his lap.

  “Callum.” He closed the book and took off his reading glasses. “Something wrong, son?”

  Frustration, anger, and sadness swirled in me like a hurricane. I wanted to rage about the fight with Olivia almost as much as I wanted to cry. But my father and I had never had the type of relationship where I felt comfortable bearing my secrets.

  “Got any more of that?” I nodded to the whiskey at his elbow.

  “In the cabinet behind the bar,” he said. “This is just your basic Jameson. There’s an eighteen-year-old Lagavulin if you’re wanting something smoother.”

  I sucked back to the urge to ask if he meant to say if I wanted something fancier, but thought better of it. Dad wasn’t the enemy. He was just your typical Midwest dad who lived his entire life in a small town, wore t-shirts from vacations he took twenty years ago, and lived and breathed sports.

  He never imagined raising a kid that preferred drawing to football and books to TV. He’d tried over the years to bond with me like he did with Logan and Jake, but after years of frustrating attempts, we’d settled into a pattern we had today. One where he made jokes about my fancy life, and I pretended to laugh, and we never poked at the reasons we couldn’t connect.

  I walked back to the 70s era bar and poured a glass of the Lagavulin, not because I was uppity, but because it was a damn fine whiskey. I sat on the couch and leaned back as I took a long drink. I could feel Dad’s curiosity fill the room, but I took the time I needed to collect myself and decide how much I wanted to share.

  “Olivia broke up with me.” I swirled the ice in my glass and stared out the patio door.

  “Fuck her.”

  I laughed, startled by the harsh tone and the words he used. “What?”
<
br />   “Fuck her. Something’s gotta be wrong with her if she’s kicking you out.” Dad nodded and took a drink of his own whiskey. “I thought she’d gotten smarter after she tossed that idiot MacPherson. Dated around, kept this quiet. Not that I blame her. Then, when you two started up, I thought you’d finally get your chance together.”

  I watched in amazement as he shook his head, looking sadder than I’d seen him in years. “You knew about my crush?”

  “Not for sure, but your mom and I suspected when you always chose Rose as a babysitter over your aunts and uncles.”

  “That was more to avoid the crazy mess of cousins than anything to do with Rose or Olivia.”

  “Maybe, and maybe not.” Dad’s smile was softer than I’d ever seen it, and I had to wonder what had changed for him in the last fifteen years that made him so introspective. “Your brother told us a little about the party on graduation night. Said he’d seen you there, talking with Olivia, and that he’d heard a rumor about a fight between the two of you.”

  “I told her I loved her and asked her to come to Rhode Island with me.” I shook my head and chuckled. “I don’t know what my plan was. I just wanted her with me.”

  “First love rarely makes sense.” Dad smiled too, and the look in his eyes turned wistful. “You asked her to leave again, and she said no?”

  “No, she kicked me to the curb before I even thought to ask.” I rubbed a hand over my jaw, trying to keep the flood of emotions at bay. “I’m not sure what brought it on, other than we agreed it was only temporary for the summer.”

  “It’s barely the middle of June. Did you piss her off?”

  “I don’t think so. I’m sure she’s just panicking because things were becoming less about.” I trailed off, realizing I was talking to my dad and not a friend. It felt weird to admit I was only supposed to be fucking the mayor’s daughter, not falling in love with her.

  Dad barked a laugh. “I get it. Say nothing more.”

  “I promise I won’t,” I said through my laughter.

  “Look, I don’t know all the details, and I don’t need them to know that she’s the loser in all this.” He leaned forward, and for the first time, my dad gave me the words I’d needed to hear. “You’ve done things most people your age dream of. I cannot tell you how in awe I am of the things you’ve accomplished. If Olivia can’t see the value in giving you a chance, then that’s her loss.”

  “Dad, I–” I cleared my throat and tried again. “Thank you. That means a lot to hear you say that.”

  Dad reached out and squeezed my knee. “I should have said it more when you were younger, but sometimes I take longer to learn my lesson. I know you felt like I didn’t understand you, and I didn’t. But that was my failing, not yours.”

  We talked while we finished our drinks. The book he was reading was one I’d finished earlier in the year, and we discussed our thoughts on the mystery. He asked about work, and I shared with him my excitement about the houses coming up on my schedule. I asked about the campground and rental cabins they owned through the area and even offered opinions on improvements.

  Dad left me in the basement not long after his whiskey was gone, but I felt restless after the fight, so I poured another glass and took it outside. I walked down the hill to the lake, grateful for the new solar lights they’d installed along the path, and sat on the bench at the end of the dock.

  The stars were bright and made the water shimmer like it was filled with diamonds. I hated that the first thought I had was of the first warm night of summer when Olivia and I slept out on the deck of the cottage with nothing but a single sleeping bag. The stars had been just as bright that night, and I’d seen their reflection in Olivia’s eyes as we made love.

  That was only three weeks ago, and even then, I knew it was no longer about the sex for me. I’d tried and failed to deny it to myself and to my friends, and now I knew it was because I’d been worried about Olivia’s reaction if she ever found out.

  It had proven my fears true by the fight she’d manufactured tonight. Even as it was occurring, I’d wanted to stop and laugh at how obvious her motives had been. She could have screamed, “I’m afraid of commitment,” and been less obvious than she had tonight.

  The question now was, did I let her have her way, or did I go back and fight? I didn’t know the correct answer, even if I knew what I wanted to do. But I knew I could solve nothing tonight, so I’d finish my drink and go to sleep in my childhood bed.

  Hopefully, in the morning, my path forward would become clear.

  Chapter 26

  Olivia

  “Thanks for meeting me, you two.”

  I opened the front door of the mansion wide to let Lucy and Ruby inside. Both women had confused looks on their faces, but they stepped inside.

  “What’s going on, Liv?” Lucy asked.

  “Yeah, why did you call us over here?” Ruby added, and pulled out her phone to check the screen. “I’ve got exactly four hours before my sisters get out of school, so if we need to disappear a certain architect, let’s get to it, so I’m not late.”

  I stopped on my way to the kitchen. “What?”

  “Fabián told Luce and me what’s up. So, if Callum did you wrong, let’s plot his demise and get it done in four hours,” Ruby replied with a shrug. “Shouldn’t be too hard to do. We’re all smart women here.”

  I burst out laughing. “Ruby, I love your snark, but this isn’t about Cal.”

  Ruby flushed. She was still uneasy taking praise and shrugged a shoulder. “If it is, I’ve got some good ideas on how to run a smear campaign on social media.”

  Lucy’s smile was positively evil. “Hold on to that idea. We may need to circle back to it.”

  “Let’s go into the kitchen. I want to show off the cabinets.” I turned back around and led them through the house to the newly expanded kitchen.

  “Oh my god, it’s like something out of a dream,” Ruby whispered when she walked into the room. “Look at those windows. They have to be at least ten feet tall.”

  I felt my skin flush with pride as my friends explored the new space. I’d been dreaming about this renovation for years, and finally, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt a pang in my chest as I realized I wanted to call Callum and share this excitement. But after our fight the night before, he’d texted me to let me know he’d finish any work remotely unless I needed him on site and that I could stay in the cottage with Fab, as long as was necessary.

  I should have been happy about his consideration. After all, space was what I’d wanted when I picked the damn fight. But being in the space we’d spent so much time planning together and not sharing it with him felt wrong. Maybe after a couple of days when I wasn’t still messed up in the head over how I felt about him, I could ask him to tour the latest changes.

  That could wait for another day. Today, I was ready for phase two of Primrose, Pine, & Promises.

  “I asked you here because I wanted to talk about something,” I said when most of the chatter had died down. “Come over here to the table. There’s something I want to show you two.”

  “Okay, but if you’re trying to convince me to hire you to plan my wedding, there’s no need to try so hard. You already have the job,” Ruby said.

  “I didn’t know you’d set a date yet,” Lucy said as she sat in the chair next to Ruby. “Last I heard, Gray was pushing for a spring wedding in Texas.”

  Ruby rolled her eyes. “The man hasn’t lived in Texas for over ten years, and he suddenly thinks we absolutely have to get married there. I asked him what was wrong with a courthouse wedding here, and he nearly had a shit fit. Then he totally weaponized my sisters and promised them they could be flower girls.” Lucy and I burst out laughing. “It’s not funny. You try arguing with a five and seven-year-old.”

  “Why would he do that?” I asked.

  Ru
by’s face changed, becoming softer and sweeter. “Because he wants me to have a real wedding with a pretty dress and the whole nine yards.”

  My stomach somersaulted at the mention of wedding dresses. My dress from my wedding to Peter was the one shining moment of that day. Every time I picked up a wedding magazine for research or scoured the internet to learn the latest trends, that always called to me the most. Maybe because I’d resolved to never wear one again.

  I had to shake my head to get the thoughts of wedding dresses out of my head. “He’s right. You deserve that,” I said, then I pulled two folders from the bag at my feet and slid them in front of my friends. “But, this is what I wanted to talk to you two about today.”

  “What’s this?” Lucy grabbed the folder and flipped it open.

  “They’re employment offers.” Both Lucy and Ruby were silent for so long I thought I’d gone too far. “I haven’t liked a single resume that’s come in for the assistant planner and the catering chef. And I realized the other day that I didn’t like anyone because I couldn’t imagine sharing my dream with strangers. But you two have been supportive of this from the start. You believed in this idea even when the house was still a pile of dust.”

  “A chef?” Ruby picked up the paper in her folder. “I’m not a chef. I don’t have any formal training.”

  “Maybe not, but you’ve been cooking meals for your neighbors for years, so you know how to feed a crowd,” I said. “Everything you make is delicious, and you’ve been saying for months that you’re sick of working at the grocery store.”

  “She’s right, Ruby,” Lucy added. “They’re still giving you night shifts even though you asked them not to, and it’s cutting into your time with the girls.”

  Ruby twined her fingers together and looked down at the sheet of paper some more. “I’d be willing to try, but this amount you’re offering me is too much. I’m not worth that.”

  “Are you kidding?” I said. “I’d pay you double that if I could. But even with the extra capital from Rose’s estate, I need to be cautious with my money.”