The Effects of Falling (The Weight of Rain Duet Book 2)

by Mariah Dietz

  “And I don’t know what I was thinking with the flowers. I guess … I thought that even though you aren’t the kind of girl who wants to see the latest chick flick and get a dozen roses, you would like them because they were so much like you when I started putting them together—so many things that didn’t and shouldn’t go together but somehow did.”

  “They…”

  Kash shakes his head. “I’m not done.” He looks at me straight-on, waiting for my acceptance before continuing. “You asked me what I see when I look at you, and I was really confused because it felt like a trick question. I mean, I see my best friend. I see a badass rider, an incredibly talented coach, and the best photographer in this business. But then I realized you weren’t asking me what I can physically see.

  “When I look at you, Summer, I see Mercedes, four months old, cradled in your arms. I see you pacing hotel hallways, trying to get her to sleep. I see King depending on and trusting you. I see Mercedes learning to walk while holding your hands. I see every victory I’ve ever celebrated while riding and far bigger ones that the media was never there to capture. I see holidays, hot summer mornings, endless possibilities, and more than anything, I see me, because wherever you go is exactly where I want to be.”

  I shake my head and open my mouth to protest, a hand in my hair because it feels too hot against my cheek, and stop when he takes a step closer to me.

  “Pick me.”

  “What? What are you talk—”

  “I need you to pick me because I choose you…” Kash’s head shakes.

  His eyes are locked with mine, and there are so many emotions evident that the world seems to slip away. My fears, resentment, reservations, and sadness all dissipate.

  “I chose you before I was ready, and I know I haven’t been fair about it, but I love you, Summer, and I can’t let you go. Every single time, I choose you, and I will always choose you.”

  “I need more, though. I need you to try giving me what I deserve.”

  He nods. “I know. And I’m going to.”

  My vision is obscured with tears, making me even more upset because I’m missing these precious moments that I want to remember always.

  “I know I can be difficult to love and that I push people away, but I don’t want to push you away. I want to show and tell you just how deeply I care for you.” Kash takes another step forward and tightly grips my hand. “We got a little off-balance and a lot off course, but we can do this, Summer. You and me—we can do anything. Hell, we’ve raised a child together.”

  His hand constricts even tighter around mine. “My life didn’t fully begin until I met you, and it would end without you.”

  “I never knew you were capable of being this sappy.” I sniffle, wiping the tears from my cheeks with a fist.

  “I’m learning that, with you, I’m capable of everything.”

  Laughter mixes with my tears as I wrap my arms around Kash, and it feels like I’m holding the entire world—or at least, my entire world.

  THANKSGIVING FAR EXCEEDS what I feared it was going to be. Kash and I aren’t all over each other like Lo and King are much of the day, but that’s okay. I think it would feel less genuine if everything changed overnight. Still, we find reasons to stand closer, touch often, and share knowing smiles that are sometimes verging on shy and others that are as bold as the way Kash rides a bike.

  Lo, Mercedes, and I spent much of the morning gathered around the dining room table, completing the small craft kits I had purchased, while Kash and King brought us plates filled with snacks and glasses filled with mimosas.

  We’re gathered around the table, our bellies as full as our hearts, laughing about the slideshow of pictures from our trip to Universal Studios when the doorbell rings. Robert and Kash exchange a knowing glance that moves to King, leaving Lo, Mercedes, and me looking around with confusion.

  Kash excuses himself, and it’s clear we’re all debating on following him. Mercedes is the first to give in, pushing her chair back and making her way to the foyer with her neck stretched in an attempt to hear the quiet conversation taking place.

  Before she reaches the edge of the kitchen, a ball of fur barrels toward her feet, sliding across the hardwoods. Mercedes squeals while laughing as her toes are licked, and then she plops down and giggles even louder when the dog moves to licking her face.

  Kash appears with his sister, Kenzie, at his side. She smiles at Lo first, their relationship still fragile. Rather than observing their interaction, I watch Mercedes because the bliss on her face is captivating.

  “Is she ours?” she asks.

  “He is.” Kash kneels beside her and ruffles the dog’s fur. “King and I were worried about being outnumbered.” He flashes one of his famous smiles that appears on countless Internet searches. “What d’ya think we should name him?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “We could name him Turkey,” Robert suggests, making Mercedes’ face screw up.

  “Not a chance,” she says.

  “What about Atlas?” Lo suggests.

  “Atlas?” Mercedes asks.

  Lo nods. “He was the god bearer of heaven. It kind of seems fitting.”

  “Atlas,” I repeat. “That is fitting.”

  Mercedes nods. “Welcome home, Atlas.”

  I DON’T MAKE it out to Boston the day after Thanksgiving. While I feel guilty to cancel last minute on my dad, I know he will forgive me and understand that I need to be home where I am starting to understand where things and people fit into my life.

  Kash, Mercedes, and I are planning a trip out to Boston in a couple of weeks though, giving me the opportunity to introduce my dad to my boyfriend, a term I haven’t used in a decade. I’m excited for this trip, knowing it will far exceed my last one and allow my father and me to rebuild our relationship that we have both permitted too many things to supersede.

  MERCEDES’ KNEE IS bouncing so vigorously it’s making me seasick. I try not to complain though, knowing she’s nervous as all hell. Kash is on her other side, his attention fixed on the riders surrounding us, surveying their techniques and admiring their talents. He was supposed to have a meeting with his agent today, one he has been trying to cancel since learning about this competition. Willing to face the wrath of his usually moody agent, he chose to be here today to support his daughter, and once again, I am shocked that I find myself falling even more in love with him.

  “Maybe I’m not ready.” Mercedes looks over her shoulder toward the exit.

  I sit back in an attempt to block it. “If your dad can get the house all cleaned up, you can definitely do this.”

  Robert grins, but Kash frowns with annoyance.

  For weeks, I thought Lo was helping, and learned it had been Kash all along, attempting to make strides to change and improve for Mercedes and himself. And for me.

  When something isn’t as spectacular as we hoped or we aren’t feeling as appreciated or loved as we want, it’s easy to see where people are lacking and what they are failing to provide us with. Unfortunately, once those things start becoming obvious, the things they strive to do for us all seem to diminish under a cloud of resentment. Though I wanted and needed more from Kash, I became blinded to everything else he had been doing for years, the things that had made me love him, like listening without passing judgment, encouraging me to reach my dreams, and being a true and genuine friend at all times.

  Kash never tried to talk me out of buying the truck I had wanted; he only shared with me the detailed facts he had researched regarding safety and test results. And, while my reasoning for buying it might have been an attempt to please him, it was the right decision.

  Kash’s small and thoughtful acts of compassion, friendship, and genuineness have sometimes been subtle, but the effect of him is anything but.

  Kash stands, his face lighting up with a smile that I can now easily distinguish from the personal ones he shares with me. I follow his gaze and catch sight of Lisa, my student who couldn’t afford to j
oin the competition. She is pushing a new silver bike toward us with a shy smile.

  “I’m glad you decided to come,” Kash says.

  “Me too,” she admits.

  I’m completely dumbfounded even though I shouldn’t be.

  Her smile turns to me.

  I stand. “You’re going to do great. Just remain focused.”

  Every practice, Lisa works harder. She wants to improve and be the best. It, along with her natural talent to ride, is going to help her to hopefully beat some of my records one day.

  The emcee does a brief introduction, congratulating the riders on their time and dedication, and surprises most of the audience when he calls Kash down for the speech they asked him to deliver.

  Though it’s a cordless mic, Kash remains in one spot. “Many of you probably know the commitment involved with riding. It’s not a sport parents can readily sign their children up for when they reach a certain age. You can’t have a volunteer parent coach the sport. And, if you’re from around here, you know how hard it can be to find a place to practice during much of the year. These kids and their guardians all receive a pat on the back for making this happen and for supporting a dream that seems impractical and crazy.”

  Kash gazes across the crowd where many adults are smiling even wider, appreciating their involvement and it being acknowledged.

  “I know she’s going to hate this, but hopefully, she’ll get over it.”

  With wide eyes, I look to Mercedes, knowing how much she is going to hate this. I feel like I should object—shake my head, wave my arms, something to bring sense to him. But she isn’t in her seat.

  “Commitment takes time. Sacrifices. Energy. Patience. And above all, love. You have to passionately love something in order to be fully committed to it, and I know this now. I regret that it has taken me this long to realize it. To some of you, this might seem crazy; for me, I know this is exactly right. You see, for eleven years I…”

  He looks over each of his shoulders, and then Mercedes appears from the corner of the stage. I’m pretty sure I can see that she’s shaking, obviously hating whatever this idea is.

  “We…” Kash corrects.

  My eyebrows furrow with confusion. I was expecting him to make a proud dad speech. Congratulate Mercedes for all that she’s overcome and fought for to be in this position today.

  “For eleven years, we have loved a woman who makes both of our lives better. We have experienced highs and lows, like any relationship, but never has there been a day, not a single one, that I have ever wondered what our lives would be like without her—until a few weeks ago when I was forced to.”

  The crowd is looking around, curiosity running through them like electricity, wanting to know who he’s speaking about, making me slide down in my chair.

  “You see, sometimes, we forget what we have, and we forget to show the right amount of appreciation and dedication because she’s always been there. That comfort and knowledge drown out the fears that anything could ever change.”

  Kash begins walking with Mercedes at his side, and I know he’s looking for me. I expect them to stop at the edge of the stage, but they don’t. They enter the crowd and begin walking toward me, and with each step, more of the audience disappears as I focus solely on them.

  I know when he finds me because his smile changes, and his strides become wider until he reaches me.

  “Summer Pierce, we’re in love with you, and we’re committed to you. Only you.”

  Kash proceeds to get down on a single knee, and as Mercedes follows suit, my cheeks feel cool with the contrast of hot tears rolling down to my chin. He lowers the microphone and reaches into his pocket, extracting a black box that I’m pretty sure is holding every hope and dream I’ve ever held.

  “I want to bring you hot chocolate in the shower and hear what you’re thinking about in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep. I want to know what you dream about each night and be there for you when you’ve had the best and the worst of days. I want all of it. All of you. And I want to give you all of me.

  “Summer Pierce, will you do us the honor of marrying…” He looks down at Mercedes, and while it’s hard for me to look away from him, focusing on Mercedes next makes it so much easier because she is the other half of my heart.

  “Will you marry us?” they say together, their attention focused on me and my reaction.

  I cry more tears and then nod.

  “Yes!” I taste the saltiness from my tears, and for the first time in my life, I realize you truly can cry from being immensely happy.

  As the cool metal of a large antique engagement ring is slid onto my finger, I know that he’s right, that this is crazy. We’ve been dating seriously for only two weeks. We haven’t even discussed moving in or sharing closet space. But I fell in love with Kashton Knight eleven years ago, and I know in my soul that he has loved me for just as long, so the details of why this shouldn’t happen become every reason that it should.

  As Kash stands beside me, his arm securely around my shoulders, I realize the fall that ended my riding career wasn’t my first fall, nor was it my biggest. That occurred the day I met him. That day, I fell more in love with riding, with the prospect of being part of a family, and even with myself, and the effects of loving him have brought me a relationship with the most special and awesomely amazing little girl along with a best friend, a career that I am passionate about, a brother, traditions, friendships, a father figure who has always accepted me as another daughter, and the greatest love of my life—him.

  And I don’t plan on ever recovering from a single effect.

  “AUNTIE SUMMER,” I repeat, making the same exaggerated expressions I did twelve years ago when Mercedes also required support when sitting on my lap. “You’re going to say it. I know you are!”

  “Give him a break. He just mastered crawling. The poor guy’s tired,” King says, slinging a burp rag over his shoulder. “Besides, we’ve got to get him to say Dada, first.”

  He doesn’t ask if he can take Asher back; he never does. He takes parenting as seriously and forcefully as he does everything else he loves in life—completely.

  Like their entire relationship, Lo and King took parenthood in the opposite order of tradition, just like they had with sleeping together. They got engaged two months after Kash and I did, and a month later, they learned she was three months pregnant. Deciding she wanted to be able to celebrate their wedding and not be several months pregnant, they postponed it to be held this weekend—fourteen months after King proposed, sixteen months after Kash and I became engaged, and ten months after Kash and I said I do.

  Standing, I stretch my muscles that feel the stress from the past couple of weeks with trying to make sure this day is perfect for Lo and King. My rings glitter in the light as I move to open the fridge, making me smile, as I admire them for several seconds.

  “What are you doing?”

  My whole body jerks, causing my elbow to painfully collide with the fridge door. “Nothing.”

  “Are you hungry again?” Only a twelve-year-old can be so brutally honest with their line of questioning.

  “I’m starving today,” I say.

  I want to say, You’ll understand in a few years and also hate this special time of the month when, for a few days, your body decides it doesn’t know the definition of being full before you begin retaining water and half of your pants don’t fit for at least a week.

  But I don’t because I’m still hoping she has painless menstrual cycles, gentle heartbreaks, and brief failures.

  “Want to go pick up something with me? The fridge is empty.”

  “Because you’ve eaten everything,” she says.

  “That’s what we call a woman foul,” Lo says, bringing a pillow down on Mercedes’ head and making her squeal. “Remember how I said, ‘we don’t focus on numbers’? The number of times a person eats is another number we don’t comment on, especially not against the person who nearly always has a camera in her
hands and keeps the files of her pictures on two separate backup hard drives. Believe me, that stuff will never disappear.”

  “I get it. Last week, I ate four slices of pizza,” Mercedes says proudly.

  I raise my hand for a high five. “I hope you chased it with grapes or an orange or at least something green.”

  “Are you kidding? I was stuffed!”

  My laughter joins Lo’s. “You need to finish your homework, so you don’t have to worry about it this weekend,” I remind Mercedes. “Why don’t you go sit down and work on it, and Lo and I will head to the store?”

  “You know what happens when you guys shop?” Mercedes asks.

  “Yeah, food appears. Duh!” Lo smiles as Mercedes rolls her eyes.

  “Call if you think of anything you need.” With a kiss on Mercedes’ head, Lo turns and heads toward the office where King took Asher.

  The same month they became engaged, they began constructing the house the three live in now. When King announced their plans, I didn’t know if Mercedes, Kash, or I were more afraid they would be moving across the country, but it turned out they moved across the yard. I can see their house from the living room windows. It was completed only days before Asher arrived, so the basement only recently became Robert’s.

  Initially, he was a little reluctant by Mercedes’ idea, and then he realized it was the perfect way to fulfill the compound idea and be able to spend more time with Mercedes, Asher, and the rest of us on a daily basis.

  Lo bounds out of the office with a giddy grin, one that I recognize because I still catch sight of my reflection and see me wearing it. It’s one of true bliss.

  We head out to the driveway where her new Honda CR-V is parked, one she purchased with money that she earned from selling just four paintings because her work has become so sought after. I cut off her path and head to my truck though, the same one I have driven for over ten years, and hate listening to Kash discuss replacing.

  “Are you okay?”

  Lo’s question has me jerking my head up in surprise.