My Kind Of Country: The Complete Series

by Michelle Thomas

  Her tone was so restrained, so short, he struggled with how to reply. “I know you’re busy, Katie. I just needed to see you.” He watched her carefully, but there was no emotion to be seen as she took a seat in one of the Adirondack chairs under the shelter of the eave, her gaze set somewhere out beyond the torrent of rain. She seemed to relax into the chair for a brief moment, then sat up straight and turned to him.

  “Wait, do I still owe you money for working here? My scattered mind—I totally forgot...” Katie stood and headed back toward the door, but Chad reached out for her arm, catching her by the wrist. She turned back toward him instantly, her gaze on his clasped fingers against her skin. He loosened his grasp immediately.

  “Katie, I don’t want your money,” he said in a low, pleading voice. “I want you.”

  The flicker of hope within him swelled at the clear uncertainty masking her face. Maybe the last couple days had been enough to ease how appalled by him she’d been. His fingertips lingered on her wrist, and he brushed his thumb across the underside of her wrist, coaxing her to respond in some way, to understand just how much she meant to him.

  “I...I...” Katie stuttered softly, and he let her.

  “I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am that I lied to you,” he continued, filling the silence with all the things he should have told her ages ago. “I need you to know that I never meant to hurt you, that I never intentionally said or did anything to hurt you. I might be Chad Ashton to all those people in Nashville, Katie, but I’m Chad Kirkwood when I’m with you. I’m me when I’m with you, not some puppet on a string who sings songs for a living and puts a smile on my face for the sake of being in the public eye. That’s just my job, not who I am. I should’ve told you, and I know that.”

  He ducked to look up into her eyes, her face lowered toward the floor. He recognized the weak shake of her head and the glistening of tears in her eyes, but he continued to confess, petrified that if Katie chose to speak instead, he may not have the chance to tell her everything he needed to.

  “I swear, Katie, I had no idea that Liz left me to be with your fiancé. I knew the name Jonathan, but I couldn’t have known that your Jay and the Jonathan I’d heard of were one and the same. It’s one big, nasty coincidence. Nashville is small in some ways, but huge in others. I’d never actually met him prior to being here; I’d only ever heard his name in passing. I’m not even sure I remember a J.J. Khunes from my teenage years...when Liz lived here. I was just as shocked as you were when I saw Liz with Jay at Mason’s party. And I’m so sorry you had to find out that way.”

  “Liz...” Katie whispered, and Chad knew what she was trying to ask.

  “There is no Liz and I, Katie. I know what you think you walked in on, but whatever there was between Liz and me, it’s been gone for a while. And I told her that.”

  Katie’s tears were leaving wet streaks down her cheeks, and he stooped onto one knee, reaching up to brush the tears away with the pad of his thumb. He swallowed hard, hating to see her flooded with so much emotion, but relieved to see the cracks in her hardened exterior.

  “We both know I have to go back to Nashville, Katie.” Chad softened his voice, tucking his index finger under her chin to make her meet his gaze. “But we can start over. You and Mason can come with me, if you want. I can spend time here with you every chance I get. My manager and producer—well, they’ll get used to it.” He offered her an encouraging smile. “I can’t lose you, Katie. I want to be with you, no matter what it takes. I’d give it all up—everything in Nashville—if you asked me to. If it meant I got to see you every day, it would be worth it, Katie.”

  “I could never ask that of you.” Her voice cracked, and Chad watched as she pulled away from him, wiping the tears off her face indignantly.

  He stepped toward her again, setting his hands gently on her hips as he came up behind her. “Maybe not, but I need you to know that I would. You mean that much to me.”

  He heard her sob, and though she kept her face turned away from him, he could feel each time her chest heaved. She was crying again, quietly and relentlessly.

  “I can’t go with you...” she choked out, shaking her head.

  Chad slid his arms further around her waist, hugging her tightly to him. “Whatever we need to do to make it—”

  “Jay has—”

  “You don’t need to worry about, Jay. Just say you’ll give me a chance, Katie. Give us a chance.”

  She turned around in his arms then, her face wet with tears. Her eyes were reddened and wide, and her bottom lip trembled enough to make Chad’s chest tighten fiercely. Her eyes seemed to be searching his face, darting from his eyes to his mouth, from his jaw to his stubbled cheeks.

  “I’m sorry, Chad,” she said finally, her eyes lowering to the ground again. “I can’t do that.”

  He felt her take a half-hearted step away from him, but Chad held her in place, unable to bear having her beyond arm’s reach. “I know it’s hard—”

  “Chad—”

  “Whatever reservations you have—”

  “Chad, stop!” Her exasperated voice quieted him, and he felt her fingers clutch his arms as she struggled to keep the distance between them. “Jay and I are...trying to make things work.”

  He clenched his jaw together. “No, Katie...”

  “I have to try...for Mason’s sake.” Her eyes wouldn’t meet his as she tried to justify the only thing Chad deemed unjustifiable in this whole mess.

  “For Mason,” he repeated, unable to believe what he was hearing. “You can’t be serious. Please, don’t do this.”

  She nodded. “I’ve made up my mind, Chad.”

  “He abandoned you.”

  “And you lied to me.” Her eyes hardened as she met his stare. “As you said, we’ve all made mistakes.”

  “You haven’t, Katie.”

  “I’m not innocent, Chad. I’ve made plenty of mistakes.”

  He shook his head vehemently. “No, you haven’t. Not until right now.”

  Katie’s eyes drifted shut, and Chad watched her inhale and exhale slowly in the struggle to maintain some remnant of calmness. “Then, this is my mistake to make.”

  “Don’t do this, Katie. Not like this.”

  She released her hold on his arms, but didn’t step away. Instead, she stretched her body upward, standing on her tip-toes, and brushed her lips against his. Warmth radiated from the kiss, and heat spread through his body to his fingertips as his hand came up to cover the one she placed tenderly on the back of his neck to pull him closer to her. She pulled away a moment later, her eyes once again wide and full of uncertainty.

  “Katie, I love you. Don’t do this. Please, don’t do this,” he pleaded breathlessly, fortified by the emotions crashing through his mind and heart.

  “It’s too late.” She pushed her forehead against his, and Chad took the moment to breathe in the scent of her he’d become so accustomed to having near him. He couldn’t bring himself to separate himself from her.

  “You should go,” Katie’s whisper rang out through the silence and the rain that beat down on the steel roof.

  He kissed her temple and blinked back his own tears, swallowing hard. He shook his head, refusing to believe this was the last time he would see her, the last time he’d hold her close to him.

  “I don’t regret it, you know.” Katie gave him a sad smile, wiping her eyes. “Meeting you. Knowing you. Loving you.”

  Chad sighed as she pulled away from him. He wished like hell that he had nothing to regret, and wished just as much that she wasn’t taking steps away from him. When she reached the screen door, his mind screamed at him to do something, anything. Instead, he repeated the only thing he knew without hesitation.

  “I mean it, Katie. I love you.”

  She smiled as she opened the door and stepped inside. “I love you, too, Chad Kirkwood.” Then, she closed the door so gently, he didn’t even hear the latch click into place.

  PART TWO

&nbs
p; WHAT WE’VE BECOME

  CHAPTER ONE

  KATIE

  “Let it go, Katie.”

  Katie huffed her annoyance at hearing that phrase once again from Jay. It was a phrase that meant so much, and yet, coming from him, she wanted nothing more than to ignore it.

  “I’ve already told you, I can’t.” She had to admit, the idea of letting go sounded all too appealing. Letting go of her guilt. Letting go of her fear.

  That wasn’t what Jay meant, though. He wanted her to let go of the farm—her dad’s farm—and that just could not happen, no matter how appealing the idea of not having to maintain two properties—two separate lives—might seem.

  Things had changed in many ways since she’d agreed to come to Nashville with him, but in other ways it was all still the same. Gone was the serenity and peace of the slowly moving life she’d been struggling to live out at the farm, replaced instead by city lights and an abundance of people. Most of those people were starry-eyed dreamers hoping and praying for their one chance to show Nashville that they could hack it in the country music world, and so those people tended to move fast around her, leaving Katie’s mind whirling long after they’d moved on. There were still many days though when she longed to be back on those porch steps with no sounds to keep her company save for the slow, shifting movements of the animals in the barn and the singsong melodies of the crickets and cicadas.

  But that was no longer possible. As much as she tried to maintain a balance between taking Mason to see Jay in Nashville and continuing to run at least part of the farm, she’d quickly come to the conclusion that the notion was futile. It was impossible to run a farm on her own—even one as small as Rustic Acres—and Jay had absolutely no interest in aiding her in such a venture. She had no one else to turn to, and the thought made her feel lonelier and more desolate.

  It also made her miss Chad even more.

  That’s why she couldn’t allow herself to think about it, about how it had all turned out. Chad was gone—back to his old life, she presumed—and the farm had suffered because of it. Almost as much as she had.

  The back and forth of trying to make Jay happy had resulted in downsizing her duties at the farm the only way she knew how. It’d brought tears to her eyes to do it, but the end result included having to sell off most of the livestock. The horses sold quite easily, but the cows and pigs had proven easier to sell by having them butchered and sold locally as freezer packs. Whatever crops she hadn’t been able to get harvested and sold at the local markets before the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend had been ruined by the frost that hit with a vengeance. The chickens had been sold as a flock to one of the farmers a few miles down the road. She’d practically given them to him in return for his time spent watching over the farm during her sporadic absences. Mason shed a few tears over that, and the sight of his sadness had caused her heart to clench with guilt. When she paired that with the emptiness of the farm, Katie couldn’t help but wonder if she had made a mistake.

  But it was too late to change her mind now. The farm was now sedentary and silent as a tomb, and her son was confused and struggling through an adjustment phase, being dragged from one life—a life he’d thrived in—to one he knew nothing about. Katie wished his excitement for the transition had lasted, but, in all honestly, if she wasn’t excited for their future in Nashville, how could she expect him to be?

  Jay didn’t seem to notice that she and Mason were unsure as to how to begin their new life in the city with him. Instead, he’d frivolously sold the condo in Canada, only advising Katie of the news after the fact. She’d been furious, but the reality was that despite purchasing it together just before Mason was born, Jay’s name was the only one listed on the property deed. There was little she could do about the sale, and he knew it. He was obviously ready to take the bull by the horns and start over in Nashville with her and Mason by his side.

  She, however, wasn’t yet that keen on the idea. But, with no condo to go back to—not that she would, anyway—and no crops or animals to look after at the farm, her reasons for jumping on a plane and flying back to the farm were becoming less and less believable. Jay had fought her on her plans to leave Nashville many times, but the only thing that allowed her solace was knowing that she could still use Mason’s schooling as an excuse. With the exception of the Thanksgiving long weekend in October, she and Mason had only been able to stay in Nashville with Jay for a weekend at a time, flying there usually through the night on Friday, staying with him Saturday, and then leaving again Sunday evening. Rarely, Katie would permit Mason to miss school on a Monday in order to stay a day longer, but that had only started to happen since she sold the livestock and had nothing to return home for.

  “You could stay, Katie. Longer than a few days at a time, but you would have to let it go.” Jay’s voice cut through her thoughts again.

  “Jay, we’ve been through this. You know I can’t sell the farm.”

  “Everything you need is right here. Mason and I are here.” He reached out to pull her closer to him, just as he always did when this repetitive conversation arose.

  “Mason still has school to attend, Jay. You know that.”

  “We could get the paperwork done to transfer him here. I’ve said that before.”

  She exhaled slowly, having heard this all before. It seemed Jay had it all figured out in his mind, every detail planned out that was needed to create the perfect “happy family” he believed they could become.

  But Katie couldn’t do it. She was far from ready. He might be prepared to forgive and forget, but that didn’t mean she had to be. Too much had transpired between them, and only a few months had passed since. A new beginning without the comfort of any kind of safety net was too much to fathom at this point.

  “Mason is happy in his school. With his friends and his familiar surroundings. We’ll let him finish out his school year and see how it goes.” Katie held her hands on his arms, not allowing herself to be held any closer. She felt Jay stiffen slightly.

  “You want to wait another six months or so to decide?”

  “I told you, let’s just take this slowly. So much has—”

  “You still don’t trust me.”

  “I never said that, Jay.”

  “But you did say you were going to try.”

  It was her turn to become rigid. “I am. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t trying. I just need more time than you do, obviously. I’m sorry for that, but it’s the truth.”

  “When are you going to forgive me for what happened between us?”

  She didn’t want to say aloud that she wasn’t sure if she ever would. There was no use in creating more tension. “You’re putting words in my mouth again.”

  Jay’s chest rose and fell against her as he exhaled in frustration. Silence ensued, and Katie knew that he was trying to get the conversation back on more solid ground. “I just want things to go back to the way things were. I’m sorry if I’m being pushy.”

  The way things were? Before he left her for another woman? Before her father died and left her with a sense of desperate loneliness she couldn’t shake? Or before she fell in love with someone else, only to have her heart broken again? Katie wasn’t sure that things could ever go back to the way things were ever again. “I know you do,” was the only response she could muster.

  “Someday, we will be okay again, Katie,” Jay crooned against her ear, wrapping his arms around her despite her half-hearted attempt to pull away. “Someday, we will look back on this time in our lives and laugh about it.”

  The last thing Katie felt like doing was laughing, and she doubted she ever would. He may not think she’d forgiven him yet, but she had—for the most part, anyway. She wouldn’t be capable of spending so much time in Nashville with him if she hadn’t. There was a difference between forgiving and forgetting, though. She did not forget.

  “Time, Jay. Just let me get my bearings, okay?”

  “That would happen a lot faster without that farm tying you
elsewhere.” He held up his hands, denoting he meant no offence. Still, Katie scowled. “I’m just stating a fact. I won’t mention it again.” His mouth quirked up, and he pretended to lock his lips closed with an invisible key.

  Right, Katie thought. Until the next time.

  “You just need to give me a chance, Katie. To make everything right again. So we can live here together, raise Mason together...get married like we were meant to do.”

  “Jay—” Katie warned. She pulled away, and this time she put enough force into it to actually break free. She had a hard enough time with his constant questioning and his thoughts regarding the farm, but she had no tolerance for his absurd thoughts about getting married. She was nowhere near ready for that.

  “We could, you know. Just do it. It’d be a real start-over for us, a real new beginning.” He didn’t try to pull her close again, but his face revealed a sly grin, the left corner of his mouth twitching upward. But Katie had heard this idea before, too, and she was once again going to put a stop to it before he continued on.

  “I’ve already told you no. We are not there yet, okay?”

  “You’re not. I am.” He offered his best boyish grin. Katie rolled her eyes. She knew he was well aware of her stance on this matter. He was just mentioning it again as a method of psychological warfare, making sure it was clear that she was the one unwilling to make things better between them. That’s how it always was with Jay; things were never truly his fault.

  “Stop it. I’m not hashing this out with you again. I said no.” She turned her back on him and began to pluck Mason’s Hot Wheels cars from the floor, allowing herself a short-lived reprieve from his watchful stare.

  Once again, Jay held his hands up, signaling what would only be a temporary surrender. His amused smirk never wavered. “Okay, okay, I’m done. But I will wear you down eventually. And if I don’t, this city will.”

  Katie responded with only a curt nod. He might be right about the city. Maybe it did hold something appealing for her. But, if she was honest with herself, she wasn’t yet convinced that something was Jay.