A Dream for Tomorrow

by Melody Carlson

  Pulling a coat over her nightgown and a shawl over her head, she tiptoed out and up the gangway and emerged into the chilly night air. It took a few minutes and some long deep breaths before the fresh sea wind cleansed all thoughts of seasickness from her. Leaning over the railing, she peered at the three-quarter moon that was just coming over the horizon, illuminating the land and the ocean with a cool beam of pale blue light.

  “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

  Elizabeth jumped, grabbing onto the rail to keep herself from tumbling.

  “Careful there.” Will put a hand on her shoulder to steady her. “I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I thought you’d seen me.”

  “No,” she gasped. “I didn’t see anyone.” Then she explained trying to avoid being sick down below.

  He nodded. “I didn’t want to admit it, especially to my daughters since they make fun of Lavinia so, but I’ve discovered I get a little queasy too.”

  She chuckled. “I’m sure your girls wouldn’t tease you for that.”

  He laughed. “And I thought you knew them better than that.”

  “They are fine girls.”

  “Yes. But spirited. And I’m afraid that I’ve given them free rein. They express themselves quite liberally. I suppose it’s fortunate we’re going to live in the Wild West. They may appear a bit more civilized and cultured here than back in Boston.”

  “Yes, I have a feeling that the Western frontier needs strong-willed women.”

  “You seem to be well suited for it, Elizabeth.”

  She could hear the tenderness in his tone, and it made her uneasy.

  “I know I promised not to attempt to court you until we reached Elk Creek,” he said quietly, “but seeing you out here in the moonlight…well, it’s not easy to hold my tongue.”

  She continued looking toward the land, to where the moon was steadily rising, trying to think of something gracious yet noncommittal to say. Nothing came to her.

  “It won’t be long now,” he said more lightly. “The captain said we’ll make Coos Bay by midmorning. And we’ll be unloaded in time to have several hours of traveling time before we make camp for the night.”

  She nodded. “And it will be only two days’ journey after that. If all goes well, that is. But the weather does seem to be in our favor. And we did have a gorgeous sunset tonight. You know what they say about red sky at night and—”

  “Elizabeth.”

  She could hear the emotion in his voice…the wistful longing. And yet she felt no such longing in her own heart, no romantic stirrings whatsoever. All she felt was an extreme uneasiness, which felt more disturbing than seasickness.

  How could she lead this good man down a road that she knew she would never travel? It was not only unfair, it was unkind. And Will had been a good friend to her. He deserved better. Hard as it was, and even if she was burning a bridge, she had to make her feelings known.

  “Will,” she said in a firm tone. “May I be very honest with you?”

  “Please, do.”

  She turned to look directly at him. “You are a fine man, and I have enjoyed your companionship and our conversations immensely.”

  “As I have yours, Elizabeth.” He smiled. “I never dreamed I’d meet someone like you on the Oregon Trail.”

  “And I truly value your friendship. And I hope that we can continue to be friends.”

  His smile faded. “But…?”

  “But I just don’t have those kinds of feelings for you. The kinds of feelings that a woman should have for a man, the kinds of feelings that you deserve in a wife, Will.”

  He frowned. “You don’t think your feelings could change? Or that my feelings could make up for it?”

  She knew her mother would be greatly dismayed to see what her daughter was so easily tossing aside. Elizabeth herself might one day regret this decision. But right here and right now, it was the only choice she could honestly make. “I don’t think my feelings will change. And I’ve tried to make them change. Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to convince myself that we would be a good match. I wanted to believe it was possible. But I would be a hypocrite and a liar to pretend that I loved you like that.”

  Will didn’t respond but just looked out across the moon’s reflection slicing through the ocean.

  “And I’m so sorry to tell you this because I know it’s a disappointment. And the honest truth is that I’m feeling very scared right now.”

  “Scared?”

  “That I could be making an enormous mistake. I realize my situation. I’m a widow settling in the frontier with two children.” She paused to look at the moon. “They say looking at the moon can make you mad. What if I’ve lost my senses because of the moonlight?”

  “You’re not making sense to me,” he said dully.

  “The moon is making me feel strong,” she confessed. “Like I can take on this great challenge. But at the same time, underneath it all, I’m very frightened. I’m worried I could wake up tomorrow or the next day or the next…and I could completely regret this conversation.”

  He slowly shook his head, emitting a sad sigh.

  “I hope you don’t feel I’ve misled you, Will. I felt confused because I truly enjoyed your friendship…and I suppose I hoped my feelings would blossom into something more.”

  “I don’t feel misled, Elizabeth. Just disappointed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I shall go down below.”

  “Yes…of course…good night.” As she watched him going, she suspected he would prefer to be seasick down below than to remain with her on deck. “Dear God,” she prayed, “I hope I haven’t made a most regrettable mistake.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Elizabeth and her family gathered together near the bow, watching as the ship sailed into Coos Bay. A sea breeze blew steadily, filling the sails and driving the vessel farther inland.

  “Isn’t it beautiful,” Clara said. “Have you ever seen so many trees?”

  “Oregon is timber country,” Asa declared. “We will have no shortage of wood for building houses and barns and fences.”

  “Malinda said the weather this time of year is some of the very best,” Elizabeth told them. “The rains don’t usually start for a few weeks.”

  “Let’s hope she’s right,” Asa told her. “From what I’ve heard about the trail we need to take from here, it’ll be a bear if it rains.”

  It seemed no time at all until the big ship lowered its sails and finally came to a graceful stop next to the docks. “This is it,” Elizabeth told her children. “We’re nearly there.”

  Everyone was excited as they disembarked from the ship, chattering among themselves and pointing out colorful waterfowl and a nearby sawmill and other interesting sights. While wandering about the docks and waiting for the unloading, they also saw a number of Indians who looked entirely peaceable. Ruth, with tablet and pencils handy, found a pile of crates to sit on while she attempted to make a sketch of their ship, and Mrs. Taylor seemed perfectly content to sit and watch her. All were happy to get their feet on solid ground again—or as solid as the gently rocking docks could be. Especially Lavinia.

  “Is that Empire City?” JT asked Elizabeth.

  “I think it must be,” she told him. “Remember Aunt Malinda wrote that it’s the county seat. Just a few years ago, I believe.”

  “And it’s called Coos County,” JT added. “I wonder what Coos means.”

  “It’s the name of the Indians who live here.” She glanced over to where several Indians were huddled together in conversation.

  “I think Asa said that Coos means lake and pines,” Clara told them. “Or something like that.”

  “It seems the Prescotts have a problem,” Asa told Clara and Elizabeth when he joined them. “The ship with their cargo went on down to San Francisco first, planning to stop on the way back here, but they haven’t arrived yet.”

  “What does that mean?” Clara asked. “Has the ship sunk?”

  “Oh, no, I don’t think
so.” Asa glanced over to where Lavinia, Hugh, and Will were conversing. “But they want to stay here and wait for that ship so they can bring everything out there with them. Lavinia hopes to open up a store before winter.”

  “Yes, I know.” Elizabeth nodded. “But does that mean we have to wait here with them?”

  “They told us to go on ahead. They have their map and know where to meet up with us. So unless you have objections, I think we should head on out as soon as our wagons and animals are unloaded from the boat.”

  Before they left, they took their time saying goodbyes. Even though they knew it would be for only a few days or a week at most, it was difficult telling their dear friends farewell—except for one of them. Elizabeth had no problem telling Will a stiff goodbye. They shook hands as if they barely knew each other and then quickly moved on. Unfortunately, that didn’t miss her mother’s watchful eye. But thankfully, she didn’t ask questions.

  Truly, there was no time for questions because once the teams were unloaded, everyone was busy hitching the wagons and preparing to go. And suddenly, with the sun high in the sky, Elizabeth and her family were on the wagon trail, heading southwest. At first, the trail was fairly well traveled and smooth. But after a couple of hours and numerous turnoffs to other various destinations, the trail become more uneven. Finally, they reached a nice meadow, and with the sun dipping low into the sky, they decided to make camp.

  “What a pretty place,” Elizabeth said as they prepared to fix supper. “I wouldn’t mind settling right here.”

  “But you wouldn’t be neighbors with Malinda,” Clara pointed out.

  “That’s true.” Elizabeth sighed. “I cannot wait to see my dear friend’s face.”

  “I don’t remember what she looks like,” Ruth said as she laid some firewood down.

  “That’s because you were a baby when they left,” Elizabeth reminded her. “But the last time I saw her, she was a little shorter than me. Her auburn hair was braided and pinned around her head. And her eyes, which were just the color of the clouds before a thunderstorm, were filled with tears.”

  “Because she was sad to leave?” Ruth asked.

  Elizabeth nodded. “We both cried.”

  “She was your best friend?”

  “She was.” Elizabeth stirred the cornbread batter.

  “And her children are Todd—he’s the oldest—and Emily and Bart and Susannah.” Ruth recited the list happily. “And Susannah is the youngest, like me, and she’s only a year older than me. Right, Mama?”

  “That’s right.” Elizabeth poured the batter into the cast-iron pan.

  “Do you think Susannah will be my best friend, Mama?”

  “I know you’ll be friends, Ruth.”

  “Will Bart be JT’s best friend?”

  “Well, they’re about the same age.” Elizabeth smiled. “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Besides, don’t forget about Tumbleweed Tillie. She was your best friend on the wagon train. And it won’t be long until they get here too.”

  “I’ll have all kinds of friends, won’t I?”

  “And I’ll have enough children to get a school started,” Mrs. Taylor declared. Now she and Ruth, using their fingers, attempted to count how many children would be among the settlers.

  Elizabeth felt her mother watching her as they worked together preparing food and organizing the kitchen things that hadn’t been used much for the last week or so. She knew that Clara had questions about Will. But Elizabeth wasn’t sure she wanted to answer them. Not yet anyway. Instead, she busied herself with rearranging her wagon and checking on her animals. And then, claiming she was tired from not sleeping well on the boat, she excused herself to bed. But instead of going to sleep, her mind began to race. They were so near their destination, she had every reason to be excited. But at the same time she felt increasingly uneasy. What if she’d made a huge mistake by saying those things to Will last night? Why couldn’t she have simply remained quiet?

  But she realized she had done what she had to do. It was not in her to be false. Not to anyone. And especially not to someone she would be bound to spend the rest of her earthly days with. No, if she was going to have to scrape out a new life for herself and her children, working harder than she’d ever done before, she wanted to do it on her own terms. And that would not include a marriage of convenience.

  The following day, everyone was up at the crack of dawn, and after a quick breakfast, the three wagons were ready to roll. “We’re a very short wagon train,” Ruth said as the women walked together in the cool of the morning.

  “At least we don’t have to wait so much for everyone,” Jess replied. “That was one of the things I disliked most about the wagon train. Waiting, waiting, waiting…and then it was hurry up and ‘wagons ho’ and everyone scrambling.”

  “I can hardly believe that tomorrow will be the last day of this long, long journey,” Clara said gratefully. “But I’m so relieved. I suppose if I had to, I could walk the rest of the way.”

  “The wagon journey might be over, but it will be the beginning of another kind of journey,” Elizabeth pointed out. “Our work will just be starting.”

  “I suppose that’s true.” Clara sighed. “But Asa promised me that he’d set up our tent and that he’d put our bed and my rocker inside it…and that I wouldn’t be expected to leave it for at least a week.”

  “Oh, Grandma.” Ruth laughed. “You wouldn’t really stay in your tent for a whole week without coming out, would you?”

  “I might.”

  “Well, I’m sure Malinda will have some sort of accommodations for us too. At least that’s what she used to say back when James and I were planning to come.”

  “I will just be thankful not to keep moving,” Mrs. Taylor said. “Moving and moving and moving. I understand Clara’s sentiments completely. I would like to just sit down in one place and stay put for about a week too.”

  “I’ll tell Asa to put two chairs in the tent,” Clara told her. “One for you and one for me.”

  Elizabeth did not share their sentiments. Seeing this beautiful land with lush green meadows alongside the curving river and tall trees of all kinds growing abundantly, all she could think was, how soon would they get there so she could ride her horse around and pick the perfect spot to build her house? At the same time, she felt a little uneasy as she wondered how this lovely fertile land could really be claimed for little more than a dollar an acre. Land like this in Kentucky would not only be difficult to find, it would be costly. In some ways it all seemed too good to be true right now.

  But then she remembered when land claims had been completely free in Oregon—when she and James originally nurtured this dream together. That had seemed too good to be true too. But they had still believed it…believed in the dream. She wondered if James could see them now. And if so, what was he thinking? Was he pleased and proud of how well they had all handled the trail, of how they’d made it safely all the way out here? Or would he be concerned that Elizabeth had taken on too much? Of course, she would never know these things. But she did remember those winter nights back in Kentucky, those times she’d felt James’ presence urging her, pushing her, exhorting her to pursue the old dream.

  On their last day of travel, after stopping for the midday meal, Elizabeth announced that she planned to saddle up Molly and ride the rest of the way. They estimated it was about four miles to Elk Creek, but Elizabeth knew she could get there in a fraction of the time it would take the wagons.

  “That way I can warn Malinda that she’ll soon have a small wagon train parked in front of her home,” she told them.

  “Can I ride with you, Ma?” JT asked eagerly.

  She looked at Brady. “Do you mind driving the rest of the way?”

  He smiled wide, revealing that broken tooth. “Not at all, ma’am.”

  She pointed to Ruth. “I know Mrs. Taylor wants to rest in the back, but I’ll bet you can ride with Grandma and Grandpa if you like.”

  It wasn’
t long before both JT and Elizabeth had the horses ready. “I’m going to let Molly stretch her legs a little,” Elizabeth told him. “After she warms up, I’ll let her run. But you go at whatever pace feels comfortable to you.”

  “Are you saying you want to race me to Elk Creek?” His eyes twinkled as he swung up into the saddle.

  “No, of course, not.” She gave him a sly look and then pressed her heels into Molly’s withers. “Gid-up!” And she took off in a canter. But after a while, she slowed down, and she and JT walked the horses together. She knew there was no need to run the horses too hard. She simply wanted to beat the wagons there and to have Malinda to herself for a spell. So much to say.

  “Do you think our land will look like this?” JT asked as they went around a particularly pretty curve in the river.

  “I sure hope so. It all seems like good farmland to me. Good grass for raising cattle and horses.” By now they had seen a couple of cabins and were certain they were in Elk Creek, but Elizabeth knew they hadn’t reached Malinda’s yet because she knew Malinda and John had built a barn several years ago. Finally, they came into another sweet meadow where Elizabeth saw a cabin and a barn, and somehow she knew this was it.

  “Look, JT,” she said happily. And now they both urged their horses into a gallop. But Elizabeth slowed Molly down, allowing JT be the first one there. She couldn’t wait to see Malinda’s reaction. He was just hopping off Asa’s horse when Malinda and a girl came rushing out of the house.

  Elizabeth slid off her horse with a big smile, and running directly to Malinda, she hugged her long and hard. “We’re finally here!” she cried. “We made it!”

  “Welcome to Elk Creek!” Malinda spread her arms wide, and after a long hug and a few tears, Malinda and Elizabeth held each other at arm’s length, just staring at each other in wonder. “I know I’ve gotten old,” Malinda said.