Land of Nod, The Artifact

by Gary Hoover

  Somewhere . . . deep in Jeff’s brain . . . his neurons were wetting themselves from fear.

  Chapter 46:

  The next morning, Jeff woke to the wonderful smell of meat cooking. He had been sleeping on the sofa. Baldwin and Nahima looked like they had just woken. Jeff could see Artimus and Dave laughing outside. Jeff pressed on the patches that covered his wounds and was amazed to find the wounds beneath felt nearly healed.

  “You ready for some breakfast?” Baldwin asked.

  “Yeah, I’m starved.” Jeff had been unconscious through dinner the night before and didn’t really feel like eating anything when he did come to.

  Jeff hopped off the sofa and headed outside with the other two.

  Artimus and Dave were standing by some sort of fire pit.

  As they got closer, Jeff saw that there were several gutted rodents on a spit. They were the size of squirrels . . . or rats.

  He looked at Baldwin who had an unpleasant expression on his face. The expression was similar to . . . the look of someone who had just seen his breakfast and realized it consisted of gutted rodents on a spit.

  “Good morning! Who’s hungry?” Artimus asked rubbing his hands together.

  “I am.” Jeff said.

  Baldwin shifted his eyes nervously. “Uhhhh, I’m not really that hungry.”

  Artimus pulled the spit off and started pushing roasted rodents onto metal plates. He handed plates to Nahima and Jeff. He took one for himself and Dave took one.

  There were a number of large boulders in the area of the fire-pit that Jeff assumed were their ‘seats’. He plopped himself onto one and paused a moment to see what everybody else was doing.

  Artimus and Dave were pulling limbs off and gnawing on them as if they were eating chicken legs. Jeff did the same and found it was DELICIOUS - the best breakfast he had eaten since arriving. Much better than the bland fare he received at Artimus’ place.

  Everyone but Baldwin seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the meal. Nahima was a little tentative, but she seemed to be picking up speed as she got used to it.

  Jeff leaned over to Baldwin and said in a quiet voice: “You should give it a try. It’s pretty good.”

  “I think I can still see the dog’s tooth marks in them,” Baldwin said out of the side of his mouth.

  Jeff wasn’t sure if he was kidding. . . but decided it would be best to not look too closely.

  Jeff looked around the yard. He hadn’t really gotten a clear look in the dark, but now he saw that there was a large area about 400 feet in diameter, that had been fenced off. Inside the perimeter, the ground was hard-packed dirt.

  There was . . . junk . . . spread all around - rusted pieces of metal, plastic containers etc. - mostly things that Jeff couldn’t recognize. There was something that looked like a large, armored, military vehicle.

  The armored vehicle had tank treads and was about the size of the trailer of an 18 wheeler. It was rectangular but with a nose that sloped to a point. A gun turret protruded from the top. Near that, Jeff saw Artimus’ car. It was on some sort of flat-bed vehicle that looked like a car-sized skateboard with some sort of upright control panel at the front. The flat-bed vehicle was a little smaller than Artimus’ car, and the edges of the car were hanging off at points.

  The brune - Benji - was doing something outside the fence. It seemed that Benji wasn’t a ‘pet’, but more of a ‘friend’ who had his own home somewhere.

  “How’d you get so fat eating food like this?” Nahima asked Dave.

  “First off,” Dave said as he shook a half-chewed leg at her, “this is some damn good food. And second . . . I’m all muscle.”

  He flexed his bicep, and Jeff had to admit it was impressive. His arms were bigger than Jeff’s legs.

  And then things got ugly.

  Dave stood up, put his plate on a rock and lifted his shirt - exposing his enormous, pale belly.

  “See,” he said as he lifted his stomach and let it fall again. It wobbled like a bowl of refrigerated gravy. “Solid muscle, heh, heh, heh.” He had the kind of laugh that would make mothers lock up their daughters . . . even the ugly ones . . . and any moderately attractive household pets.

  Chapter 47:

  “The pheerion fleet is coming in this way.” Dave traced a line on a map that was built into a table. “General Blackbuck is moving into position here.” He traced a line along the shore. “I figure we’ll head there and see what we can do. Maybe seeing you will brighten his day a little.” Dave looked at Artimus who responded with an expression Jeff couldn’t read. “But I don’t think the kids should go.” Dave said.

  “I’m going!” Baldwin said with a suddenness . . . and forcefulness that took Jeff by surprise.

  Nahima glared at Dave. “Well I know you’re not talking about me, because I am NOT a ‘kid’.”

  If everyone else was going, Jeff didn’t see that he had a choice . . . and since Artimus thought he was ‘The Raja’, Jeff assumed he would be very disappointed if he didn’t go. “I’m in,” Jeff said with a coolness and bravery borne of . . . not really having any damn options.

  Jeff expected Artimus to make some symbolic protest, but he had a feeling Artimus wanted them all to go if they were willing.

  Rather than directly protesting though, he said: “Tell them what you saw Dave . . . then let’s see if everyone still wants to go.”

  “Well I was here.” Dave pointed at a point on the shoreline. “At that point the pheerion fleet was still out here.” He motioned to a general area in the ocean. “I saw air strikes approaching simultaneously from here and here.” He traced two small arcs coming from opposite sides in at the spot where he had shown the fleet.

  “They opened fire . . . roughly 50 aircraft all firing simultaneously. There was so much fire-power, it just looked like one big, glowing ball for a while . . . then they broke off the attack . . . not a single pheerion ship was damaged.

  “They’ve got some kind of . . . damn invincible force shield. About five minutes after that attack, the area lit up again. This time from Admiral Horn’s fleet which had split and set up positions here . . . and here.

  “It was another INTENSE bombardment, and again the whole area was glowing, but then, after about 10 minutes of constant fire, Admiral Horn ceased fire to check for damage.

  “NOTHING! Still not a bit of damage, but then things turned. The pheerions started firing . . . Using that gun they showed. It’s for real. After about an hour, they had pretty much wiped out Admiral Horn’s entire fleet.”

  Dave scanned the room. Artimus’ expression was grim, while Baldwin and Nahima’s were more shocked.

  “We need to get to the small ship in front of the flagship,” Jeff said, “that’s where the key to the shield and gun are. We can deactivate them both from there.”

  All four heads snapped toward Jeff. Even Jeff seemed surprised at what had just come out of his mouth.

  “How do you know that?” Dave asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “I . . . don’t know. . . I just . . . Do.”

  Chapter 48:

  Dave patted the side of his armored vehicle as he instructed Jeff and Baldwin regarding where to put the crates they were holding. “I named her Princess Trina . . . After a girl I used to know. Right Artimus?” He looked over his shoulder and raised his voice. “You know about Trina, right Artimus? Heh, heh, heh.”

  There was that laugh again.

  It was the laugh of a guy who had just gotten back from the mall, taken the spy camera off his shoe, popped open a beer, turned on his computer and realized the girl in the light-blue skirt he had followed around for a half hour hadn’t been wearing any underpants.

  Dave was about the last person Jeff would want to see teaching 1st grade, but there was something sort of re-assuring about going to war with a guy who couldn’t find his feminine side with both hands, a compass and a fifty-foot tall flashing neon sign with an arrow proclaiming: ‘Here it is! Here’s your feminine side!’

  As the
y loaded the vehicle, Jeff noticed that Benji was pacing all around the vehicle without actually getting too close. Jeff could sense something was wrong and decided to try to communicate.

  Jeff approached cautiously. While he had come to realize that Benji wasn’t a threat, he still had a frightening physical presence.

  “Benji,” Jeff said, “is something wrong?”

  Benji stopped his pacing and looked directly at Jeff. He made a few low, rumbling vocalizations: ‘Go . . . I go . . . help.’

  Dave noticed Jeff’s strange behavior. He dropped the box he had been carrying and watched with fascination.

  “Do you understand,” Jeff asked, “what we’re doing? We’re going to war . . . fight.”

  Benji rumbled again. ‘I go. . . I go help . . . help fight’

  As if to punctuate, he roared loudly and began swinging his arms violently.

  That outburst got everyone’s attention, and Jeff realized they were all watching now.

  “What are you doing?!?!” Dave ran toward them afraid Benji was about to maul Jeff.

  Jeff turned calmly toward him. “He wants to go with us.” He shrugged.

  Dave looked at Benji then back at Jeff. “Look, I don’t mind putting up with Artimus’ delusions but . . .”

  Jeff looked at Benji. “Dave doesn’t think we understand each other. Do me a favor and put your hands up over your head to show him you understand.”

  Benji raised his hands over his head and shook them vigorously.

  Jeff turned to look at Dave and gestured toward Benji.

  Dave looked from Jeff to Benji and then back again. His mouth hung open stupidly. He looked at Benji who had dropped his hands and said: “Raise your hands up again.”

  Benji cocked his head, but didn’t raise his hands. He looked to Jeff.

  “He wants you to raise your hands again to see if you can understand him.” Jeff said.

  At that, Benji raised his hands and waived them even more vigorously. As he did that, he let out an odd, howling . . . laugh?

  Again, Dave looked back and forth between Jeff and Benji. “And he wants to go?” he asked Jeff.

  Jeff nodded.

  “And he understands what we’re going to do?”

  Jeff looked at Benji. “Do you understand we’re going to fight . . . and it’s going to be dangerous . . . and you might get hurt . . . or killed?”

  Benji let out a loud roar that Jeff understood as an emphatic “Yes!”

  Jeff turned to Dave and nodded.

  Dave seemed to be thinking. Jeff could sense that he wasn’t completely convinced, but he was thinking about it.

  “Well,” he said after several moments, “we could sure use the help. I guess he can come.”

  “He says you can come,” Jeff said to Benji.

  Benji let out a roar, ran toward Dave and gave his cringing friend a hug.

  “I still don’t think you’re ‘The Raja’,” Dave said between gasping breaths.

  . . . But Jeff could tell he wasn’t quite as sure of himself as he had been before.

  Chapter 49:

  They had been going for about six Earth hours and it was uncomfortably quiet. Nobody seemed in the mood for conversation.

  The armored vehicle - Princess Trina - wasn’t built for comfort, and Jeff, Baldwin, Nahima and Benji rocked and bounced as Princess Trina bumped and jostled along the dirt road.

  Jeff looked around the space. The only two seats were up front where Artimus and Dave sat. There weren’t any windows, but there were video screens scattered around that gave views of the outside. There were two, large, panel displays up front that gave the illusion of a large windshield.

  The rest of the vehicle was little more than open space except for the gun turret with a seat that dangled from the ceiling and some canvas cots that had hinges so they could be folded up against the wall when not in use, and there was a small table that could display maps and perform other computer tasks. Other than those items, the only contents were items they had loaded before leaving. There were a number of crates - mostly weapons and food - and the passengers who were sitting on crates or the floor.

  They had also brought the flat-bed vehicle - Dave called it simply a ‘lift-car’ – on which Jeff had seen Artimus’ car back at Dave’s place. Dave gave Jeff a chance to drive the lift car and help steer it into Princess Trina, and Jeff loved the feeling of flying on that simple device. Now it was hanging from a specially designed ceiling rack.

  Jeff fidgeted nervously but tried to control his breathing and maintain as calm an appearance as possible. He imagined the others were doing the same and that was part of the reason for the uncomfortable silence - the other reason was that the road and engine noises were so loud, that it was difficult to talk and be understood. It wasn’t worth the effort required for mindless small talk.

  Jeff had often wondered what exactly it would have felt like to be on one of the landing craft headed for Normandy on D-Day, and now he had at least something of an idea.

  BUT, he told himself, this isn’t really that bad, because we’re not heading to attack that sort of impenetrable defense . . . right?

  Actually he didn’t have much of a sense for what they were heading into. It could be less deadly than D-Day . . . it could be more.

  Every time he imagined that ‘more deadly’ option, his stomach tightened, and his muscles would tense uncontrollably until he could force his mind to stop fixating on the unpleasant possibilities.

  ‘You can do . . . AMAZING things if you want to,’ Jeff’s father had told him. ‘You just break the task down and only work on one part at a time. Don’t get overwhelmed. Don’t fixate on the things you don’t know. Keep everything in perspective. Keep in mind, when you walk down the street, you aren’t just walking down the street . . . if you consider yourself as the fixed point in space, you are actually turning the earth beneath you.’

  Jeff smiled as he thought about that. He was trying to follow his father’s advice. He was trying to break the task down, not fixate on the things he didn’t know and only work on one, small task.

  At the moment his task was to not throw up.

  Chapter 50:

  “I think this is far enough to drive,” Dave said. “Wouldn’t want any sentries getting nervous and blowing us up . . . heh, heh, heh.”

  No, we wouldn’t want that, Jeff thought.

  The back door opened. It was hinged at the bottom and formed a ramp out of the vehicle.

  Nahima led the way out, followed by Jeff, Baldwin and Benji, but it took a few more minutes for Artimus and Dave who were shutting things down.

  They were on a deserted, wooded road, but Dave had already explained that they were very nearly to General Blackbuck’s camp, and they should only be a short walk from the outermost check-point.

  “Ummmm,” Dave said looking at Benji, “I think you better stay here . . . at least until we can get past introductions.”

  Benji had a puzzled expression and looked at Jeff.

  “He thinks you should stay here. We’re meeting some soldiers, and they might be . . . frightened of you,” Jeff explained.

  Benji roared a protest and looked angrily at Dave, but Dave just stood there and looked him in the eye.

  Benji roared even louder, and Jeff started to get nervous. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to bring him along.

  Benji looked like he was going to charge Dave. His fur was bristling. The last time Jeff had seen him like this, he was attacking the mantis. Jeff was glad to see it then, but now it was quite a frightening display.

  After a couple lurches in Dave’s direction - which failed to make Dave flinch - Benji calmed down, grumbled a couple times, and then sat down heavily on the ramp.

  Dave patted him on the shoulder. “Sorry big guy.”

  “I’ll stay here with him.” Baldwin said and took a seat on the ramp beside Benji.

  “Would you?” Dave asked. “That would be great. I think that would make him feel better.”

&n
bsp; Artimus made an uncomfortable expression.

  “Oh, stop worrying, dad,” Baldwin said. “I can take care of myself.” He patted his gun.

  Artimus eyed the surrounding trees. The sun was at the horizon and it was just beginning to get dark. “If you see anything, just get in Princess Trina and close the door.”

  Jeff was impressed. While a gun, Benji, and the armored car would offer some protection, after seeing just some of the creatures that lived in the woods, Jeff felt safer with the group.

  Then something happened to change his mind.

  “Okay, let’s leave our guns here,” Dave said as he unbuckled his holster. “Don’t want any sentries getting more nervous than necessary.”

  Jeff began reluctantly unbuckling his holster and looked over at Baldwin who was holding back a smile. Bastard knew this would happen, Jeff thought, but couldn’t really hold it against him. He knew he would have been tempted to do the same to avoid an unarmed stroll through the woods.

  Then as he dropped the holster in the vehicle, he pulled his baseball bat out. “Any problem with me bringing this?” he asked.

  “That should be okay,” Dave said.

  Nahima, Artimus, Dave and Jeff started down the road. Dave pulled a meat-stick out of a pocket and a knife out of a sheath. He sliced off a chunk and popped it in his mouth. “Want some?” he asked as he chewed. He extended the stick toward Jeff.

  Jeff was flattered. “Sure.”

  Dave sliced off a small disk and offered it to Jeff from the blade.

  Jeff took the slice and popped it in his mouth.

  It felt like someone had just dropped a hot coal in his mouth. It was the spiciest thing he had ever tasted. He felt his face flush and sweat starting to bead on his forehead.

  “Hot enough for ya?” Dave grinned as he popped another slice into his mouth.

  “It’s goo. . .” Jeff broke into a coughing fit and couldn’t finish his comment.