Enough

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  His lips are back on mine. His arms are bent at the elbows in between us as he holds my head in his hands. He softly licks my lips and recoils to examine my face. His breathing is ragged and my heart is pounding. He turns me so my back is against his chest. He pushes my hair away from my neck to expose by bare arm and shoulder. His mouth dances on my skin and his hot breath sends shivers down my spine. The need for his touch overwhelms me. I let myself care. I let myself love him and everything he’s always meant to me.

  I lift my arm over my shoulder and wrap it around his neck. I push my fingers into his hair and gently pull at the base. His fingers glide along the material on my stomach, and he squeezes through my dress as his mouth tenderly sucks and kisses the skin of my bare shoulder. His hand explores upward until his fingers reach my chest. Gently, he caresses my breast in his hand and moans.

  He savors the skin on my collar and begins to unzip my dress. I’m filled with want, need, and sudden anxiety. The lights are on and it’s bright. He’s going to see every single one of my flaws, and I’m scared he’ll be disappointed. I still want him, but I turn abruptly to stop him.

  He raises his eyes to mine in concern, and I quickly hurry to the entryway. He laughs when I turn out the light and close the bathroom door just enough to still cast a glow in the room.

  “Did you think I was going to make a run for it?” I ask him playfully.

  “I’ll admit it crossed my mind.”

  “I’m never running from you again, Nick Rowen. I love you and you’re stuck with me.”

  “What did you say?” he questions. The lightning crashes outside and fills the room with a brief flash of light.

  “I said I love you.” I reach for his hand and take it in mine. “I’m not sure I ever stopped. I’m sorry for my childish behavior and for creating issues where there aren’t any. In the past, I taught myself that hope led to heartache. I was scared you weren’t real, so I tried to ruin things before I felt too much.” I take a step forward and slide my hand along his chest. “Now it’s too late. I feel everything for you I felt before and more.”

  Nick sighs in relief and opens his mouth to respond. I stop him with a finger to his lips. “Please let me finish.”

  He smiles and nods his head. “The thought of you moving away and me never seeing you again shocked me out of my fears. I don’t want to waste another moment doubting you when I can spend that time loving you instead. I’ve never felt safer than when I’m with you. I trust you, Nick. I’m not going to run away. Just promise me you’ll never lie to me or play with my heart.”

  “Are you finished?” he asks sweetly.

  I nod my head, but for once I’m not afraid. In my heart I know he’s going to confirm what I already know to be the truth.

  “I would never do anything to betray you or hurt you. I will never lie to you, and your heart has never been a toy. I know how hard it is for you to put your trust in someone again, and I’m honored to know that person is me. When you’ve wanted and hoped for another chance as long as I have, you realize just how lucky you are when you get it. To know you trust me and that you love me again? It’s more than I could have hoped for. I’ll do everything in my power to try to deserve it.”

  I smile widely as the lightning crashes and fills the room with light once again.

  “Now…” he continues. “Not to say I’m anxious, but am I zipping up your dress or removing it?”

  I laugh as his eyes burn into mine and heat fills my senses. I turn my back to him once more. “Take it off,” I command.

  He finishes unzipping me and slides my dress down my hips. I take a deep breath and turn to face him. I stand in front of him in my bra and underwear, exposed but somehow confident that he’ll always want me.

  “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

  “Even with stretch marks and cellulite?” I ask him, knowing it’s not the sexy talk we were going for.

  “All I see when I look at you is the woman I love. And I told you I wouldn’t be whistling any tunes when I saw you naked, so I hope you’re prepared for my mouth. I’m a man of my word.”

  I gawk, and he raises his eyebrows before his lips returns to mine. There’s something in the way he kisses me. I know he loves me. Our love is like a life force with its own energy. He reaches behind me and unclasps my bustier, slowly pulling it from my body. The front of his fingers skims the skin of my spine as he kisses me gently, sucking on my bottom lip. He gazes into my eyes and they’re filled with desire. His eyes lower to my breasts, and he immediately bends and tugs one into his mouth. He circles my nipples with his tongue and cups my ass from behind, pulling me further into his kiss.

  His hand caresses my breast while he licks and flicks my nipple. The waves of pleasure he creates cause my head to spin. He tugs my underwear down my legs and leans me back onto the bed. He slides them off each foot, and I close my eyes as he plants slow, lingering kisses up each of my thighs and breathes heavily between my legs. The heat of his breath sends me spiraling, and just when I think he’s brought me to the point of absolute bliss, his tongue flicks and licks me and I’m lost in incomprehensible pleasure. He takes his time exploring me, and my insecurities and worries fade away. He moans as he tastes me and his kisses become quicker and more intense as if somehow, I’m creating the same desire in him that he’s creating in me.

  As he sucks me into his mouth, I feel myself building. It doesn’t take much more before I’m exploding into the best orgasm I’ve ever had. At least since the last time he touched me all those years ago. He doesn’t stop kissing me even when I laugh and place my hand on his head. Instead, he lifts slightly and places gentle kisses along the faint scar on my bikini line. His body rises slowly as he continues to kiss every inch of me, and my desire for him returns in greater fervor when I feel his erection against my leg.

  I want to feel him inside me, but not before I get the chance to taste him again myself. I slide down while he rests on top of me and kiss his stomach. He leans forward on his elbows as I kiss the freckle above his left nipple and lick each and every one of his abs. My blood burns with desire as I touch his chest with one hand and slide my other hand down his back. I push my hand into his pants and squeeze his muscular ass with my fingertips. He moans in approval, and I tug his pants down his legs as far as I can reach. I slide out from under him to pull them off, and he wiggles to help me remove them. I immediately jump on his back, and he laughs when I gently bite his ass through his underwear. I glide my hands under him to feel him, and he groans in approval of my touch. He flips himself over on the bed to give me better access to the bulge I desire most. I tug each sock from his feet and he watches me, licking his lips in anticipation.

  I feel confident and beautiful and there’s nothing I want more than to show him what he means to me. I start at his hips and the muscle that forms the V in his waist. It’s the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen, and my tongue dances happily over each indentation and into the small amount of hair that tickles my nose.

  I slide down his underwear as I kiss his skin until his erection springs free. He’s larger than I remember, and my lust to feel him inside me causes me to lose all reason. I pull his underwear down his thighs as I kiss and suck around him. He moans in pleasure as he leans up on his elbows to watch me. My eyes lift to his as I touch the tip of my tongue to his erection. He gasps and twitches in want.

  I take my time running my tongue along his length before I encase him in my mouth. The gasp that escapes his lips when I suck him gives me intense pleasure. Knowing that I’m driving him mad satisfies me even more than he just did a few minutes ago. He falls back onto the bed and grasps the back of my head. I lift my eyes to his as I continue to touch and suck him, and suddenly I feel his hands on my arms. He lifts me up and we stand, both naked, skin-to-skin.

  He kisses my mouth passionately as he bends to pull back the covers from the bed. I lie on the pillow and he turns to the desk and to his wallet. He retrieves a condom and saunters
toward me. He’s so beautiful.

  He leans down on top of me and kisses me once again as his body shifts into mine. He holds the condom in his teeth and rips it gently. I grin, and he returns it with the smile that makes me weak. The one that belongs to me.

  “Do you know how many times I’ve pictured this moment in my mind?” he asks.

  “Hmm… before or after we broke up?” I ask.

  “Both.”

  “I’d say a few.”

  “Do you know how much I love you?” he questions.

  “As much as I love you.”

  I glance down at the wrapper in his hand and I can’t help but say, “I hope that condom hasn’t been in your wallet for fifteen years.”

  “No.” He shakes his head with amusement. “I promise it’s a new one.”

  “I should warn you I’m extremely fertile.”

  He smirks. “Are you saying I should toss the condom? Because I’m good with that.”

  I huff. “Not unless you’re sure you want a baby.”

  “With you, sweetheart, I’ll take ten.”

  “Ten? Oh hell no!” I laugh, although the idea he wants kids, especially with me, brings me insane amounts of joy.

  His hand slides between us as he places the condom on himself. I wriggle in anticipation and he pulses against my thigh in appreciation. The memory of the last time he was inside me flutters through my mind, and although it was short lived and painful at the time, it never felt wrong. Because I was always meant to be his.

  He gently kisses my lips as he lifts my jaw. He deepens the kiss, and I grip his back. He moves his hips slightly as he gently presses his body into mine. He enters me easily and fully, and he moans as I tighten around him, holding on to him inside me.

  “Ever,” he whispers as he pulls out slightly then enters as fully and deeply as possible. He fills me completely, and my eyes flutter closed as I bask in the fullness of him. His mouth returns to mine as he eases in and out of me. He squeezes my nipple and pulls it to attention, and I moan into his mouth.

  He slides his hand under me to pull my ass up into him, and I cry out in pleasure when he pushes his hardness into me. His hips crash into mine as his tongue dances in my mouth. My body arches with every thrust, and I grasp him to keep him as deep as possible. Fifteen years of desire, lust, friendship, and love go into every movement as he makes love to me. I feel the enormity of the years it’s taken me to return to him pulse in my chest. The love I feel for him overwhelms me with emotion. I can tell he’s getting closer, and his hand slides between us to please me once again in the final moments before he comes.

  I’m awed that he remembers. I can tell he doesn’t want it to end as he rubs his fingers in all the right places with all the right rhythms. The fullness of him inside me combined with his touch sends me spiraling, and I grasp him as my moan announces my arrival to the edge of pleasure. He plunges inside me and I come around him. With two more thrusts, he comes as well, and he shudders into me repeatedly until he stills, breathless.

  He leans his head next to mine on the pillow for a moment, and I hear him attempting to catch his breath. My fingers skim the lines of his back, and I turn my face into the side of his head and kiss his neck. He dips his head and kisses my shoulder several times before his eyes rest on mine.

  “You…” he whispers.

  I smile, and he kisses my lips so tenderly that I can almost feel a tremble in them.

  He rolls over to the side and removes the condom. He leans over me to reach for a tissue on the nightstand, wraps it neatly, and drops it to the floor. His mouth returns to my breast, and he continues to lick around my nipple, sucking and tugging lightly.

  He lifts his eyes to mine. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”

  “I hope it was worth the years of patience.” I giggle.

  He plays with a ring of my hair in his hands. “It was worth every second. But I’m nowhere near done with you, so I hope you’re not too tired.”

  I laugh as the stubble from his face glides along my stomach, and in my head I hear my heart offering a small yet significant thank-you to the universe for reminding me that I’m enough for me and enough for him.

  THE LIMO COMES to pick us at 7:00 A.M., and although we’re all exhausted, you can also tell we’re brimming with affection for each other.

  Nick encases me in his arms, and we drift to sleep together on the ride home since we barely slept all night. We had a lot of catching up to do. Gwen seems very responsive to Cooper as they intertwine their fingers and he kisses her head repeatedly. When we turn down my street, Gwen whispers our names to wake us. I yawn and press my hand to Nick’s chest to lift myself. He climbs out first and holds his hand to me before hugging me tightly against his chest.

  “Thank you for last night,” I whisper in his ear.

  “Thank you,” he whispers back.

  I feel some anxiety over leaving him and wonder what will happen when we aren’t together. Will he change his mind now that he’s had me?

  “Stop it,” he says as he lifts my chin to gaze into my eyes.

  “Stop what?” I ask.

  “Thinking the worst. I see it in your eyes. I promise you I love you. If nothing else, you should know that after last night, I only love you more.”

  I smile in appreciation, and he winks as he kisses my forehead and climbs back into the limo.

  Gwen slides out through the opposite door, and I see Cooper’s hand lingering in hers until she’s forced to pull it away. She laughs and closes the door.

  After we’re inside, I watch the limo clamber down the street and I’m filled with a mix of happiness and concern.

  My phone pings with a text.

  Nick: Stop it. I love you.

  I smile to myself and lean on the door. Gwen stands in front of me and our eyes meet.

  “Some night, huh?” she questions.

  “You could say that!”

  “Did you sleep with him?” Her eyes bulge in anticipation of my answer.

  I nod my head bashfully and she covers her mouth and laughs.

  “What about you?”

  “Did I sleep with Coop? In the same bed, yes. Intimately, no.”

  “You didn’t sleep with him?”

  “I just said I did.”

  “I mean did you have sex?”

  “Oral or vaginal?”

  “Oh my God, Gwen… either!”

  “Yes to the oral. No to the other. He didn’t have a condom.”

  “But you would have if he did?”

  “I don’t know. Let’s just say I’m happy with the events of the night. Very happy.”

  I laugh lightly and that’s all I need to know.

  THE NEXT WEEK of work is torturous. Nick has to fly to Philly to set up a contract, and although we talk on the phone, I miss him terribly. It amazes me how quickly and easily he’s become irreplaceable. I’m thankful for the kids and work to keep me busy while he’s away. On our first day of work after the weekend, Gwen and I both receive huge bouquets of flowers from Nick and Cooper.

  I can tell Gwen has feelings for Cooper, although she doesn’t want to admit them. He calls her every night after work to make sure she gets home okay, and I can tell she thinks he might be trying too hard. After a couple of nights of her not taking his calls, Cooper texts me.

  Cooper: Tell me what I’m doing wrong. I’m crazy about her but she’s pushing me away. Is she not interested? I need to know.

  I don’t know how to explain Gwen in a text, so on my break I call him.

  “Hey Coop.”

  “So tell me.”

  “Gwen’s been through a lot of crap. She doesn’t trust easily, but I can tell she has feelings for you. I think she’s afraid.”

  “What is she so afraid of?”

  “I don’t know for sure, but I’d venture a guess that she’s afraid you’re not what you seem to be and that she’s going to get hurt. I also think she’s afraid she won’t be enough to keep you.”

  “What? She�
��s plenty to keep me. If she’d give me a chance I’d prove it to her. You know me, Ev. When I let myself care about someone, I’m all in.”

  “I do know you. You’re just going to have to try to be patient with her. I promise she’s worth it.”

  He snickers. “I know she is. She’s special. She’s not like any girl I’ve ever known. She’s so tough, but I can see through it. She’s got a beautiful heart. As far as my patience goes, you don’t have to worry. I once sat for three days straight outside the house of a would-be terrorist. I didn’t close my eyes once the entire time and I gripped my gun so hard I had blisters. If I could wait for an ass like that, I can certainly wait for the woman of my dreams.”

  AT MIDNIGHT I’M advised that we have a high-risk teen in the unit who’s due to deliver. She’s the only one in my wing right now, so I go in to introduce myself.

  She’s curled into a ball on her bed and shaking from head to toe.

  “Hi, sweetie. I’m your nurse, Everly. My friends call me Ev, so you can call me Ev if you like. How are you feeling?”

  “I feel like fucking shit. How do you think I feel?”

  I nod my head and check her chart. Her name is Nadia.

  “I know you’re in a lot of pain. Your doctor should be in very soon to check on you. Have you given any thought to whether or not you’d like medication to help with the discomfort?”

  “You mean drugs and shit?” she asks. “Will I feel better?”

  “Depending on your medical history and progress, your doctor will tell you if that’s an option for you. Did you discuss it when you made your birthing plan?”

  “I don’t have a doctor, much less a fucking birthing plan.”

  “Have you been to the doctor during your pregnancy?” I ask.

  “Only when they make me.”

  I check her chart and see she’s assigned to a doctor I’ve worked with before. “Your doctor is listed as Dr. Fidell. She’s very kind. I think you’ll like her.”