He reaches in front of me and pulls my nipple in his fingers. It sends waves of pleasure over my skin. I feel his mouth on my shoulder, and his free hand reaches across me to the soap. He rubs the soap in his hands and then gently begins to wash me. His touch is light and purposeful. I feel his erection flick against me from behind, and I bite my lip.
He takes his time as he washes me from head to toe. His hands are loving and soft. My girly parts receive extra attention, and he groans lightly as he rubs in between my legs. I reach my hand over my head and wrap it around his neck as it becomes clear his purpose is no longer to make sure I’m clean. I feel him slide between my butt cheeks as he rubs himself into me and massages my weakest, most wanting area with his hand. He slips his finger inside me, and I clench my muscles around him, moaning and needy.
“Move for me,” he whispers into my ear. I start to lift myself up and down on his finger as he slides another into me.
“You’re so wet.”
I turn my body to face him and wrap my arms around his neck. Our lips meet as we step under the water together and my hand slides down his back to grasp his perfect round ass.
I push my fingers into his skin as he sucks my tongue into his mouth. I reach around and stroke him gently. He’s hard, and it turns me on to know how much he wants me. His hands lift up and he pushes my head back under the water as he kisses the curve of my neck. Reaching over to the shampoo, he lovingly begins to massage it into my hair. He’s tender and careful, taking his time and making sure I feel loved and cherished as he rinses out the soap.
“Conditioner too?”
“Yes please,” I whisper. I’ve never had a man wash my hair before and it feels incredible.
Once he finishes rinsing out the conditioner, he lifts his hand behind me and shuts off the water. He pulls the towel off the rod and begins to dry my hair. Then he dries my shoulders, my arms, my chest, and down the rest of my body before he quickly dries himself. He wraps the towel around me and takes my hand. He leads me through the bathroom to the bedroom and pulls back the covers. I want him, and I can tell by the smirk on his face that he knows it. He opens the drawer and takes out an extremely large pack of condoms. They aren’t mine, and I laugh when I realize he came very prepared. He opens the wrapper and places the condom in my hand. Then he places his hand over mine and glides it over his erection. I hold my hand on him and continue to pleasure him when he slips my towel from my waist. I try to act unaffected that I’m fully naked in front of him.
He slides down on the bed, saying, “I want you on top.”
I bite my lip as I climb over him and ease myself into him. His eyes roll back in his head as I raise and lower myself. I lean on his chest for support and he lifts slightly to take my breast into his mouth. He grasps my waist and begins to lift me himself. My back arches in pleasure. I push him deeply into me and moan as my body bows into his. I open my eyes and he’s staring at me. I don’t feel insecure. I feel beautiful. I reach up and take my own breast in my hand, pulling on my nipple. He moans and stiffens in appreciation as his hand flies back to my waist. Feeling him deep inside me is causing eruptions I’ve never felt before. I sense my body tensing in unknown pleasure. I wonder if I could come from him inside me and realize it’s possible I might. I rotate my hips on him and he grabs my breasts in his hands once more.
His right hand slides down my chest, and then he brings his fingers to his mouth. I know what he’s about to do, and I gasp for air. His hands slide to touch me as I continue to push into him.
He pants and moans as he touches me, and I can tell he’s getting close.
“Come, Ever. I want you to come.”
He continues to massage me, and his expert touch combined with him pulsing deep inside me sends me spiraling and gasping over the edge.
I feel him harden inside me as he thrusts his hips forcefully into me. I continue to move on him until he stills me and sits up to pull me to his chest.
“Oh my God!” I grasp his face in my hands.
He kisses me and flips me over on the bed. He’s still inside me and he pushes into me one more time as he kisses my lips.
“You…” he whispers, and I can’t help but smile.
I WAKE UP three hours later and I’m wrapped in the covers and alone in the bed. I glance around the room and then reach for the towel on the floor. I stumble into the bathroom, pee, and then slip on some yoga pants and a t-shirt, without underwear. It makes me feel sexy to be commando, and I begin my search for Nick.
He’s standing in the kitchen, bare chested and on his cell.
“Well, I’m glad you’re okay. How’s Gwen?”
I lean on the doorframe and watch him. He turns when he senses me and smiles. He struts toward me and plants a small chaste kiss on my lips then mouths, “Cooper.”
I nod my head and sit at the table.
“We’re glad you’re okay, buddy. No, I’m not getting mushy on you. You want me to what? Fine. You’re an asshole and a pussy. Feel better?” He laughs. “All right. Yeah, later. Bye.”
He shakes his head at his phone and tosses it on the counter. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”
I stand and run my fingers over his chest. “I woke up to an empty bed and I missed you,” I pout.
“You missed me?” he whispers.
I nod.
“Well, I can’t have you missing me, can I?” He lifts my leg around his waist and rests his hand on my butt cheek. “Are you wearing underwear?”
I shake my head no. He groans and lifts me around his waist. He carries me back up to the bed as I laugh, and he makes love to me once more.
By one I’m exhausted but happy as I plant small kisses against his stomach. My head rests on him as he runs his fingers through my hair.
“You’re birthday’s coming up,” he states. “Are you up for another surprise?”
I turn over and lean my head to face him. “I don’t want anything but you,” I tell him.
“You have me.”
“You know who else’s birthday is coming up?” I ask. “Kay’s. I’d really like to do something for her. Like maybe throw her a party or something.”
“That sounds like a great idea.”
“She really likes you, you know?”
“Of course she does.” He smirks.
“Speaking of which, I need to call her.” I lift myself up and he takes notice of my bare chest. His eyes shoot up appreciatively.
“Have I told you how much I love your tits?” he asks.
I roll my eyes.
“You’re supposed to say thank you or ask me to prove it.”
I laugh. “Thank you,” I respond. “If you prove it to me again, I may be limping at work tomorrow.”
He smiles my smile as I stand and walk naked to the bathroom. I’m surprised by how comfortable I feel in front of him.
I dress and brush out my hair. He meets me in the bathroom and I see his naked reflection in the mirror. I whistle at him as he uses the bathroom, and he wiggles his ass at me.
As he washes his hands, I kiss his cheek and then make my way down the stairs to the phone. I’m so happy and content that it seems I have a glow all around me. I never thought I’d feel this way. It’s better than I ever imagined it to be.
I dial Kay’s number, hoping she didn’t watch the news and hear about Cooper. I mentally berate myself for not calling her earlier to let her know he was okay.
The phone rings repeatedly and she doesn’t answer. I wonder if she went for another walk. She’s on an exercise kick lately.
“Hey, Nick?” I yell up the stairs.
“Yeah, babe?”
“Do you mind if I run over to Kay’s. I think she’s on a walk and I want to tell her about Coop before she see’s something on the news.”
He hops down the stairs and lifts a shirt over his head. “Yeah, go ahead. I was thinking of cutting the lawn before it snows. Is that okay with you?”
I stare at him as if he’s the biggest chocolate sundae I�
��ve ever seen. “You want to cut the lawn?”
He laughs. “Yeah. I miss cutting grass. My dad used to let me do all the yardwork.”
“You just keep getting better and better,” I say as I kiss his lips. He laughs appreciatively. “Are you okay with getting the kids off the bus? I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
He kisses the tip of my nose. “Take advantage all you want. I love being here. Besides, I said I would be, and you know I’m a man of my word.”
I lean into him. “Remind me again where you’ve been my whole life?”
“I told you…” He runs his hand over my head. “I’ve been waiting for this, for my second chance.”
I SING ALONG with the radio as I drive to Kay’s. It amazes me how much more beautiful the world seems to be. I credit my joy to Nick Rowen. I smile to myself as I think back over the events of my morning and how much he fills up every empty space I’ve ever had.
As I pull down her street, I watch for her, but it’s fairly quiet. It’s nearing Thanksgiving, and its getting colder day by day. I pull up in front of her house, and as I exit my car, her big red door comes into view. I jog up to it, and before I knock, I run my fingers along the edges. “Hello, magic door,” I say with a giggle. “How do you feel about being painted because I’m happy for once?” I laugh to myself as I rap my knuckles on the door. I imagine Kay and myself painting the door together.
A few seconds pass and she doesn’t answer. I knock again and nothing. I reach in my purse and pull out my keys. Maybe she’s in the bathroom. I open her door. “Gram? It’s Ev!” I toss my purse on her couch and listen for her response. It’s eerily quiet. I pop my head in the kitchen. Not there. I open the basement door and it’s dark.
“Gram?” I yell again. “Are you in the bathroom?” I make my way down the hall and pause at my door for a moment, smiling at the memories of peaceful sleep in my old bed.
“Gram? What are you doing?” I laugh. “Are you back here?”
I round the corner into her room and she’s fast asleep in bed. I lean on the bed and shake her gently. “Gram…” I whisper. “Wake up, sleepyhead!” I giggle.
She doesn’t move.
“It’s the middle of the day. Are you tired?” My stomach tenses, but I ignore it. “Gram?” I shake her again. “Grandma Kay?” I push her more forcibly as my chest fills with fear. “Gram!” I shout and roll her over. I reach for her face and it’s cold. She’s never cold. She’s always warm. She should be warm. I pull the covers over her. “Are you cold?” I ask as I tuck the blankets around her.
“Is that better?” I ask as a lone tear slips down my cheek. “It’s getting cold now, but it’s sunny outside, so it’s still a nice day.” I stand and stumble to the window. I lean on the frame and continue to speak through bated breath. “I thought maybe we’d paint the door again today.” My voice shakes as I turn toward her and wait for her response.
“What do you think, hmm?” I ask, knowing the answer will never come. I hear her voice in my head and I see her smile. I slide to the ground and kneel next to her. “Gram… please.”
Her silence overwhelms me, and my chest is racked with sobs as I continue to shake her. “Please wake up! Please!” I beg. I lie my head on her chest and wait to hear her heart. Her wonderful, beautiful, strong heart. It’s the most deafening silence of my life. I crawl next to her and run my fingers through her silver hair. I place my head softly over her heart. “I love you. Please, Gram. Please… don’t leave me.”
NICK CRADLES ME in his arms as I watch them zip the bag around her. He tries to step in front of me to spare me, but I push him aside. The house is full of strangers. They’re moving and whispering, but it’s too quiet. I picture her coming up the stairs from her basement holding the can of paint. I see her sitting on the sidewalk, drawing with chalk. I envision her winking to me as Gwen scrubs a pan in the sink.
I turn my head into his chest and he holds me in his arms. I close my eyes and pray to wake up safe in bed down the hall. I want a redo. I want another chance. Nick leads me to the couch and I slowly slide down into it.
“Tell me what you need. I’ll do anything.”
I reach up and touch his face. He’s holding back for me. I can see it. He’s always been so strong. The door opens, and Gwen rushes in with Cooper behind her. She runs to me and I stand. No words are spoken. But we cry. We cry together.
“She’s gone, Gwenny.”
“I know,” she says through her tears. “I’m so sorry. I’m so… sorry.”
“She loved you, Gwenny, you know?” I ask as I strain to see her face.
She nods as the tears seep down her face. “I loved her too.”
We stand like that for a long time. Just holding on to each other and all the memories of a love that was like no other.
My eyes dart up to the clock on the wall. “The kids!” I cry out in a panic.
“Shh…” Nick says as he reaches for me. I called Mike. He has them. They’re fine.”
“Do they know?” I ask him as my voice shakes and I clutch my tissues to my face.
“No. I told Mike not to say anything until we got there. I figured you’d want to be there with him to tell them.”
I nod my head at him and slide back down to the couch. Then I stand abruptly. “Does anyone want some coffee or tea?” I start to walk to the kitchen and Cooper stops me. His arm’s in a sling, but he lifts his free hand to my face.
“Hey… Nick and I can handle it. Okay? You just sit with Gwen. We’ll take care of everything.”
I nod my head and he leans into me, pushing my head to his chest and placing his hand on the back of my head.
I sit with Gwen and we try to figure out what happened. “I think it was her heart,” I tell her. “She gave so much of it away, there probably wasn’t enough left to keep her alive.”
Gwen and I cry for the next hour as Cooper and Nick try their best to console us. There just aren’t words. As it starts to get dark, I realize we need to leave, but I’m afraid. It feels as if leaving her house means leaving her.
“Hey…” Nick crouches next me. “She’s not here,” he says as he points to her home. “She’s here,” he whispers as he touches my heart. The tears flow again. He takes me into his arms and doesn’t let go.
Three months later
I STAND IN her empty kitchen, taking one last look around. Gwen and the kids are finishing putting the last of Gram’s things in my van. Nick trudges up from the basement and I close my eyes. I know it’s only him walking up the stairs, but I picture her as the door opens in my mind. I hear her in my soul. “Ready to get to fixin’ that heart?”
Nick turns off the light and shuts the door behind him.
“Anything left down there?” I ask.
“No. I think we got everything.”
The house sold in a month. I thought of keeping it, but there were too many memories. Every time I entered through that red door and didn’t hear her voice, my chest ached a little more. She had a heart attack, but the doctors assured us she died peacefully in her sleep. It made me feel better to know she didn’t suffer. She deserved to drift away as peacefully as she lived her life.
I cross my arms and turn once more. I’ve already stood in each room, and the kitchen is my very last. Nick kisses my cheek. He’s been incredible. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve him, but I’ll do everything in my power to keep him in my life.
“Take your time,” he whispers in my ear.
“Just give me another minute. I’ll be right out.” I try my best to smile, to be strong, but he sees through me, just like he always has. He steps outside and I hear Kale call to him as the door shuts behind him.
“It’s so final, Gram,” I say out loud. “You know I have a problem with goodbyes, so I’ll just say, see you soon. I’ll miss you forever. I hope you know you changed me. I hope you know you made me a better me. I hope you know I’ll always love you, wherever you are.”
I push a tear away from my eyes and ma
ke my last steps to her door. I pick up the can of red paint and three brushes and close the door behind me.
“Ready?” Gwen asks with a smile.
I nod.
“Kale and Nick went for a walk,” Marlow says as she inches closer.
“You ready to paint?” I ask her.
She shrugs. “Why are we doing this again?”
“Well…” I glance up at Gwen and she smiles. “Whenever I felt sad about something, Grandma Kay would sit with me and we would paint this door. Somehow, like magic, painting this door would always make me feel better. Grandma Kay would say, ‘Every stroke is a memory you cherish or you leave behind.’”
“Are we cherishing or leaving?” Marlow asks.
“As Grandma Kay would say, ‘I can’t tell you that, songbird. That’s completely up to you.’”
“Do I get to be the songbird now?” she asks with a small, hopeful smile.
“If you’d like.”
“Yeah, I want to be a songbird just like you.”
I kiss her on the forehead and the three of us paint that door, for the very last time.
Ten months later
IT’S BEEN JUST over a year since Grandma Kay passed away, and I miss her every day. I’ve decided to keep her memory alive by quoting her as frequently as possible. I’ve also taken up the habit of never being the first to let go in a hug. It’s been an enjoyable experience, although with Nick I have to force him to let go first or we’d never part.
He insists we attend mass at a church downtown on Christmas Eve. Cooper and Gwen come with us and shuffle the kids to the car after mass. Nick tells me there’s something he wants to show me, and we sit patiently inside as the people clear the pews. I glance around at the ornate stained-glass windows. They don’t make them like this anymore. When the church is finally empty and the lights dim, he turns to me.
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