“This church is special to me. Do you know why?”
I shake my head no as I stare at his lips. His stubble has grown into a beard and he’s even more attractive, if that’s possible. Cooper insists he did it in an attempt to try to be as hot as him. They still compete over everything and are as close as Gwen and I are. The four of us have developed a bond that is dear to my heart.
“I want to tell you a story.”
“Okay,” I say warily with a nod of my head.
“I’ve never been big on church,” he begins. “Even though I was raised that way, I just never went on a regular basis. When I moved here almost four years ago and found out you were married, I was distraught. I hoped that somehow I’d find you again, and when it became clear that wasn’t going to happen, I found myself walking with nowhere to go.”
I listen carefully as I remove my glove and take his hand in mine.
“I happened upon this church. It was a Saturday morning and it was empty. I sat in this exact pew and I asked God to give me a sign. I missed Wisconsin and my family, and I was ready to pack up and go home. I sat here for a long time waiting, and I got nothing. I sighed to myself because I realized how dumb I was being. I waved up to God before I stood and somberly weaved my way out of church.”
He stands and lifts my hands into his, leading me out of the pew.
“Oh, is this a moving story?” I ask playfully.
He smiles. “Yes, yes it is. Now be quiet and let me talk.”
I giggle as he leads me down the aisle and out the door.
We stand outside as the snow falls gently around us. It’s beautiful. I glance over at him wide-eyed and laughing, and the heat from his gaze stops me in my tracks. I love him so.
“I shuffled out this door and stood here for a moment, not knowing where to go. I turned to my left and then decided to go right instead. Guess who bumped into me?”
“Cooper?” I ask.
“No,” he says with a shake of his head. “Kay.”
“What?” I still and my chest begins to ache. “Did she recognize you?” I ask with astonishment.
He smiles. “She did. We talked for a few minutes and she asked me how long I would be in town. I told her I’d moved to town over a year ago but that I was thinking of heading back home. In typical Kay fashion, she insisted I tell her why. I don’t know what it was about her, but she made it so easy to just pour your heart at her feet.”
I smile knowingly and he grips my hands in his.
“I told her I was ready to go home because I realized I’d never get another chance with you. She told me, and I remember her exact words because I replayed them in my head whenever I had any doubts. She said, ‘Nick Rowen, don’t you dare lay down your cards and fold.’”
I feel tears in my eyes. I can picture her speaking those words. I’d heard them myself a few times. I miss her and everything about her.
“She said, ‘That girl deserves a man like you, and I promise you, someday, you’re gonna get that chance again. Don’t you dare stop believing. You play those cards and you wait for her to be ready to play her own.’”
“She said that? Really?” I ask through my tears.
“She gave me my sign and I stayed. I didn’t go home, and two years later, there you were.”
“There I was,” I repeat.
“Ever, there’s something here between us. Do you feel it?” he asks as he motions back and forth.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“From the first moment I saw you, it was like I knew. I was young and stupid and I made a lot of mistakes. I lost you.”
“But you didn’t,” I interrupt.
“Shhh…” he whispers as he lifts his finger to my lips. “Let me finish.”
I smile and he smiles back. It’s my smile.
“Then one day, I found you again and I knew from the moment I saw you that I would never take you for granted. That I would always wait for you and that if I was lucky enough to have you, I would never, ever let you go again.”
“Never ever?” I whisper.
He takes my face in his hands. “Never, Ever.”
His hands slip down my face and he takes a large breath before he bends down on one knee in front of me. I gasp.
“Everly, you are my everything, my everywhere, my everlasting, and my evermore. I love you, and if you’ll have me, I promise to give you every part of me and everything I have for every day of the rest of my life. Will you do me the honor of loving me forever and becoming my wife?” He raises his hand to mine, and a very large diamond ring glistens in the snow.
I gasp as tears flow down my face. “Yes,” I cry as I fall to my knees next to him and take his face in my hands. “Absolutely, yes.”
He kisses me as the snow falls around us, and just when I think he couldn’t be more to me, he’s more than I ever dreamed possible.
Two years later
“FOR PETE’S SAKE, Nick. This is ridiculous.”
“Stop,” he orders as he leads me blindfolded out of our car. “I have a reason. Do you trust me?”
“You know I do. I wouldn’t have married you and allowed you to impregnate me with your son if I didn’t.” I feel his hands on my expanding belly and then his lips press to mine.
“Do you know how crazy beautiful you are?” he asks me.
“Do you know how hot and sexy you are?” I ask him.
“I’m going to show you hot and sexy later tonight,” he whispers in my ear, and my knees go weak. Every word out of his mouth is still music to my ears.
“But right now, I need to know if you’re ready to see your surprise.”
“I’m ready,” I shout in frustration as I stomp my foot. “Just tell me already!”
He lifts the blindfold from my eyes and as I adjust to the light, his beautiful face comes into view. I wrap my arms around his neck. “Ooh! I have to say I love my surprise very much!”
He laughs and rolls his eyes. “I’m not your surprise, babe. Turn around.”
I pivot on my heel and I’m standing in front of a building on the strip. I glance up and gasp for air as I read the words above. “The Kaylynn London Center for Women.”
“What?” I turn to face him and he grins. “Nick? What is this?”
“Come inside and let me show you.”
I walk through double doors and feel my body begin to tremble. Gwen, Cooper, and the kids are standing inside.
“Surprise!” they yell.
My eyes flit from one thing to the next and feast in the details. I’m overwhelmed with emotion as I read the quotes stenciled on the walls.
Tomorrow is a bright and better place to be.
Are you going to build or are you going to bury?
Let’s get to fixin’ that heart.
There’s a reason for everything under the sun.
There are no such things as mistakes.
God deals you a hand of cards. You can either play them or you can fold them but either way, it’s the only hand you’re going to get.
Stop looking at what went wrong and focus on what is right.
I turn to the left and my eyes zero in on a red door on the back wall. It makes my heart leap. It’s familiar and I’m afraid to believe. Gwen steps next to me.
“After we painted her door that day, Nick arranged to have it removed and stored. He said there was no way he was going to leave something so important to you behind.”
I stare into her eyes as she speaks, and I swallow hard when I circle to him. He’s standing with his hands inside his suit pockets and gazing lovingly in my direction.
“I need to see it,” I say as I take a step closer. As it comes more clearly into view through my blurry eyes, I read the words written above it. “We all need to paint doors.” I tentatively reach out my hand and gently place my fingers on the door. I close my eyes and I can smell her. I can feel her. And her magic surrounds me once more. Tears spill down my face and I feel Nick’s hand on the small of my back.
“You did t
his?” I question, turning to him.
He nods as he points behind him. “I had some help.”
I smile lovingly toward Gwen, Coop, and my children. “I don’t understand.” I grab a hold of his jacket. “What is this place?”
“Can I tell her?”
I hear a familiar voice, but I can’t place my finger on it. A slender girl with long black hair rounds the corner. I stare into her eyes as she smiles at me, and there’s something inside them that reminds me of a girl I used to know. “Nadia?” I ask skeptically.
She smiles brightly. “Hi, Ev!”
“What? How? You?” I ask as I reach out and hug her.
She laughs lightly. “I hope you don’t mind seeing me around here. Nick and Gwen offered me a job in reception. I went to the hospital to look for you because I always wanted to tell you how much you meant to me that day. Gwen overheard me asking for you and we started talking. And here I am!”
I glance at Nick, and Gwen rests her head on his shoulder. He lovingly rests his hand on her back, and Cooper smiles next to them.
“You were so kind to me, kinder than you needed to be, and you were there for me when I needed someone the most. I never forgot you. Anyway, your husband is an amazing attorney. He didn’t even pay me to say that,” she whispers with a hand to her lips. “He has a lot of contacts in the community and around the country. He wanted to do something for you that would keep your grandmother’s memory alive and help other people the way that she always did. With the help of a couple of grants, a few hefty donations, and several corporate sponsors, The Kaylynn London Center for Women was born.”
She smiles brightly as she continues. “We offer free medical care to women of all ages who feel they have no hope and nowhere to turn. We find them housing and career assistance during and after their pregnancy. We have a childcare center and we offer professional counseling. We’re staffed to assist with drug addiction and mental illness, and we have social workers and doctors on staff to set up treatment plans as needed. There’s a scholarship program to help women of all ages return to school to pursue their dreams, and through our sponsors, there’s enough money to provide six scholarships every year for the next ten years.”
My heart threatens to burst. Kale and Marlow stand nearby, smiling brightly at me. “Did you two know about this?” I ask.
“Yep, Nick even let us help paint the walls,” Kale announces proudly.
“Mom, you didn’t see one of the best parts yet!” Marlow advises as she points toward the ceiling. I glance up to see birds of every shape and color painted in various positions. “They’re songbirds, mom! That was my idea. It’s me and you!”
Another tear falls from my cheek and I bend down and open my arms to them. They fold into me and I hold them in my arms, kissing every ounce of skin I can find. “You are the absolute best! I love you, don’t you ever forget that!”
“We know, mom. Sheesh,” Kale exclaims as he rolls his eyes and pops his thumb toward me. “It’s those pregnancy hormones,” he tells the room.
Gwen erupts into loud laughter and I hear her whisper to Cooper, “God, I love that kid!” Her engagement ring reflects the light on something behind me, and I turn in the glare to see what’s causing it.
Next to the reception desk, opposite the door, is a full-length mirror. Above it are the words, “You are enough.” I sigh as I slowly amble toward it. Nick approaches me from behind and smiles as he places his hands on my hips.
“You’re beautiful and you’re mine,” he whispers into my ear.
“I don’t deserve you,” I whisper back.
“You’re right,” he says with a smile. “You deserve even more.”
I’M STANDING IN the middle of a field of purple flowers. The sun is shining brightly and a soft breeze kisses my skin as it delicately fills my senses with the smell of lavender. I close my eyes and remember my pillow in my grandmother’s house. I hear the laughter of a child and my eyes flit open. I rotate to the joyous sound, and in the distance I see a small girl in a powder blue dress, leaping through the lavender and laughing. It makes me happy, and I wonder where she’s running. She has long blond curls that flip and dance around her face, and as she turns to me and smiles, I see familiar islands of blue in her eyes. She waves to her right, and I strain to see to whom she’s waving. The light of the golden sun shines so brightly I have to hold my hand to my eyes to see beyond it.
The little girl opens her arms, and an older woman lifts her to her chest. She whispers something in the child’s ear, and I step forward to attempt to see them more clearly. Slowly, they come into focus. The sun casts a glow around her silver hair, and I instantly feel a warmth from my head to my toes. Two figures appear beside her as she holds the child in her arms. I gaze from one face to the other as they gradually appear to me. Kay is holding the child, and my mother and father stand beside her. I reach out to them, but my feet won’t allow me to move. They smile at me and I’m filled with their love. Grandma Kay whispers to the child and she blows me a kiss. A tear slips down my cheek as I understand that the child is the daughter I lost not so long ago. Grandma Kay places her hand over her stomach and nods her head to me. I know she knows about the baby, and I can feel her happiness and love. They wave to me as they pass through a red door and I awaken with a jolt. My cheek is still wet from my tears and the warmth is still with me in my heart.
I huff out a few shallow breaths and smile to myself. Tonight is the grand opening of the center and I was asked to make a speech. I’ve been struggling with it for days, but suddenly I know just what I’m going to say.
“GOOD EVENING,” I begin as I stand in front of a podium inside the center. Every chair is full and every available space is occupied. I glance to my left and Nick winks at me. One simple look from him still makes me weak, and I lose my focus as I consider how deeply in love I am with this amazing man. Gwen sits arm-in-arm with Cooper, and Kale and Marlow sit next to their father and Krista, their new stepmom.
A few years ago, I would have hated the attention I was receiving, but right now, in this moment, I know the significance of my words and I pray they will be everything I need them to be. I refocus and clear my throat.
“My name is Everly London Haley Rowen, and I want to start off by thanking all of you for your generosity and support. I’d also like to extend my sincere appreciation on behalf of my entire family for your attendance at such an important occasion. I’d like to tell you a little about the center’s namesake, my grandmother, Kaylynn London. Kay, as we called her, was outspoken, opinionated, compassionate, and wise. She was a remarkable woman, as anyone who knew her can attest to. Some of the most important words she ever said are written on these walls, and I encourage you to read them and consider what they mean to you.
“Grandma Kay had a sturdy front door on her house, and one day, when she wasn’t particularly happy with her hand of cards, she decided to paint that door red. In painting the door, she found peace with the events that plagued her and most importantly, with herself. She passed that door painting on to me, and every time my heart was heavy, together, we’d paint the door. My loving and dearest friend, Gwen Bryant, can tell you that for a long time, we truly believed that door had magical healing powers.” I smile at Gwen and she wipes a tear from her cheek. Cooper squeezes her arm as he nods to me.
“After a while,” I continue, “I believed that the real magic lay solely in my grandmother herself through her words, her constant support, and the love she had for everyone she ever knew. But I was wrong.
“I spent the majority of the first part of my life chasing and being chased. But I never really understood what I was running to and running from, until many years later. When I would look in the mirror, I would only see my reflection. And to be honest, I hated her. She represented pain, loss and failure. I couldn’t stand her because deep down inside I truly believed that the girl in that mirror would never be enough.
“She wasn’t good enough. She wasn’t fast enough. Then, she
wasn’t brave enough or smart enough. As she grew and society aided in her misconceptions, she believed she wasn’t pretty enough, skinny enough, or popular enough. As she matured, she found herself believing she wasn’t good enough to be loved. She wasn’t enough of a wife, a mother, a friend, or a daughter. She truly believed when she looked into that mirror, she would always see nothing but flaws, mistakes, and failure.
“Then one day, when she was at the end of her rope and she thought she had played her last card, an angel named Kaylynn London stepped into the mirror with her and forced her to look past her own reflection and see, really see, what was hiding under all her self-hate. Day by day, with persistence, love, and encouragement, she was able to discern that there was more in that mirror than she realized. That staring back at her was someone who wanted to be loved. But not by another person. She wanted to be loved by herself.
“When she… when I learned to love myself, my cards didn’t seem so bad anymore. The clouds didn’t hover directly over my head, and every day seemed a little brighter. It didn’t happen overnight. It took time and patience. I was one of the lucky ones. I had people who loved and supported me even when I didn’t love and support myself. But as soon as I started to love me again, I was able to see why someone else might love me too.” I glance over at Nick. He moves his hand to his heart.
“When I felt I had nowhere to turn, Kay reminded me there was something around every bend. When I thought my life was over, she reminded me that tomorrow was a bright and better place to be. I found my own magic. It wasn’t in a red door, and it wasn’t even in an angel. It was inside of me the entire time. I just had to love myself to let it out.
“And so tonight, as we officially open the Kaylynn London Center for Women, I have a message, not just for every woman, but every wonderful person who hears my voice. You are enough. I challenge you to look deeply inside the mirror and even more inside yourself and see you for who you really are. You’re not flawed; you’re unique. You’re not failing; you’re learning. You’re not just moving forward; you’re growing. Each and every part of you is beautiful, because there’s only… one… you. So accept yourself, love yourself, and allow yourself to accept love in return.
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