Montana Actually

by Fiona Lowe

  Beau hadn’t reckoned on that, so he started fast, reciting the words he knew by heart. Hunter’s fingers paused half way to his ears and he gave Beau a strange look.

  Beau kept reading.

  Hunter stuck the earbuds into his ears.

  Concentrating on Twain’s lyrical words, Beau didn’t pause. There was no hurry. He had a whole summer.

  —

  KATRINA stopped outside her mother’s hospital room, watching her parents through the glass. Hospitals had the uncanny knack of making the healthy look sick. Her father, who usually stood so tall and straight, had stooped shoulders, and the artificial light gave him a slightly jaundiced look. He was bending over Bonnie, helping her take a sip of water.

  It was just over a week since her mother’s diagnosis and three days since her surgery. The news—in relative terms—was both good and bad. Good in that the surgeon hadn’t opened her up and immediately closed her again because the cancer had spread so far that nothing could be done, and bad because the cancer had spread beyond the ovaries. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy had been ordered.

  As Katrina observed her father tending to his wife, part of her wished she could be more like him—deluded in his hopefulness. She’d always thought knowledge was power, but in this instance it was like a millstone around her neck, dragging her down into the abyss of bleakness. Very few people with stage three ovarian cancer were still alive in two years, and every time her father asked for reassurance, she bit her tongue. How did she balance reality with hope?

  Her mother saw her, waved and beckoned her into the room. Pale and looking her age for the first time in her life, she still managed her trademark serene smile. “You just missed Doctor Josh.”

  Regret appeared out of the blue, slamming into her like a battering ram. The last time she’d seen him was eight days ago and he’d been sated, sexy and fast asleep on his back with one arm flung out across the bed. A smile tugged at her lips at the memory. Men slept after sex, but women’s brains went into overdrive, which was exactly what hers had done. Wide awake after two orgasms—one that had physically crippled her along with reducing her to a scary mess of emotions—she’d quietly crept from the room and had driven back home.

  Three days later she’d come to Great Falls with her parents. This time, Josh hadn’t texted her, and for that she was grateful. She hadn’t contacted him. Thankfully, they were both on the same page. She’d used him to forget about her mom for a while, and she was certain he’d used her to escape the loneliness that came with moving to a new town. For him, Bear Paw was more than a new town; it was like landing on an alien planet.

  It was what it was—a convenience for both of them, and she was determined not to think about him except when she was with him. Despite that, there’d been times when he’d crept unbidden into her head, and right now she was finding it hard to throw off the ridiculous feelings of disappointment that she’d missed him.

  “Josh?” She tried to sound casual. “Why was he here?”

  Why didn’t he wait until I got back from the coffee run?

  Because he wasn’t here to see you.

  “He brought some good news for me,” Bonnie said, squeezing her hand.

  Good news? How was that possible?

  “I asked him if he could arrange for me to have the chemotherapy in Bear Paw.”

  “He’s not going to let you do that, Mom. Not when it’s not his area of expertise and the oncologist is right here and—”

  Bonnie held up her hand. “Josh told me exactly the same thing when I asked him, but after I explained how I want to be as close to home as possible, he gave one of those big sighs of his.” She laughed. “Then he said I could try it. He’ll be talking to Doctor Lucas every day, and at worst, I’ll have to come back here, but it’s worth a try, don’t you think?”

  “I . . .” Katrina couldn’t get over the fact that Josh, the self-confessed emergency medicine doctor who struggled with ongoing primary care, had capitulated. Every time she popped him in a box so she could try and understand him, he did something that busted him right out of it. This only added to the jumbled mess that described her feelings for him. “Yes, of course it’s worth a try.”

  “That’s what I thought, and Doctor Lucas says I can go home this afternoon as long as I rest.” Bonnie glanced at Kirk, her expression pinched. “We all need to go home.”

  “The fresh air of home will do you good,” Kirk said, his face creasing in a slow smile.

  “Seeing Beau, Dillon and Megan will do me good.”

  A knock sounded on the open door. Josh? Hope bloomed in Katrina’s chest and she immediately attributed it to wanting to see him so she could thank him for acquiescing to her mother’s wishes.

  You just want to see him.

  But even as she turned toward the sound, she knew it wouldn’t be Josh. Doctors didn’t tend to knock on doors—they generally strolled right on in.

  It was Ty who stood in the open doorway with his hat in one hand and a bunch of cheery yellow Buffalo beans in the other. Her disappointment mocked her.

  “May I come in?” he asked hesitantly.

  “You bet.” Kirk walked toward him, his hand outstretched. “It’s good to see a bit of home in this place. What are you doing in Great Falls?”

  “Livestock auction.” He turned to the bed. “How you doing, Bonnie?”

  “Not too bad, Ty.”

  Katrina rescued the wildflowers from the cowboy’s strangling grasp. “I’ll put those in a vase.”

  “Thanks.” He smiled and produced a chocolate bar from inside his hat. “I saw this and thought of you.”

  She stared at the Whatchamacallit chocolate bar and was instantly whooshed back in time to a part of her life that now seemed so long ago it might have belonged to a different person. It had been her favorite treat when she’d dated Ty, and she’d eaten a lot of them. Over time, her sweet tooth had waned, but she smiled at his thoughtfulness. “It’s been years since I had one of these.”

  He nodded, his eyes filled with memories that pressed her to remember, too.

  Slivery strands of recollections urged her to listen. He’s a good man. A kind and genuine man who won’t hurt you.

  Ty and Brent were such totally different breeds of men that comparisons were pointless.

  And Josh?

  She wasn’t going there. Josh was animal attraction, pure and simple.

  Only nothing in life was simple.

  “So, Ty, did you find a bull at the livestock auction?” Kirk asked, ever the rancher.

  As the conversation took the usual turn when two or more ranchers got together, Katrina arranged the flowers and wondered whether her twenties and all her experiences had occurred just to lead her full circle, back to appreciate where she’d started—dating Ty. The thought neither distressed nor excited her, it just hung there like an offering.

  Her phone beeped, breaking into her thoughts, and Josh’s name appeared on the screen.

  Her body traitorously leaped as her stomach clenched. Texting men mean heartache. With Brent, what she’d once thought of as romantic and fun had turned out to be expediency on his behalf. He’d organized her to fit into his life. Was Josh planning the same?

  Cautiously, she opened the text and immediately laughed.

  Hi. When you’re back in town can you call? Have plumbing issue that’s wearing out plunger & maxing out my expertise. JS.

  Chapter 14

  Josh stared at the text message on his phone and swore. What the hell had possessed him to press send? He’d gone a week without giving into temptation and texting Katrina, and now, in five seconds flat, he’d undone seven days of willpower. He blamed fatigue and a long drive.

  He’d been up early to drive to Great Falls so he could be back in Bear Paw for afternoon clinic. As it was, during his six-hour absence, he’d taken three calls from Millie and one from the paramedics, talking them through treatment for their patients. He was learning that Bear Paw lurched from quiet to frantic in a h
eartbeat with no medium ground in between.

  Will Bartlett, the Australian emergency physician who’d evacuated Sam Duckett to Billings, was currently based in Great Falls and had invited Josh to tour the MontMedAir facility. After that, he’d called by and visited Bonnie McCade.

  Yeah, about that . . . what happened to diagnose, treat and discharge? When have you ever kept in contact with patients after referring them to the care of another physician?

  He’d broken yet another one of his rules about practicing medicine—not getting involved with patients. What the hell was Bear Paw doing to him?

  You can’t blame Bear Paw this time. You wanted to see Katrina because you miss the sex.

  No way. Not even close. He thumped the steering wheel with a fist, hating that his denial was so hollow it echoed loudly. If he was brutally honest with himself, his agreement to let Bonnie have treatment in Bear Paw was in some way connected to Katrina. If she was back in town, there was a higher chance she might end up in his bed again. He wasn’t proud of himself, but the grateful smile on Bonnie’s face had gone partway toward easing his guilt.

  He hated that he felt like a hostage to sex. Hell, between work and Ashley’s tendency to withhold sex when she wanted something from him or when she was expressing her displeasure at something he’d done, he was used to dry spells. They’d been part of his life for a few years, but sex with Katrina had kick-started his libido in a way it hadn’t known since the heady days of college.

  He wanted to have more sex with her—a lot more—but he didn’t beg. Not anymore, anyway. Ashley had cured him of that. And what sort of an asshole would he be, chasing Katrina when her mother was sick? He was not that guy. Would not be that guy. Still, he couldn’t get her out of his mind, and that was doing his head in.

  And now, under the guise of a home maintenance problem, he’d sent a text asking to see her and it was out there, unable to be recalled.

  Sounds like begging to me.

  Fuck off.

  He got out of his car and stomped toward the diner. Coffee. He needed coffee.

  “Hey, Doc.” Wes Phelps, the car mechanic, waved him down. “I got a question for you.”

  Josh paused, hoping that Wes had good news on the part he was waiting on for his car.

  “It’s about my clinic bill,” Wes said conversationally. “Thing is, you haven’t actually fixed me.”

  Josh wanted to hit himself upside the head. “You’ve got high blood pressure, Wes.”

  “And I took those free tablets you gave me, but when Millie checked it this morning, she said it was still high.”

  “Did you get the prescription filled?”

  “Nope.”

  Josh liked Wes, so he swallowed a sigh and tried not to sound terse. “That’s the thing about high blood pressure, Wes. As long as you take the medication I prescribe and lose some pounds like we talked about, that’s as fixed as it’s ever going to get.”

  Wes rubbed his jaw in contemplation. “So you and Eddie in the drugstore have a good thing going?”

  Josh thought about his student loans and the fact Wes really only needed to see him twice a year. “Actually, I think, given the work my car needs, you’re the one in front.”

  Wes grinned. “You’re right. She’s a beauty but she’s getting older. Come winter, you’re gonna need an outfit.”

  He tried not to roll his eyes. “Which, I’m guessing, you’re offering to sell me?”

  “Gotta pay for my medical bills somehow, Doc.” Wes slapped him on the back and continued down the street.

  Josh turned to find a small crowd of people gathered on the sidewalk.

  “Doctor Stanton.” Chrissie lifted her baby out of the stroller and unwrapped the blanket. “Should I be worried about this rash?”

  Josh peered at the tiny, red raised bumps. “It looks like a heat rash. Ditch the blanket now the weather’s warmer. If it hasn’t cleared up in a few days, bring her to the clinic.”

  “Doctor Stanton.” Lucinda Bradbury bustled toward him as Chrissie and the baby retreated. “I’ve got this funny-looking spot on my arm.” She thrust it toward him, pulling her sleeve up. “See?”

  He saw. Vicious red tracks ran up her arm—the indelible pathway of infection—which was spreading from what looked like a bite. “That’s nasty.”

  “I know, right? Can you give me something for it?”

  “Sure. Come see me at the clinic this afternoon.”

  Disappointment flashed across her face. “I’m pretty busy. I thought you could just write it up for me here.”

  You’re pretty busy? Somehow, he managed not to say the incredulous words out loud. “I don’t actually have a prescription pad in my pocket, Lucinda.”

  “Oh,” she said, her tone sounding like she’d never considered that option. “Well, I suppose I could come by later and collect it if you leave it at reception.”

  “While you’re at it, can you leave one for me, too?” Leonard Ratzenburger asked. “I need more of them heart pills Randall gives me.”

  Josh opened his mouth to object when a woman he didn’t know placed herself directly front of him. “I’ve got a sore stomach.”

  In six and a half weeks he’d gone from the doctor Bear Paw was leery of to the doctor they considered they owned. Josh could hear Katrina’s voice in his head about living and working in a small community, but surely not even she would consider sidewalk consultations okay. Ever since he’d qualified as a doctor, there’d been the occasional person at a party who’d cadge for free medical advice, but he could see this situation getting out of hand and fast. He had a vivid premonition of what the next few years would be like if he gave in to any more requests—he wouldn’t be able to walk ten feet without being called upon to diagnose and treat.

  He looked straight at the unknown woman. “Ma’am, take off your dress and lie on the hood of this car.”

  “Excuse me?”

  He battled the urge to smile but managed to keep his expression deadpan. “Take off your dress and lie on the hood of the car so I can examine you.”

  “But this is Main Street!”

  He rubbed his jaw in the contemplative way so many men in town did. “Thing is, I can’t work out what’s wrong with you without examining you, so . . .”

  Her shoulders slumped. “I suppose I better come see you at the clinic.”

  “Great idea.” He looked over her head to encompass the other six people who’d lined up. “I’ll see you all at the clinic after I’ve bought my coffee.”

  He walked away into the diner, buzzing with the delicious taste of a win. The only thing sweeter would have been if Katrina had been there to see it happen.

  The urge to call her and tell her had him fingering his phone. He quickly shoved it in his pocket as Shannon asked, “The usual, Doctor Josh?”

  —

  Hi, Beau, I just found Hunter’s hat in his room. Am worried about sunburn. Shannon.

  Hats blow off in the wind. We found him a cap & he has sunscreen. He’s fine. See? Beau.

  Thanks for photo. Should puppy be on a horse? SH.

  Puppy safer in Hunter’s hoodie than on ground near hooves. Hunter natural on horse. Thanks for the apple pie. B.

  Do you like huckleberry pie? SH.

  Does Montana have moose? B.

  I’ve heard the rumors but I’ve never seen one.

  Seriously? You can’t call yourself a Montanan if you haven’t seen a moose.

  I’ll pass. I hear they can trample you.

  Only if you get too close.

  Oh, that’s reassuring.

  I wouldn’t let anything happen. Do you camp out?

  Define camping?

  Sleeping under the stars.

  With the bugs?

  You can have a net cocoon with insect shield.

  Luxury!

  Hunter would enjoy it. Think about it.

  Maybe. See u at 7?

  With pie?

  Always.

  —

  “M
OM’S resting and supper’s in the oven,” Katrina told Megan as she consulted her list. “Dad and Beau are out checking cows, but they said they’d be back by seven and Mom needs her meds half an hour before she eats. You’ll remember, right?”

  Megan rolled her eyes. “You’ve told me twice and you’ve set a timer, which, by the way, I don’t need. Despite the fact you see me as your kid sister, I can step up when required.” She gave a guilty smile. “It’s just you always jump in first, so most times I let you, but outside of home, I do manage to get to class on time and hold down a part-time job.”

  The mild rebuke held enough of a sting to make Katrina really look at her sister. Irony slapped her hard. “I guess you grew up while I was gone and I forget that. Just like Dad forgets that I’m almost thirty. Sorry.”

  Megan hugged her. “No worries. Just go already. What are your plans?”

  “I’m plunging Josh’s toilet.”

  Megan stared at her as if she were an alien. “You so need to get a life.”

  She laughed, not prepared to tell her baby sister exactly what her plans were. “I guess I do. Maybe I’ll stop by Leroy’s. Happy?”

  Her sister shrugged. “It’s better than nothing, I guess.”

  Katrina popped her head inside Bonnie’s bedroom to say good-bye. Her mom was home now and starting chemotherapy in a few days. Katrina was determined to make sure she got as much rest as possible before that punishing physical ordeal.

  “How you doing, Mom?”

  Bonnie paused the audio book she was listening to. “All good.” She patted the side of the bed. “How are you, honey?”

  She sat down. “Fine.”

  Her mother patted her on the thigh. “I know I shouldn’t say this, but your dad and I are so glad you’re back home.”

  “I’m glad I’m able to be here, especially now.” She bit her lip not wanting to cry. “I appreciate everything you and Dad have done for me. I love you, Mom. I want to be here.”