In Harm's Way

by Viveca Sten

  Just as Nora reached the top step, the bathroom door opened and a cloud of steam billowed out.

  Henrik emerged; when he saw Nora, he stopped. He must have taken a shower; he had a white towel around his hips, and his shoulders were still damp. His hair was beginning to curl.

  “Oh,” Nora said. The sight of Henrik took her by surprise, even though she’d seen him without clothes so many times before. They were no more than three feet apart.

  He’s been working out.

  The thought came from nowhere, immediately followed by: He looks really good.

  Henrik’s face lit up. “I thought you’d gone to bed.”

  His smile was open, his tone sincere. Or at least that was how it seemed to Nora. He moved toward her.

  “Listen, thanks for tonight,” he said. “I’d say this was the best Christmas Eve we’ve spent together in years.”

  “You mean compared with all those Christmases we spent on Ingarö with your parents?”

  She didn’t mean to sound waspish, but Henrik knew she’d never enjoyed the stiff, formal dinners her ex-mother-in-law loved to arrange. She and Monica Linde had often argued about how and where they would celebrate the holiday, but that was all in the past now.

  “You could say that.” He shook his head and smiled. “I know my darling mom isn’t that easy to deal with; you don’t have to remind me. Thank goodness Dad’s around—he knows how to handle her.”

  Nora remembered all the occasions when Henrik had defended his mother, no matter what she’d said or done. This attitude was something new.

  A drop of water trickled down from his bare shoulder and dripped onto the striped rug. Nora followed it with her eyes. They were standing very close to each other now.

  “Thanks for the lovely present,” she said after a pause that went on for slightly too long. “You shouldn’t have bought something so expensive—it was way too much.”

  “Did you like it?”

  He sounded shy, like Simon when he was afraid to ask a question and struggled to get the words out.

  “Of course,” she quickly assured him. “It’s probably the best present I’ve ever had.”

  “Good—that’s all that matters.” Henrik fell silent, fingering his towel. “I should have given you something like that a long time ago.”

  Nora didn’t know what to say. The atmosphere was so highly charged all of a sudden, and she felt a little dizzy from the red wine and the Armagnac.

  “Can I have a goodnight hug before I go to bed?” Henrik said quietly.

  Nora hesitated, glancing toward Adam and Simon’s bedroom doors. They were both closed; the boys were bound to be asleep by now.

  “Giving your ex-husband a hug isn’t such a big deal, is it? I promise I won’t bite.”

  Nora managed a foolish smile. “No, of course not.” She felt like she was slurring her words.

  “Great.”

  Nora felt herself stiffen as Henrik drew her close. It was so weirdly familiar, and yet it wasn’t. She knew exactly what he would smell like, which shower gel he liked, which aftershave he usually bought.

  His shoulder was cool against her cheek. She remembered how she used to run her fingertips over the dark hair on his stomach, how they used to fall asleep, arm in arm.

  She relaxed into his chest.

  They stood there motionless.

  After a while he began to caress the nape of her neck. Two fingers found their way beneath her hair just inside the collar of her shirt and lingered at the top of her spine, where she always held on to tension. She’d been getting a knot there as long as she could remember.

  He massaged the spot with circular movements, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He worked his way along her shoulder blade, then paused for a few seconds.

  Nora didn’t move.

  He gently stroked her collarbone, continued up her throat and under her chin. She felt the soft touch of his fingers on her skin.

  “Nora,” Henrik murmured hoarsely.

  The buzzing of Nora’s cell phone from the bedroom brought her to her senses. What the hell were they doing? She took a step back, tried to pull herself together.

  “We need to get some sleep if we’re going to make the service in the morning,” she muttered, her eyes fixed on the floor. “It’s late.”

  Without looking at Henrik, she hurried into her bedroom and closed the door. She leaned against it, suppressing the urge to go back out to the landing.

  Her phone was on the bedside table; the display showed that she’d received a new message.

  The words glowed in the semidarkness:

  Happy Christmas! Can’t wait to see you. Love Jonas xx

  CHAPTER 9

  Thursday

  Nora looked out of the kitchen window. Henrik was busy clearing a path to the gate; the snow lay piled in high drifts inside the fence. It was still cold, but the wind had dropped. The sea was also calmer, although whitecaps still crashed against the jetty.

  It’s going to be a lovely day, she thought. The sky is clear.

  Watching Henrik put his back into shoveling, Nora involuntarily reached up and touched the nape of her neck, recalling the feel of his fingertips last night.

  He turned and saw her at the window, and Nora immediately dropped her hand.

  “Are you guys ready?” he called out, pulling his scarf up to his chin. “We need to get moving.”

  “Come on, boys,” Nora shouted up the stairs. “We’re already late.”

  The chapel was only five minutes from the Brand villa, but in this weather they needed warm clothes, and everyone was all bundled up.

  Simon reached for Henrik’s hand as they set off.

  Father and son out walking, Nora thought as she followed along with Adam. She couldn’t help noticing that her older son had ignored her repeated reminders and left his scarf at home, as usual.

  They soon reached the Mission House and the hill leading to the chapel, which was situated at one of the highest points on the island.

  “Look!” Adam exclaimed.

  The narrow path had already been cleared, in spite of the early hour, and was lined on both sides with brightly burning torches in tall iron holders. The flames showed the way, winding upward like snakes.

  “Fantastic,” Nora whispered.

  She tucked her arm under Adam’s and felt glad that for once he didn’t pull away.

  The family walking a short distance ahead of them was from the island; Nora recognized the wife, but couldn’t remember their last name. Not that it mattered.

  The pastor, a cheerful woman in her sixties, was standing in the doorway and welcomed them as they stepped inside and brushed the snow off their boots. She handed Nora and Henrik a sheet of paper with the carols that would be sung during the service.

  The chapel was already quite full, but Henrik found a pew toward the middle where there was room for the four of them. Nora sat down with her sons on either side of her. Henrik was next to the aisle, and Adam rested his head on his father’s shoulder.

  It was almost seven o’clock. The candles burned with a steady flame in the ornate brass holders suspended from the ceiling, spreading a warm glow. A beautifully decorated Christmas tree stood at the front by the altar.

  Nora leaned back and suppressed a yawn. Strange dreams had interrupted her sleep during the night. She woke up feeling down, but couldn’t figure out why.

  Henrik put his arm around Adam’s shoulders; his hand brushed against Nora’s jacket, and once again she remembered that moment outside the bathroom, when she had relaxed against his chest. The sense of security that had come over her.

  How could she feel that way after everything that had happened between them?

  Then came the guilt; what if her cell phone hadn’t buzzed?

  Henrik would be leaving this afternoon, while Nora stayed on the island with the boys. Jonas was joining them for the New Year’s holiday.

  They hadn’t seen much of each other during the fall. Jon
as’s work schedule had been crazy; SAS was trying to save money by making its pilots fly more frequently, and it seemed as if he’d hardly been in Stockholm at all.

  When he wasn’t flying, of course, his priority was to spend time with his daughter, Wilma, who still had nightmares about the events that had taken place back in the summer. She had fallen behind in school and been pretty miserable.

  Jonas had eventually told Nora what had gone on over the Midsummer holiday when Wilma went missing. Nora recalled the chilling anxiety, as they’d both feared the worst. The idyllic Midsummer atmosphere had turned into a nightmare in seconds.

  It had been a terrible, chaotic time. Nora understood perfectly that Jonas needed to spend the brief stopover between flights with Wilma.

  But she missed him.

  The organ began to play the first carol, “Gläns över sjö och strand,” which was Nora’s favorite.

  Simon stretched up and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

  “Merry Christmas, Mom,” he whispered.

  Nora pushed aside all thoughts of the previous evening and of Jonas, and smiled down at her son.

  “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

  CHAPTER 10

  “Alice, are you coming down?”

  Her father’s voice echoed up the stairs. He sounded impatient. Why couldn’t he understand that she just wanted to be left in peace? Alice Thiels pushed her earbuds in a little more firmly, but she could still hear the approaching footsteps.

  Her diary lay open on the pink duvet cover; she closed it and slipped it under her pillow. Then she turned up the music on her iPod, shut her eyes, and pretended she’d fallen asleep and hadn’t heard a thing. If he thought she was sleeping, maybe he’d go on his own.

  The bedroom door opened.

  “Why don’t you answer when I call you?”

  Alice knew exactly what he looked like when he was annoyed and adopted that tone of voice. As he frowned, his eyes narrowed under heavy eyelids, and his shaved head twitched. She’d just as soon not look at him. What was the point?

  No doubt he had put on a dress shirt and black pants; that was her father’s go-to outfit when they were invited somewhere. No jacket or tie—he only wore those when he had to.

  He was the one who wanted to go, not her.

  Her skin crawled when she thought about what it would be like. Petra fussing around, trying to make friends with Alice instead of realizing that was never going to happen. The table filled with Christmas food, fatty aromas closing in on her and seeping into every pore. She’d have nowhere to turn.

  Alice kept her eyes closed. I’m trying to sleep, she thought. Can’t you see that?

  “Petra’s expecting us at four,” her father barked. “Why aren’t you ready?”

  He gave her a little shake.

  Alice opened her eyes, hoping she looked as if she’d just woken up. Slowly she sat up and removed one of the white earbuds.

  “What do you want?”

  As if she hadn’t a clue. As if she didn’t know what time it was.

  Her father sighed and gave her a weary look, which Alice pretended not to notice.

  “I told you this morning you needed to be ready by now,” he said. “You know perfectly well that it takes a while to drive over to Sundbyberg, especially on a day like today, when there’s a lot of snow.”

  He was staring at her faded sweatpants and her black sweatshirt, which had toothpaste on it.

  “Come on, Alice. We need to leave right away, and you haven’t even changed.”

  “Do I really have to come?” she said, making an effort to sound as petulant as possible.

  He’ll get mad and go without me, she thought.

  “Petra’s parents are going to be there, too,” her father said, failing to react as Alice had hoped. “And her sister. Plus she called and told me she’d made your favorite dessert—a chocolate tart.”

  A brief pause.

  “Petra is trying, you know,” he said, suddenly sounding quieter, a little sad.

  Not angry, as she’d expected.

  She didn’t say a word.

  He changed tactics and sat down beside her on the bed. He put his arm around her and pulled her close.

  “OK, how about this? If you don’t want to go, then I won’t go either—we’ll both stay home. I’m not leaving you by yourself on Christmas Day.” He gave her a little squeeze. “I’ll call Petra and tell her you’re not feeling too good. It’s fine.”

  Don’t do this, Alice thought. A lump arose in her throat, and she swallowed. It was easier when he sulked or yelled at her.

  “I know you’re upset about Mom,” he went on. “But we had a nice time yesterday, didn’t we? With Granny and Granddad? It wasn’t too bad, was it?”

  Much to Alice’s surprise, she said: “OK, I’ll come.”

  That definitely hadn’t been her plan, but he sounded so low.

  “Thanks, sweetheart.”

  Alice was ashamed of herself when she heard the relief in his voice. He stood up, but paused in the doorway. He was definitely back to normal now.

  “Could you please get changed into something a little more appropriate? You don’t have to put on a skirt, just something else. Without toothpaste.”

  He winked, and Alice couldn’t help smiling.

  “I’ll go and get the car out,” he called as he went down the stairs. “Don’t be long!”

  Alice went over to the chest of drawers to look for something to wear. She waited until she heard the front door close, then pulled off her sweatshirt.

  Through the window came the sound of the Audi being driven out of the garage. It was already pitch dark, even though it was only three o’clock in the afternoon.

  She quickly grabbed an oversized sweater from the bottom drawer and put it on. She gathered her hair up in a scrunchie, then changed out of her sweatpants into a pair of black jeans. They were too big around the waist; she had to dig out a leather belt and fasten it on the very last hole. It felt good. Soon she would be able to slip her hand between her stomach and the waistband.

  She tried to remember where the bathroom was in Petra’s apartment. She wasn’t sure; she’d only been there once, at the end of the summer. Was it straight ahead when you walked in, or was it along the passageway next to the living room?

  She screwed up her eyes, trying to picture the layout, but without success. She remembered a big hallway, but what was the rest of the place like?

  It would be best if the bathroom were kind of out of the way, so that no one would hear when she threw up.

  Otherwise she would just have to leave the faucet running.

  Or flush the toilet over and over again; that usually worked, too.

  CHAPTER 11

  The new ringtone on Nora’s cell phone woke her. Adam had downloaded ABBA’s “Mamma Mia” instead of the standard ringtone, and it took her a few seconds to realize what was going on.

  She looked around, still half asleep; she was lying on the sofa in the TV room. She grabbed her phone from the coffee table.

  “Hello?” she mumbled.

  “Hi, it’s me.”

  Jonas sounded happy and full of energy.

  “Did I wake you?”

  “Mmm, kind of.” She sat up. “I must have nodded off in front of the TV. We were up so early this morning.”

  She glanced at her watch: five past six. Time to start dinner.

  “How did yesterday go?” Jonas asked. “Did you get my text? I didn’t want to call and disturb you in the middle of the celebrations.”

  Nora inhaled quickly.

  “It was good. The boys were so pleased to have Henrik here, particularly Simon. You know what he’s like.”

  She stumbled a little over Henrik’s name, but Jonas didn’t seem to notice. “How were things with you?” she said.

  Jonas had also spent Christmas Eve with his ex, Margot, who had remarried quite some time ago and had a son with her second husband.

  Unlike Henrik.

 
“Fine. Wilma was actually in a good mood. I think she’s starting to recover. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.”

  His voice grew deeper, warmer.

  “I miss you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you yesterday, especially at bedtime.”

  “I miss you, too,” she said immediately. There was a brief pause, then, before he could say anything else, she went on: “So where are you? Are you still in Stockholm?”

  Sometimes she found it hard to keep tabs on his movements. He had had a day off on Christmas Eve, but she knew he was working today.

  “I’m in Copenhagen, en route to New York. I’ll be back on Tuesday, so I’ll come over on Wednesday morning as agreed. I’ll bring your Christmas present. You know what they say—good things come to those who wait . . .”

  Nora felt even more guilty.

  “Pernilla and Thomas will be here on New Year’s Eve, too,” she said. “We can watch the fireworks at the Sailors Restaurant—they’re usually fantastic.”

  “Sounds great. Do you want me to bring you anything from the Big Apple?”

  Nora pictured the skyscrapers and the Statue of Liberty. She could have gone with him, had a lovely few days in New York. Jonas had asked, but it was Nora’s turn to have the boys between Christmas and New Year’s.

  If she’d decided to go, would she have been less receptive to Henrik?

  But nothing happened, she told herself. Stop thinking that way.

  “Are you still there?”

  Jonas brought her back to the present moment.

  “Yes. Sorry, I thought I heard a noise outside the window.”

  Now she was lying to him.

  “Just let me know if you think of anything you’d like; I’ve got plenty of free time before I fly back. I could get you some perfume?”

  Typical Jonas, so thoughtful.

  “That’s really sweet of you, but I don’t need anything. I miss you,” she repeated softly. “I can’t wait to see you.”

  She was being honest for the first time during the entire conversation.