King of Campus

by Jennifer Sucevic

  “I like you, Ivy.”

  His words have my breath hitching and my heart pounding. It’s thickly that I whisper, “I… I like you, too.”

  After another quiet moment, he admits, “I feel like I can actually talk to you.”

  “You can tell me anything. I’ll keep your secrets.” Saying the words out loud feels important. Necessary. I’ve learned things about Roan tonight that no one else knows and I would never betray that trust. No matter what happens between us. Whether we stay friends or we become more. Or we stop talking altogether. I won’t betray him. That’s not who I am and I’m really hoping he realizes that.

  Slowly he tilts his head towards me and even though I can’t see his eyes very well, I know they’re trained on me. I feel the burning intensity of them. “I wouldn’t be here with you right now if I didn’t know that.”

  Something feeling suspiciously close to happiness bursts within me like an overinflated balloon.

  His arm tightens, pulling me just a bit closer to his muscular body. “You know,” he finally whispers, “I’ve never done this before.”

  Unsure what he means by the comment, I ask, “Done what?”

  “Cuddled in bed with someone and just talked.”

  I guess that shouldn’t surprise me. He might’ve had sex with a ton of girls but that’s not really being intimate. Lying in bed with someone, opening up, sharing the pieces of yourself that actually matter, that’s true intimacy. Screwing someone is just that… screwing.

  He shakes his head. “I like it. It’s… nice.”

  “It is.” I can’t believe just how comfortable I feel with him. And I like knowing he feels the same way.

  Softly he admits, “I knew right away you were different.”

  “Different?” I’m not sure how to take that.

  “Different in a good way,” he assures me. “I’ve never felt like you just wanted a piece of me. Or that you’re with me because I can do something for you.”

  “I can’t imagine what that feels like.”

  I really can’t. I suppose, on a very small scale, it’s like when the photos were posted online and suddenly I was inundated with friend requests on Facebook. Or random people were calling my cell or saying hi to me on the way to class. I didn’t really know any of them but suddenly they all wanted to befriend me because they thought I was close to Roan.

  How could you ever let your guard down if that was your life all the time? How would you know if someone genuinely cared about you or was just using you? That would really suck. And it would make it all but impossible to start up a relationship.

  It has me wondering if Roan has anyone in his life he can actually trust.

  “It can be difficult. You don’t make a lot of new friends. Not good ones unless they’re in the same situation as you are. And you keep the ones you have close and hope they don’t end up letting you down.” Then, surprising me, he starts chuckling. “I still can’t believe you tried dumping me as your partner.”

  Biting my lip, I stifle the soft giggles that are trying to escape. I’m still embarrassed about that. “Hey, I’ve already apologized. I just assumed you would be some meathead jock and I’d get stuck doing the entire project myself.” I peek up at him before adding quietly, “Obviously I don’t think that anymore.”

  He sounds oddly contented when he finally says, “Good.”

  Lying against him like this, I want nothing more than to touch him, to smooth my fingers over his skin. To learn the map of his muscular body. Unable to resist, I finally allow my shaking fingers to lightly stroke their way over the wide expanse of his chest. In the thick silence of my room, I hear his breath catch as I slowly continue meandering my way over the hard powerful contours of him.

  Even though I’m in absolute heaven, I whisper into the darkness, “Do you want me to stop?”

  He shakes his head just once. It’s almost as if he’s holding his breath, not daring to suck in any oxygen. Only when my fingers flutter over one hardened nipple does a low groan escape.

  My teeth sink into my bottom lip as my fingers continue dancing over him. Roan is so hard and chiseled. I bet his entire body is completely and utterly beautiful. As tempted as I am to explore further and find out first hand, I know it would be a mistake.

  I want to mean more than some middle of the night hook up. A no-strings attached, easy lay. As difficult as it is, I still my fingers over his rigidly held abs. When I don’t move them, his hand rises to gently cover mine.

  For just a few moments we lay there silently, our bodies entwined.

  Picking up the thread of our previous conversation, he says, “I mentioned that my parents divorced when I was fourteen…”

  “Um hmm.” The fact he’s bringing up this topic again surprises me but I want to hear what he has to say. It means more than I’m willing to admit that he’s opening himself up to me like this.

  “I never knew. Never suspected he was gay. He just never seemed…” he trails off and for just a moment he seems at a loss for the words he’s trying to grasp on to, “like that… you know?” His brow crinkles as he moistens his lips. “All the stereotypes, he didn’t fit them.”

  I’m trying to imagine what it would have been like for him. To find out one of your parents wasn’t who you thought they were. That there were facets you had been shielded from. Being a fourteen year old boy, it would have been hard to deal with. Not to mention confusing. And probably embarrassing.

  Tensing besides me, he admits in a low voice that is strung whipcord tight, “When people at school found out, I got a lot of shit for it. They started asking me if I was a homo like my dad. There were guys in my gym class and on the football team who refused to change in front of me in the locker room.”

  My heart constricts as he continues talking. Being that age is hard enough without heaping questions about your sexuality on top of it. And it’s certainly no secret that kids can be cruel to one another. Especially at that age. No one wants to be pegged as different. And if they are, they certainly don’t want to be teased and ostracized for it. Unfortunately, those kids are the easiest ones to target and the ones who usually get tormented the most.

  The fact that Roan suffered through something like that makes my heart ache for him.

  “So I combatted it the only way I could.” Inhaling a deep breath, he blows it out slowly as if it’s physically painful to do so. “I got into a shitload of fights and I started screwing any girl I could and bragging about it.”

  Closing my eyes, I try envisioning what it was like for a fourteen year old Roan who was intent upon fighting the world, all so he could prove he was his own person.

  “All through high school...” As his words trail off, I’m struck with the realization that this behavior didn’t stop in high school. It continued in college as well.

  With my heart breaking, I rise up so I can rest my arms across his chest, my face is scant inches from his. “You have nothing to prove, Roan. I hope you’ve finally realized that. You are your own man now.”

  His eyes search mine for a long moment before he finally nods. It’s a brisk movement. “I know. It’s just been… hard to open myself up. I’ve been shut down for a long time. People have always pigeon holed me. First, I was the gay guy’s son and then I was the football playing stud. Even though I did well in school, people just assumed I wasn’t smart enough to earn those grades. I guess I just got tired of trying to prove who I really was. When my dad moved here after the divorce, I decided Barnett was someplace I might want to play ball at. They’re a division I school and I really liked the coach. I was also able to get a full ride, not only for football but academics as well. I thought moving here would be a fresh start. But I guess I’m still just a meathead jock coasting through school on his athletic talent and looking to get as much ass as he can.”

  I wince because I’m just as guilty of assuming things about Roan as everyone else. Instead of being the guy I pegged him to be, he’s turning out to be something else ent
irely.

  Finally I say, “You’re just Roan King. You have nothing to prove. You just have to be the guy you were always meant to be. If people want to assume things about you, that’s on them. That’s their issue, not yours.”

  I think about how considerate and caring he was when we were at my dad’s. He never left my side. He was constantly making sure I was doing okay. Looking back, I think that was when my feelings first started changing and I realized there was more to Roan than met the eye.

  His lips tip up just a bit in the darkness before his hand slides to my cheek. “Thanks, Ivy.” Gently he pulls me towards him until our lips are able to softly brush against one another. The caress is sweet and gentle.

  Just when I wonder if he’ll deepen the kiss, he puts some distance between us before pulling my head down to rest against his chest. Together we lay like that until sleep finally has my eye lids fluttering shut.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Grab some Kleenex, ladies, I think Roan King has got himself a bona fide girlfriend. We’re talking actual hand holding while walking around campus here. God damn it… where’d I put my tissue? KingOfCampus.com

  Bright sunlight pours through my unadorned window hitting me square in the face. Rolling to my side, I take the pillow with me, smashing it over my head. As I do, snippets of last night flash through my head.

  Texting Roan.

  Him coming over.

  Lying in bed together while we talked.

  The last memory I have is of falling asleep on his granite hard chest.

  Suddenly I’m whipping the pillow off me and bolting straight up in bed. Shoving the hair out of my face, my eyes fly around the room before realizing it’s completely empty. Like it was nothing more than a strange sexy dream. After a few moments, I collapse back onto the mattress. But I know it was real. His masculine scent is still clinging to my sheets. The urge to roll around in them all the while inhaling deeply is strong.

  Even though I try closing my eyes and going back to sleep, last night keeps racing through my head. All the pieces to the puzzle suddenly make so much more sense. All the random girls and hook ups. Never opening up, never trusting anyone with the truth of who he really is.

  I stare blindly up at the ceiling as everything continues tumbling around in my head. Fifteen minutes later, I’ve gone over the entire night from running into him in the apartment lobby to falling asleep in his arms at least a dozen times. There’s no way I’m going to be falling asleep now. I’m too geared up thinking about Roan. Throwing off the sheet and thin blanket, I pad out to the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal.

  Just as I’m lifting the first bite to my lips, Lexie’s door opens as they both come out of her room. I give them a silent chin lift in greeting as Dylan pulls Lexie into his arms and holds her for a long moment. Before leaving the apartment, he lays a gentle kiss on top of her head.

  When Lexie finally comes back to the kitchen, I notice her eyes look puffy and red like she’s either spent the night crying or hasn’t slept a wink. Even though she doesn’t say a word, I set the bowl down on the counter before pulling her in for a quick hug.

  “You want to talk about it?”

  Inhaling a deep shuddering breath, she blows it out slowly. “I took the test and it said not pregnant.”

  Pulling back, I hold her at arm’s length as I quickly search her face. What I don’t understand is why she still looks like something is wrong. “That’s good news… right?”

  She nods. “Yeah, of course it is. I’m twenty-one years old, I’m not ready to be a mom and Dylan certainly isn’t ready to be a dad.”

  But obviously something’s bothering her. “What’s the problem then?”

  “I still haven’t gotten my period and I’m worried that maybe I took the test too early. Maybe I really am pregnant and it’s like a,” she pauses, “you know… a false negative or something like that.” As soon as she says the words, tears fill her big brown eyes making them look all shiny and bright. Shaking her head, she pinches the bridge of her nose as if she has a sinus headache. “Christ, my parents will kill me if it turns out I’m pregnant. Neither one of them finished college because my mom ended up pregnant. I’m the first of us to go to college and be on track to finish. I can’t drop out now.” Thick emotion clogs her voice until it reaches a breaking point. “I just can’t!”

  Slowly I rub her arm with soft soothing strokes. “I think you’re getting ahead of yourself here. You took a test and for all you know, it was accurate and you’re not pregnant. So what are you going to do now?”

  “We’re going to the clinic on campus after Dylan finishes with his classes this afternoon.” She swipes at her eyes as tears start rolling down her cheeks. “I can get a more accurate test done there. I just can’t sit around waiting anymore. I need to figure this out so I can decide what I’m going to do about it.”

  I nod. “That makes sense. Do you want me to come with you?” I hate blowing off classes, but I will for Lexie. We’ve always been there for each other and that will never change.

  I hold her eyes for a long silent moment before she finally shakes her head. “No, it’ll be fine. Dylan is coming with me.”

  I think about my schedule for the day. It’s just about nine o’clock in the morning. I have my business ethics class at ten and then French and dance. On Fridays, I also teach two classes at the dance studio in town. It’ll be well after seven by the time I return home.

  “Just text me when you find out what’s going on, okay?”

  Nodding, she turns towards her room.

  My voice is riddled with concern as I ask, “Aren’t you going to class, Lex?” She’s like me- she never misses class.

  Glancing over her shoulder, she meets my eyes before finally shaking her head. “No, I can’t concentrate today. And I’m really tired. It doesn’t feel as if I slept at all last night.”

  I absolutely hate seeing her hurt like this. “Okay.” After she closes the door, I go back to finishing my cereal. I can’t stop thinking about Lexie and the potential situation she could be in. It sucks. What’s even worse is that they were trying to be careful and responsible by using condoms. Unfortunately, no matter how cautious you are, accidents still happen.

  It makes me suddenly glad that I’m not sexually involved with anyone right now.

  Of course, as soon as I think about sex, Roan’s gorgeous face pops into my head. That’s another sticky situation because I think I might be developing feelings for him. I’m just not sure how smart that is.

  Thirty minutes later, I’m showered, dressed, and ready to go. I’ve just checked on Lexie who is sleeping soundly so I don’t bother telling her that I’m leaving. Just as I open the door to head out into the hallway, I have to stifle a small yelp because Roan is standing there blocking my way.

  He’s also holding two coffee drinks.

  “Hey,” his smile is bright and warm. It does strange things to my insides. “I was just about to knock.”

  I can’t resist returning his easy smile. “Hey, yourself.”

  He holds out an iced coffee to me. “Thought you might need a little caffeine this morning.”

  Feeling absurdly touched, I take the tall cup from him. “That was really nice of you- thanks.”

  My eyes hold his as I take a small sip. I really shouldn’t feel this gooey over him bringing me a coffee. But I do. God, do I… As I lock the apartment door behind me, I realize I’m in huge trouble with this guy.

  “So, I thought you might want a ride to campus.”

  Again, I’m surprised and touched by his thoughtfulness. “That would be great.” Our apartment building is located a couple of blocks from campus. So most mornings, I either walk or hitch a ride with Lexie. It’s not really a big deal but it’s sweet of him to offer.

  Such.

  Huge.

  Stinking.

  Trouble.

  As we arrive at the elevator, I press the down button wondering what the hell I’m going to do about all these fe
elings that are now surging to life within me. Before everything can start circling around in my mind again, Roan says, “Thanks for letting me crash at your place last night. It felt really good to talk about all that stuff. To get it off my chest.”

  My eyes instantly arrow to his.

  His voice lowers. “You’re the only one who knows about all that shit.”

  It’s as if there’s some kind of magnetic pull between us, because I find myself stepping just a bit closer to him. “I meant what I said last night, Roan, I won’t tell anyone what you share with me.”

  “I know.” Suddenly he shakes his head. “It’s not like we even know each other that well, but for some reason, I feel like I can trust you.”

  You know what? Strange as it is, I feel the exact same way. It’s not something that makes the least bit of sense. But I feel it nevertheless.

  The elevator dings before opening which breaks the spell over us. Stepping inside, we’re both silent as it descends to the lobby. Once we’re out, Roan surprises me yet again by grabbing my hand and holding it within his larger calloused one as we leave the building.

  A few guys pass by us on their way inside, they say hi to Roan before giving me head nods in acknowledgement even though I have no idea who they are. Since they didn’t seem to notice that we’re holding hands, something loosens within me and I tell myself to just relax and enjoy it.

  Holding hands is no big deal.

  Right?

  With anyone else, it certainly wouldn’t be.

  But with Roan, it feels huge. Monumental.

  We climb into his truck and about five minutes later, he’s sliding into a parking spot near Adler Hall where our class is located. Cutting the engine, he turns to me. Neither one of us make a move to exit the SUV even though we both need to get to class.

  Looking suddenly unsure of himself, which is completely un-Roan-like, he finally says, “Grabbing dinner last night was nice.” He pauses as if waiting for me to confirm his words. I can’t help but nod my head because it was nice. “Good.” He gives me a brief smile before continuing, “I was, um, thinking we should do it again.”