The Holiday Cruise

by Victoria Cooke

  I gave myself five minutes’ downtime before returning to finish Sandra’s toes. ‘What colour do you fancy?’ I asked, glad of a subject change.

  ‘That purple one, the bright summery one please.’ I painted her nails as she lay back with her eyes closed. I mentally willed her to fall asleep, disgruntled by my lack of hypnotic ability. Luckily, there wasn’t a further peep from her until I’d finished.

  ‘Ooh that’s better, love,’ she said, admiring her shiny purple toes. I took her back to reception and charged her room key. As she took it back from me she looked me square in the eye. ‘You know as well as I do that men like Ben are hard to come by, much harder than jobs.’ When she got to the door, she placed a chubby hand on the handle, then turned back. ‘I saw how you looked at him too.’ She winked before leaving.

  I felt light-headed all of a sudden, uneasy, like I’d been caught doing something I shouldn’t. I began to tidy the reception desk, organizing pens and restacking appointment cards in an attempt to busy myself and push Sandra’s words out of my head. I wondered if she’d be filling Ben in with the same thoughts later tonight in the pub. For a split second, I wished the week away, for Ben to be gone and life to be normal again. But I took it back instantly, because really, I wished it would never end.

  Chapter Nineteen

  ‘Hi, Hannah.’ Jen beamed as our screens connected.

  ‘Hello, what are you so happy about?’ I asked, unnerved by her over-smiley face.

  ‘I have a surprise for you,’ she practically sang.

  I frowned. ‘You know I hate surprises, so what is it?’

  ‘You’ll find out soon.’ She couldn’t wipe the giant grin from her face. I was both intrigued and worried. Perhaps she’d sent me a parcel of goodies after all the moaning about missing my home comforts such as Yorkshire Tea, Jaffa Cakes, and Galaxy chocolate. ‘Anyway, fill me in on your travels. You’re on a new itinerary aren’t you?’

  ‘Yes we’re in the Adriatic this week and next. We’re doing the same ports of call again, which hopefully means I might get to see more of Kotor.’

  ‘That sounds great.’ She seemed distracted. Her eyes darted about like she had another window open on her computer.

  ‘Are you okay, Jen?’

  ‘I’m fine, and I’m glad you’re still having a great time. Have you spent any more time with that Ben guy?’ she asked, eventually bringing her eyes to meet my screen.

  ‘I have, a bit.’ After my awkward pedicure encounter with Sandra, I wasn’t exactly in the mood for any more sharing.

  ‘Have you kissed him?’ she asked with a glint in her eye.

  ‘Uh-oh, the connection is really bad, you’re br-ea-k-ing up.’ I moved my head robotically in an attempt to convince her.

  ‘You have!’ Jen’s eyes popped. ‘You’ve kissed him.’

  ‘Okay, shh. Yes we’ve kissed.’

  Jen clasped her hands together and gasped. ‘Well, well.’ She raised her eyebrows as she sipped a glass of red wine. ‘Are you going to keep in touch?’

  ‘I doubt it.’ That was the one thing I’d tried not to think about. ‘He has a lot to deal with back home and I doubt keeping in touch with me will be high up on his list of priorities.’ Jen just pursed her lips in response, like she was holding in her disagreement. I changed the subject quickly. ‘So, about this surprise?’

  ‘Like I said, wait and see.’ She smiled.

  ***

  ‘Well this is a much more subtle choice of gym wear,’ Pete teased as I walked in to his HIIT class the next day wearing a black vest and black leggings.

  ‘Shut up, and don’t go easy on me.’ I grabbed a mat and sat down in my favourite spot in the back corner, waiting for Pete to start.

  ‘I was beginning to think you only pretended to go to this class.’ Ben appeared beside me in a red and black Nike vest, black shorts, and a ship-branded towel slung over his shoulder.

  ‘I thought I should make an effort.’

  ‘I must say, when I bumped into Pete at the pool yesterday on my way back from Kotor, he oversold your gym outfit a little.’ He grinned. ‘You don’t at all look like the bride of Mr Motivator.’

  ‘Oh, very funny. I’m going to kill Pete.’ I shook my head. The music started pumping and Pete made his way to the front for the warm-up. He started running on the spot, and we followed, raising our knees higher and higher until the beeper went off and he got down on the floor.

  ‘Mountain climbers,’ he shouted. After a few weeks off I was surprised I still managed to keep up. Although I was distracted, unable to help myself looking over at Ben.

  ‘Jumping jacks,’ Pete yelled.

  Once we got to halfway through and the burpees began, I wasn’t sure I could carry on, but feeling Ben’s eyes on me was all the motivation I needed.

  ‘You did well,’ Ben said at the end of the class.

  ‘Some of us can afford to take two weeks off.’ I smiled, jabbing his tummy.

  ‘Hey, I’m on a cruise. If you don’t put at on least half a stone by the time you go home, people don’t believe you’ve really been on one.’

  ‘Relax. Disappointingly, there was nothing really to prod.’ I took my towel and dabbed my forehead.

  ‘Well done, guys,’ Pete said as he came over. ‘Hannah, Brit told me to let you know she’d be on the crew deck this morning if you wanted to meet up.’

  ‘Okay, I’ll head up after I’ve had a shower.’

  ‘And you.’ Pete held a fist up to Ben. ‘Another great session.’ Ben bumped his fist in return. ‘I’ll see you at the pool later. We’ll have some competitions on – who knows, you may even win a key ring.’ He winked. ‘Catch you guys later.’

  ‘Still not won anything?’ I said to Ben.

  ‘No, but like I said to Sandra, I like to let other people win to feel good about themselves.’

  ‘How very selfless of you,’ I said.

  ‘Will I see you at all today?’

  ‘I’m working, but maybe I’ll manage to pop down to the pool in a little while.’ I smiled. He looked around at the empty studio to check the coast was clear before placing his index finger beneath my chin and tilting my head towards him. My heart rate, not long since calmed after the workout, started beating quickly again as he kissed me gently.

  ‘It’s like being back at school, having to sneak around like this,’ he said, cupping my chin and stroking my jawline with his thumb. ‘I’d really like to take you on a proper date.’ A seismic wave shot through my chest.

  ‘I’ve got an idea.’ I whispered some instructions. ‘See you later,’ I said, standing on my tiptoes to reach up and kiss his cheek.

  I went up to the crew deck to find Britney. I took out my book and lay on my front next to her, intending to get a bit of colour on my back. Before I’d read even the first line of my breezy romance, Britney turned to face me. ‘Are you going to be okay when Ben leaves?’

  I sighed. She was only looking out for me but the truth was, I didn’t know. I was hoping that ignoring my feelings and just going with the flow might make the goodbye easier to cope with. That forcing myself to be cool would mean that I was cool about it. But I wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all myself.

  ‘I don’t know,’ I admitted.

  ‘I thought as much.’ She smiled sympathetically. ‘Pete is buying your act, but I’m not.’

  ‘It’s not an act,’ I protested. ‘It’s just my attempt at damage control. I’m trying to keep my feelings distant.’

  ‘But it’s not working is it?’

  ‘I don’t think so.’ I twisted my mouth. ‘I can’t keep away. He’s like a neodymium magnet.’

  ‘I get it. He’s hot, funny, and considerate. What’s not to love?’

  ‘Nothing,’ I whispered, turning away with a pang of sadness.

  ‘Hey, don’t get upset,’ she said, putting a hand on my shoulder. ‘You guys will figure this out.’

  ‘I’d thought about putting a stop to it.’

  ‘You did?’
>
  ‘Yes, I spoke to Kristy about it. She thought I might as well have some fun now that I’m already in too deep. I agreed at the time, but now I’m not so sure.’

  ‘He’s here for what – three more days?’ My chest ached at the thought. I nodded solemnly. ‘Then yes, you should. What’s the point in being miserable for those three days when you could be enjoying them? Pete leaves then too and I’m going to be like a leech on that guy for the next three days.’

  I smiled. She was right: if she could stay so upbeat, so could I. ‘You’re right. I’m just starting to think I’ll really, really miss him. It’s going to be hard for you guys too.’

  ‘We’ll deal with that next week.’ She winked.

  I was distracted again at work. My excitement about seeing Ben later warred with my worry that I was only setting myself up for another fall. On my break, I went into the staff room at the spa and quickly changed into a vest and shorts. Marion came in to make a coffee and looked me over with narrowed eyes. ‘Where are you going?’ It wasn’t really any of her business, but I couldn’t exactly say that.

  ‘I was just going to sit in the sun while I ate my lunch.’ It was the truth. Apart from the eating part and leaving out the where and who with.

  She folded her arms, eyes still fixed in a narrow stare. ‘I hope you won’t be bothering any of the guests. It’s amazing how news travels around on a ship.’ I took it as the warning it was clearly meant to be.

  ‘Of course not,’ I said, feeling deflated. I decided to actually get lunch and eat it up on the crew deck. I couldn’t risk being thrown off the ship in the next port – Sicily.

  ***

  I put on my red flowery dress, the one I wore in Rome. My wardrobe choices were limited anyway, and since Ben had been on board for two and a half weeks already, I had nothing left to wear that he hadn’t already seen, and the red dress was flattering. I waved my hair with Kristy’s wand and put on some make-up and a spritz of my Marc Jacobs perfume. I definitely looked ‘done’ enough to pass as a guest to the untrained eye.

  It was approaching eight p.m., so I made my way up to the cinema on deck seven and crept inside. I could see the outline of Ben’s head towards the front and made my way down, sliding into the seat next to his.

  ‘Hi,’ he said.

  ‘Hi.’

  ‘I missed you at the pool today.’

  ‘I know, my boss Marion warned me about hanging around guests. I think she knows something, so I thought I’d better not. Did you win anything?’

  ‘No, my team lost the pool volleyball competition but we put up a good fight. I think I needed my cheerleader,’ he said with a smile.

  ‘Sorry. Blame Marion.

  ‘I did do water aerobics with Sandra this afternoon. That was fun.’ I laughed at his confidence. ‘I got some cinema snacks.’ He leaned forward and pulled up a tub of popcorn and a plate of mini cakes and cookies. ‘I raided the buffet. Thought I deserved it after all my working out,’ he said unashamedly.

  ‘Good, I’m starving,’ I said taking a cookie. The film began, and I snuggled close to Ben, resting my head on his shoulder. He slipped an arm around me and I melted into him. My stomach fluttered. I felt so safe.

  I didn’t focus much on the film. I couldn’t stop thinking of where I was, in Ben’s arm, cosy and happy. It was a place I always wanted to be. The film itself was some futuristic blockbuster that didn’t interest me – there wasn’t really any choice on the ship – but what better way to spend a first date than at the cinema with snacks? As I nibbled at my cookie, Ben moved his lips to my ear and whispered, ‘You look beautiful,’ sending a shiver through me. He gently took my hand with the cookie in it and guided it towards his face. He kissed my fingers before taking a bite of my biscuit.

  ‘Hey!’ I whispered. ‘You’ll pay for that.’

  ‘Sorry, when I want something, I just have to take it,’ he whispered back, kissing my neck and sending a jolt of electricity down that side of my body.

  ‘Payment accepted,’ I whispered, wanting to jump on his knee and kiss him. I looked around the cinema – there were about four other people in there, each glued to the screen. I ran my hand over his firm thigh, wishing I could do so much more. He leant his head against mine and groaned quietly.

  The film ended far too quickly and as the lights came on, I felt exposed and unsafe, not like I had shrouded in the darkness. I let the other people leave the cinema before I spoke.

  ‘I enjoyed our date,’ I said, smiling. Ben turned to meet my eyes square on.

  ‘Me too.’ His expression was different, his brows knitted together.

  ‘What is it?’ I asked, matching his concern with my own look of worry.

  ‘I think I’m starting to fall for you, Hannah.’ I swallowed hard. He was breaking our unspoken code. ‘I’m going to find it really, really hard to say goodbye.’

  ‘Me too,’ I whispered. Sighing heavily, I rested my head back on his shoulder. ‘But what do we do?’ I dared to ask.

  He shook his head. ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Do you think perhaps things have escalated so much because we’ve literally spent all of our time together in some of the most romantic places on Earth?’

  ‘Possibly, I don’t know. I really like you and I don’t think the backdrop would change that. I’m sure I would still like you in Yorkshire if I did ever come for that Yorkshire pudding you promised me.’

  ‘Come travelling with me,’ I blurted out. Was it a ridiculous thing to say to someone I’d known only two and a half weeks? Probably. Did I care? Not really. The new me was all for throwing caution to the wind. He tilted his head to the side and let it fall back onto the chair.

  ‘I would love to. It would be a dream to travel, especially with you. I just can’t walk out of my job like that.’ He paused to think about it. ‘I could ask you to come back to England, but I’m not going to do that. I won’t be the person you resent in a few years’ time for holding you back.’

  ‘So what do we do?’ I whispered, suddenly petrified.

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ***

  The next day the ship had pulled into the port at Catania, Sicily. I had the morning off but I couldn’t face going ashore. I’d heard from Pete at breakfast that Ben had booked onto an excursion at the last minute, some kind of off-road trip up Mt Etna, which sounded fab, but I felt too sick to even leave my cabin. The way we left things last night wasn’t promising; Ben said he was going to take the day to think and have a bit of space. I’d been a complete fool thinking we could enjoy almost three weeks together and wave each other off at the end merrily. If only I had Daniel’s resolve.

  ‘Get dressed,’ Kristy yelled when she came back after an hour in the gym. ‘The sun is shining, the weather is hot, and the ship is empty. We’re going to enjoy this moment.’ She threw a bikini at me.

  ‘How did you cope when you broke things off with that officer guy?’ I asked, reluctantly sitting up in bed to put my bikini top on.

  ‘I suppose finding out he was married erased most of my feelings for him. I don’t know, I just don’t feel all that bothered.’ She shrugged.

  ‘I wish I could have some of your strength.’

  ‘The officer wasn’t like Ben,’ she said, softening her tone. ‘I wasn’t really much more than an obliging booty call. You and Ben haven’t even had …’

  ‘No, we’ve not,’ I cut in before she finished. I didn’t want to hear the word.

  ‘Well there’s obviously a bit more emotion there.’

  ‘Maybe. Did he go to HIIT today?’ She shook her head. ‘He probably thought I might be there and wanted to avoid me.’

  ‘I doubt it.’ Kristy was trying to console me but her tone wasn’t believable. ‘Let’s go and get some sun; it’ll cheer you up.’

  I decided to take a dip in the pool. It was quiet; many of the crew members had gone ashore since it was a new port of call. I swam one of the short lengths, then another, then another. I kept going, burning off som
e frustration, until I lost count. I stopped when I could no longer physically move my arms through the water.

  ‘Are you practising for the Olympics?’ Kristy said.

  ‘Very funny. I’m keeping fit since I’ll be spending the next year or so in a bikini.’ I concealed the nausea in my stomach with humour. I walked to the railing to look over at the densely packed town of Catania. Mt Etna stood tall in the background, so calm and serene, hiding a bubbling molten pot of rage beneath its surface.

  I felt much like Mt Etna, though my eruption would bring tears rather than lava. I watched the volcano, wondering if Ben’s convoy had arrived, if they’d begun the dangerous ascent. I could picture him looking all sexy, smiling in the back of a jeep, holding on to one of the handles with one hand as the jeep rocked and rolled over the uneven terrain. I shook my head to dislodge the image, dived back in the pool and continued to swim.

  After swimming, I worked an eight-hour stint in the spa, finishing just in time to catch the sunset. I walked across the deck and watched as orange and red filled the sky. It didn’t take long for my mind to wander to Ben. I imagined him standing on a different deck, taking in the same view. There wasn’t much wind that night, just a breeze caused by the movement of the ship. I longed for Ben to appear next to me, so I could rest my head against him whilst we watched the sun disappear completely. I’d really felt not seeing him that day. I wasn’t sure how I was going to cope when he left for good.

  Not fancying the bar, I got changed and made my way to the theatre to catch the nine p.m. show. It was ‘Songs from the Shows’, which I thought might cheer me up. I found a seat and waited for the curtain to lift. A female member of the entertainment team came on first singing ‘A Heart Full of Love’ from Les Misérables with one of the new guys. They were quite good. Zac and Britney did Phantom of the Opera’s ‘All I Ask of You’, which was brilliant, and then one of the new members of the team sang Wicked’s ‘Defying Gravity’ whilst Britney did some sort of acrobatic thing in the air suspended from nothing more than two green ribbons.