The Lonely Lake Monster

by Suzanne Selfors

  “Yes,” Pearl said. “His name is Lemon Face.”

  “Parakeets are delicious with mustard.” Mr. Tabby said this as if it were normal to eat parakeets with mustard. Pearl frowned and made a mental note to never, ever let Mr. Tabby near Lemon Face.

  “I also detect the odor of fruit-flavored chewing gum. Gum is not allowed on hospital grounds. Please deposit it into the receptacle.” He pointed to a small trash can. Both Pearl and Ben spat out their gum.

  Then Ben shuffled in place. “Where’s Dr. Woo?” he asked.

  “Dr. Woo has been called away on an emergency, and therefore, your first day of apprentice training will fall on my shoulders.” He stroked a section of his mustache. “It is unfortunate timing, but we must make the best of it.”

  Pearl didn’t know Mr. Tabby very well, but from the short time she’d spent with him, she’d come to the conclusion that he was rather grumpy. What kind of teacher would he make? She opened her mouth to speak, and as she did, a low growl sounded in Mr. Tabby’s throat.

  “Will your question be of the bothersome variety?” he asked, folding his arms.

  “Um…” Pearl screwed up her face. She didn’t have one question—she had many. And they weren’t bothersome—they were important. So despite Mr. Tabby’s stern look, she went for it. “What kind of emergency did Dr. Woo go on? Did she go to the Imaginary World? Can we go with her? What kind of creature is sick? Can we meet it? Is it going to die? If we are her apprentices, then shouldn’t we be with her? Isn’t that our job? And—”

  “Perhaps you do not know the definition of bothersome.” Mr. Tabby narrowed his eyes. “Please choose one question.”

  Ben stepped forward. “What are we going to do today?”

  “Now that is a question I can answer. Follow me.” He strode to the Employees Only door. The last time Pearl and Ben saw Mr. Tabby, a tail had slid out the bottom of his vest. Pearl watched carefully, looking for a hint of the furry appendage, but nothing appeared. She thought about asking him if he had a tail but changed her mind. That was probably bothersome.

  Mr. Tabby placed his hand on the door, his long fingers spread wide. The door hummed and clicked open.

  “It must have read his fingerprints,” Ben whispered to Pearl as they followed Mr. Tabby through the doorway. “My dad has a security system at his office that reads fingerprints.”

  “Cool.”

  The door closed behind them.

  They stood in a hallway. It looked like a regular, boring hallway that could have been in a regular, boring building. But this was a hospital for Imaginary creatures. This hallway should be different. Disappointment settled over Pearl like a wet blanket. Where was the magic? The wonder? Where were the fairies and their dust?

  “Pay close attention,” Mr. Tabby said. He stood in front of a bulletin board. One side of the board was labeled OFF DUTY, and the other side was labeled ON DUTY. Mr. Tabby removed two cards from the OFF DUTY side. One card had Pearl’s name written on it, the other, Ben’s name. The remaining card belonged to someone named Vinny.

  “These are your time cards,” Mr. Tabby explained. “You will clock in when you arrive and clock out when you leave.” He took Pearl’s card and slid it into a clock that hung next to the bulletin board. A click sounded. The day’s date and time were now printed at the top of the card. He slid Ben’s into the slot, and the same thing happened. Then he pinned each card to the ON DUTY side of the board, next to one labeled MR. TABBY and another labeled VIOLET.

  “Who are Violet and Vinny?” Pearl asked.

  “Violet and Vinny work for Dr. Woo, and that is all you need to know.” Mr. Tabby straightened the time cards so they were perfectly parallel. “It is extremely important that you clock in and out. That is the best way for us to keep track of you. The previous apprentice always forgot to use the time clock and…” He paused. “We lost her.”

  “What do you mean, you lost her?” Ben asked.

  Mr. Tabby’s upper lip rose in a slight sneer. “Because she neglected to clock in and clock out, we do not know if she disappeared in the Known World or in the Imaginary World.”

  “Disappeared?” A shiver ran down Pearl’s spine. “Are you telling us that she’s… missing?”

  7

  Mr. Tabby smoothed the front of his plaid vest. “The previous apprentice was here one day, and the next day she wasn’t here. And she hasn’t been here since.” He picked a stray red hair off his sleeve. Ben and Pearl watched it make its slow journey to the floor. “So, yes, she is missing.”

  “When did this happen?” Pearl asked.

  “Some time ago, at our previous hospital location.” Mr. Tabby opened a closet door and took out two white lab coats. Then he changed the subject. “Your uniforms.”

  “Cool.” Ben grabbed one and put it on. “This is like the mad-scientist costume I wore for Halloween.”

  Pearl wanted to ask more questions about the mysterious girl who’d once worked for Dr. Woo, but she couldn’t take her eyes off the lab coat. It was so much better than the green apron she wore at the Dollar Store. Anyone could wear an apron. But a lab coat meant you were about to do something important. After slipping her arms through the sleeves, she felt like a real doctor. “How come you don’t wear one?” she asked Mr. Tabby.

  He pulled a silk handkerchief from his pants pocket and bent down to erase a smudge from the tip of his polished shoe. Then he folded the handkerchief and tucked it away. “Do I look like the sort of fellow who would wear a lab coat?”

  Both Ben and Pearl shook their heads.

  “Now, if you’ll follow me.” Mr. Tabby led the way farther down the hall and opened a door marked STAFF ROOM.

  The air was cozy and warm inside. A couple of tables, some chairs, and a comfy-looking sofa filled the space, along with a television that sat in the corner.

  “You may take breaks in here,” Mr. Tabby said. He opened a refrigerator. “Dr. Woo has provided beverages for human children. Root beer, orange soda, chocolate milk.”

  “Don’t you think it’s weird he called us human?” Pearl whispered to Ben. Ben nodded. The only reason to call someone else human, Pearl decided, was if you were not human.

  “There are snacks in here.” Mr. Tabby opened a cupboard. “You can eat anything on the lower shelf. There are salty items. There are sweet items. Do not eat anything on the middle or top shelf. The snacks on the lower shelf are appropriate for your consumption.”

  “What’s that?” Ben asked, pointing to a bag that was stuffed to the brim with some kind of plant.

  Mr. Tabby tapped his shoe impatiently. “That bag contains ivy vines, and it sits on the middle shelf. As stated a mere moment ago, do not eat anything from the middle shelf.”

  A bag labeled OATS and another labeled RYE sat next to the ivy. “Why would we want to eat that stuff?” Pearl asked.

  Mr. Tabby raised his eyebrows. “I have done my research, and I understand that human children are always hungry. Be advised that the food on the middle and top shelves are for Dr. Woo’s other employees.”

  Who eats ivy, oats, and rye? Pearl wondered. She opened her mouth to ask that exact question when a nasal voice sounded from the wall speaker. “New patient arrival. Mr. Tabby to the Identification Room.”

  “Duty calls,” Mr. Tabby said as he quickly closed the cupboard.

  “Oh, good,” Pearl said. “We get to meet a new patient. What is it?” She bounced excitedly on her toes.

  Mr. Tabby pulled a small device from his vest pocket. During their last visit, he’d told Ben and Pearl that the device was a creature calculator. He punched a few keys, and the little screen lit up. His gaze traveled across the screen. “You will not be meeting the new patient.”

  “Why not?” Ben asked.

  “Because on the danger scale, five being the most dangerous, this creature ranks a level three. You are not yet ready for a level-three encounter.”

  “Danger scale?” Ben shoved his hands into his pockets. “Okay. We don’t need to
meet it. What else can we do?”

  “Hey, wait a minute. Level three doesn’t sound so bad,” Pearl said.

  Ben cleared his throat. “Pearl, can I talk to you for a second?”

  As Mr. Tabby typed on the little keypad, Ben pulled Pearl into the room’s corner and whispered in her ear. “What if the other apprentice had met a level-three creature? What if that’s how she disappeared?”

  Pearl folded her arms and looked into Ben’s brown eyes. “Maybe the other apprentice wasn’t very smart,” she said, her voice hushed. “I don’t know about you, but I’m incredibly smart and I can take care of myself. I’m not afraid of a level-three… anything.”

  “You would be wise to listen to Ben,” Mr. Tabby said from across the room. “You will need further training before you are ready to meet creatures that rank above level two.”

  “Drat,” Pearl grumbled. Then she stuck out her lower lip.

  “And you would be wise to avoid this particular creature because he doesn’t like humans.” Mr. Tabby tucked the calculator into his vest pocket. “However, since things don’t always go as planned around here, I suppose I should tell you about our new patient, just in case you accidentally bump into one another.”

  Ben and Pearl held their breath in anticipation.

  “The new patient is a…”

  8

  Silence fell over the Staff Room as Ben and Pearl waited to learn what sort of level-three creature did not like humans. Mr. Tabby cleared his throat. “The new patient is a leprechaun.”

  Pearl and Ben released their breath. “A leprechaun?” Pearl nearly laughed. She’d been expecting a three-headed dog or a giant troll. “How can a leprechaun be dangerous?”

  “Isn’t a leprechaun just a small person?” Ben asked.

  “Never call a leprechaun small,” Mr. Tabby said, smoothing the front of his vest. “And never mistake a leprechaun for a human being. They are part of the fairy species, and they despise your kind.”

  “Why don’t they like us?” Ben asked as he and Pearl followed Mr. Tabby out of the Staff Room.

  “Because human beings always try to steal leprechaun gold.”

  “I don’t want to steal gold,” Pearl said. “I promise.”

  “I saw a movie about a leprechaun. He made shoes,” Ben said.

  “That is correct.” Mr. Tabby nodded approvingly at Ben. “Leprechauns make the very best shoes in the Imaginary World.”

  “In the movie, the leprechaun could grant a wish,” Ben remembered.

  “A wish?” Pearl asked. “Is that true?”

  Mr. Tabby sighed. “Yes. If you steal a leprechaun’s gold, the leprechaun will grant a wish in exchange for the gold’s return.” He raised his eyebrows and leaned close. “But be warned—stealing the gold is never a good idea. Leprechauns are notorious tricksters and getting a wish granted is nearly impossible. It almost always ends badly for the human.”

  “Why is it here?” Ben asked as they followed Mr. Tabby farther down the hall.

  “The leprechaun is male, as are all leprechauns, and fully understands human language, so please do not refer to him as it.”

  “Sorry,” Ben mumbled.

  “He is being treated for a head cold,” Mr. Tabby said. “But enough about him. You have other duties today.”

  “What kind of duties?” Pearl asked. She was ready to do some work. Would she get to braid a unicorn’s mane? Feed milk to a dragon hatchling? Read a story to a sick pixie?

  “You will clip the sasquatch’s toenails.”

  Ben and Pearl groaned. “We already met the sasquatch,” Pearl said. The furry creature seemed nice, but it smelled horrid and had a really bad case of foot fungus. “Can’t we do something else?”

  “You will find the clippers in here.” Mr. Tabby opened a door marked SUPPLY CLOSET. “Get the big ones. Sasquatch toenails are as thick and bristly as coconut husks.”

  Ben grimaced. “Can’t it clip its own toenails?”

  Ignoring the question, Mr. Tabby said, “You will find the sasquatch in the Forest Suite, which spans the entire third floor. Take the elevator. Do not visit any other floors. Do not leave the hospital. When you have completed the toenail task, wait for me in the lobby.” His brisk steps echoed off the walls as he headed up the hall, his ponytail swishing back and forth. When he reached the exit, he called to them, “Stay out of the Identification Room, for that is where I will be examining the leprechaun.” Then he stepped back into the lobby and the door closed behind him.

  “This is going to be disgusting,” Pearl said.

  “Yeah,” Ben agreed. “But at least it won’t be dangerous.”

  The Supply Closet was crowded with all sorts of stuff like brooms, buckets, shovels, and mops. One of the walls was covered with tools. Ben found a bunch of clippers, some so small they might be used on an insect. He grabbed the big ones. “These look like they’re for hedges.”

  They made their way to the lobby, where the elevator doors stood open, waiting. Pearl stared longingly at the Identification Room door, which was closed. “Maybe we could just take a peek inside,” she said. “I’d sure love to see what a real leprechaun looks like.”

  “Mr. Tabby told us to stay out of there,” Ben reminded her. “This is our first day. You don’t want to get into trouble on our first day, do you?”

  As much as Pearl wanted to see the new patient, she didn’t want to get into trouble. Troublemaker was her title in Buttonville. She didn’t want it to be her title in Dr. Woo’s hospital. “You’re right.” She followed Ben into the elevator. “I just thought we’d be doing something fun,” she complained as she pushed button number three. “Clipping toenails doesn’t sound fun at all.”

  “Well, maybe it will get better,” Ben said.

  “I sure hope so. My great-aunt Gladys asked me to clip her toenails once. They were thick and yellow. It was gross.”

  The doors closed, and the elevator whisked them upward. After the elevator stopped on the third floor, the doors swished open.

  “Wow,” Pearl said as she looked out. “Am I seeing things?”

  9

  Although they were still inside the old button factory, Pearl and Ben stood at the edge of a living forest.

  A deep layer of dirt covered the floor. Vines sprouted among gnarled roots. Trees reached to the ceiling.

  Pearl took a deep breath of the warm, damp air. Beads of moisture clung to the tips of branches and glistened on fern fronds. Moss sparkled with sunlight, which streamed through a bank of windows on the far wall.

  “Whoa,” Ben said as a frog croaked nearby. “I want to do this to my bedroom back home. I bet our gardener would help me pick out plants.”

  “My parents would never let me put frogs in my room.” Pearl climbed onto a big rock and stood on her tiptoes, peering over the tops of shrubs. “I don’t see the sasquatch. Do you?”

  “No.” Ben balanced the clippers on his shoulder. “But it’s brown, so it’s going to blend in with the trees.”

  “Well, we don’t blend in,” Pearl said. “Our lab coats are practically glowing.” Then she called, “Here, sasquatchy. Here, sasquatchy.” The frogs stopped croaking, but nothing moved. She called again. Where was it hiding? “Too bad we don’t have another kit.”

  “Yeah, too bad.”

  The Sasquatch Catching Kit had contained a number of helpful items—a net for trapping, a whistle for making sasquatch sounds, a tranquilizer dart for disabling, and a fog bomb to keep snoopy neighbors from witnessing the fur-covered event. The kit also held Dr. Woo’s guidebook, which explained how sasquatches love sweet treats, and a chocolate bar, which Pearl had used to lead the creature through the forest.

  Sweet treats? She reached into her pocket and pulled out a stick of gum. “I don’t have any chocolate, but maybe this will work.”

  “Hey, chewing gum isn’t allowed, remember?”

  “Do you want to find the sasquatch or not?” She removed the wrapper, then waved the piece in the air. “Here, sa
squatchy. I have something for you. It’s strawberry-flavored.”

  A grunt sounded from across the room. Then the dirt vibrated with pounding footsteps. Tree branches swayed and shrubs rustled as the sasquatch appeared, pushing through the dense foliage. Moss and leaves clung to its matted brown fur. The scent of wet dog and sweaty socks surrounded it like a cloud. Pearl jumped off the rock and stood close to Ben. Towering over them, the creature stared at the stick of gum with its dark eyes.

  “Hi,” Pearl said. “Would you like this?”

  “Don’t ask it questions,” Ben reminded her. The guidebook had warned that sasquatches got angry when asked questions. Ben glanced down at its big, hairy feet. “I think this will be easier if we can get it to sit.”

  “Okay,” Pearl said. She crouched next to the boulder and held the gum low to the ground. “Sit,” she said.

  The sasquatch scratched its sloping brow, then sat on the boulder. Pearl handed it the piece of gum. It popped the gum into its mouth, chewed, then swallowed. “No, you’re not supposed to eat it,” Pearl said. The scent of strawberry filled the air as the sasquatch burped.

  Pearl and Ben stared at the hairy feet, which were as big as a clown’s. The toenails were jagged and bristly. “Yuck,” Pearl said. “You do it.”

  “Why me?” Ben asked.

  “ ’Cause you have the clippers.”

  Ben groaned. “Fine.” He knelt beside the feet. Then he pointed the clippers at one of the toes. The sasquatch whimpered.

  “I’ll distract it,” Pearl said. “My mom always distracts me when I have to get a shot.” She opened another stick of gum and popped it into her mouth. “See,” she told the creature. “Chew, chew, chew, but don’t swallow.”