April

by Paul

  We weren’t surprised when Bridger pleaded not guilty to murdering and kidnapping April. He also denied perverting the course of justice by unlawfully disposing of, destroying or concealing her body. This was the only time he spoke, in a hushed tone, barely more than a whisper.

  Brendan Kelly told the court that, although his client didn’t accept that he murdered April, he believed he may have killed her by accident. This was not news to us, as Andy had already told us about his claims that he’d run her over in his car, but we were still dumbstruck that anyone could think this was remotely believable – especially now we had so much forensic evidence. I was more convinced than ever that we had a strong case.

  Thankfully Brendan Kelly didn’t attempt to get Bridger out on bail – he’d be a dead man if he walked down any street in Britain. The trial date was set for 25 February and the hearing was over almost as soon as it had begun.

  We thanked our legal team before making a quick exit. We knew the media were congregating outside and we’d already begun to feel light-headed, through a combination of adrenaline and lack of sleep. We stopped for a quick lunch on the way home with Dave and Hayley and arrived back in Machynlleth just in time for Harley coming home from school.

  Coral was completely drained and went straight to bed, while I took the dogs for a walk. We’d made it through the day, but the worst was still to come. We’d been told to expect the trial to last around a month and the prospect of having to see Bridger’s face day after day was a horrible thought. What’s worse, we still had to tell Harley and Jazmin the truth. We knew we couldn’t put it off forever, but it would probably be the most difficult conversation we’d ever have.

  That night, as I reached for my diary, my thoughts came tumbling out onto the page.

  ‘Today, Mark Bridger pleaded not guilty,’ I wrote. ‘I think he’s heartless and cruel. It seems like he’s getting some pleasure in knowing that we’re suffering. We’ve been through so much and we feel so tired and low but I trust Elwen, the Crown Prosecution Service and the police. Soon we will win a small victory for us but a huge victory for society.

  ‘April, all of this is for you. If they knew you, they would love you but even those who didn’t do. You have touched a whole nation and indeed the world. Those brown eyes just say it all. Some days, words can’t say what I feel, so with tears of love I’ll sign off.

  ‘Your ever loving Dad xxx.’

  8

  Preparing for the Trial

  The day after we came home from Mold, we decided to tell Jazmin and Harley that April wouldn’t be coming home. Now Bridger had pled not guilty, there would be lots of speculation about the trial and we didn’t want to keep anything from them. It was unthinkable that they would hear it from anyone else. We decided that Coral would break the news to them, leaving out some of the most distressing details.

  I couldn’t even bear to be in the room when Coral told Harley, so I sat downstairs and tried my hardest to block out the sounds of my son’s screams.

  Coral recalls:

  Harley came home from school and had his dinner. He smiled and chatted as usual, with no idea what we were about to tell him. By this point, Jazz had an inkling that things weren’t looking good but Harley still seemed to think his sister was coming home.

  ‘Harley,’ I said, taking a deep breath. ‘Can you come upstairs for a second?’

  He nodded and I took him into his bedroom. I was emotionally drained from the previous day, but it didn’t stop my stomach from somersaulting. Inside, I was cursing Bridger. No mother should ever have to tell her ten-year-old son that his sister had been killed.

  It made things even worse that two of Bridger’s children – we’ll call them Josh and Katie – were Harley’s best friends. He knew that we’d gone to court and that their dad had been there, accused of taking April, but he didn’t know the awful truth of what he’d done with her.

  ‘What’s wrong, Mum?’ he asked. ‘Are you OK?’

  ‘Harley,’ I began. ‘Do you know why we were at court yesterday?’

  He looked confused. ‘I think so,’ he replied.

  ‘I’ve got something to tell you and it isn’t going to be easy,’ I said. ‘April won’t be coming home. She’s been murdered.’

  Harley’s face turned white and he let out a scream, but not just any scream. I recognised it straight away. It was the same bloodcurdling, piercing scream he’d let out on the night April had been taken.

  I didn’t know what to do so I just grabbed him and held him to me. There were no more words.

  It took a long time for him to calm down. He was crying and stamping his feet so loudly that Paul could hear him downstairs. I would have given anything to take his pain away.

  Harley and April had been two peas in a pod, partners in crime. Now, he would grow older while April would be frozen in time, nothing more than a memory, aged five-and-a-half forever. Never again would they get to slide down the stairs in their sleeping bags or practise their wrestling moves. They’d never go to the pub together when they were older or get to know each other’s children.

  When he’d calmed down, we went back downstairs, where the news was playing in the background. By coincidence, an item about April popped up. I decided to let Harley watch it, as they weren’t allowed to report on the forensic evidence. I didn’t want him to think we were keeping anything from him. He was fairly quiet and didn’t ask any questions.

  Later that night, I told Jazz. She had tears in her eyes but she was a lot more subdued than Harley. She’s never been one to wear her heart on her sleeve and I think she’d known for a long time what was coming, but I knew her mind was working overtime.

  The next day, Dave and Hayley had a more in-depth chat with her. They wanted to make sure she understood the implications of what she’d been told. As she was a little older, they knew she was more likely to pick up on rumours about the case. Again, she was fairly quiet, but Dave and Hayley told her that, if she ever had any questions, she could ask them and they would try their best to answer them. Neither Paul nor I expected her to take their offer so seriously.

  She spent a few hours upstairs on her own and soon came up with lots of things she wanted to ask about the case. We were astounded – the questions showed a level of understanding we’d never have expected from a teenager, especially considering the emotional turmoil she was facing when she thought of them. Dave and Hayley were similarly impressed and remarked that most adults in her position wouldn’t have been able to think about the investigation so rationally and in such detail. It was obvious that, like the rest of us, Jazz just craved answers about what had happened to her beloved sister.

  She asked:

  How did the police know Mark Bridger was responsible?

  How much blood was there?

  How long will it take to find out if it is April?

  What is most likely to have happened?

  What happened to April’s clothes?

  Would all of April’s remains have been burnt?

  Dave and Hayley tried to give detailed answers to as many of the questions as they could. They explained that the police knew Bridger had taken April because a witness had seen her get into his vehicle. They made the decision to tell Jazmin about some of the forensic evidence, as they thought it was important she understood how they had come to the conclusion that April was dead. Dave told her they’d found evidence of a significant puddle of blood on the floor of Bridger’s cottage, plus some smaller spots in other parts of the house. He said that the blood had already been DNA tested and the results showed it belonged to April. They explained there were still some questions they couldn’t answer – they told Jazz that Bridger had probably killed April with a blow to the head, but they might never know for sure. They also told her they didn’t know where all of her remains were, or what had happened to her clothes. Jazz seemed to take all of this on board and Paul and I could only hope the conversation went some way towards helping her come to terms with everything.
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  As the trial edged closer, Coral and I began counselling. We were a bit sceptical at first – how could speaking to a stranger ease the agony of losing our little girl? But, as time went on, we started to see the benefit of these sessions. The counsellors didn’t take away our pain, but they did help us learn how to manage it.

  I found myself opening up about the dark thoughts I was having. Given the limited information we had on how Bridger had killed our daughter, we had both become almost delirious wondering what had happened to her. Sometimes I’d find myself lying in April’s bed, cuddling her teddies and crying for hours on end as thousands of nightmare scenarios rushed through my head.

  ‘I was listening to the school kids playing in the primary school today,’ I wrote in my diary, a few days after we’d broken the news to Jazmin and Harley. Coral and I were both feeling very emotional as, a few days afterwards, it had been Harley’s eleventh birthday, and we’d had to put a brave face on. ‘You and your friends would be there, April. The school is only 250 metres away. I feel very down, very sorry for myself and for you. Can’t stop thinking of you. Did you suffer? Were you scared? How did he kill you? I have pulled myself apart thinking about it on my own.

  ‘April, I miss you so much. I think of you and send you my love every day. I wish you were here in my arms.

  ‘Love you, Dad xxx.’

  There were also lots of arrangements to be made for the trial. We were likely to be away from home for a month and we knew it wouldn’t be practical to travel to and from Mold every day. Dave and Hayley managed to find a cottage on the outskirts of the town, in which we could stay during the week, as we’d already planned to spend our weekends at home in Machynlleth. It was perfect, as it gave us the privacy we needed and the press were unlikely to discover where we were.

  This meant we’d need to sort out childcare while we were away. Coral and I spent hours drafting a rota of family and friends to look after Jazmin and Harley. We knew this would be hard for all of us; our children are barely out of our sight under normal circumstances. However, we knew we had to do this for April and we were extremely grateful to everyone who volunteered to help out.

  Coral and I were worried about Harley. As is to be expected, he started playing up at school a little, though his temper tantrums were few and far between and he seemed to bounce back quickly from them. In truth, we were a little surprised he wasn’t misbehaving more. He too was having counselling but appeared to be holding back. We worried that he was scared to grieve for April because he knew how upset we were and this made us feel terribly guilty. But we eventually came to the conclusion that Harley needed to learn to accept things in his own time and it wouldn’t serve any purpose to rush him. We just needed to support him as much as we could when he did get upset. I was almost relieved when he climbed into bed with me one evening and began to cry.

  ‘I miss April, Dad,’ he said.

  ‘I know,’ I replied. ‘We all do.’

  ‘I miss seeing her in school,’ he went on. ‘I’d always see her on Fridays when we had assembly and I wish she was still there.’

  I put my arms around him and let him cry for a few minutes before he decided to go back to his own room.

  We decided to allow Harley to continue his friendships with Josh and Katie. We can’t deny that it was difficult – they were the children of the man who had taken our daughter from us – and it was hard not to have reservations about allowing them to play with Harley as if nothing had happened. But, in the end, we had to take comfort from our son’s childlike innocence and acceptance. In his eyes, Josh and Katie were no different to how they’d always been. How could these children be held responsible for the actions of an evil man? To us, Harley’s attitude was an inspiration and showed maturity far beyond his eleven years.

  Now it’s much easier for us to accept his relationships with Josh and Katie. We have nothing against them. In fact, we actually have a degree of sympathy for them. As they grow older, they are going to learn more and more about what their father did to our beloved daughter, and no one can deny that will have a huge effect on them. They may also be subject to bullying and discrimination based on their relationship to someone whose actions they had no control over. For this reason, we’ve decided not to use their real names in this book and we both hope they continue to have the anonymity they deserve, as they grow older.

  During this time we had several meetings with Andy at the sanctuary. As ever, he was patient and willing to answer questions. We’d been told there was a possibility that we might be called as witnesses and neither of us were keen to take the stand, as we knew how fragile we were, but there was no question that we would have done it had it meant getting justice for April. Thankfully, at the end of January, we were given the good news that we weren’t required, meaning we could concentrate on supporting each other through the trial.

  At the same time, we were told April’s death meant we were eligible for £11,000 under the Criminal Injuries Compensation Scheme: £5,500 each for Coral and me. It felt like a slap in the face. How could anyone put a price on our daughter’s head? It made us both sick, especially when the news is filled with reports of prisoners claiming much larger sums when they have allegedly been attacked or mistreated in jail. Our instinct was to refuse the money but Dave and Hayley talked us round. As neither of us was fit to work, they reminded us that we had to think of the future, and of Jazmin and Harley and, reluctantly, we decided to accept it.

  A few weeks before the trial, we were called to the sanctuary again to meet Andy. There had been quite a few developments in the prosecution case. Now, as many as eighteen bone fragments had been recovered from Mount Pleasant. All apart from one were burnt and recovered from the fire. The remaining piece was unburnt and had been found in a plughole in the bathroom. Some of the burnt fragments had been sent off to Professor Christina Cattaneo, one of the world’s leading forensic pathologists and anthropologists, who was based in Milan. The pieces of bone were not large enough to perform DNA tests on, but Andy said he hoped Professor Cattaneo would be able to confirm the gender and age of the person they belonged to.

  We were also told we’d have to view some of the pornographic images found on Bridger’s computer, many of which involved young children, before we went to court. Andy thought this would be best, as we would likely be very shocked and upset when we saw them.

  It was a difficult day. A few hours later, I came home from a walk with the dogs to find Coral and Jazmin slumped on the floor, hugging and crying. They’d found one of April’s scrapbooks in which she’d spelled her name and drawn around her left hand. The three of us cried together for a long time that night.

  The week before the trial was scheduled to begin, Dave and Hayley took us to the police station in Aberystwyth to go over the details of the case. Andy arrived shortly afterwards and went through the list of witnesses with us over a coffee. He explained that Professor Cattaneo had examined the bone fragments and, in her opinion, they belonged to a human juvenile. We were buoyed by this development, as we knew it would be very good for our case. We were also given a tour of the operations room and the chance to meet some of the staff who had worked on the case, which was very humbling.

  The next day, we met Andy at the sanctuary with Dave and Hayley and he explained some of the things we might hear Bridger say when he gave evidence in court. His account of what happened was becoming more and more inconsistent. One minute he claimed he’d run April over, the next that he’d accidentally suffocated her. It was a mystery to us what he’d actually say at the trial; I’m not convinced he was sure of this, either. Andy said Bridger was apparently feeling very sorry for himself, telling anyone who would listen that everyone in Machynlleth was out to get him and that he couldn’t sleep at night because, in his words, ghosts were calling him. It was so ridiculous we almost laughed.

  We were then shown some of the CCTV evidence, which would form part of the case against Bridger in court. The first images were of April, as s
he skipped in and out of the changing rooms at the leisure centre before her swimming lesson on the day she was taken. This was extremely difficult. April was so energetic and full of life – it was hard to believe she was just hours from death. If only we could have reached into the camera and pulled her to safety as we sat and watched, lumps forming in our throats. But what really brought tears to my eyes was footage of her trying to open a door in the leisure centre. She was so small she couldn’t quite manage it. It just reminded me that she wouldn’t have stood a chance against a grown man.

  Then we were shown pictures of Bridger’s car as it sped past the petrol station on the edge of Machynlleth and along the road towards Ceinws. This was heart wrenching – we couldn’t see April but we knew she was inside the car. We almost crumbled, knowing the horrors she was about to face.

  The final piece of footage was from the morning after April was taken. It showed Bridger walking his dog just a few yards from his house. He looked so calm, like he didn’t have a care in the world. In the background, we could see the smoke rising from his chimney. It made me sick to my stomach.

  After the CCTV evidence, we were given pictures of the cottage to look at. Although Bridger had done a major clean-up operation, there were arrows pointing to where the blood had been: the hallway, the toilet seat, the living room floor and on the walls. Bridger also had around twenty hunting knives, an axe, a hammer and some saws. One of the knives had been found in the fire. Coral was very distressed and it was all I could do not to break down, too.

  It was only when I took out my diary that evening that I allowed myself to cry the tears that had been threatening all day.

  ‘I don’t know what my girl suffered,’ I wrote. ‘I don’t think we’ll ever really know, but it must have been awful and my heart breaks knowing she suffered at the hands of such an awful man. I just hope it was quick. I know she would have been scared and would have wanted Coral and me.