Their Small-Town Love

by Arlene James

  He reached for her, saying, “Not as important as—” He broke off when she stepped out of reach, all but leaping away from him.

  “I-I’m tired, Ryan,” she stammered, folding her arms. “Let’s finish this discussion later.”

  He nodded and watched morosely as she hurried to her room.

  The decision did not come easily. Ivy spent the late hours of Friday and the early ones of Saturday praying and thinking, thinking and praying. She begged for signs and questioned everything. When her angry brother-in-law called her motel room on Saturday afternoon after having spoken to Ryan at a regional conference in Chickasha that morning, Ivy figured she had her answer.

  “You cannot do this, Ivy! Think of your sister. For once, just think of Rose, will you?”

  “I am thinking of her, Daniel. I thought, well, Pastor Waller and Ryan thought, that confronting the rumors, setting everyone straight, would be best.”

  “You know what would have been best, Ivy?” Daniel demanded. “If you had never come back to town. That’s what would have been best!”

  She couldn’t deny it, not that he gave her a chance. Instead, he broke the connection. It irritated her, but at the same time, she understood his feelings. Rose had been through so much, losing the baby and dealing with their father’s anger toward Ivy. She thought she’d heard Rose in the background just before Daniel had hung up on her, but Ivy hoped not. She hadn’t wanted to tell her sister that she was in town until she’d decided what to do. Now she wondered if it wouldn’t be best to slip away again before Rose realized she’d been there.

  Just as she didn’t see what purpose defending herself would serve, Ivy could see no purpose in involving her sister in more of her personal drama. A public confrontation would just keep the whole ugly mess alive in everyone’s minds and hurt Rose more. Besides, if Olie stuck to his guns, why would anyone believe her?

  Olie had won this battle, and he was always going to. All he’d ever had to do was tell her that he didn’t want her in his life. It was what she had expected, really. Oh, she had hoped for more, but she’d expected him to refuse her apologies and tell her to go away. Besides, even if her father could forgive her, she would never be more than a visitor in Eden. So why put everyone through a public battle?

  Both Ryan and Rose would have to live with the results and the memory of any such confrontation. In that, God had been merciful to her, because she definitely would be leaving here. Even if her father did back down, and she could not believe that he might, her job search would determine where she ultimately wound up.

  No, what she really had to decide was what was best for those she loved, including the man she could never have. How many more ways did God have to make His will known? First Tennessee and now this.

  Okay, Lord, she prayed, awash with twin waves of relief and grief, if this is Your will, then so be it.

  She went out to give Hap her decision, because Ryan was not expected until late.

  Hap Jefford was a big, rawboned man, even at eighty. Despite stooped shoulders and knotted hands, speckled skin and thinning, faded reddish hair that clearly showed his age, he gave the impression of solidity and strength. Ivy had never seen much of Hap in Ryan, but when she sat at his dining table that day, his big black Bible between them, and looked into his eyes, she saw Ryan there. She saw other things, too, pity and a slight censure, disappointment.

  “Daniel’s right. I just can’t do it,” she told him, not quite able to hold that mottled gaze. “It wouldn’t be fair to Rose.”

  Hap clucked his tongue and sighed. “What about Ryan? What about what’s fair to him?”

  “The less connection Ryan has to me, the better off he will be,” she said, averting her gaze.

  “I don’t think that’s how he sees it. I think he’s looking at the two of you together.”

  A part of her rejoiced. Another part laughed in derision. Steeling herself, she shook her head. “That’s never going to happen. You know it as well as I do. I can’t stay here in Eden, and he can’t leave. His life is here. It’s all he’s ever wanted.”

  “Things change.”

  “Some things do,” she agreed. “I’m living proof of it. But some things don’t. My dad’s proof of that.”

  “So you won’t even try,” Hap accused, “not even for Ryan’s sake.”

  “Don’t you see? It’s for Ryan’s sake and Rose’s and even Dad’s that I won’t, can’t, publicly confront my father in church tomorrow. It would just do more harm than good, and the end result will be the same.”

  Finally Hap nodded. “I had hoped for more. My grandson had hoped for more. But I guess you’ve got to do what you think best. I’m sure he’ll be around to speak to you when he gets in from his conference.”

  Ivy wept inside. God in heaven, can’t You spare me even that? “I’d rather not see him, if you must know,” she said to Hap. “This is hard enough as it is.”

  Hap pursed his lips. “Loving someone you’re determined not to have is always difficult, I imagine.”

  Leaping to her feet, Ivy glared at him, her chest heaving. “I never said that. I never said it, and I never will. And if you tell him that, I’ll deny it!”

  “Ivy, Ivy,” Hap rasped, shaking his head, “don’t you know that love doesn’t cease to exist just because you don’t say it? Real love just is. Like the love of Christ Jesus, it’s always there, waiting to be given and accepted. Love doesn’t promise us any happy endings in this life, but it doesn’t work to bring us sad ones, either. Love, Ivy, is what we make of it.”

  Could that be true? she wondered. Yet, even so, she’d made such a hash of love before. Why would God give her a second chance now? She shook her head.

  Hap sighed. “I’ll tell Ryan and Grover not to count on you.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’ll stay on a few days, won’t you? Until you know where you’re headed next?”

  “I-I’m not sure.”

  “Well, whatever you decide. You’re always welcome here, Ivy.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Jefford.”

  “Of course, I may not be here too much longer myself,” he went on, smiling. “Time to hand over the reins, I expect. Maybe that’s what we both need to do, just hand over the reins to God.”

  Nodding, she hurried away, telling herself sternly, No more tears. No more! She would not weep for herself anymore. She’d had enough moaning and regretting and self-flagellation. She’d done what she thought best. No one could ask anymore of her. The rest, she told herself, was strictly up to God.

  She got back to the room in time to catch the phone, never thinking that it might be business on a Saturday evening. She’d given the number out in case her cell didn’t work, which it rarely did around Eden, but she’d never expected anyone to use it over the weekend. She hoped it was not Daniel again or, worse, Rose. Squaring her shoulders, she snatched up the receiver.

  “Hello. This is Ivy.”

  A strange woman’s voice greeted her.

  “Forgive me for calling on a Saturday evening, Ms. Villard, but I thought I’d take a chance. This is Kay Jayes of Christian Praise and Talk Radio in Wichita Falls, Texas.”

  Ivy dropped to the side of the bed, her brow furrowed and her heart thumping. “No apology necessary, Ms. Jayes,” Ivy said. “How can I help you?”

  “Well, I hoped we might chat for a while, but first would you mind if we pray?”

  Ivy felt something release inside her chest. “I’d like that,” she replied softly. “I’d like that very much.”

  It was the most amazing telephone conversation of Ivy’s life. She and Kay prayed and talked. They laughed and talked some more, and somehow Ivy wound up telling her everything, absolutely everything. They prayed again, and they finally talked business. No promises were made, but it seemed right on both ends, and before they were done, Ivy felt like a teenager again, hanging out on her bed and having a gabfest with her best bud. In the end, Kay gave her some advice.

  “Maybe you should
go. I’m not saying to confront your father. I’m just saying that church isn’t a bad place to be on a Sunday morning, and maybe showing up and holding up your head is what you’re supposed to do.”

  “You really think so?”

  “You have nothing to be ashamed of now, Ivy. Why act like it?”

  Ivy considered that. Kay was right. And if Kay Jayes and Christian radio could give her the benefit of the doubt, then why should she cower in her room alone when she should be worshiping God? She didn’t have to sit with Ryan. He need not even be aware of her presence. Because he and his family always occupied a pew near the front, all she had to do was slip in the back, maybe a couple minutes late. Chances were that her father wouldn’t be there, so she really didn’t have to worry. Because she had refused to publicly confront him, Grover probably hadn’t even contacted Olie.

  This seemed right to Ivy, so she thanked Kay and promised to get back to her after she’d spoken to the station in Tennessee.

  “Meanwhile, kiddo,” Kay said, “I’m praying for you.”

  “I’ll be praying, too. And thank you, Kay. Even if we don’t wind up working together, you’ve been a blessing to me today.”

  “Tonight, you mean,” Kay corrected with a laugh.

  Ivy glanced at the clock radio on the bedside table. Shocked, Ivy quickly said her good-byes and got off the phone. They had talked for hours. Bedtime had come long ago.

  Ivy felt a moment of disappointment when she realized that it was too late for Ryan to stop by. Despite what she’d told Hap, she’d harbored a secret hope that Ryan would insist on seeing her tonight. At the same time, she knew a sense of peace, which seemed odd, indeed, because she was less sure now of what the future might hold than she had been when she’d spoken to Hap earlier.

  All she knew for certain as she slid between the sheets of her rented bed that night was that God was at work in her life.

  She would not ask for more.

  Chapter Fifteen

  He almost didn’t go. After hearing Ivy’s message from his grandfather the night before and despite years of habitual church attendance, Ryan almost stayed in bed and sulked on that beautiful Sunday morning in May.

  He had known that it was a mistake to go off to that conference and leave her on her own even for one day, but he’d felt that he had to go after she made such a point of it. He’d tried to call her on the drive home from Chickasha, hoping they might spend an hour or two together that night, but her line had been busy, so he’d driven straight to the motel, only to be told that she had decided not to confront her father and didn’t want to see Ryan.

  Didn’t the woman know how he felt about her? Didn’t she understand that he was only trying to help her?

  Hap had possessed the audacity to suggest that perhaps Ryan was trying to help himself more than her. What, he had asked, if staying in Eden could not be an option for Ivy? What price was Ryan willing to pay to have her with him? To what lengths was Ryan willing to go for her career? Those were questions Ryan had already asked himself, and while he couldn’t say that he would be happy to leave Eden, he knew he wouldn’t be happy anywhere without Ivy.

  The question now seemed to be, what was Ivy willing to do? If she was not even willing to confront the lies that had spread about her, then perhaps she did not care for him as much as he had hoped. Or was she still trying to protect him?

  Huddled there beneath the covers of his comfortable bed in his room alight with the bright, honest sunshine of morning, Ryan asked God that question and found the answer in his own heart. He simply put himself in Ivy’s position. He knew then that she was willing to give him up because that was what she believed was best for him. That, more than anything else, told him just how much she cared, and not just for him, for Rose, as well, and yes, even Olie. Just like her little girl, she would give them up because that was how much she loved them.

  He put aside his anger and hurt and truly examined himself. What he found surprised him. Perhaps Hap was right, and he acted out of selfishness, after all.

  He wanted Ivy and Eden, too. Could he let go of one in order to have the other? If he couldn’t, then maybe he didn’t deserve either.

  A passage of Scripture came to him then, Matthew 6:33.

  But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

  Ryan didn’t really know how to go about that in this case, but he knew one thing for sure. He couldn’t do it lying here in bed. Where, after all, was his faith in this? Somehow that seemed to have gotten lost in his job, along with everything else—old friends like Matt, new ones like Devony, his vision of his own future. He’d fallen into an easy way of doing things, never expecting more than he had, never fighting for more. Never having to go out on a limb, face his fears and learn to trust. Even as his sister and brother had embraced new lives and new loves, he’d trudged on in his rut, as blind as Samson in the temple of the Philistines. Unlike Samson, however, he would not find redemption in destroying his enemies, only in trusting God.

  He glanced at the clock on his bedside table. It was too late to meet the family, but that didn’t mean it was too late to go to church, although he might find himself standing against the wall, given how crowded the place had grown. The boom in the oil business had brought several new families to town, as well as to outlying communities, many of whom had gravitated to First Church. Nevertheless, Ryan decided, he was going to worship in God’s house this morning, and then he was going to find Ivy Villard and set her straight about a few things. She would know, at least, exactly what it was she seemed so keen to give up. His love, for one thing.

  He would seek first the kingdom and righteousness of God, and leave the rest to Him, gossips or no gossips.

  Throwing back the covers, Ryan got up and started to get dressed.

  Heads turned halfway up the aisle when Ivy slipped into an empty space on the end of the third-to-last pew on the right-hand side of the church. Thankfully, the stir did not reach so far as the fourth pew from the front on the left, where the Jefford family normally sat. She kept her chin up and her expression impassive as she listened to a litany of announcements, her gaze trained straight ahead.

  There would be no staged confrontation, but she would do as Ryan had asked of her and look her detractors in the eye. It proved more difficult than she had even imagined it would.

  She had chosen to wear a modest, fully lined, pale pink linen pantsuit, including slacks, sleeveless shell and hip-length jacket, but now she second-guessed that choice, wondering if she ought to have worn a dress. Even Ivy’s hairstyle suddenly seemed all wrong to her, childish even, with the sides caught up in a pearly clip at the back of her head. Still, she told herself that she had been right to come—until the congregation rose to sing a hymn and she spied her father, several rows up, on the same side of the sanctuary as she.

  Her heart in her throat, she considered leaving, but just as she closed her eyes to ask God what she should do, she felt a nudge from the aisle and turned her head to find the compassionate gaze of her sister trained on her.

  “Oh, no,” Ivy said, even as Rose’s arms encircled her. The song swelling around them covered her softly spoken protest, but Ivy knew in her heart of hearts that this could only mean that Rose had learned of the rumors and Ryan’s misbegotten plan to combat them. The stiff, angry set of Daniel’s features confirmed it. Crowding into the pew next to her, Rose kept an arm around Ivy’s waist and leaned in until their heads touched.

  “You shouldn’t have come,” Ivy whispered.

  “I needed to show this town that I’m proud of my sister,” Rose said loud enough for those around them to hear. Several gazes turned their way, and Ivy gulped.

  After the hymn, they wedged into a pew so crowded that Rose practically had to sit in Daniel’s lap. In the distance, Ivy caught the contemporary strains of youth worship being conducted out in the fellowship hall and the light laughter of children in another part of the building. The little c
hurch seemed to be bursting at the seams. No wonder they had established a satellite congregation on Magnolia Avenue to help relieve crowding. That was where Rose and Daniel usually attended, but Ivy could not deny how touched she was by her sister’s support here today.

  Perhaps, she thought, this was God’s way of ensuring that their father did not make a scene. He’d been reluctant to do so in front of Rose so far. Maybe this would even be enough to stop the talk about her. For Rose’s sake, Ivy hoped so.

  She heard shuffling behind her as other late arrivals came in and were somehow accommodated, but Ivy kept her gaze forward, trying very hard not to look for Ryan. The service progressed with corporate prayer, hymns, special music and the collection of the offering. Finally Grover stepped up to the pulpit.

  As he first began to read from the first chapter in Romans, beginning with verse twenty-eight, Ivy had no idea what he intended to preach upon. Only when he came to the end of the next verse did she get an inkling.

  He wasn’t particularly obvious about it at first, working his way through a long list of behaviors of those “given over to a depraved mind,” offering examples and tying them to modern life. Unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, malice, envy, murder, strife, deceit, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful…something for everyone, it seemed. Ivy bowed her head, knowing that she had been guilty of more than one of those transgressions.

  “But we are not given over to the depravity of our minds, are we?” Grover asked rhetorically, leaning forward. Amens echoed throughout the room. “We who have Christ in us, we who possess the Holy Spirit, we’re never guilty of ‘those things which are not proper.’ True?” This time, silence followed, as Grover must have known it would.

  He rocked back on his heels, tugging the lapels of his jacket. “Hmph. If we are not given over to depravity, then why is there greed among us? Envy? Strife? Deceit? Malice! Boasting! Arrogance!” He leaned forward again and pointed a finger, sweeping it side to side. “Gossip. Slander.”