by Maisey Yates
Another gust whipped down the street and pushed more hair into her eyes. She slid her hand up her forehead and pushed it back, raising her gaze as she did. And then her heart stopped.
Connor was standing there. Wearing a cowboy hat, a tight black T-shirt and faded jeans. And his beard was gone. He was clean-shaven for the first time in years. And she had to wonder if she was hallucinating him. Because he was more like the Connor she remembered. And also, she wanted to see him so badly that it wasn’t too far-fetched to think that he might be nothing more than a very sexy figment of her imagination.
But then he started to walk toward her, and even though everything in her screamed for her to turn and go the other way, she started to walk toward him, too. And she didn’t vaporize, or turn into mist, so she knew for a fact it had to be him.
* * *
“CONNOR,” SHE SAID, because she could say nothing else.
He started to walk faster, closing the distance between them, and pulling her into his arms, hugging her tight. She melted into him for a few seconds then pushed back. “No,” she said. “It isn’t fair. You aren’t supposed to come and find me. You aren’t supposed to stand there looking all sexy when I can’t have you. You sure as hell cannot just walk down the street and hug me.” A tear slid down her cheek, and she wiped it away. “You lost that right, Connor. Don’t hurt me anymore. Please, don’t do this to me.”
He took hold of her arms, gripping her tight. “I don’t want to hurt you. I’m done with that. And I’m done hurting me, too.”
She shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”
“I got up this morning completely sober. And I hurt like hell, but I wasn’t hungover. And then I went for a ride. And...I let go. There’s a difference between forgetting and releasing your hold on the past. I’m not going to forget. But the funny thing is, I wasn’t even really letting myself remember. I was lost in the after bit. I was lost in that moment when Eli came to the door and told me that she was gone. And that moment had become my entire life. I thought by holding on to that, I was holding on to her memory. But that was the furthest thing from the truth. I let myself forget. I let myself forget the good parts. And when I let go...I got my past back.” He looked down for a moment then back up at her. “Then along with that came some hope for the future.”
She sucked in a shaking breath, her hands trembling. She wanted to yell at him and send him away, but how could she do that now? “Oh, Connor,” she said, “I’m...I’m glad to hear that.”
“I’m not finished,” he said. “I wasn’t only clinging to my grief to try to preserve her memory. Nothing quite that selfless. I was protecting myself. Because I knew that as long as I wrapped myself up in that old pain, there would be no way any new pain could get inside. When you’re living in your darkest day, then you know things can’t get worse. If you don’t want anything better, you can’t be disappointed again. And I was a coward. Because I had you, and I let you get away. Because I was too afraid to make the choice. I told you I was tired of life just handing down sentences to me, but the simple truth is I found that a whole lot easier than getting off my ass and making a decision. But I’m tired of it. I’m done with it. I’m making a choice,” he said, his voice rough, dark eyes intent on hers. “I love you, Liss. And no matter what the future holds, I want that. No matter what problems we might face, I want to love you through them.”
Connor’s words were echoing in her head, and it took her a moment to unravel them. To let the meaning fully sink in. Right now she was the one who was afraid. Because this was far and beyond anything she had ever dared fantasize. Anything she had ever dared dream of. “You...you love me?”
“So much. And that terrified me. I couldn’t even let myself think it, Liss. Love is different this time around. You were my friend first, and you mean the world to me because of that. And then...then you became my lover. And I crave you. Your body, your heart, your soul. And I know the risk. I know the cost of love, and I want it anyway, and that makes this feel more exhilarating, more terrifying, more precious, than anything else I’ve ever experienced. I’m not the man I was a decade ago. And because of that what I want, what I expect, what I need, has changed. And what I need now, now and forever, is you.”
Liss threw her arms around him, kissing him deep on the lips. “I need you,” she said, tears falling down her cheeks. “You have no idea how much.”
“I do. Because it’s the same thing I feel, too.”
“I love you, Connor. I love everything you are. I know who you were back when we were young, back before all of the sadness. And I have seen your strength, and your weaknesses, too. And I love all of that. I can’t guarantee that everything will be smooth from here on out, but if there are going to be storms, we’ll walk through them together.”
“I know that. I believe it. I thought back on everything you’ve done for me in the past few years. And I am an idiot. I should never have been shocked by hearing you say that you loved me. Because you showed me. Every day you showed me. But I was too caught up in myself to get it. I was too afraid to see it. But I’m not now. And I’m not afraid to give it back.”
“Is this really happening?” she asked, kissing him again to make sure he was here, to make absolutely certain she wasn’t hallucinating. “When you’ve wanted something for so long, and you finally get it, sometimes it’s hard to believe.”
“I know what you mean. It feels surreal to me, too. I’ve been in the dark for so long, I’m just kind of blinking against the light right now. But it feels really good.”
“It feels weird to kiss you without a beard.”
“Yeah, well, I thought it was time to let that go, too. But if you miss that, I can always grow it back. I’d rather grow it for you, then just have it because I was too lazy to take care of myself anymore.”
“I get that. We can discuss the beard later.”
“And...I have to say something about the tattoo.”
“Connor, I will never ask you to not love Jessie. I love her. I always will. She’s in my heart, and I expect her to be in yours. I respect the fact that you loved her enough to marry her. I respect that marriage, the fact that she was your wife.”
“I appreciate that. But I wasn’t going to talk about that. Because I already knew how you felt. I think it helps that we both love her. But...of course, it’s not the same now. You’re the woman I love. And I will always have Jessie in my heart, but she’s not my wife now. She’s not here now. I’m not in love with her now. That’s you. Only you. I need you to understand that. I have never, and I will never, wish that you were someone else. Like I said, I’ve changed. What I need has changed. And you’re the woman I need now. You are the woman I love now.” He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I think we had to break our friendship down. Like melting metal. It has to lose its shape so you can make it into something new. But it’s all the same materials. Just like us. We’re still made from the same stuff, it’s just in a new shape.”
Another tear escaped, and this time she didn’t bother to wipe it away. “That is the most perfect thing you could’ve said.”
“Which brings us back to the tattoo. They are Jessie’s flowers. But the meaning of them has changed for me over the past few days. Actually, it kind of connects back to the barn.”
“I’m listening,” she said.
“Flowers die. People die. Barns burn. But as long as there is life, there is hope. We rebuilt the barn. I want to plant roses again. And I’m in love again, when I never thought I could be.” He reached out, brushed his thumb over her cheek and wiped her tear away himself. “No matter how dark things get, life is still there. Love still grows.”
She tightened her hold on him, kissed his cheek. “I know my love for you has grown. And it will only keep growing.”
“I want to marry you,” he said. “And I’m making an ass out of myself,
because I don’t have a ring with me. And I didn’t get down on one knee. But I want to marry you.”
Liss blinked. “We don’t have to get married right away. I’m not going to rush you into anything.”
“I’m not rushing. It took me eighteen years to get here with you. And I won’t waste another minute. So do you want to marry me or not?”
“Of course I want to marry you.”
“I might not be the best husband.”
“I never said I wanted the best husband. I just want my best friend.”
“Then you’re in luck. Because you have me. I won’t be perfect, but I will love you. Now and forever.”
She reached up and took his hat off his head, putting it on her own. “That’s the best promise I could ever ask for, cowboy.”
* * *
CONNOR GARRETT WAS a grown-ass man. And he knew that there was nothing to be nervous about when it came to giving good news to his family. Even so, given that he had asked Liss the question, and put a ring on her finger, only a few hours ago, he was nervous.
Eli walked in, holding Sadie’s hand. Sadie was holding her orange-and-black Beavers bowl in her other hand. In behind them came Kate, followed by Jack, who was holding pizzas from a local restaurant, since dinner had been his responsibility for tonight’s game.
Everyone stopped and stared at him and Liss when they came into the dining room. Because either directly or indirectly they all knew now what had passed between them. But nobody knew what had happened today.
“Liss,” Sadie said, “you’re here.”
Beside him, Liss nodded.
Jack looked between them. “You guys are...okay?”
Connor cleared his throat. “Actually, we’re more than okay.” He reached down and took Liss’s left hand in his, raising it slightly so that they could see the diamond on her fourth finger. “I asked Liss to marry me.”
“What?” This incredulous question came from Kate, and Connor realized that the only person who might have been in the dark about recent happenings was his younger sister.
“We were together, then we broke up, and then he proposed,” Liss said, offering a quick recap.
“No one ever tells me anything,” Kate said.
“I would have told you eventually,” Eli said. “But I was too pissed off at him to tell the story without a lot of swear words.”
“Like that’s ever stopped you before,” Kate said. “The saltier parts of my vocabulary are courtesy of you and Connor, after all.”
“True,” Eli said. “But back to this... You’re really getting married?”
“Yes,” Connor said, and this time he didn’t have to force his smile. This time he couldn’t hold it back.
Eli closed the distance between them and pulled Connor into a hug, clapping him on his back twice before letting him go. “Welcome back,” he said, a slight mist covering his dark eyes.
Connor felt a little mist in his own. “Good to be back,” he said, looking at Liss. “Yeah, it’s really good to be back.”
“So who wants to play some poker?” Jack asked.
“Me,” Kate said, scrabbling for a place at the table.
“Me, too,” Eli said.
They all took their usual seats, but he kept hold of Liss’s hand.
He thought back to the game they’d had a little over a month ago, when he’d observed the look that had passed between Eli and Sadie, the one that made him envious down to his bones. He turned his head and looked at Liss, and she smiled at him. And that smile was like the sun breaking over the mountains all over again.
He felt for a long time as if he’d lost his star, as though he’d lost his compass. As if he’d lost his way. Oh, he might not be certain of his exact destination. But he knew for a fact he would be walking there with Liss.
And that was all he needed to know.
* * * * *
Keep reading for an excerpt from PART TIME COWBOY by Maisey Yates.
“Humor, tension, smexy-times, twisted family dynamics and a re-enjoyment of life.”
—The Book Pushers on Rekindled
If you loved Brokedown Cowboy, don’t miss these other Copper Ridge tales!
Shoulda Been a Cowboy (novella)
Part Time Cowboy
Bad News Cowboy (August 2015)
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CHAPTER ONE
WHOEVER SAID YOU couldn’t go home again had clearly never been to Copper Ridge. The place hadn’t changed. Not in the ten years before Sadie Miller had left town, and not in the ten years since. It probably wouldn’t have changed much in another ten years.
Well, it would change a little bit now. The population sign would increase by one, adding back the resident she’d taken away when she’d left town at eighteen. And it would also contain at least one more bed-and-breakfast.
So, in an unchanging landscape, she would be responsible for two changes in a very short amount of time.
She deserved a medal of some kind. Though she doubted anyone in this town would ever give her a medal. She was just the wild child from the wrong side of the tracks. Not many would be welcoming her with open arms.
But that was fine with her. She wasn’t here for them. She was here for her.
She looked across the highway, at the ocean, barely visible through the trees on her left. She could remember walking there as a kid. A long hike in the sand, through gorse and other pricklies, around the lake and across the road.
A walk she and her friends had always made without their parents. Because the main perk of getting out for an afternoon was getting away from their parents, after all. At least it had been for her.
It was strange to see something familiar. She’d spent so many years moving on to the next new place. She never went back anywhere. Ever. She went somewhere new.
This was the first time she’d ever been somewhere old. And she wasn’t sure how she felt about it.
She looked at the gas gauge on her car and sighed. The little yellow light was reminding her that she hadn’t made a pit stop since she’d gone through Medford, nearly three hundred miles ago. She was going to have to stop somewhere in town before she went out to the ranch. She wasn’t exactly sure where the Garrett ranch was, just that it was on the outskirts of Copper Ridge.
She’d never been invited onto the property before.
The fact that she was leasing a business on it now would have been funny if she didn’t just feel horrible, stomach-cramping nervousness.
But then, she figured facing past demons was supposed to be scary. She wouldn’t know for sure since she’d spent years avoiding them. Six months ago, that had changed.
Working with people dealing with grief and loss was always impacting—there was no way around it. But one very grumpy older woman who’d lost the house she’d been in since the 1940s had forced her to think about things she’d always avoided.
“Home is wherever you are,” Sadie had told her.
Maryann, whose every decade on earth was marked clearly in her snow-white hair and the deep lines etched in her face, had scowled at her. “Home is where I raised my children. Where my husband breathed his last breath. I don’t know who I am outside those walls.”
“You’re still you. I’ve spent a lot of my life moving from place to place, and I take my essence, my soul, or whatev
er you want to call it, with me wherever I go.”
The other woman had waved her hand in dismissal. “You can’t know, then. You’re a vagrant in your own life. If nothing matters to you, how can you sit there and tell me that something I poured the past sixty years of my life into is meaningless?”
And that was when she’d realized...as a crisis counselor she’d helped so many people deal with loss. Either the loss of a loved one, the loss of a marriage or, very often, the loss of a home, and she’d realized that all that advice had been thin. Rootless, because she was.
Because nothing was permanent in her life. Because not one thing had the kind of deep resonance and meaning for her that Maryann’s home had for her.
She’d never before been quite so conscious of the transient nature of her life. But in one blunt sentence her patient had reduced the past ten years to a tumbleweed in her mind’s eye, while Maryann’s own past had risen up like a redwood. Towering, significant. Rooted.
After that she’d felt so aware of how alone she was. That she’d let every friendship she’d left behind wither on the vine and die, that she’d done a crap job of making new friends since she’d moved to San Diego. That her last boyfriend, Marcus, hadn’t been missed from the day she’d rolled him out of bed and out the door for the last time.
Those revelations had led to online perusals of Copper Ridge. Which had led to an ad she hadn’t been able to get out of her head.
Long-term lease. Perfect for a private residence or bed-and-breakfast.
From there, she’d examined her savings, done estimated profit and loss based on exhaustive research of similar businesses, and before she’d quite realized what she was getting herself into...she’d committed. Committed to leaving the career she’d spent more time in school for than she’d spent actually practicing.
For the first time in ten years, she’d agreed to an extended time frame in one location. And for the first time in ten years, she was headed back to the one place she’d ever called home.
