She tilted her head to the side slightly. “How did you walk to us, then? I remember you showed up and climbed inside to get us free. If you had broken bones, how did you do that?”
Connor lifted his brows a little and sighed. “I heard someone calling for help. I heard your mom calling for help. I don’t even remember any pain. I just knew I needed to get to you, and when I saw you—” His voice caught, and he coughed. “I had never seen you before in my life, but in that moment, the only things that mattered to me were you and your brother. Ever since I could get access to a computer, my phone…anything, I’ve been looking for you. I needed to know you were okay.”
Her brows drew together, and she looked up at him skeptically. “You…looked for us?”
Kelsey chose that moment to speak up. “Connor hired a private investigator. He thought about you constantly.”
“It does hurt still,” Cassidy whispered, and tears ran down her cheek. Her gaze fell to the hands twisting in her lap. “It hurts every single day.”
Kelsey’s arms ached to hold the young girl, and when Connor looked over his shoulder at her with the most painfully helpless expression she’d ever seen, she knew he was thinking the same.
The man who won her over so many years ago with his constant overprotective insistence on her comfort in every physical situation managed to make her fall even more in love when he extended an arm toward Cassidy.
“Do you mind if I hold your hand?”
He didn’t pull back even when Cassidy sat as still as a granite statue. Seconds ticked by carrying the weight of hours before she slid her palm inside Connor’s much larger paw. The few drops turned into rivers trailing down her cheeks.
“We lost my dad right after Logan was born.” Her hiccuping sob tore Kelsey’s heart to shreds. “And my grandparents were gone before my parents even married. But we always had Mom. Always. Until—” Her words disappeared into a full body, convulsing bawl.
Kelsey stood and stepped around Connor’s seat, kneeling beside where Cassidy sat. The changes that this child had gone through in her short time on the planet tempered Kelsey’s need to hold her close. “I’d really love to give you a hug, but if you aren’t comfortable with that, it’s okay.”
Cassidy wrapped her thin arms around Kelsey’s neck and cried into her shoulder. She was at a complete loss for words to soothe the young girl that they’d somehow managed to forge a connection with, building on the tragedy-created bond the kids had with Connor.
Logan wandered over to the trio and laid his head on Connor’s bicep. “Are you going to leave us, too?”
In that moment, a heated wave of protectiveness washed over Kelsey. These children deserved to go to sleep in the same bed, every night, with two parents to tuck them in and read them bedtime stories.
They deserved Connor and Kelsey and all the love they could pour over them.
Connor spoke while Kelsey was still searching for the words. “We have to, but we will be back. If you guys want us to come visit again, I promise we’ll be back.”
Cassidy pulled slightly away from Kelsey. “Everyone leaves and stays gone.” The few whispered words wrecked the last remnant of self-control she’d managed to hold onto as the young girl fell apart in her arms.
She cradled Cassidy’s face between her palms. “We aren’t everyone. I promise we will be back as soon as we can.”
Chapter Thirty
Connor
Nine Months Earlier
He paced another circle around the coffee table and cued up Kelsey’s contact information in his phone again. Voicemail again.
“Hey Kels, I’m not trying to be a completely overbearing asshole here, but you still aren’t home, and you didn’t mention anything about working late or stopping anywhere on your way home. I’m worried, gorgeous. Please call or text when you can.”
As soon as his finger swiped across the screen to end the call, the sound of the garage door mechanism engaging reached his ears and was the most beautiful thing he could ever recall hearing. He crossed to the kitchen door that led into the house from the garage in a few large strides.
Kelsey barely had one foot across the threshold when he collected her in his arms and held her close to his chest. He buried his face in her neck and breathed in the lemon verbena that was uniquely Kelsey.
A strangled laugh accompanied her arms encircling him. “Hey, what is this welcome all about?”
He leaned back just enough to capture her face between his palms and devour her mouth, pouring his worry and panic and relief into the kiss. Only once he’d adequately assured himself of her safety did he pull his lips from hers. “I…thought something happened.”
A shadow passed across her face so quickly he was certain he’d imagined it. Before he blinked, a large smile transformed her entire countenance. The lingering tendrils of sadness reflecting in her eyes were so faint he couldn’t trust their reality.
“Sorry, Picasso, I had an appointment that ran later than I expected, and I just focused on getting home to you and didn’t bother to check my phone.”
Some of his fear morphed into a thread of anger. As the minutes ticked by and Kelsey was first one, then two, and finally over three hours later than normal, visions of car accidents, emergency crises, and a million other much more far-fetched but still panic-inducing images had flashed before his eyes.
His concern had peaked at a level where he was barely able to breathe and seconds away from hopping in his car to retrace her steps while checking with hospitals and police departments. Scenarios that still had his stomach in knots had played out in his mind in devastating reality. His hands still shook.
And she stood before him smiling.
“Kelsey, I was worried. Beyond worried.” He took a step back and brushed his hair back from his forehead. “You’ve never done this before, and I was frickin’ terrified.”
She captured her lower lip between her teeth, and her gaze darted to every corner of the room not occupied by Connor. “You’re right, I’m so sorry.” She closed the small space he’d created between them and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I would have been a neurotic, panicked mess if I didn’t know where you were.”
She lifted onto her tip-toes and kissed him deeply, her lips making a path from his along his jawline and down to his neck. “I’m sorry I worried you, but please don’t be mad at me.” She breathed the words against his neck, and he groaned in response.
His hands fell to her hips, and he rubbed his thumbs against the bones in small circles. “Are you trying to make me forget that you had me worried?”
Her fingers trailed under his shirt and traced the lean muscles on his back. “Possibly. Is it working?”
Connor’s breath caught when she tugged his shirt over his head, and her mouth landed on his chest. “Way more than it should.” He hooked an arm under her knees and lifted her close against him. “Promise me that you’ll let me know next time. I was so damn insane with fear.” He marched them down the hall to the bedroom and lowered her onto the mattress before covering her body with his. “I probably would have been a madman if this was two years down the road and you were pregnant or had a baby with you. Promise me you’ll let me know.” He repeated the plea with a still panic-laced voice.
Kelsey’s entire being stilled beneath him so completely he wasn’t sure she was even breathing. Finally, she grabbed his face and pulled it down to hers in a hard, demanding kiss. “I promise you’ll never worry like that again,” she vowed between needy, desperate couplings of their mouths.
Enough of his tumultuous emotions satiated, he tore at her clothes with the same frenzy she ripped his from his body. Every inch of his flesh burned with the flaming inferno of desire that only Kelsey could ignite.
His lips began a familiar path down the front of her as he slid down lower. Her fingers closed around his biceps, and she pulled him back up to lock eyes with her. He frowned in an unspoken question.
Kelsey lifted her thighs above his hips and a
rched into him. “I need you, Connor.” Her hot center pressed against his hardened length, and he bit back a groan. “Now. I need you now.”
With practiced efficiency, he slid inside, and his lips brushed along her shoulder as she pushed her head deeper into the pillow with a low moan. Her fingernails dug into his back with every thrust.
Everything with Kelsey was special. He never experienced that boredom he’d heard married friends complain about. Even if every day and every night was identical, the fact he held Kelsey made it everything he needed.
“I love you.” His gasping proclamation accompanied the lift of her pelvis as she met his every move with her own. “I love you more than anything, Connor Carlisle.”
He stilled long enough to brush a few strands of hair from her face and leaned down to meld his lips with hers in a softly passionate kiss. “I love you too, gorgeous.”
Connor rocked his hips two more times and was rewarded with a sharp shriek from Kelsey’s trembling body. Moments later, stars exploded before his eyes, and a tidal wave of bliss washed over him. A low, guttural growl escaped his lips, and he fell beside her, exhausted and relieved. Kelsey was exactly where she belonged, in his bed and in his arms.
***
Kelsey
Nine Months Earlier
If this was two years down the road and you were pregnant or had a baby with you.
Pregnant.
Baby.
Connor’s statement played on a scratchy loop in her brain as she stared at the ceiling and listened to his soft snore beside her. That would never happen. Even if they did in vitro fertilization, there were no guarantees it would work. She wasn’t certain she could survive the heartache.
She rotated to the right and stared at Connor’s sleeping face. He would give up everything for her. If she told him what the doctor said, if she gave him a chance to find someone else…there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d leave. He was loyal and devoted to a fault.
To the extent he would break himself for her and give up every dream he’d always carried of having a family. Even if the weight of that decision meant living the rest of his life with a huge piece missing.
She’d lied when she told him that an appointment had run late. The reality was, she had spent ages driving around, pulling over periodically to sob out the pain and agony that came along with a diagnosis she never expected to hear. She’d searched her mind and heart for hours for some way to tell Connor what had happened but came up empty. This was the one thing in the entirety of their relationship that seemed impossible to share with him.
The one and only thing that she couldn’t tell him. The same thing that could spell the end of their fairy tale.
She swiped away the silent tears tracking down her face at awkward angles from her position on her side, staring at Connor. He deserved to have the life he envisioned for himself with the white picket fence, perfect wife, and two point five kids. Probably some massive slobbery dog mixed in somewhere as well.
Something he wouldn’t find with her. Something they’d never have.
Her heart railed against the path her mind wandered down. Not only would walking away end her relationship with Connor, it would sever ties with his family, and she had grown to love and cherish the Carlisle clan as her own. She ached on so many levels.
Kelsey swallowed and steeled her resolve. She loved Connor more than herself, and just the same as she’d willingly step in front of a speeding bus to save his life, she’d sacrifice herself to ensure he got everything he wanted. Everything he deserved.
The hours of darkness ticked by as she made a plan. In between bouts of sobs that she bit her fist to keep silent and mentally tallying what needed to come next, she grabbed a few minutes of fitful, restless sleep. Enough to give her traction when her feet hit the floor at sunup.
She very intentionally followed her normal morning routine. Brushed her teeth, showered, and dressed all before Connor even opened his eyes. She stood beside the coffee pot as it brewed her morning fix. Once her first travel mug was filled, she moved onto the second one.
Just as she snapped the lid in place, Connor came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Good morning, gorgeous.” His lips pressed against her temple.
Kelsey closed her eyes and pasted what she hoped was a convincingly carefree smile on her face before turning within the circle of his arms. “Hey there, Picasso.” Her breath caught in her throat at the unusual sight of her fiancé in a suit and tie. “Big day?”
His lopsided grin was a dagger to her soul, shredding the few vestiges that remained intact. “Yeah, meeting with a huge prospective client, so I have to look like a responsible adult who knows what he’s doing and will be capable of designing buildings that won’t collapse onto themselves.”
She ran her hands over his lapels, smoothing them down. “You’re going to do great. Who could possibly resist you?”
He leaned down and joined his mouth with hers. “I’m just lucky you couldn’t,” he whispered against her lips in between soft, gentle kisses.
She poured every ounce of love for him into the action, hoping to silently relay what she couldn’t trust herself to say. It was the coward’s way out, and there wasn’t a chance in hell she’d ever be able to redeem herself from this, but his happiness was her priority.
Sure, he’d be hurt at first. There was no way that the entirety of their relationship could possibly end without a little pain. But eventually he’d recover. And maybe one day when he found the perfect girl that could give him everything, maybe she’d have a chance to explain why. And maybe he’d understand.
Connor pulled away, collected his wallet and keys, and paused by the door. “Late start today?”
He was used to her having varying schedules based on client’s needs and the other therapists in the practice. Some days she was strictly on the boring behind-the-desk side of life; others she was doing in clinic therapy sessions and at-home visits. Her days were unpredictable at best, mildly chaotic at worst, but still the career she loved.
And soon, that would be the singular focus of her life.
“Yeah, a little bit later than normal.” She left off the usual added note that she wouldn’t be home until whatever time because…that wouldn’t be true.
Connor crossed the room, gave her a kiss on the tip of her nose, and headed toward the door once more. “Have a good day, gorgeous.”
She stood in the kitchen, clutching her travel mug and taking occasional small sips until she heard the garage door latch shut. And then she waited a few minutes longer. Once she was convinced he was far enough down the road he wouldn’t turn around, she went down the hall to their bedroom and packed her bags haphazardly through tear-filled eyes.
Kelsey had resolved to take only her clothes and whatever meaningful items she could successfully fit in one carload. She’d allowed just a few errant drops to fall as she packed her things. Only once the sedan was full and she stood in the kitchen, twirling the ring on her finger, did the great heaving sobs hit. Removing the diamond band was like ripping her still beating heart from her chest.
But it was necessary.
She placed it on the counter beside the note that simply read,
Connor,
Don’t for one moment doubt that I love you. I do and I’ll never stop, but we can’t be together anymore. Please have a good life and get everything from it that you deserve.
Chapter
Thirty-One
Connor
Present Day
“You made flash cards.”
Kelsey’s monotone voice and deadpan expression were more amusing than he’d found the idea when he’d first thought of it, and Connor dissolved into deep belly laughs.
He managed to pull himself under something that resembled control after several minutes. “Hey, they worked to get you through school; it should get us approved for our foster application pretty easily.”
Four weeks had passed since they’d initially applied to become
foster parents, followed by their first meeting with Logan and Cassidy. Every weekend involved two hours of classes on Saturday, followed by time with the kids on Sunday. They’d both taken a day off work to decompress, but it had quickly morphed into finding another way to prepare for the kids.
“Do you think they’ll want to stay with us?” As soon as she voiced the question, she drew her lower lip between her teeth.
The unique and swift bond that had been forged primarily between Logan, Cassidy, and Connor somehow managed to also encompass Kelsey. Connor and Cassidy often would wind up having discussions over colored pencils and sketch pads while Logan and Kelsey played a variety of boardgames. She shamelessly pushed him to choose Operation and rolled her eyes every time Connor gave her grief.
But none of that meant the kids saw them as anything more than cool adults to hang out with. It certainly didn’t mean that they would want to move into their home, even on a temporary basis.
Connor moved from the overstuffed chair to the couch where Kelsey sat and wrapped an arm around her. “I want to believe that they will. I need to believe that.” He hooked a finger under her chin. “But even if they don’t? There are dozens, probably hundreds, of kids in the system who need a home. We’ll find that right fit.”
She moved her head slightly to the left, breaking the intense stare, and nodded slightly. “Yeah, you’re right.”
He placed a hand on her cheek and rotated her back to face him again. “And even if that doesn’t happen, we have each other. Kels, we are a family exactly as we are.” His thumb caught a random tear that escaped her lower lid. “You and I were meant to be together and meant to be a family. That can come in any shape or size. There aren’t rules on what constitutes a family other than that they love each other.” He grazed his lips across hers. “And I sure as hell love you.”
Meant To Be Family (Meant To Be Series Book 3) Page 20
