Only Connor and Dean had had a front row seat for that. Wyatt managed to show up for the grand finale. Typical for the asshole.
But for all their bickering, the brothers had an unspoken vow between them to be there for each other no matter what. Especially when love was on the line. “When do you need me?”
“Saturday afternoon.”
Connor carded his fingers through his hair and groaned. “Sorry, brother. Kelsey made me promise we’d go to this wedding expo bullshit thing this weekend.” He squinted against the bright sun lowering in the sky. “I might be able to see if her mom or sister could come in to go with her. Hell, she might prefer them anyway. What do I know about the pros and cons of chair covers?”
“First,” Wyatt spoke with his typical exaggerated confidence and Connor was pretty damn sure he was holding up a finger even though there was no one around to see, “the fact you even know what the hell a chair cover is could be a point of concern.”
After relaying a very detailed, expletive-filled directive of exactly what Wyatt could do to himself, Connor propped a hip on the railing and stared through the glass at Kelsey, still sound asleep. “What’s the second thing?”
“Do whatever the hell she wants.” The excessive drawl Wyatt had been using since his high school years melted away, and sincerity laced every word. “I’ve screwed up, Tanner’s screwed up, and Dean has his head so far up his ass he can’t see what’s right in front of his face. Don’t be like any of us.”
The thumping of Connor’s heart at his brother’s uncharacteristically genuine comment seemed to rouse Kelsey from her slumber. She sat up on the couch and stretched her arms over her head, a sliver of her abdomen peeking out with the movement. The small bit of exposed skin was enough to dry Connor’s mouth and make ending the phone call more of a necessity.
“Don’t worry, there isn’t a chance in hell I’m ever letting Kelsey go. But good luck, Wyatt. You’re gonna need it.” With that, he stabbed the red button to disconnect from his brother and strode back into the house.
Kelsey smiled up at him as he approached, her eyes still tinged with sleep. “Hey, when did you get home?”
He dropped to the sofa beside her and rested against the soft, cushioned back. “About fifteen minutes ago. I was just talking to Wyatt. He has some harebrained scheme for trying to win Georgia back.” Connor rubbed his knuckles up and down Kelsey’s spine.
She closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip with a soft moan and arched into his touch. “But is it a good idea?”
“Maybe.” Connor slid his hand under her shirt, his fingers trailing up and down her back.
She pressed into him. “This is the best way to wake up.”
***
Kelsey
Nine Months Earlier
The paper crackled on the table beneath her as she readjusted once again, and Kelsey cursed the thin gown that really didn’t offer a barrier between herself and the annoying material. Three days ago, she’d seen her primary care doctor and discussed all her symptoms and left with a lengthy list of blood work that needed to be performed.
Soon.
She’d rolled her eyes but obediently gone from the office to the hospital for the draw. More vials than she cared to count later, she met Connor for dinner and jokingly referred to herself as a medical anomaly, basically completely on brand for someone who worked in that field. Nothing ever came easy.
They’d laughed over the Italian meal and gone home, the day barely a blip on her radar.
Until the office called the following day. Initial results were in, and her general practitioner was recommending that she see a gynecologist for further testing and management. That was the exact phrase they’d used. Testing and management.
Two words she couldn’t process.
Ones that she didn’t want to even breathe to Connor. Not until she knew whatever the ambiguous diagnosis was that they didn’t feel like sharing until it was confirmed.
She scratched her nails along her upper arm and checked her watch for the twelfth time in less than twenty minutes. Every second ticked by at an agonizingly slow pace.
Finally, the doctor appeared, tie slightly askew, bright white coat unbuttoned. The slight graying at his temples hinted at an age about two decades older than her. “I apologize for the wait, Ms. Donovan.” He stuck out one hand, and Kelsey slid hers inside it. “I’m Dr. Ricardo.” He settled on the small vinyl stool at the desk to her right. “Tell me what’s going on.”
Kelsey bit back a weighted sigh. She’d already explained her symptoms to her family doctor, the receptionist when she’d made the appointment, and again to the medical assistant who had taken her history. Her logical, trained brain knew that it was to make sure they had all the information, but her frustration mounted nonetheless.
She explained the complete and utter exhaustion that had plagued her for years. The thing she had brushed off as being related to stress and overworking first from school and then from her practice. She recited each bullet point from the irregular cycles to the painful periods and even admitted the irritability that she often took out on Connor.
The older man notated everything she mentioned with a brief nod of his head as his pen scratched across the paper.
With a small shrug, she lifted her hands. “That’s about it. Sometimes it feels like everything is getting worse rather than better, and other times it doesn’t even bother me.” She twisted the rings on her left hand. “My fiancé is worried, more so than me, and he really pushed me to come in.”
He pressed his lips into a thin line. “Your doctor has performed a thorough physical exam, I see, but I’d like to perform a pelvic exam and an ultrasound today and review the results of your blood work with you.”
Kelsey’s heart steeled at his words. Before her brain could process everything, the doctor left the room, and a technician wheeled in a large ultrasound. The jelly she smeared across Kelsey’s lower abdomen sent a shiver down her spine. The test took an interminable eternity, even though her watch registered that only fifteen minutes had passed.
With a shy smile, the technician cleaned the probe. “You can lie back. The doctor will come in and perform the pelvic exam next.”
She turned and lifted her legs into the cold metal stirrups at the foot of the firm exam table. Butterflies swarmed in her stomach as the exam progressed. It wasn’t unusual compared to the one she’d had nearly five years ago when her birth control implant had been placed.
The doctor and his assistant both left as soon as the exam was completed, and Kelsey slowly dressed. A lead weight settled in the pit of her stomach. She knew better than to listen to what the doctor was saying and pay very close attention to what he wasn’t.
He had a better handle on what was wrong than he was revealing. Her hands shook as she slid the button of her jeans back into place and resumed her seat on the table. The completely expressionless set of his face did nothing to ease the dread that formed in her gut.
She had the same training on keeping your features neutral and not giving away your emotions. Patients looked to their care providers for reassurance, and any giveaway would be highly frowned upon.
The older man took his seat on the stool once more and set a thick manila envelope on the table beside him. He swallowed and waited half a beat before locking eyes with Kelsey. “Ms. Donovan, I’m sorry to tell you that you have a condition known as primary ovarian insufficiency.”
Without a single conscious thought, her jaw dropped open. After several seconds, she snapped her mouth shut and pulled her brows together. His words didn’t make sense, and yet…they made all too much sense. Still, she couldn’t stop herself from asking, “What does that mean?”
“It is similar to early menopause, which is the cause of many of your symptoms.” He clicked through different screens on the monitor in front of him. “Your thyroid function is also decreased, which is consistent with POI and likely the reason for the extreme exhaustion you’ve mentioned.”
&n
bsp; The avalanche of questions in her mind failed to make it to her lips. All but one. “Does this mean I can’t have children?”
The corners of his mouth tightened infinitesimally, cementing the heavy weight rolling in her stomach. “Nothing is impossible, and there are no guarantees, but it will be harder for you. In vitro fertilization is an option. Possibly with donor eggs.”
All of the times she’d spent with Connor planning their future, the life that always included a house full of kids, replayed at super speed in her brain. The one that now couldn’t be realized without significant medical intervention and heavy costs.
For the first time in their relationship, something happened that she didn’t feel she could share with Connor. That knowledge hurt worse than the diagnosis itself.
The doctor continued to drone on about various alternatives, and he wrote her prescriptions for thyroid medication and hormone replacement therapy to protect her heart and bones from degradation from her condition. Kelsey barely registered anything he said but offered perfunctory nods at appropriate times.
In less than five minutes, her entire life and vision for her future had changed. And she couldn’t have the appropriate breakdown her heart was begging for while she sat on the paper-covered table.
Only once she was in her car several minutes later, clutching the packet of information on primary ovarian insufficiency, hypothyroidism, and contact information for the fertility clinic, did she allow the surge of tears to overflow. Her breath came in stuttered, heavy gasps as she tried to pull oxygen into her lungs between soul-rendering sobs.
Everything had changed for her, but she couldn’t expect Connor to carry this. He deserved an out. If she offered it to him, he’d never take it. His loyalty ran too deep. Even if it hurt him, he’d still want to get married.
She swiped at the rivers flowing from her eyes. No, she would have to be the one to walk away, even if it shattered her beyond repair.
Chapter
Twenty-Nine
Connor
Present Day
For the third time in as many minutes, Connor readjusted on the hard plastic seat. Kelsey’s hand slid on top of where his rested on his knee and squeezed. He lifted his gaze that had been focused on his tapping foot and locked eyes with her.
She gave a soft smile, the same one that she offered in the middle of the night when he woke up with the all-too-real memories from the accident haunting him. The one that managed to settle a fraction of the nerves churning the bagel he’d managed to choke down this morning. “It’ll be okay.”
“They could hate me.” He’d voiced the concern more than once in the weeks leading up to their scheduled visit at the group home that Cassidy and Logan now called home. “Or I could hurt them. Seeing me and remembering the night their mom…” He hunched over in his seat and dropped his head again. A wave of nausea swept over him, and he barely managed to swallow back the need to run to the nearest bathroom.
Kelsey ran her free hand up and down his spine, tightening her grip on his with the other. “They could. That’s a very real possibility.” She laid her cheek on his shoulder. “But it is just as real of a possibility that they could find some resolution by getting a chance to meet you. Don’t forget, they were offered this and had a chance to say no.”
He scoffed and shook his head. “They are seven and ten years old and just lost their only parent. They aren’t exactly in a place to make such big decisions.” He pressed his lips into a thin line. “And it was hella unfair of me to ask them for this.”
Before he could even register her hand leaving his, she cradled his face between her palms and rotated his head to meet her fiery gaze. “You saved them. They were in danger, serious danger, and you saved them. Undoubtedly causing more harm to your body than you already had. Checking on them is not unfair.” Her impassioned voice softened. “Possibly offering them a home if…if there is a chance in hell that this can all work out, that is not unfair.”
A single tear trailed down his cheek. “I can’t give them back everything they lost, but, Kels, that night was hell for me, and I am a grown-ass man. How much worse would it be for kids? Kids that lost everything?”
“And we can give them something.” She nodded encouragingly. “We can give them us. A home.” She grinned. “And a loud, obnoxious, but incredibly loving extended family.”
Connor closed his eyes and groaned. “Heaven help me if they love the rodeo. I’ll never hear the end of it from Wyatt.”
Kelsey’s slate-colored eyes sparkled. “Hey, your brother is a draw. How many other families can offer a real life star-studded cowboy as an uncle?”
He glanced at his watch again and stood to stretch. “Cart before the horse, Kels. We barely started our parenting classes to be approved to be anyone’s foster parents, and the kids haven’t met us yet. We have a lot of hoops to jump through before we can play the big cards.”
“I’m totally telling Wyatt you called him that,” Kelsey teased and offered a mischievous smile that managed to quell most of his remaining nerves.
Connor tipped his head back. “Don’t you dare. His head will swell so big he won’t be able to wear that damned hat anymore.” He grinned. “On second thought, do it. I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen him without the damn thing since…I can’t remember, to be honest.”
The thick metal door with the small square of glass near the top opened before Kelsey could answer. An older woman entered, shepherding in two blond children. The girl stood about a head taller than her brother and had her arm protectively wrapped around the boy’s shoulders.
Kelsey stood and moved to his side. She curled her fingers around his bicep and pressed herself against him. Images flashed in front of his eyes of the children the night of the accident. The eyes that had been filled with fear and uncertainty when he first met them were clouded with resignation and pain.
“Logan, Cassidy,” the gray-haired woman placed a hand on Cassidy’s back and the girl immediately flinched, “this is Mr. and Mrs. Carlisle.”
He held up a hand. “I’m Connor, and this is Kelsey.” He wished he could get down on the floor and be more on their level, but lingering aches he hoped he would eventually be rid of sent him to sit in the chair instead with a wince. Towering over them was possibly the least effective way to make them feel comfortable. Kelsey mirrored him and resumed her seat as well. “Do…do you guys remember me?”
The boy opened his mouth but snapped it closed when his sister’s grip visibly tightened on his shoulder. He looked back and forth between Cassidy and Connor. After several long moments, he ripped himself free from her grasp and ran across the room, launching himself into Connor’s arms. “You saved us.”
Connor held the small, warm body close. He wanted to argue because he sure as hell was no hero, and the confusion and uncertainty etched across his sister’s face hurt Connor just as deeply as the boy healed him.
“I tried, buddy.” He swallowed back the emotions clogging his throat with little success. Somehow he managed to keep the tears threatening to fall in check.
Kelsey laid a hand on his back, and it drew his gaze up to her watery smile. “You are a hero.” She mouthed the words she spoke to him every time he questioned if visiting the kids was a good idea, much less exploring adopting them.
The older lady still standing near the door cleared her throat. “I’ll check on you in a few minutes.” And with that, she made a quiet exit.
***
Kelsey
Present Day
Logan stayed in Connor’s arms far longer than Kelsey had expected, and she could visibly see parts of her husband stitch themselves back together from the emotional embrace. The woman monitoring them checked in every fifteen minutes, and Kelsey both appreciated the safety measures and wished they’d have a little longer between her visits to give the kids more time to relax.
By the second time her gray head poked in, Logan was playing with Kelsey on the carpeted play mat on the left side of the room, sta
cking blocks and zooming cars along the roadways printed on the Berber material. Connor chuckled from his nearby seat as the little boy played.
Cassidy sat at a table nearly as far away as she could get with a pack of colored pencils and a notebook. Kelsey nudged Connor’s shin and tilted her head toward the young girl. He shook his in response, and she gave him a meaningful glare and a decisive nod.
He took a deep breath and stood, running his palms down the front of his jeans. He crossed the few feet separating Cassidy from the rest of the group and took a seat slightly away from her. Kelsey’s attention bopped between Logan and Connor and Cassidy.
“Hey, that’s a really good picture.” His deep voice complimenting the young girl carried over to her, and Kelsey tried to contain her smile.
That’s right, use that charm, Picasso.
Cassidy scoffed. “Yeah? You some sort of art expert?”
“I have a little bit of experience.” His gaze sought out Kelsey, and she gave him what she hoped was an encouraging smile. “When I was in high school, I had a couple of pieces displayed in an art gallery featuring local artists. I…hadn’t had much time to do anything until I was stuck in bed and in a wheelchair while I recovered.”
The girl’s startling green eyes left the paper for the first time, and she actually looked at Connor. Kelsey held her breath and waited as silence stretched for what seemed like an eternity.
“Were you…badly hurt? In the accident?”
At Cassidy’s question, Kelsey rose and took a seat beside Connor. She laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. No matter how many months passed, talking about things was hard on him.
He threw Kelsey a barely perceptible smile before nodding to Cassidy. “I had a pelvic fracture at the hip joint and a broken tibia. I couldn’t walk for a long time, but it also hurt like hell to sit, too.” He dropped his head. “Everything hurt. And there were days it felt like it was going to hurt forever.”
Meant To Be Family (Meant To Be Series Book 3) Page 19
