by Cindy Wilder
I got back to the house in time to hand my dad his car keys.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
I walked to my room without a word and made sure to lock the door behind me. When I fell onto my bed, I fell asleep instantly. I knew I needed to avoid Brayden for less than a week. That was all I needed to do. If I slept the week away, time would pass quicker. The sad thing was that I didn't want the time to pass. If it did, that meant I would lose Brad that much faster. I felt like my head was going to explode. It was a losing battle no matter what I did. The one thing I knew was that Brayden was not touching me ever again.
Both of the guys worked during the day, so that was a good thing. Brayden worked long hours, so I knew Jen or Brad would be home before he would be. My dad's hours were never the same. He got home when his work was finished. It had been that way for a few years. I knew I had the house to myself during the day.
I woke up to someone knocking on my door but was so afraid to open it. Who would be standing on the other side? It would either be my soon to be step mom, the man of my dreams, or the biggest asshole in the world. The knock was soft, so I was hoping for option number one. When I got up and swung the door open, Jen looked at me with wide eyes.
“Are you feeling okay?” she asked with concern in her voice.
“I'm fine,” I said softly.
“I hope you enjoyed your weekend. We missed you not being here. Brad was gone too. Both of our kids were back home, but they were both gone. I want you to feel comfortable here, and I am so sorry if we haven't made you feel that way.”
“It's just been a lot to deal with. Please don't think it was anything to do with the way you have treated me. I promise it hasn't. I haven't seen my dad for more than a week in nine months. Things are completely different from when I left. I'm not used to so many people in the house and needed some space. It's more than that. There's some stuff going on with the guy from school. I may lose him, and I'm having a hard time with that. I can't explain it. Please be patient with me. I'm not a pain in the ass or a spoiled brat. I'm just having a bit of a hard time with all of these changes happening at once.”
She walked into my room and sat down on the edge of the bed.
“Would it help if we waited to get married until later this summer?” she said. “We don't need to rush anything. I want all of you to be comfortable with it.”
“No,” I said. “I'm so happy for the two of you. I can tell that you are an amazing mom who is so good to her boys. The way you work two jobs to keep it all going. It's sad that their dad left you to take care of everything and doesn't help with school or anything. My dad is awesome. He will do anything he needs to take care of you. He's a good guy. I'm not just saying that because he's my father. He's genuine and would never do anything to hurt you. How do the boys feel about you two getting married?”
“They seem okay. Billy doesn't care either way. He has a lot going on in his life. I wasn't sure he would be very accepting. He was older when their dad left, so he experienced things the other two didn't. Brayden has been here since I met Tim. They seem to get along well. He's okay with it. Brad's been too wrapped up with school. I'm pretty sure he's deep into his feelings for a girl there, so he hasn't been that concerned with my relationship with your dad. I know Brad is relieved that your dad has done so much around here. He came home expecting to have to do a ton of work, and I know he was planning to give me money from his checks. He knows all of that is taken care of. He's not sure about your dad yet, but I know he'll accept him for me. He told me he was at a friend's house this weekend, but I think he was with the girl from school. He won't talk about that stuff around Brayden. Something happened between them in high school, and they haven't been the same since.”
“I spent the weekend at the apartment. My dad paid for this month already. I'm going to look for a job. I want to rent an apartment at school next year,” I said.
“You and Brad go to the same school. Are you nervous about seeing him there next year? Will it be weird that you're related?”
“No,” I said. “I would never think of the boys and being brothers to me or anything. We're too old for that. I just see them as your sons. I'm hoping it won't be strange or anything. We probably won't even see each other. He's older than me.”
Jen gave me a questioning look. I couldn't figure out what it was about exactly.
“I'm going to go swimming for a bit before I make dinner. Would you like to join me? I'd really like to get to know you better.”
I thought about it for a few minutes. It would be nice to soak up the sun. With Jen there, I was sure Brayden wouldn't come around.
“Sure,” I said. “I'll be down in a few minutes.”
I quickly grabbed a bikini out of my dresser and went to get changed in the bathroom. As I was coming out, I heard the front door close. I dropped my clothes off in my room and hurried down the hall toward the stairs. Brayden was reaching the top step just as I was. I knew it was him from the dirty clothes he was wearing. He had talked about how much manual work he did when him and my dad talked at the table the other night. He stopped when he got next to me.
“Don't think you can avoid me,” he whispered. “It won't happen.”
“I can't believe you would use me to get back at him. This is all over some lying slut. How can your brother not matter to you?” I snapped in a quiet voice.
“I loved her,” he said with a smirk. “He fucked the woman I loved.”
“What if she lied to you? You have no idea how much I care about him. I'm going to lose the only man I have ever wanted to know because of you.”
“You won't lose him as long as you do as I say,” he said.
“Do you really think I can do that? I'm not that kind of girl,” I said.
He grabbed my arm when I went to walk away. I turned to him and stared into his eyes.
“I hope she was worth everything that's going to come from what you did,” I snapped, as I pulled my arm away hard and ran down the stairs.
Jen met me at the bottom step. She looked so cute in her bikini. I couldn't believe how fit she was after having twins and another child.
“You look so cute,” I said.
“Thank you,” she said. “So do you. Is everything okay between you and Brayden? Did he say something mean to you?”
“Everything's fine,” I said. “Tell me about the wedding this weekend.”
I wanted to get her off of the subject of me and either of the boys. She was no dummy. Jen paid closer attention than I thought. I just hoped we could get through the week and wedding before everything blew up. There was no way that asshole was ruining any more than he already had. He wasn't destroying a second relationship.
She talked while we walked out to the pool. The wedding was going to be in the backyard. My dad had a friend that could marry them. I forgot all about it until she mentioned it. My dad thought it was funny when his friend did the whole internet thing so he could do another friend's wedding the year before. They were just going to have a cookout. My dad and the boys were going to cook on the grill, and I was going to help Jen with the salads and stuff. She said that my father offered to have it catered, but she didn't want to do that. It would only be family. She didn't want them to spend a lot of money on it.
We got in the pool, and it felt so good. I shivered from the warmth of the sun on my skin.
“I really love this pool,” Jen said. “Brad worked so hard to pay for it.”
“Brad bought the pool?” I asked.
“I wanted a pool for as long as I can remember. I talked about it when they were little kids. I told them that one day we would get one. When their dad left, I knew I would never be able to do it. Brad worked after school and did odd jobs. In the summer, he got a job and cut lawns when he wasn't at work. He came to me one day just after he graduated and handed me a picture with a receipt stapled to it. It was a picture of this pool. I asked him what was going on. He had already paid for everything and set up the inst
allation. The guys were going to be there the following morning to start it. I tried to get him to get his money back, but he wouldn't have it. There was no way to change his mind. I spend as much time as I can in this pool. I think about him every time.”
She looked over at me just as I wiped tears from my eyes.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“I can't believe he did that for you. That just shows even more what a good mom you are. That is so sweet. I never did anything like that for my dad. He's always been the one taking care of me.”
Just as she went to say something else, both boys walked out in their swimming trunks. They threw towels on two chairs and got into the pool.
“Are you okay?” One of them asked.
Jen saved me. I couldn't tell which was which.
“Yes, Brad,” she said. “I was just telling her how we got the pool.”
I looked over at him, and he smiled before hugging his mom. He had green shorts on. That meant Brayden was the one in red. I had to figure out a way to tell them apart.
“It's the sweetest thing I've ever heard,” I said.
“He's always been the one who kisses ass,” Brayden said. “It's the one time I haven't minded. I enjoy this pool way more than he does. He's too busy working and chasing women.”
“Shut the hell up,” Brad snapped. “I do not chase women. You're so full of shit. That's you who does that.”
“Okay,” Brayden said with a shrug. “Maybe he chases guys. I'm not sure. Why don't we have a good old-fashioned water fight.”
Brayden moved his arm back and pushed water right at my face.
“You're first, sis,” he said.
“Leave her alone,” Brad snapped.
“Why?” Brayden asked. “What do you care? You going to do something about it?”
I didn't know what he was getting at. He said nobody would know as long as I did what he said. Why was he pushing Brad's buttons so badly, I wondered? Did he think Brad would snap and go after him? He knew our parents didn't know about us. He was just trying to get Brad to react and knew Brad would have to take his shit unless we wanted our parents to find out. What an ass.
“Knock it off,” Jen snapped at Brayden. “Leave her alone. We were having a nice time enjoying the sun. Don't ruin it with your childish behavior.”
It was so hard to be in the pool, knowing that the weekend was so close, and not be able to touch Brad. I wanted to kiss him and feel his arms around me. There was no way of knowing if I would ever be with him again. I wanted him so badly. He looked at me, and all I could feel was guilt for what a horrible person I was. I had no idea what I was going to do without him. The rest of our time in the pool was filled with tension.
I helped Jen with dinner. I asked my dad if I could use his car and take him to work for the rest of the week and felt such relief when he agreed. When I went to my room, I locked my door. I wasn't leaving my room for the rest of the night. It didn't matter how badly I needed the bathroom.
The rest of the week was the most stressful of my life. I took my dad to work each morning. My days were spent applying for jobs and cleaning the apartment. I needed something to keep me busy. It had gotten dusty and messy over time. I knew my dad had been staying with Jen before he officially moved in with her. There was too much dust for him to have been there. It was spotless by the time I was finished. I had even gotten my room put back in order. My dad had someone drive him home each night. I made dinner each evening. Everyone ate, and I did all of the dishes. There was no way I wanted to explain why Brayden was the only one that didn't have to clean up for himself. I just needed to pacify him until the wedding. I also needed to avoid him, so he didn't try anything sexual with me. It would all have been over with if he did. He continued to make comments and mess with me in front of Brad the entire week. I felt so bad. I could see how hard it was for Brad to deal with.
I went for two interviews on Thursday. They were both very close to the apartment. One was at a retail store and one was for a receptionist at a dental office. That one would have been perfect. It was to cover for a woman who was going on maternity and would be over just in time for school to start. I was hoping to get that one.
Brad worked every day during the week. We text here and there when we could. I saw and talked to him less than I did during a week at school. Part of me was pushing him away so it wouldn't hurt so badly when he let me go. I missed his touch so much. Thursday night he sent me a text.
Brad: I can't do it anymore. We have to tell our parents. I'm going to kill Brayden. He's fucking with you on purpose. I don't know why. It's not like he knows you're my woman.
I thought about it for a moment. It was so hard not to tell him that Brayden knew about us.
Me: Sunday. We will tell them Sunday. I'm spending tomorrow shopping with your mom. I don't want her asking me a million questions about us. We have to cook a bunch of food for Saturday. I had two interviews today. I'm hoping I get the one job. It would end just before school starts.
Maybe I could change the subject.
Brad: Why does it matter if they find out? You've been distant all week. If you're that damn ashamed of being with me, that's fine. It doesn't matter. I can't do this shit. I can't watch him fuck with you and not say anything. I'll be home Saturday for the wedding. Where did you interview?
Me: Please don't be like that. You have no idea what my life has been like since my dad picked me up. I shouldn't have come home. I should have just stayed away. I don't know if I can do this. I'm not even sure I want to go back next year. Maybe I'll just leave and make everyone's lives easier. Where are you going until Saturday? You're better off without me. You have no idea.
Brad: You don't think it's hard to know you're right there, but I can't touch you. It's been torture sleeping without you in my arms. I care about you so much. What do you mean about not going back to school? You have to. How would you leaving make everyone's lives easier? Your dad would miss you like crazy. I would miss you even more. What the hell is going on with you? You seem so different. I'm going to stay at a friend's until you tell them. I'm not going to stand by and say nothing when that asshole screws with you. He's not messing with my life. I won't let him. We are grown men. He needs to knock his shit off. If I'm there, I'll pummel his ass.
Me: I'm sorry for everything, Brad. You will never know how sorry I am that I came home. I'm just hoping everything works out for everyone. I interviewed at a store and a dentist office. They are both within ten minutes of the apartment. I'm hoping I get the receptionist job. I'll see you at the wedding.
Brad: That's cool. I hope you get it too. I want you to be happy. You deserve it. Don't be like that. I would be home, but that's up to you. Your dad asked me to stand up with him at the wedding. Has my mom asked you yet? I know she's going to.
Me: No, she hasn't. That's cool. I'm glad my dad likes you. You didn't see my dad flipping out the other night about me talking to someone. I have to go. My dad just yelled up the stairs for me. Have a good night with your friend and a great Friday. I'll talk to you Saturday.
Brad: It's not like that, Tara.
I walked out of my room and took off down the stairs. My dad and Jen were sitting on the couch. I sat down across from them. Jen asked me to stand up in the wedding. I agreed, knowing it would make them happy. Everything seemed to be about everyone else for me. I couldn't possibly offend any of them. It felt like I was walking on eggshells with all of them. I felt like at any moment my world was going to blow up in my face. One of the guys walked into the room a moment later.
“I'll be home Saturday. I'm going to stay with a friend,” he said.
I knew it was Brad. He had an extremely pissed off look on his face. I had never seen him like that before. That was probably nothing compared to what he was going to look like on Sunday when I told him. There was no way I was waiting one extra moment to get it off my chest. It was tearing me apart inside.
“You'll be here for the wedding?” Jen asked. “Is
everything okay? I can tell something is upsetting you. Is this about that girl from school? Are you going to stay with her? Was that where you were last weekend?”
“I'll be here for the wedding,” he snapped. “I'm about to lose my mind right now. I'm not going to stay with her. I've never felt the way I feel for her ever before. I was with her last weekend. For some reason, I feel like that weekend was her way of telling me goodbye. I don't know if I'm coming or going. She's keeping something from me. I know she is. I just need to breathe. I can't do that here. I'll fucking crush Brayden if I stay here. I can't take his shit right now. I will be here Saturday. I'll be at John's if you need me. He said I can stay with him. You remember where he lives. Text me if you need anything from me before then. I love you, mom. I'm sorry.”
“You can stay at the apartment if you want,” my dad said. “It's a mess, but there won't be anyone there to bother you. It's only an hour away.”
“No, thank you,” Brad said. “That won't help. I appreciate it. I'll see you Saturday.”
Jen got up and wrapped her arms around his neck to hug him.
“I love you, son,” she said. “If she really cares about you, she won't walk away from you.”
“I can't talk about it right now,” he said, as he pulled away and headed toward the door with a bag in his hand.
I felt like she was talking directly to me. He hadn't told her. I knew that. He would have told me if he had. I jumped when the front door slammed.
“I've never seen him like that before. Brad never lets himself get upset. He must really care about this girl.”
Jen looked right at me.
“I hope she knows what she has.”
I looked down and felt the tears fighting to escape.
