Right Fit Wrong Shoe

by Varsha Dixit

Glancing away, Nandini tried articulating concisely, not revealing anything but her searing regret. ‘I don’t know, I was confused and immature... but believe me, on my wall of shame that is one thing I hang every day.’

  Aditya could not help the wry smile, at the image her words conjured. ‘Where is your wall of shame?’

  ‘Where it is in all of us... in our conscience.’

  Aditya gazed at Nandini’s face, a face in which he once saw his world. ‘I guess that was all I needed to hear. Once in a while we all do things we are not too proud off,’ he said, only to become steeped in ponderous silence.

  Covertly, Nandini watched him. ‘The document exonerating Namit Dada?’ she mentioned, tentatively.

  ‘The original document was sent to the appropriate authorities, the moment I got my hands on it. The deal was stopped before it happened,’ Aditya revealed a glint in his eyes.

  Open mouthed, Nandini accused, ‘You tricked me.’

  ‘You fell for my poker face!’ Aditya’s face held arrogance.

  Nandini smiling, ruefully, asked, ‘So we’re okay now? ’

  ‘Depends on what you consider okay!’

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘Neither enemies nor friends. Merely, acquaintances with some history,’ Aditya replied, attempting to clearly mark the boundaries; for whom though was still a question!

  ‘Ten on ten, perfect!’ Nandini agreed, suppressing the depression hammering her heart.

  For a few minutes, they gazed at each other. Aditya’s expression schooled. Nandini’s tremulous face held a contrived smile.

  ‘There is something else...’ Aditya began and then paused, taking a long breath.

  At his tone, god knows why, Nandini’s heart dropped a few more feet.

  ‘I have moved on, made peace with what you—’ Aditya swallowed the condemning words, ‘made peace with what happened between us.’

  ‘Good!’ Nandini condoned, bleakly.

  ‘I think it was harder because of the timing. You remember Dad, too, passed around that time,’ Aditya rambled.

  Nandini nodded, no stranger to his pain.

  Finally, Aditya delivered the news. ‘So anyway what I was trying to say is that I’m engaged.’

  ‘Congratulations Nandini! You are safe. Now take a gun and eat the bullet!’ her conscience shrieked.

  Nandini dug her nails in the book, gripping it hard. She felt the world spin in front of her. ‘Great, congrats,’ she said, her tone listless. ‘Anyone I know?’

  ‘No. I met her in Europe. Gayatri’s father is one of the largest granite and marble suppliers for Europe. She is very nice. ’

  ‘Awesome, sounds like someone with similar tastes, and background. She will make you happy,’ Nandini quipped, her expression animated, eyes bright... too animated, too bright.

  ‘Silly girl! Happiness is what one feels when you hear the radio playing your favourite song, or you find no boogers when your hand accidently, brushes the underside of a bus seat. In love there are either cataclysmic highs or soul shattering lows —there is no place for lukewarm feelings like, “happy”.’ Even Nandini’s conscience was sobering up and doing its job: being profound, rather than tripping into one nervous breakdown after another.

  ‘Something like that,’ was all Aditya expressed. It is never easy telling an ex about a current relationship, especially when the latter is headed towards the wedding aisle.

  ‘So when is the wedding?’ Nandini buzzed, her tonsils hurt.

  ‘While you’re on this S&M trip, take a knife and rip your insides, too. Numskull, quit grovelling for details!’ her conscience begged, profoundness is for the dead.

  ‘Soon I guess. I haven’t even told Mom yet!’ Aditya made the startling confession.

  ‘You are planning to elope,’ Nandini chattered.

  ‘Why? Are you offering to drive him to the rendezvous spot?’ The conscience would not shut its trap.

  ‘No, just waiting for the right time. There was no formal engagement or exchange of rings. Gayatri and I, after dating for a few months decided that we want to get married to each other. That’s it! Went for a small celebratory dinner with her parents,’ Aditya replied.

  ‘To each his own I guess,’ Nandini offered, not sure what to say .

  ‘Well I have taken much of your time. I hope you get well soon,’ Aditya blurted, speedily out of the door, hot demons on his tail.

  ‘I am not sick!’ Nandini said, woefully to deaf ears.

  What is wrong with me? Was I talking of my upcoming nuptials or funeral? Aditya contemplated, walking towards his house.

  Tullu came to Nandini’s room with another cup of tea. At the threshold, with an expression of shock writ all over her face, she paused. ‘Didi what happened?’

  Holding up the serial killer mystery, a sobbing Nandini paused, long enough to reply, ‘This book is very touching. Someone was just slashed ear to ear.’

  24

  Meri Awaaz Suno

  N ext day at office, Sneha promptly noticed, ‘You have been crying!’ Tossing her purse on the desk, she came over to where Nandini sat, hunched.

  ‘No I haven’t! Get your eyes checked.’ Nandini focused on her computer with blank eyes.

  ‘Oh! Really? Then how come your eyelids are as big as Angelina Jolie’s lips?’

  ‘What a woman, imagine having Brad Pitt to call your own,’ Nandini retorted, typing some gibberish on the screen.

  ‘Ughh, don’t do that Nandi! Don’t change the topic. Let’s see what you just typed!’ Sneha peered at the screen. ‘Rrrttnnmmo!’ she read out.

  Humming a song, feigning composure, Nandini deleted the nonsense. ‘What’s eating you Nandi? What happened? You’re scaring me, speak woman,’ Sneha coaxed, gently .

  ‘Aditya is engaged !’ Nandini finally revealed, tears spilling from her eyes.

  ‘What... to whom?’ Dumbfounded, Sneha took the adjoining chair.

  ‘Some chick he met in Europe. Some business magnet’s daughter,’ Nandini replied, sniffling.

  ‘Oh, you poor thing!’ Sneha gathered her friend in her arms. ‘Bastard!’ she cursed. ‘After the way Aditya behaved yesterday, with Rochak, I saw hope for you two.’

  ‘What does firing that lecher have anything to do with him and me?’ Nandini, wiping her eyes and nose, asked.

  ‘He just didn’t fire the slime ball. Aditya tore into him, woman!’

  On seeing Nandini’s blank look, Sneha ridiculed, ‘You don’t know the details?’

  ‘What details?’

  ‘Next time read my sms. Don’t assume them all to be dirty jokes or forward-this-to-your-ten-friends kind of junk,’ Sneha replied, indignant. Then, she went on to describe in great delight all she had witnessed. ‘If you dare to even think of Nandini. I will rip you apart with my bare hands.’ Sneha finished the last part in a growl, doing the best possible imitation of Aditya she could.

  ‘Wow!’ Nandini voiced, ‘He never told me all that.’

  ‘Dharam paaji’s, kutte mein tera khoon pi jaoonga, was all that was missing,’ Sneha added. Nandini managed a quick smile.

  ‘You poor thing! Even your smile looks sad. Anyhow now what’s the plan?’ Sneha asked.

  Shrugging her shoulders, Nandini replied, ‘Nothing, I guess Aditya will tell Badi Maa, and then his and her families will get together. Decide a date— ’

  Unexpectedly, Sneha, excessively peeved, cut in, ‘Stop it Nandi! Just stop it! ’

  ‘What did I say?’ Nandini appeared taken aback.

  ‘I’m asking about your plans, not his. I do not care about Aditya Sarin’s marital plans and now neither should you. How long are you going to be like this?’ Sneha snapped.

  Nandini kept quiet. Sneha had a point. ‘When will you start living normally like a woman your age, come out of this vegetative like existence?’

  ‘I am trying, Sneh.’ Nandini’s voice was meek.

  ‘Then try harder! Only you can get yourself out of this sustained miserable rut, not your mom,
not me, no one, only YOU.’ Sneha was practically shouting at her.

  ‘I will get over this... over Aditya!’ Nandini insisted, now in a firmer tone.

  ‘How? By blinding yourself to everything but work? By avoiding, all social interaction, with all males, except your father, brother and my two-year-old son. Or maybe, by looking after that damn man’s house, or even better still, by thinking of him 24/7, 365 days a year... right. That’s how one gets over a failed relationship.’ Sneha stopped the tirade long enough to take a breath.

  Nandini tripped to say, ‘It’s not easy—’

  ‘Then make it easy! All of us have gone through heartaches, breakups, the whole nine yards. Yes, even me!’ Sneha revealed.

  Nandini stunned, said, ‘When and who? Sneha, you never told me—’

  Impatiently, Sneha waved her hand. ‘That’s another story for another day. Coming back, everyone gets over broken relationships. If you are the sensitive kind, then take a little longer, but a whole lifetime is unacceptable.’

  ‘Three years is not a lifetime!’ Nandini offered, quietly; first time on the receiving end of Sneha’s ire, and a little scared.

  Sneha tugged Nandini out of the chair. ‘Come with me.’

  ‘Are you going to push me off the building?’ Nandini jested.

  ‘Don’t give me ideas!’ Sneha muttered, dragging Nandini through the office floor in the direction of the restroom. Inside the restroom, she halted in front of the whole length mirror. Gently, she pushed an unresisting Nandini towards it.

  ‘Look in it! What do you see?’ Sneha demanded, hands on her hips.

  Impishly, Nandini replied, ‘Attila the Hun breathing down my neck.’ Sneha fiercely frowned at her. ‘Okay fine! What do you want me to see?’

  ‘I see a smart and beautiful woman behaving like the ass of an ass. Throwing her life away for a lost cause. All her dreams slipping away from her, because she has shut her heart and mind to them,’ Sneha declared, eyes shining with tears.

  ‘Sneha!’ Nandini too choked. Her friend was not the weepy kind, but the kind who smiled, through kanyadaan and labour pains. The former because she had a silly bet with her sister and during the latter, Sneha had screamed and cursed the living daylights out of anyone and everyone around her, including the doctor! Who just happened to be her mothe-in-law, the one solely responsible for turning away the anesthesiologist with the epidural. The woman had it coming.

  Nandini, tightly hugged Sneha. ‘You don’t ever, ever give up on me ,’ she fiercely whispered .

  ‘Not even if you hold a gun to my head!’ Sneha vouched, wiping her eyes.

  ‘I promise you Sneh! I will change, I promise!’ Nandini’s voice shook a bit.

  ‘Don’t know about you, but at least for me this session was very cathartic,’ said Sneha, sighing.

  ‘Cheapskate! You’re using my pain to feel better for yourself,’ Nandini taunted, as they exited the bathroom.

  ‘Nandi, maybe you should do that thing.’

  ‘What thing?’

  ‘You know what Kareena did in Jab We Met . Call up and abuse Aditya.’

  Nandini stopped in her tracks. ‘Do you think it would bring Aditya back?’ she voiced, her eyes big and round.

  ‘Nandini behave!’ Sneha threatened.

  ‘Gotcha! Just kidding crazy cow!’

  ‘Old maid!’ Sneha snorted.

  ‘Who got almost laid,’ Nandini finished, giggling.

  Sneha instantly caught on. ‘Oh my god, what happened? Spill ASAP, please!’

  ‘Absolutely!’ Nandini began regaling her best friend with a very recent titillating story, based on true events.

  25

  Proud to be an Indian

  T hat very day, later in the evening, Vibha visited the Sharma household to share some news. An hour or so later, Nandini’s car purred on the driveway.

  ‘Nandi’s home... she will be elated to hear the news,’ Shruti said. Vibha nodded, doubtfully.

  Nandini on entering the living room cheerfully acknowledged the two women, ‘Hello buddhis.’

  ‘She’s talking to you, Shruti,’ Vibha piped the usual response.

  ‘Aditya is engaged!’ Shruti burst out, beaming.

  ‘Finally!’ Nandini kept the smile firmly glued on. Fevicol ka jod hein...!

  ‘Nandini!’ Shruti reproached.

  ‘It is high time mom! What? Aditya must be forty now?’ Nandini even managed to crack a chuckle. ‘So who’s the lucky gal? ’

  ‘Some Indian girl who is born and brought up in Europe. God knows what kind she’ll be,’ Vibha spoke.

  ‘If Aditya likes her,’ Nandini could not bring herself to use the word love, ‘then she must be nice.’

  ‘Hopefully. Anyhow, she will be here soon. She wants Aditya to show her the real India. God alone knows what that means?’ Vibha muttered.

  ‘Real India, right,’ Shruti sneered. ‘It is ridiculous that foreigners and even Indians living abroad consider slums, chaotic roads running amok with dogs, cow sometimes even elephants as real India. India is the world’s largest democracy, fourth largest economy only after USA, China and Japan, and the world leader in global off-shoring. The co-founder of Sun Microsystems and the creator of Pentium chip and Hotmail are Indians. In India was the number-system invented; we gave zero, algebra, trigonometry and calculus among other things to the world. The pioneer of wireless communication was an Indian professor. Our Bollywood churns out maximum number of movies... but real India is still the one of Indiana Jones and the temple of doom.’

  ‘You go girl! Well said mom.’ Nandini had no idea that her mother had such patriotically impressive stats, on her fingertips.

  ‘You do know that I can read,’ Shruti replied, acidly. Nandini cheekily poked her tongue. She happened to glance at Vibha who kept quiet.

  ‘Badi Maa, why that long face?’

  ‘I am just worried how this girl will adjust in the family,’ Vibha confided.

  ‘I am sure the girl is probably thinking the same thing. The SSS syndrome must be giving her, too, sleepless nights,’ Nandini bantered .

  ‘What is this SSS syndrome?’ Shruti demanded, puzzled. Vibha’s face held a similar expression.

  Nandini, her expression saucy, replied, ‘You know the classic standard for an Indian daughter-in-law – sweep, serve and smile – SSS.’

  ‘What rubbish! I would never think of my daughter-in-law in such rustic terms. You know me better that that.’ Vibha appeared offended.

  ‘Please don’t take me literally,’ Nandini placated.

  ‘Shruti and I have never had any major problems with Seema and Meghna.’

  ‘That is because you use the AAA method with Seema bhabhi and Mugs.’ Nandini purposely used abbreviations; she liked foxing the ‘buddhis’.

  ‘Now what is that?’ Vibha asked as Shruti rolled her eyes.

  Nandini shooting them a patronising look, gestured, ‘How ignorant you two are? AAA bhaiya... accept, adapt and adjust. Anyway this saas-bahu tussles have been done to death.’

  ‘Today’s generation and their silly lingos and short forms. You all can text and talk for hours, yet few seconds is all it takes for you to kill a language. Anyway, why are you implying that I would treat this girl, Gayatri, any different?’ asked Vibha.

  ‘Listen to your own tone, “this girl”,’ Nandini pointed, bluntly.

  ‘Well that is because, I can relate to someone brought up here, but being brought up in some other country... she won’t have the same values,’ Vibha replied.

  ‘Just because she wasn’t brought up here, doesn’t mean she’ll be a promiscuous, wicked witch. She’ll be different; a difference if taken in the right spirit will actually prove to be variety is the spice of life,’ Nandini said.

  ‘Hmm... We’ll see about that,’ Vibha replied, uncertainly.

  ‘The girl, also, has to adjust. Didi can’t be the only one making all the effort,’ Shruti jumped in the discussion.

  ‘I agree with Shruti! However, adjustm
ents, respect, even love in such relationships is a two-sided street – give and take. A marriage should not imply that the girl shun her personality, ideas and thought process of twenty-three, twenty-four or twenty-six years and become a clone of her mother-in-law, something our own daughters are not.’ Vibha pointedly looked at Nandini who grinned broadly.

  Shruti bobbing her head, acquiesced, ‘Marriage should never be thought as the boy’s side acquiring a new member and girl’s side losing one.’

  ‘Of course! Two families are coming together and none is inferior or superior. If a daughter-in-law has responsibilities towards her spouse’s family, so does the son-in-law,’ Vibha said.

  ‘The classic is, if the daughter lands a caring husband the mother probably offers prasad to each and every deity that she comes across. However, when her son does the same for his wife, he is labelled as ‘ladka haath se nikal gaaya’ or even better, ‘your father never behaved like this’... which one can never figure out, is an insult or a compliment to the father,’ Shruti commented. The two friends burst out laughing; been-there-overcame-it kind of laugh.

  ‘No wonder I never had to sit down and sort any of you out. At least where your daughter-in-laws are concerned, your head and heart is in the right zone. Hey Maa! Where’s the mithai?’ Nandini changed the topic, indicating the bare centre table.

  Shruti smacked her forehead. ‘What is wrong with me? I’ll get some right away.’ She immediately exited the room to fulfil the age-old tradition of gorging on calories and ghee, in the name of good news. Should not, one eat something sweet at bad news to feel better?

  Vibha urgently unloaded. Clasping Nandini’s hand, she asked, ‘Are you alright with this?’

  ‘Of course Badi Maa. It’s perfectly alright with me,’ Nandini affirmed, patting the older woman’s hand. ‘Aditya and I have made peace. It’s all in the past.’

  ‘Then why are you still single?’ Vibha grilled.

  ‘Because you didn’t pop a third son!’

  ‘It’s all Paresh’s fault; I always wanted a third one. He got himself operated behind my back,’ Vibha confided, smiling.

  Nandini covering her ears, protested, ‘Eeeww... too much information!’